Need some feedback..visitation change

[Copperarab]

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma

I have legal guardianship of my going on 2 yr old granddaughter. The bio father lives with his mother and younger brothers and has court ordered visitation twice a week, 2 hours per visit. The bio fathers mother is the court-appointed supervisor of these visits.

Tonite, while picking up my granddaughter after her Wed. nite visit, I was asked by the other grandmother (bio fathers mother) if we could lump the two 2 hour visits into one 4 hr visit on Saturday. I hesitated, but said yes. Her reason for asking had to do with the weather warming up and her 'other' children who reside with their fathers being at the home more often to play with the granddaughter. (Theres 8 kids, she has custody of the two youngest boys/3 or 4 different fathers)

When I got home I started worrying about my verbal YES. We have switched times and dates before due to bad weather or the toddler being sick without much of a problem, but she's talking more of a longterm change. If anybody remembers a few of my prior posts, my family and this family do not get along. There are protective orders and felonies, harrassment, etc with my last concern being bruises on my granddaughter (i have not seen any in the past 2 weeks).

If I type up a change of visitation agreement with special clauses (such as they cannot bring her anywhere w/o my knowledge as my original visitation order states plus add in that I can revoke the agreement with proper grounds) and have this agreement notarized, does it weaken or change any rights I may have if something should happen and I call the police/and or need to go back to court?

My biggest fear is the bio father running off with the child. Course he could do that whether the visits are once a week or twice. My only consolation is that he is on supervised probation for 1 year and has 4 years deferred sentencing hanging over him, plus his mother is in all kinds of custody problems herself..so they would be foolish to try anything..right?

Okay...I am starting to fret too much..I guess I am worried if this change may affect my original court orders, or diminish my custodial rights...since it would be something I implimented w/o an attorney.

Am I just freaking out over nothing? I always feel that these people have something up their sleeve....

~LB
OK

 

[CJane]

Wow. I know nothing about OK law, but just based on what you said, I wouldn't change ANYTHING without a court order to do so.

 

[Copperarab]

Thanks CJane..thats kinda how I feel, but I am still paying off my attorney fees and refuse to spend more money to please these people.

I get along civily (is that a real word?) with the grandmother. I don't like her nor trust her...she refused to acknowledge our granddaughter and had never seen her until the courts ordered the visits with her as the supervisor.

At the same time, I may be worrying about nothing. It would make things easier for both sides, plus I wouldnt have to deal with them but once a week. I could be nice and fair and say it would give the bio father and my granddaughter more uninterrupted time together, but I would be lying, and truly wish that this neglectful, violent father and his family would just go away instead.

Don't bash me for wishful thinking please!

Is there away to add the change to the court order w/o going to court? The last time we were in there a few months ago, the judge was sick of the whole mess and threatened to have the child placed with DHS.

Modifications can only be done so often and must have good reason or major changes in the situation..this doesnt qualify.

Anybody else?

LB

 

[CJane]

Thanks CJane..thats kinda how I feel, but I am still paying off my attorney fees and refuse to spend more money to please these people.

Well, if THEY want the order modified, THEY should have to file for the modification, with more reason than that it's more convenient or so that she can play with other kids.

Again, I don't know how it works in your state, but it can't be THAT different than mine. If the visits are supervised, and of a limited time frame, I wouldn't change that to MORE time without a court order. I'd tell the family that I'm very sorry, but at this time, a change is out of the question, and see if they push it.

 

[nextwife]

With a baby, shorter, MORE frequent visits are more important. The baby needs toi see daddy on a MORE, not less, frequent basis. As a matter of fact, he should probably have BOTH a midweek and a longer, weekend visit. Nobody's time with baby is MORE important than it's parents.

 

[Copperarab]

Hello nextwife, normally I would agree with you. The original visits incuded a midweek, and a Sat and Sun visit...but at the last modification I initiated, the Judge took the Sunday 3 hour visit away from them due to not following the original order (father not there or supervisor not there at times, child dirty<clothes and diapers> nearly all the time and people being asleep at 12 NOON during my dropping her off)

At this time paternity has not been established through the courts, Judge told the father he was doing him a favor by letting him see her at all.

LB

 

[Copperarab]

**UPDATE**

First I would like to thank those who took the time to answer me.

After stewing over my 'yes' last night and this morning, I called my attorney and after much deliberation, she is going to write up a legal temporary visitation change and we are going to file it...More money outta my pocket, but I want to make sure everything is legal in case something should go wrong.

Not only do I fear problems with this family, but there is a current warrant for the fathers arrest for a violation of Protective Order (the childs mother/my daughter) and pending charges for more larceny..also CSED has him on contempt for child support/arrears, so he may retaliate at some point and do something stupid.

Again..THANK YOU nextwife and CJane!

 

[stepmom&mom]

If there is a current warrant for his arrest, how is he out walking free? Can they not find him? You know where he lives, right? Why not turn him in? As far as Oklahoma law goes, you did the right thing. You need a judge to sign any modification of the visitation. In Oklahoma, if both parties agree, most judges will allow the modification.

 

[Copperarab]

If there is a current warrant for his arrest, how is he out walking free? Can they not find him? You know where he lives, right? Why not turn him in? As far as Oklahoma law goes, you did the right thing. You need a judge to sign any modification of the visitation. In Oklahoma, if both parties agree, most judges will allow the modification.

Hi stepmom. When it comes to warrants..it's like first come, first serve. If you ever go to the state database that holds warrants, you'd be AMAZED at all the warrants out there and how long it can take before picking someone up. A lot of times people are not even picked up until they do something else..like get stopped for a traffic violation. The first Protective Order violation that the courts decided to do something about took 4 months before they picked the father up. They do know where he lives as it's on their current records and is the same place they picked him up before plus confiscated a lot of our stolen property.

I am pretty much OK with changing the visits to a 4-hr Sat only. It does benefit both parties and we are in agreement. My biggest concern was not doing it LEGALLY and if anything was to happen (abuse, kidnapping, etc) that my original visitation order and/or Guardianship rights and responsibilities might become questioned.

It is kinda SCARY when a Judge tells both parties that I am liable for anything that happens to my granddaughter...even if it happens during their visits. My attorney is adding a clause of unsupervised rough-housing with other children in the household due to the recent bruising all over the childs legs. This is a sneaky family....I would hate to point fingers and say that the bruises were caused intentionally to see if I would call CPS/DHS on them..but I wouldnt put it past them. IF you ever got the chance to meet and know this family, you would be worried too.

Even though I said I wouldnt pay out another dime, I would gladly go bankrupt and lose all that I have to protect this child. I watched this baby get extremely neglected the first year of her life. I took her to my home part of each week since birth....but finally stepped in and did something legally about it.

LB

 

[stepmom&mom]

It seems that the courts trust you enough to put your granddaughter in your hands. Where is the mother of the child in all of this?

 

[Copperarab]

It seems that the courts trust you enough to put your granddaughter in your hands. Where is the mother of the child in all of this?

Hi again stepmom..the mother, my youngest daughter, was living with us, working and going to college p/t up until a month ago. She moved out and in with a new b/f that recently got out of jail after a 9 month stint for manufacturing and distributing drugs. This new b/f has also been known to beat on his exgirlfriend (my daughters ex-bestfriend).

My daughter knows how I feel about her dumping college and being with this new guy. I have let her take her daughter over to the new apt. for a few hours, but no overnights. It WILL come down to bumping heads and family problems someday when I put my foot down to her having the child permanantly unless she changes her ways.

The mother is just as neglectful as the father. I have to deal with her ex-b/f (childs bio-father) and his family every week but she gets off scott-free.

Sad sad world we live in...