need someone to point us in the right direction on TPR

[tigger22472]

Hex I will conceed that this poster has more reason to go for TPR then MANY MANY we see here at this site. This is why I am pressing the fact that it isn't something to be taken lightly.

I also agree that the counselors lisence should be taken. That was totally uncalled for. I'm sure this 7 year old did not question the counselor on TPR and she/he should never ever put that idea in that child's head. Mine was brought up in counseling HOWEVER I was the one who informed the counselor of it and we decided the last session would deal on this with me, the counselor and my child there.

IMO I think 60 days and able to sign TPR is crap! But that's just me.

I do wish the OP luck in her quest to do the right thing.

 

[hexeliebe]

I can't argue with anything you said Tig, but remember, the Florida statute does not say that only 60 days must transpire before signing the TPR. Only that an action for TPR can be initiated (filed) '...when the identity or location of the parent or parents is unknown and cannot be ascertained by diligent search within 60 days;'

 

[carofl93]

TY Tigger for sharing more of your story. I don’t know if it’s the “mommy instinct” that’s kicking in on me or what, but ever since SD was stood up by her mom after our last court date in May, I have thought of SD as my own child. I know it has to hurt her to see me with her brother when her own mom is nowhere to be found. The straw that broke the camel’s back for me was when she came to me and asked if I would ever stop loving her brother. I told her that mommies never stop loving their kids, and she told me that her mommy must not be a mommy since she stopped loving her. I sat there and bawled. When we got custody of SD, I was 8.5 months pregnant and though we had sent letter after letter telling SD she was going to be a big sister, she had no clue. TY too for the bit about the therapist…I found it a bit odd that he would bring up something like that, but who was I to question a man with 20+ years of experience and a college education. SD refers to me as “mom” and her bio mom as her “mommy in Maine.” I wish I could find the document from the court that says that no parent other than the biological one is to be called mother or father…technically I think I’m breaking a Judge’s order by not telling SD not to call me mom, but if they want to bring contempt charges on me for it, so be it. We’re still playing the waiting game with the CSE people….funny how we can request information from the Post Office and get an address when they are continuing to send everything to an address that Mom hasn’t lived at in over 7 months. My hubby and I both know that this is the biggest decision we will ever make in regards to SD, and we still have a lot of soul searching to do before we make the decision. We’re just trying to get some “ducks in a row” so to speak.

Hex,
We haven’t had the best luck with therapists…our first family therapist charged us $200 to tell me that I was “stupid” and would have either a dead or deformed child because we had been planning to do a home birth. I will take both your and Tigger’s advise and report this latest therapist to the boards and we will find another therapist to help us along. TY for seeing this mess from our point of view…we feel that if she knows she is loved and accepted then perhaps her problems will minimize. I want her to know that I do love her as my own child, as an equal to her brother…I tell her that on a daily basis and we do share the same last name, but I think the legal matter may help in time. TY so much for the info…it gives hubby and me something to gnaw on while we are in CSE limbo. In my own heart, I am already SD’s mom, and I know that hubby feels that too…I only hope that SD can feel it as much as her dad and I both do.

Thank you both so much for the help and advise. This has given me so much to think about and share with my hubby.

Carol

 

[tigger22472]

Carol, I really do wish you the best of luck with this. And I will apologize if I seemed harsh when I started with this thread. This is a subject that I so take to heart though. On this forum as I said TPR seems to be the new fad with a lot of people. In fact we had a poster just the other day discuss it and the bio was only a month behind in support. I usually tell people like that.. "come back when it's been two years, no contact and $21,000 behind in support."

I will suggest to you this, if CS is NOT something that you need then I would give little effort toward it. I know others will come along and say how that's letting mom get away with not paying.... my point is.. who cares. Children are more important then money. It is my opinion if they want to run, they can and get away with it. You end up stressing yourself and your household more by even persuing it.

Let me also basically tell you ALL TPR and adoption will do and will probably help you decide. TPR will stop mom from "legally' having contact. That means if she showed up at your door the next day, "LEGALLY" she's trespassing.... would you slam the door in her face? (I'd want to.. trust me).. What if your sd is right there? OK.. so you don't.. so ok.. TPR did nothing to stop her from showing up. It does stop her from taking sd. However, if you want to gamble with this you could stop it anyways. Let's say mom is gone for a full year and shows up wanting to take the child. Legally she has the right and if you refuse she can take you to court... ok.. so she takes you to court... then you can address the CS issue(separately yet jointly since they are separate issues). Legally you can't withhold visitation due to support, which I agree with by the way, but if she were to file contempt then you can gamble if the judge would set up a 'time period' in which bio would get to know sd again. And that's IF mom takes you to court. (this is one of those issues that's I'm speaking on more of a 'moral' issue rather then a 'legal' one).
NOW, the big thing that TPR WILL do is this, and this is mainly why I'm going for mine and I think you will too in time. If your husband were to die and mom could be found custody would revert back to her and you would have no legal rights to her. That would also mean that YOUR child would have no rights to see her either if bio didn't agree.

( I'm sorry if someone responded between this.. I started doing this and had to leave in the middle)

 

[cookie57]

My hubby filed for adoption of my daughter last week. She is around the same age. Right now, we are waiting to see if ex will sign her over (I doubt it). If he doesn't, then the TPR and adoption process will continue. My ex has had no contact in 2 years. No phone calls, no cards, letters, pictures, presents, child support($18,000) or medical care. My daughter is old enough to understand her last name is different. She has been very upset when my ex has let her down in the past. I want security for my daughter. I am not trying to keep my ex away. If he were to come back in her life, I would not deny him the chance to build a relationship with his daughter. Fact is, he will always be her father. Adoption does not erase biology. She is going to want to know him. I would rather her have a chance at doing that now. But you can't make someone love or contact their child.
After two years, (legally I only had to wait 1) we decided to do this. This decision is for my daughters stability. IF anything were to happen to me, she remains in this home with her dad, her sister, her dog, school, and friends. Once this is complete, this will help me do my job better. I will be able to make the medical, and educational decisions for her without running into a road block. Our divorce papers state 50/50. Well, if he is not around to contribute to the other 50%, I have to make the decisions without him. I had to give my divorce papers to everyone. The insurance company, the doctors office, the school district. They all want to know where the ex is. Heck, I want to know where he is!
So I can see where you are coming from. For me, this has been a very hard decision to make. I have spent many of sleepless nights wondering if I should or shouldn't. Think long and hard about what you are going to do, and think about how this will affect your sd in the future. Always put her first.

 

[carofl93]

We still have a lot of thinking and talking to do before we decide on anything. There's always the hope that Mom will realize just how wrong she has been acting toward her daughter...someday she will realize that she acted very selfishly. Until that happens, I will continue to act as "Mom" to my stepdaughter whether I am her stepmom or adopted mom.

Carol