needing advice

[milesgirl]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? NC

Here's a start to my situation. I have joint custody with my ex-husband. They live with me. He can see them every other weekend and twice during the week (which he's never done). The last thing I ever wanted to do was try to take any time away from my children with their father. I want them to love their father. The problem? Where to begin? He breaks promises to them continuously (daddy's on the way...and never shows up and so forth). I've never denied him rights to see his kids. He is gradually working his way out of their life. He now sees them about one weekend a month. He doesn't tell me if he's getting them on his weekend until that Friday night when he's on the way. I can never make plans (with or without my kids). When he does get them (last month for instance), he doesn't make them bathe or brush their teeth. They left with him on Friday evening. When they returned home on Sunday, they hadn't had the first bath or brushed their teeth once. They returned at 6:00 p.m. and had only had breakfast all day. What are my options? I'm to the point that I want to seek full custody and do whatever is best for my children. Have any idea what that is? Do I hurt my kids by trying to take more time away from their dad? Or worry they're not being taken care of when they're with him? I've tried talking to him (for 3 years) and it's like talking to a brick wall that cusses at you. He can't stand to hear that he's doing anything wrong. What are my options?

 

[stealth2]

You may be able to get it ordered that he has to provide you with X amount of notice that he intends to exercise his visitation (I'd ask for 48-72 hours so that you can make plans/arrangements). Not bathing or brushing their teeth for a weekend (while not great) isn't going to kill the kids. Depending on their ages, they may well be old enough to know that they need to brush their teeth regularly. As for food - is it that they had NOTHING to eat since breakfast, or they didn't have any other regular meal? 'Cause we have weekend days when we're not actually having a regular meal, but it doesn't mean my kids haven't eaten. And again, while a diet of junkfood isn't great - a weekend of it is not going to kill them.

Some things you can't change and it's not worth the anguish of trying.

 

[milesgirl]

They told me that was all they had (breakfast) and they ate like they were starving when they got home. He's lazy and does nothing with them when he has them (which I know I can't change). It goes further than that. A couple of months ago, my youngest came home (who is 6) and said his dad and his girlfriend had broken up because his daddy drank too much. I asked him why he would talk to a 6 year old about drinking, his response was, "I needed someone to talk to." He claims he quit drinking (and I hope it lasts), but I have to wonder what some things he does and says in front of the kids, will do to them..later.

 

[Ambr]

Do you pack an over night bag for your child to take?

You might throw in an extra toothbrush and toothpaste. That way he will have it (in case not available at dads) and can brush them on his own. Maybe even throw in some granola bars or beef jerky. Not the healthies thing, but a little something to tide the child over.

 

[casa]

Do you pack an over night bag for your child to take?

You might throw in an extra toothbrush and toothpaste. That way he will have it (in case not available at dads) and can brush them on his own. Maybe even throw in some granola bars or beef jerky. Not the healthies thing, but a little something to tide the child over.

That's what I did, sent granola bars, raisins, applesauce, crackers etc. and everytime there is a dental check up- I send the xtra toothbrush from there to Dads. Even my youngest is getting the habit of brushing while at Dads at least once a day.

It's not ideal, but your parenting styles will never be the same- what you can do is encourage your child to take the initiative a bit.

Re; visitations- ditto what Stealth said. I went through this ad naseum (along with hours late visits, showing up when there was no visitation scheduled etc. I petitioned the court to make the schedule more concrete so we wouldn't waste 1/2 our time waiting and being disappointed- now Dad has 1/2 hour leeway to pick up...or he forfeits the visits. Incidentally this also spurred him to be more regular with his visitations- which he is now)