Neglect?

[Kat52502]

What is the name of your state?Michigan

My ex-husband has custody and we are having alot of problems. He refuses to send her to my house in decent shoes. He has winter boots for her and will not send her to my house in them. He sends her to me in gym shoes that the souls are coming off. Is there anything I can do to enforce that he sends her to me with decent shoes? Or can this be a case of neglect?

 

[ejmmolina]

How old is your daughter?? ALot of times each parent is responsible for supply clothes and shoes for child. Does it say anywhere in court order he has to send clothes and such??? If not you could try talking to dad. If that doesnt work just go buy her some shoes to keep at your house. I dont think this is considered neglect, but i could be wrong

 

[Kat52502]

Neglect

Michigan

My daughter is 12

I understand that I should have my own clothes and shoes for her its the whole point I am trying to make. He refuses to work with me on anything. He has a very controlling g/f which makes it hard to deal with. Its 6 degrees out and he wont send her home to me in boots. that is just not responsible. We never had this problem when I had custody. I have had custody for 11 of her 12 years and now that he is with this new girl its impossible to deal with him. He has a problem with the babysitters I have for my daughter and haresses them until they refuse to watch her. I was hoping to maybe look into harrasment due to this. I could go on for hours with everything that he has done.

 

[ejmmolina]

No it is not responsible of him to treat his daughter like that. WHy is it she is with him now??? If he is so hard to deal with the only way to avoid it is to buy your own set of boots, or anything else she may need. Have you told him she needs the boots in the cold. What is his response? I dont think this is worth going back to court over. It would be cheaper to just buy yiour own set of boots. Im not sure about the harassment.

 

[Kat52502]

Michigan

The reason she is with him is because she has the 12 yr old attitude and she feel as if he can do no wrong. She will not come into my house and disrespect me or my husband. Also I moved to a town that wasnt the highest in the schools and the district that he lives in is alittle better so we went with 50/50 custody so she could attend his schools. and that was the biggest mistake I ever made. He now wants total control over me and my daughter and I refuse to bow down to him. It worked out for the first year but then this new girl came into his life and he is the worst person to deal with.. He told my husband to disipline my daughter if needed so he did and then my ex charged him with child abuse.. Which was not proven since there was no evidence. but thats a different story. Well I am going to get her some shoes and boots and leave them at my house but it is so petty. and ridiculous.

 

[stealth2]

She's not walking miles in 5 foot snowdrifts to get from his house to yours, is she? She's doing what - going from house to car and then car to house? Why does she need winter boots for that? The only time my two wear boots (and they're not "winter" boots per se, but insulated hiking boots) are when they're out playing in the snow.

Sorry, but this is not neglect.

And 12 yo's have attitude. It's up to the parents - BOTH of them - to handle that. Turning one's back on the kid isn't the most useful of methods.

 

[lylah]

NH..
Well being a step-mother, the only reason why I wouldnt send the child back with proper shoes is for the fear that I wouldnt get them back. That may be why, not that YOU wouldnt, but his girlfriend/wife may feel that way. My situation is different, the bm sends my step over without the proper clothing. So we have everything here she needs, but when she goes home, she wears what she wore here. I wouldnt stress out over it, just take care of your child while she's with you. when she gets older, she'll remember who did what and who didnt!

 

[casa]

oh geez, it IS petty. $15 at payless, problem solved.

The daughter will like getting new shoes, and see her Dad is sending her in old raggedy ones- but that you care enough not to make her wear them. And at 12 she's certainly noticing this. Dad and g/f by proxy are diggin their own hole- let them bury themselves in it

 

[rmet4nzkx]

There are a number of things going on here but neglect and harassment are not among them.

Although she is still a child, it was because of her desire that this all came about and played on the existing dynamics between the parents, in other words, 11-12 yo girls are manipulative. As long as she is clothed, fed and provided with adequate shelter, that is sufficient. If you feel she needs boots and you are sending her out to play all the time in the snow, she needs boots so buy them, but somehow I think that is not the issue. Maybe shop in thrift shops for items seldom used, her needs and desires may change accordingly. Actually I know a number of professionals who regularly shop these stores and find excellent bargins, sometimes new items, they are a wonderful source of seasonal wear. If "Missy" has an attitude and has orchestrated this drama, then let it play out, don't blame it on her father's new relationship, keep a cool head and eventually she will see things a little clearer. Remember 100 years ago in this country, 12 yo girls were allowed to be married.

 

[mrben]

Well, in my opinion, it is neglect. If he has custody and he is responsible for her health and well being, it is his responsibility to make sure that her feet are warm and dry. To send her out in 6 degree weather without boots on is unacceptable. She could end up with frozen feet, one day, if she is not lucky.