no contact order

[suzwolfe]

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania--Several months ago, the man I was dating came into my house, angry because my husband (from whom I've been separated for three years) was there. Words were exchanged and a punch was thrown. My husband was mildly hurt (a fat lip). The police were called and a report was taken and we(my husband and I)were told to notify them if we wanted to press charges. We called the police the following day and told them we had decided NOT to press charges. At that point, we were told that the police had decided to press charges on their own.

My boyfriend was a very good man and the situation was definitely two-sided. I made several calls to the police and to the magistrate to explain the situation and made it clear that I wanted no part of this, but I suspect that my husband (who has friends in both the magistrate's office and two local police departments)was encouraging the charges.

My husband and I were both ordered to attend the hearing at which a plea agreement was ordered (evidently arranged between the police and magistrate at a much earlier date) in which my boyfriend was ordered to have no contact with my husband or myself for 90 days after which the charges would be dropped. The magistrate called on me and asked me if that was ok to which I replied I felt none of this was EVER necessary. She then told me that I was "forbidden" to have contact with my boyfriend in that time as well.

During this proceeding, the police informed the magistrate that 1) my boyfriend and I had dated, but that I was trying to break off the relationship in order to reconcile with my husband (NOT TRUE!!) and 2) that I was concerned about my safety (ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE!!) I believe this information was falsely given to the police by my husband.

I have tried to talk to the magistrate since then, asking her to revoke the no-contact order against me as I was not a victim of anything, but she will not.

Do I have any recourse? How can the magistrate keep my boyfriend and I from having any contact? I was never assaulted, nor did I file any charges or even make a complaint. Don't I have the freedom to see and speak to whomever I choose? I've known women who have been beaten sensless by their significant others and no such order was ever placed against them. It was up to them to pursue a PFA.

My boyfriend and I have had minimal contact as we are both terrified he'll get in bigger trouble. I desparately want this travesty to stop. What can I do?

I will truly appreciate any help anyone can offer. Thank you.

 

[LegalBeagle]

So, your boyfriend, in a moment of anger hit someone else.. and you still want to be with this man? What happens when he sees you talking to a male work friend? Will it be ok when he beats the guy up? When do you think your turn will come? From your details, he has a temper and not afriad to use his fists.. does this sound any warning lights for you?

 

[suzwolfe]

additional info

This situation arose from a verbal confrontation, of which my husband was the aggressor (he charged my boyfriend first). My husband however was the one who ended up with the fat lip. My boyfriend is no danger--not to me--or anyone else. Details of the "scuffle" were never discussed in court. I don't believe my boyfriend was even given the opportunity to plead not guilty. The matter was continued pending this 90 day no-contact order.

While I truly appreciate your concern, I would prefer only reponses which would help me in my quest to have the order lifted. Again, thank you very much.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

I agree with LB's conclusions, but I reach that result using different logic.

1. Your boyfriend WAS the aggressor. It was HE who came to YOUR house. Your husband was already there. Your husband was merely defending from an "intruder" on yours or your husband's property. Also, because you're still married, your husband has a legal right to defend against someone he "perceives" as an aggressor to his wife. Your boyfriend, because he was the one that entered someone else's property WAS, at that moment, an intruder, a trespasser, and the aggressor - - merely by entering the house.

2. Because the scuffle occurred within the confines of a house, the matter automatically becomes a "criminal-domestic violence" matter. As such, and because there was physical injury, the police must arrest, and the D.A. must file charges.

Because it is considered a domestic violence matter, YOU have no say-so as to whether the D.A. files the case, or whether your boyfriend goes to trial. It's out of your hands. It's not like the good old days when a "victim" could "drop the charges". When it comes to domestic violence, those days are over.

IAAL

 

[suzwolfe]

I understand, but...

In my conversations with the police, the district atty, and the magistrate's office, I was told that it was a matter of the police officer's discretion as to whether to arrest. In this case one of the two officers that came later told me that even he did not believe the charges were warranted. Another police officer from a different department told me that most departments would simply have me (or my husband as victim) sign a waiver stating that we did not want to press charges,so that they are off the hook should there be additional trouble.

That said, I still don't understand how any court can forbid me from talking to or seeing or spending time with anyone else. Again, is there ANYTHING I can do to make this all go away?

 

[suzwolfe]

I understand, but....

In my conversations with the police, the magistrate's office and the dist. atty (immediately after the incident, I was told that it was at the police officer's discretion as to whether or not to file charges. One of the two officers that responded even told me later that he didn't think charges should have been filed, but he had an obligation to support his partner. Another officer from a different police force told me that most of the local dept's in our area have a policy that requires signing a waiver in the event you elect not to press chg's.

I live in a small township. I know first hand of a couple of similar, only worse, incidents where chg's were never pressed. My girlfriend's boyfriend tried to choke her (hard enough to leave bruises on her neck)only a month before and charges were never pressed. (And trust me I was appalled--he's an a** and she's even more stupid for contending with it)I would never condone nor tolerate domestic abuse, but this was not like that. This was an isolated, horribly unfortunate incident. Again, my boyfriend is good man---he's never been in any trouble in his life. He does not have a bad temper, much less a bad bone in his body. If anything, when he came into my house he was probably thinking I might be in danger from my husband. I wasn't, but that is far more likely scenario. I firmly believe that these chg's were pressed only because one of the officers knew my husband.

Again, is there anything I can do?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Okay writer, this thread is now way, way off the subject of "Family Law" if it was ever there at all. It should be copied and pasted into the Criminal Law board.

Thanks for posting.

IAAL