No more compassion

[shashmk]

What is the name of your state? Texas

Hello everyone, I really need some advice/help. I have been on the computer and the phone for months trying ot find answers, with no avail.
I have been divorced for over 7 years. I am far from being a disgruntled ex-wife and am only looking out for my two daughters (ages 7 and 8). my problem is, that my ex has a drug and alcohol problem and until now I had NO idea how bad it was. My girls were always coming home sick from "daddy smoking". it wasn't until before Thanksgiving that my oldest came out and said it was the cigarette's he "made" that made her sick. She then proceeded to describe this in great detail, even naming people who "taught" other people how and she compared it to making a bean and cheese taco. I then took my other daughter in to the other room and asked her if there was anyhting her daddy did that bothered her. She replied that it scared her that he always drank beer while driving them home and he would finish "a whole box" (he has a DWI already and I have taught them drinking and driving is BAD, my dad was killed that way). She also said he spanked her "really hard" twice for pottying in her pants. I have contacted attorneys and can not afford one, but I need to make sure he NEVER sees them without being supervised. I told him twice the reasons and he cussed me out, so no solution there. PLEASE HELP!

 

[stealth2]

The problem is that you need concrete proof of all this - not just the say-so of two young children.

 

[shashmk]

How can I get proof? I mean, I have SEEN the drugs there and he has admitted it to me before, but that is also just hear say. I though maybe a Judge could pull some hair and drug test it. I know he does cocaine, but can not physically prove that either. I have not let him see them since Thaksgiving, and so I am not doing the right thing. I am not out ot get him in trouble, but the girls are my life and knowing what I know I would be just as guilty if something happened to them while they were in his care and would never be able to live with myself. I was told to get a modification for the visitation, but I don't know where to start. I was divorced in Bexar County and have now lived in Williamson County for 6 years, so I would also ned to transfer. This is the only way I am afraid I can afford it right now. I just don't want to do the wrong thing. Thank you for your reply.

 

[stepmom&mom]

Others will correct me if I'm wrong, but couldn't you request that he submit to a drug test? Most importantly, you should retain a lawyer.

 

[shashmk]

oh yes, I failed to mention that he is also $16,464 behind in child support, and that is after I waived $15,000. I am not vindictive, I really wish he would just leave us alone. I appreciate any help/advice. ANYTHING.

 

[Silverplum]

Some people have a big problem with drugs around their kids...others have moral issues about the types of sexuality expressed around their kids. You weren't at all sympathetic with the latter, were you?
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=60374

"Your kids will grow up more open-minded and less judgemental in my opinion."

I take it you don't feel the same way about YOUR situation with YOUR kids?

Sheesh.

ps - let the record show that I don't condone drug use around kids. It's the tone of the quoted post that irritates me.

 

[stepmom&mom]

Whether or not he's behind in child support will have no bearing on visitation issues.

 

[stealth2]

Others will correct me if I'm wrong, but couldn't you request that he submit to a drug test? Most importantly, you should retain a lawyer.

Not without some type of proof - arrest records or records from time spent in rehab.

 

[stealth2]

Some people have a big problem with drugs around their kids...others have moral issues about the types of sexuality expressed around their kids. You weren't at all sympathetic with the latter, were you?
https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=60374

"Your kids will grow up more open-minded and less judgemental in my opinion."

I take it you don't feel the same way about YOUR situation with YOUR kids?

Sheesh.

ps - let the record show that I don't condone drug use around kids. It's the tone of the quoted post that irritates me.

There's also a bit of a difference between the two situations. Well, a huge difference, really. As in - one's legal, and the other isn't.

 

[Silverplum]

I know. And still it bugged.

 

[shashmk]

Hey Silverplum, maybe it is because I see nothing morally wrong with who someoen LOVES, regardless of gender or race. I am sorry, who are you to judge? I am very much a Christian and have very high morals, and thank you to the person who stated it perfectly, "two completely different situations". Now, back to the issue at hand. He has been arrested for DWI, but not with the girls in the car, that is all that I know of. The girls say he has huge parties with a whole lot of men there. Him and his friends had a charge brought against them for "gang raping" a 17 year old, but she was considered an adult and dropped the charges. I have been advised to report the drug abuse to the authorities, but this isn't about getting him in trouble. I am struggling with wrong/right and my conscience on all sides. All of you, except one, have been wonderful, this really has been the first "advice" I have gotten. (Outside of friends, who always take your side )

 

[shashmk]

Plum,
How was I not sympathetic? I am confused now, reading your email. Because I said the kids would be more open minded and less judgemental? I think that is pretty supportive and very sympathetic. She seemed worried that it was wrong, and no one was put here to judge.

 

[shashmk]

Stepmomandmom,
Do you know how I can go about that? I am very ignorant to the law and all attorney's require a fee of $3000 just to get started. I have a pretty good job, but I am sure you know how expensive daycare is. I tried legal aide, but there isa waiting list a mile long especially since this is civil (understandable, since i am sure there are more out there that need it worse than I do). I have tried searching online and calling the District Clerk's office to ask how to file for the modification then hopefully get a judge to ask for a drug test, but she was unable to give me any "legal" information only that I can go up there and search the legal library. any suggestions?