Odd of custody

[130munch]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

My son is seeing an attorney next week and intends to go for sole custody of his 1 yr old daughter. Since I'm helping with the retainer fee I wonder if it's worth the fight - the bill could get costly & he may end up paying a lot for basic visitation.

He & his girlfriend, who I'll call Sue, never married and haven't been together for 6-9 months. Paternity, child-support or visition has not been established, but he does givemoney to help provide. Because Sue has used the only free/reduced legal support system in our county she will be represented for free. My son will have to pay on his own - though he too is eligable for the service they consider it a conflict of interest & won't represent him.

He's concerned, as am I, because Sue is a bi-polar alcholic. She's been arrested for domestic abuse against my son, drunken disorderly charges & harrassment by phone. She's made several suicidal gestures that resulted in others calling the police - mostly it was comments mades while in a distraught state, but there was one incident where she was takento the phsyc ward since she od'd on her bi-polar meds. Two years ago she was court ordered to get alcohol treatment - she complied because if she didn't she was going to jail, but she continued drinking as always so the treatment failed.

She likes to party and comes home at 3-4am even though she has to care for her child in the morning. Often she leaves the baby at her parents so she can party and we have concerns there too.....her father is also an alcholic who been arrested for domestic violence multiple times. We both worry about the baby spending the night there because of this.

We have about 30 police reports from 3 different towns - all for domestic disturbances for the past 5 years. 90% of them detail irrational arguments that occur between her & her parents - most of which turn violent - once her dad pushed her down & had a knife in his hand. 90% also details how the police observed her & her father to clearly have been drinking.

The police called DCFS on her last summer because she pushed & shoved my son in front of their daughter. They interviewed her and told her if they hear of any more police reports she may loose custody of her child - since then there have been many police encounters but still nothing happens.

Obviously my son's basis on wanting custody is because of the unstable issues described above and because Sue does not work and relies on the government to financially support her - she gets free rent, free food, free utilities & free medical. My son is ready, willing and able to support his child so that no government aid is required.

Should he go for sole custody? Do judges still lean towards the mom no matter what?

ThanksWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[CSO286]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

My son is seeing an attorney next week and intends to go for sole custody of his 1 yr old daughter. Since I'm helping with the retainer fee I wonder if it's worth the fight - the bill could get costly & he may end up paying a lot for basic visitation.

He & his girlfriend, who I'll call Sue, never married and haven't been together for 6-9 months. Paternity, child-support or visition has not been established, but he does givemoney to help provide. Because Sue has used the only free/reduced legal support system in our county she will be represented for free. My son will have to pay on his own - though he too is eligable for the service they consider it a conflict of interest & won't represent him.

He's concerned, as am I, because Sue is a bi-polar alcholic. She's been arrested for domestic abuse against my son, drunken disorderly charges & harrassment by phone. She's made several suicidal gestures that resulted in others calling the police - mostly it was comments mades while in a distraught state, but there was one incident where she was takento the phsyc ward since she od'd on her bi-polar meds. Two years ago she was court ordered to get alcohol treatment - she complied because if she didn't she was going to jail, but she continued drinking as always so the treatment failed.

She likes to party and comes home at 3-4am even though she has to care for her child in the morning. Often she leaves the baby at her parents so she can party and we have concerns there too.....her father is also an alcholic who been arrested for domestic violence multiple times. We both worry about the baby spending the night there because of this.

We have about 30 police reports from 3 different towns - all for domestic disturbances for the past 5 years. 90% of them detail irrational arguments that occur between her & her parents - most of which turn violent - once her dad pushed her down & had a knife in his hand. 90% also details how the police observed her & her father to clearly have been drinking.

The police called DCFS on her last summer because she pushed & shoved my son in front of their daughter. They interviewed her and told her if they hear of any more police reports she may loose custody of her child - since then there have been many police encounters but still nothing happens.

Obviously my son's basis on wanting custody is because of the unstable issues described above and because Sue does not work and relies on the government to financially support her - she gets free rent, free food, free utilities & free medical. My son is ready, willing and able to support his child so that no government aid is required.

Should he go for sole custody? Do judges still lean towards the mom no matter what?

ThanksWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

If this is so important to your son and he is is so completely willing to so whatever it takes to establish paternity (becasue we don't know right now if he is this child's LEGAL father) and obtain custody of this child, then he should sign on here under his own user name and ask his own questions.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

My son is seeing an attorney next week and intends to go for sole custody of his 1 yr old daughter. Since I'm helping with the retainer fee I wonder if it's worth the fight - the bill could get costly & he may end up paying a lot for basic visitation.

He & his girlfriend, who I'll call Sue, never married and haven't been together for 6-9 months. Paternity, child-support or visition has not been established, but he does givemoney to help provide. Because Sue has used the only free/reduced legal support system in our county she will be represented for free. My son will have to pay on his own - though he too is eligable for the service they consider it a conflict of interest & won't represent him.

He's concerned, as am I, because Sue is a bi-polar alcholic. She's been arrested for domestic abuse against my son, drunken disorderly charges & harrassment by phone. She's made several suicidal gestures that resulted in others calling the police - mostly it was comments mades while in a distraught state, but there was one incident where she was takento the phsyc ward since she od'd on her bi-polar meds. Two years ago she was court ordered to get alcohol treatment - she complied because if she didn't she was going to jail, but she continued drinking as always so the treatment failed.

She likes to party and comes home at 3-4am even though she has to care for her child in the morning. Often she leaves the baby at her parents so she can party and we have concerns there too.....her father is also an alcholic who been arrested for domestic violence multiple times. We both worry about the baby spending the night there because of this.

We have about 30 police reports from 3 different towns - all for domestic disturbances for the past 5 years. 90% of them detail irrational arguments that occur between her & her parents - most of which turn violent - once her dad pushed her down & had a knife in his hand. 90% also details how the police observed her & her father to clearly have been drinking.

The police called DCFS on her last summer because she pushed & shoved my son in front of their daughter. They interviewed her and told her if they hear of any more police reports she may loose custody of her child - since then there have been many police encounters but still nothing happens.

Obviously my son's basis on wanting custody is because of the unstable issues described above and because Sue does not work and relies on the government to financially support her - she gets free rent, free food, free utilities & free medical. My son is ready, willing and able to support his child so that no government aid is required.

Should he go for sole custody? Do judges still lean towards the mom no matter what?

ThanksWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Please be aware that the bolded is completely irrelevant and a judge may NOT use that to make a custody decision. It would be a violation of mom's constitutional rights.

What you have here is a situation where the mom and her extended family sound fairly dysfunctional (from your naturally biased point of view, which is ok) but the mother has status quo as the child has always lived with her. Your son hasn't even established paternity yet. Sole custody is rarely awarded to either parent these days and when it is, it is usually in fairly extreme circumstances, which I do not think exist here.

However, your son might have a shot at primary custody, if he gets a good attorney and the case is presented properly...however that's not a slam dunk for your son either.

It honestly would be best to consult a local attorney who better knows the climate of your local courts.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

My son is seeing an attorney next week and intends to go for sole custody of his 1 yr old daughter. Since I'm helping with the retainer fee I wonder if it's worth the fight - the bill could get costly & he may end up paying a lot for basic visitation.

Yes it could get costly. As for visitation, that is better than what he is entitled to at this juncture.

He & his girlfriend, who I'll call Sue, never married and haven't been together for 6-9 months.

Okay. And the child has been with Sue during that time.

Paternity, child-support or visition has not been established, but he does givemoney to help provide.

He is not the legal father and what he is giving is a gift. How does it compare to what a COURT ORDER for support might be.

Because Sue has used the only free/reduced legal support system in our county she will be represented for free. My son will have to pay on his own - though he too is eligable for the service they consider it a conflict of interest & won't represent him.

Okay.

He's concerned, as am I, because Sue is a bi-polar alcholic.

Yet he had a baby with her. KNOWING that she was a bipolar alcoholic. How often does your son drink? Do drugs? Been arrested? What mental illnesses does he have?

She's been arrested for domestic abuse against my son, drunken disorderly charges & harrassment by phone. She's made several suicidal gestures that resulted in others calling the police - mostly it was comments mades while in a distraught state, but there was one incident where she was takento the phsyc ward since she od'd on her bi-polar meds.

Okay.

Two years ago she was court ordered to get alcohol treatment - she complied because if she didn't she was going to jail, but she continued drinking as always so the treatment failed.

So the baby was born and diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome? Because two years ago she would have been pregnant. If the baby is a year old. If the baby is older than that mom would have been a full blown alcoholic based on what you have posted -- which means drinking while pregnant. So did it effect the child?

She likes to party and comes home at 3-4am even though she has to care for her child in the morning. Often she leaves the baby at her parents so she can party and we have concerns there too.....her father is also an alcholic who been arrested for domestic violence multiple times. We both worry about the baby spending the night there because of this.

You both worry, huh? Yet your son was so worried that when he broke up to her 6-9 months ago (how long exactly) he did nothing about establishing paternity/custody/visitation and chose to leave his child with her.

We have about 30 police reports from 3 different towns - all for domestic disturbances for the past 5 years. 90% of them detail irrational arguments that occur between her & her parents - most of which turn violent - once her dad pushed her down & had a knife in his hand. 90% also details how the police observed her & her father to clearly have been drinking.

Which shows your son has pathetic judgment in that he thought her fit to give birth to his child. She was so irrational and crazy that he couldn't wait to have sex with her and date her for quite a while. Police reports are hearsay and INADMISSIBLE in court.

The police called DCFS on her last summer because she pushed & shoved my son in front of their daughter. They interviewed her and told her if they hear of any more police reports she may loose custody of her child - since then there have been many police encounters but still nothing happens.

And your son could also lose custody. Why didn't he file a criminal complaint against her? Why didn't he get a CPO? Why didn't he try to protect his child LAST SUMMER? Oh yeah, he LOVED HER.

Obviously my son's basis on wanting custody is because of the unstable issues described above and because Sue does not work and relies on the government to financially support her - she gets free rent, free food, free utilities & free medical. My son is ready, willing and able to support his child so that no government aid is required.

Your son is part of the unstable issues and his judgment is questionable. Where does your son work? Who would watch the child while he is working?

Should he go for sole custody? Do judges still lean towards the mom no matter what?

No they don't lean towards the mom. They lean towards the child. But your son has an uphill battle.

 

[stealth2]

He's concerned, as am I, because Sue is a bi-polar alcholic. She's been arrested for domestic abuse against my son, drunken disorderly charges & harrassment by phone. She's made several suicidal gestures that resulted in others calling the police - mostly it was comments mades while in a distraught state, but there was one incident where she was takento the phsyc ward since she od'd on her bi-polar meds. Two years ago she was court ordered to get alcohol treatment - she complied because if she didn't she was going to jail, but she continued drinking as always so the treatment failed.

He apparently knew all this about her, yet still thought she was fine and dandy to knock boots with? Did he know that sex can cause babies? Frankly, doesn't sound like your son is any more fit than Mom.

 

[130munch]

Thanks LDij for an upfront answer without being so harsh. I wasn't sure if Sue's not working to support herself & her child would matter or not.

As for the others, I just do not understand the necessity of your snide, over-the-top judgmental answers/comments. Obviously you are annoyed with my questions and/or annoyed that I'm a third party asking on behalf of my son. So what?? Is he young & stupid for having a child with this girl - you bet! But he's trying to move forward & wants the baby in a stable environment and needs legal advice - he asks me all the time what he should do - honeslty, what is so wrong with me trying to get information for him?

If you are so easily annoyed with the post why bother reponding at all? Is it really that hard to keep the rude comments to yourself and just answer the question at hand? This is after all a forum for advice, correct?

 

[Proserpina]

Thanks LDij for an upfront answer without being so harsh. I wasn't sure if Sue's not working to support herself & her child would matter or not.

As for the others, I just do not understand the necessity of your snide, over-the-top judgmental answers/comments. Obviously you are annoyed with my questions and/or annoyed that I'm a third party asking on behalf of my son. So what?? Is he young & stupid for having a child with this girl - you bet! But he's trying to move forward & wants the baby in a stable environment and needs legal advice - he asks me all the time what he should do - honeslty, what is so wrong with me trying to get information for him?

If you are so easily annoyed with the post why bother reponding at all? Is it really that hard to keep the rude comments to yourself and just answer the question at hand? This is after all a forum for advice, correct?

And your son is old enough to get someone pregnant, correct?

Hence old enough to come and deal with his own legal matters, correct?

 

[130munch]

Like I said, if you are so annoyed that you can't control your rudeness, just don't answer. There's just no need to be rude - it's as simple as that.

 

[Proserpina]

Like I said, if you are so annoyed that you can't control your rudeness, just don't answer. There's just no need to be rude - it's as simple as that.

Where was I rude?

I was asking two legitimate questions.

But by all means, have the last word this evening. Happy Good Friday!

 

[130munch]

Is it really that hard to anwer the questions in the original post without questioning the poster?

 

[Ohiogal]

Like I said, if you are so annoyed that you can't control your rudeness, just don't answer. There's just no need to be rude - it's as simple as that.

You are ignorant. EVERY POINT I MADE is something that he will face in court. AND I noticed you failed to answer any of my questions regarding your son's interaction with drugs, alcohol, and mental illness. Avoiding those points don't make them any less important. And he may find a larger CS order if he goes to court. You also made accusations regarding mom but apparently have nothing to back that up as the child was not born with FAS. Or you just ignored those questions because you didn't like them> If your son reacts that way, look for him to be destroyed in court.

 

[Ohiogal]

Is it really that hard to anwer the questions in the original post without questioning the poster?

Yes it is, because I know what the COURT sees as important. And you left a lot of information out of your original post that MATTERS. But oh well. Deal with it.

 

[130munch]

Ohiogal, now we are calling people ignorant? Really? It’s just an advice board – no need to condescend and belittle people because you think they are stupid.

Here are the answers to your questions that I didn’t answer, not because “I’m avoiding “ or “Don’t’ like them”, but at first I figured why bother - because probably no matter what I say you are going to attack me and point out how ignorant I am. But what the heck, it’s an advice board so here you go:

He does not do drugs.
He does not have a drinking problem.
He has no arrest record.
He is not bi-polar and has no mental illness
He works full time & would only need child-care 3 week days. If he had custody he would be entitled to reduced child-care.

Mom quit drinking while pregnant, thus no FAS. She resumed her drinking habits when the baby was 2 months old.

I was off on some of my estimated dates. Mom was arrested for domestic violence 3 summers ago. At some point she was court ordered to complete an alcohol treatment program. Her final court date was Oct 2010, at which point she had the paperwork to show she complied. Since the treatment likely coincided w/her pregnancy, it’s probably the main reason she was able to pass the treatment. She’s been back to her old partying habits full force since the baby was 2 months old.

My son hasn’t done anything because he doesn’t make a lot of money and learned over a year ago, when he called a few lawyers, that the retainer fee would be $2,300. Without legal representation he’s felt helpless about going after his legal rights. We didn’t have the money until now. So, no – he didn’t act because he wasn’t concerned. He didn’t act because he couldn’t afford a retainer fee at the time.

We’ve called DSFC to see what can be done. One lady said we should be concerned about the drinking and should be notifying them when the late night arguments, resulting in police involvement ,occurs. Then when we acted and called after yet another drunken incident involving the police, the DCFS rep told us that the mom is doing the right thing by having others watch the baby while she goes out drinking and that unless domestic violence occurred in front of the child DCFS will not intervene.

Yes, yes.....we all know how stupid he was to make a baby with this girl. Can we move past that now that we want to MOVE FORWARD?

We just want to know if we have enough to go for full custody.

 

[stealth2]

WE have nothing. Please - have your son create his own account. Thank you.

 

[cyjeff]

Just so that you understand, Ohiogal is not only an attorney but a GAL... a court appointed advocate for children.

In other words, her questions may be harsh and blunt but no more so than a judge's would be.

Your son is twisted about his child.... but waits half a year to do anything.
Your son is worried about his ex's drinking... but she was drinking when he was dating her and he thought it was okay then.

As far as I know, it is not illegal to go out and party. As long as her child is being looked after while she does, I don't see that being very important in court. And that assumes that there is proof of that.

Don't tell me the proof is that someone saw her. Don't tell me the proof that your SON saw her.... because that is the pot calling the kettle black.

Before you get all snippy with the volunteers here, grandma, you need to realize that we don't pull punches. If you are looking for a support group, you came to the wrong place. If you are looking for what to expect in court, we can help you.

If you think we are harsh, wait until your son walks in front of a judge and wants to tear a child away from the only parent she has ever known. The chances of that happening are remote to the extreme.

Sounds like both parents are acting like small children and both want to take the ball and go home. Your son needs to reset his expectations.