ok, I am FINALLY asking a question.... and it's a doosie!

[stealth2]

Sure, but I think most parents hope for a bit more for their kids. But it takes a lot of work to get the more, and unfortunately a lot of parents aren't willing to put the effort into it.

 

[3kidsmom]

13 years ago...

the BM left with their daughter from Japan (they were married) while he was in Desert storm (the first war in Iraq) He came home to find his wife and daughter gone.... she had gotten pregnant by a Marine and had gone back to the states to be with him. After 4 years he found his wife and daughter and filed for divorce, in his home state.

The divorce was granted, however due to the issue of the 2 different states, custody could NOT be determined. IMMEDIATELY after the divorce, BM, SD, and her boyfriend and new child, moved, it took DH 9 MORE years to find them again (all the while, PAYING CS, as he should have been ) As soon as he found his daughter again, they once again moved, we had to contact the "child abduction unit" in CA to locate and serve her at time.

Since we have found them, DH has gotten joint (legal) custody, from NOTHING, and nearly gained residential custody in Oct.

This is NOT a case where the father left... Others here know me, and know me well.

As far as the McDonalds statment, do you know of ANYONE who can support a child on a wage at McDonalds??

 

[nextwife]

Hopefully, McDonalds is what you do while preparing to do something else.

And many people go to college without money from anyone else. One does not have to be rich to go to college. My grandparents were dirt poor, barely spoke english, had 8 kids and rented a three bedroom flat near downtown. Two of their kids went on, with no help, to become physicians. Another was very successful in government. My dad worked his way through college and law school. My husband and I also worked and paid for our own college ed. My kid may not be able to have mom and dad pay for college, but she sure is going to know we EXPECT her to achieve and go there, or at least to work toward a career capable of supporting a family.

 

[nextwife]

First, I do not believe any of us are referring to the developmentally disabled. That is a whole other catagory. WE are discussing able bodied, mentally capable individuals.

And this is not an issue of "good" or "bad" people, or being better or lesser.. It is a matter of a parent not setting any level of expectation for their child. Not letting their child expect more of themselves. To mentally challenge them. One does not even need to USE their college education professionally. But college does teach critical thinking, expose one to a broader cross section of thought, experience and more cutural diversity and appreciation. You think your kid is just going to pick up and read Buber or Spinoza on their own? Or Robert Frost? Or have the historical context to understand historical literature? College isn't just for the elite. And it's time we stop teaching our daughters to think they don't have the SAME capacity to acheive and hold a sustainable wage job as any man can. I get so tired of woman wining about how they only make a third of what their ex's make and doing nothing about it for themselves- they are likely no less capable of earning than their ex's are (unless he's a surgeon or other professional). And not teaching their daughters to make their life happen, instead of letting their lives happen to them.

 

[mikesonlyangel]

Re: Re: I do suppose you are correct... as usual

my "attraction" as you so eloquently put it, is I would like my husbands offspring to have some kind of a future, OTHER than a career at McDonalds.

MY RESPONSE: Why? Your husband didn't seem to care 15 years ago.



There is also an innocent child involved too, that didn't have a choice. The "potential live birth" deserves to have loving parents, who WANT a child, and who are mature enough to raise one!

MY RESPONSE: Look, it's not going to happen. The reality is, that in the end, the step-daughter will stay right where she's living. Not every child is born with a silver spoon in their mouth. In other words, you haven't given me anything that would indicate a legal need for a "change of circumstances" that would be recognized by a court to require a change in custody. Nothing in these circumstances has given me any "pause" to believe a court is going to change the current orders.




IF my SD chooses to keep this child, she should be encouraged to finish school, so she CAN provide a future for her child, and be guided by people who ARE capable of a mature thought process.

MY RESPONSE: SD has a mother. Stop trying to be one. Not every child "has a future". Your husband made sure of that when he made his Philippine concubine spread her legs, and then left her. Your husband doesn't care enough, or at all, about the situation - - because if he did, he wouldn't have left in the first place.

So, why are you breaking your chops now? Your husband had 15 years to do something about this situation, and didn't. Now, all of a sudden he wants to "play daddy" with his daughter? Look, if having someone else's child in your life is so important, just have one of your own, or adopt.

There is a need for poor, trailer trash, people. It keeps the economy balanced.

IAAL

The mcdonalds thing is bad but hey some of the things in here aren't lily white in their meanings so don't say she is so bad when your just as bad if not worse, does everything have to be vulgar.

 

[stealth2]

All of you are killing me with your McDonalds statements. Does everyone here really think only the elite have children that are Rhodes Scholars or a Mensa member? Does everyone here really think only lower class people have children working at McDonalds? Give me a break. Even the elite may have a child that is mentally challenged and McDonalds is the only way of life for their child. Does that make them a bad parent? Does that make them not willing enough to provide adequate parenting for their child?

Can we just get past the stereotyping of the social class for once and remember we are all people, and that just because people who work at a fast food restaurant doesn't make them any less of a person than you are? Crimany, look at the people of Enron. I would consider each and every one of them involved less of a good citizen than a hard working employee at McDonalds trying to make a living.

I am off my soap box now.

Who the freakin' hell said any of that? You read way too much into things.

 

[stealth2]

So not going to college = working at McDonald's? That's a huge stretch.

 

[nextwife]

Indeed children are limited by their mental capacity. FAS/FAE and fetal drug exposure impact mental capacity.

There is interesting research that tends to affirm that children in a classroom will often achieve to the level we expect them to achieve at. That is why it is better to expect more, and be willing to settle for less. I am not elitist. I never even finished college because of attending to my failing father. Some children learn or achieve in different skills. Trade school or technical school may be better for different learning styles. I am not discussing the fact that some may be incapable of pursuing anything more demanding. I certainly understand special needs. My daughter has dealt with a host of challenges, including being severly delayed and absent any language concept at age 2. But we also percieved her drive to learn and gave her every chance and tool to catch up. And she is now, 4 years after arrival, at peer level, which is a remarkable achievement for a child that would likely have remained mute had she stayed in her orphanage. There is no shame in being the best one can be at whatever level that is. The shame is in never trying at all.

I am talking about never even giving the child a chance to discover what she may be capable of. Never teaching her to be the best she can be, whatever that is. That is what is sad.