Ok..

[Ohiogal]

I am and have been. My daughter is almost a teen and I have done all, so while I appreciate your "support", leave the bs at the door.

Cyjeff - You are right. Thank you

Quite frankly there was NO BS in that reply. This is not about support. Get above it and beyond it for God's sake. And if you don't believe in God then just get above and beyond. Because quite frankly you SLEPT WITH THE MAN. Not our fault that you have such lousy taste.

 

[Humusluvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA

Explain this to me like I am 4 and stupid. (No Smart a$$ comments necessary).

My daughter has a ortho appt. and he can't attend because he is only working 20 hours a week (I work 60), I have a client in town. I put all money for the braces in my FSA and have to incur the debt before the plan year ends. He can't do it. Mind you I take care of her in all other ways. What recourse do I have?

Can I withhold? (I know the answer on that pretty much)...But I want to know where his responsibility begins! I mean JC...I pay for alll...all I ask is one gd dr's appt where i give him everything! WTF??

What do you want to withhold? Dental care from your daughter?

It sucks, but I'm in the same position. I'm taking my son for surgery tomorrow - and his dad didn't take the day off work. I'm in a brand new job, working same as you - but what am I going to do? Not get our son the surgery and wait til dad does it?

Nope, I'm thankful I'm the CP. I praise the Lord every day I get to take care of our son's cries, and comfort him. I get to see all the little smiles, I get to feed him all the cheerios, I get barfed on every night. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Sometimes I get mad that I never get a night off. Then I check my attitude at the door, because I know as a responsible parent I provide what our kiddo needs.

No need to get angry here, OP. Be thankful you can get dental care. And remember that every day your daughter smiles.

 

[LdiJ]

Hon, you are not getting the point that people are making.

You are the custodial parent. Along with the benefits of that you also have to deal with the responsiblities of that. All that dad is legally required to do is pay his child support.

Is he being an asswipe for not helping out with this ortho appointment? Absolutely. Is there anything that you can do about that? Absolutely not.

Silver was using shock tactics to try to make you understand the big picture. That didn't work with you (actually it doesn't often work with anyone else either LOL). Nevertheless, the reality of things is that you obviously cannot count on dad, therefore you need to find other backup.

Do you have any family or friends that could help you out and take her to the appointment?...with a properly executed written permission from you, of course.

I truly undertand your dilemna with the FSA. I personally DO NOT like them at all. Do some research on opting out of the FSA and opening an HSA instead. HSA money rolls over indefinitely, instead of the sucky use it or lose it of an FSA.

 

[Nativity]

What do you want to withhold? Dental care from your daughter?

It sucks, but I'm in the same position. I'm taking my son for surgery tomorrow - and his dad didn't take the day off work. I'm in a brand new job, working same as you - but what am I going to do? Not get our son the surgery and wait til dad does it?

Nope, I'm thankful I'm the CP. I praise the Lord every day I get to take care of our son's cries, and comfort him. I get to see all the little smiles, I get to feed him all the cheerios, I get barfed on every night. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Sometimes I get mad that I never get a night off. Then I check my attitude at the door, because I know as a responsible parent I provide what our kiddo needs.

No need to get angry here, OP. Be thankful you can get dental care. And remember that every day your daughter smiles.

Off Topic I know, but I hope your son will be okay tomorrow and will recover quickly from his surgery.

 

[Humusluvr]

Off Topic I know, but I hope your son will be okay tomorrow and will recover quickly from his surgery.

Thanks. The only reason I'm trolling so late is because I'm nervous and I can't sleep. We have to be to the hospital at 5:30am tomorrow, I may just make a night of it**************..

 

[stmichael052405]

Ok

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA

Explain this to me like I am 4 and stupid. (No Smart a$$ comments necessary).

My daughter has a ortho appt. and he can't attend because he is only working 20 hours a week (I work 60), I have a client in town. I put all money for the braces in my FSA and have to incur the debt before the plan year ends. He can't do it. Mind you I take care of her in all other ways. What recourse do I have?

A little advice from someone who has shot herself in the foot more than once

Give up the self deprecation. On this forum, just a drop of blood in the water draws the Great Whites.

Let me ask you this: What are your priorities . . . the client, your money in the FSA or your daughter's braces? Once you have answered this question, ask yourself this . . . with whom do you want to have the longest, most satisfying relationship . . . the client, your money in the FSA or your daughter?

Let me ask you this: What recourse do you have? You could kidnap your ex, hold a gun to his head and force him to take your daughter to the ortho. Ok, now I'm trying to make you laugh. For me, the idea of a gun to my ex's head was always a fantasy I was afraid to indulge too much.

Ok, now I'm being serious. Back when the question came up about who was going to be the custodial parent, did anyone hold a gun to your head and force you to raise your hand and accept the job? Here's what I say to myself when I am just F * * *ING fed up with being a bornagain mom (I have permanent custody of my very special needs 9-yr old grandson). No one held a gun to my head and forced me to raise my hand when the question of "who wants him?" came up. No one forced me to fight like hell to get custody of him because I knew I was the only one on the face of the Earth that has his best interests at heart. No one put a stiletto (the dagger not the shoe) to my juglar and forced me to don my shining armour, jump on my gallant steed, and gallop full bore headlong into the battle every day fighting for a better life for him.

So, stand up straight, put your shoulders back, walk to the mirror, look yourself in the eye and repeat after me: "I'm the adult here, I'm the hero, I'm working the hard hours and picking up the slack. I'm not going to give my ex the satisfaction of thinking he's won because I'm not strong enough to hold up my end and his too." You got the best part of the deal . . . your child. Let her know she's worth all the extra effort, take her to her ortho appointment like you are really glad to be her mom and this is no trouble at all.

If you still need answers to your questions, look in the phone book, pick out ten attorneys who specialize in child custody, call them up and see if they will talk to you, unofficially. Some of them will do this and you'll be reasonably sure you are talking to an attorney. You will get different points of view about your situation. You can go on the Internet, go to your states judicial web site, and somewhere there will be the "attorney registration" site. When you talk to an attorney, you can find out if she's/he's really licensed in your state to practice law and if there have been any complaints, sanctions. In Colorado, many attorneys perform pro bono work . . . it's good PR for them and their firm, the socially responsible thing to do, and the state supreme court strongly suggests that they perform a number of hours of pro bono work each year.

good luck

 

[stmichael052405]

Ok

A parent entails exactly that amount of time and love that each parent thinks it does.

This is not a legal answer, but a human one.

Someday, he will wish he had this time back. For now, trust that your daughter sees you as a person she can trust and rely on no matter what.

This is really the crux of the matter, the determinative point. If you think being a parent is back breaking, blood, sweat and tears, thankless, heartbreaking work, you're right. It is. It is as hard as it seems. However, being a parent has rewards you'd never imagine. Oh, yeah, I think we get something in Heaven for trying to be a good one

 

[stmichael052405]

Ok

If he's the NCP (I presume he is), and he is paying his court ordered CS (I assume he is), then he IS doing everything the law expects of him.

The standard answer, which is designed to make you THINK, is this: If you don't enjoy being CP, you can give the child to him and pay CS to him and be done with it.

Or, being a fan of Nebraska...no deal on the (legal) dumping of your child at a firehouse or hospital, I assume?

Then that's the life of the CP.

Having said this and knowing I will surely incur the scarey, snide forumrath of S, let me say that S makes a good point. But, you've already made your decision, right? You're the CP, you ex is the slack-off. In situations like this, someone has to be the hero. Step up to the plate, buck up, you'll do fine and your daughter will do even more finerer and she'll see her dad for what he is, the slack-off. Maybe not tomorrow or for a few years, but unless she's clueless (and most kids aren't) she's getting her dad's message loud and clear "bug off kid, don't bother me".

 

[nebraskafan]

I get it

I really do. My rant yesterday was not necessarily called for, but it was better than stomping around the house screaming at the top of my lungs about the sorry SOB!

And no, no one forced me to sleep with him, and frankly, I don't regret that at all. I got the best microscopic piece of him in that mere minute and a half (and I'm being generous). I know, uncalled for again, but where else can I say that??

For all interested, Father (Not Dad, there is a difference IMO between being a father, not bio-father, but father and a "Daddy") is NOT paying child support. Never has and probably never will. He has reduced his hours at work to 20 per week in order to avoid paying.

HSA is not an option with the plan I enrolled in. My company uses HSA only in coordination with a CDHP or HDHP, both of which has deductibles that I can't pay out of pocket, so I have to go with a standard plan with a FSA.

Is my child or my client more important? She is...obviously, but in order to pay for those braces, the roof over her head, food in her mouth, heat in the winter, clothes on her back all come from me making that client happy. So it boils down to me having to keep the job to see those little smiles.

It infuriates me to no end that the custodial parent (male or female) has to parent alone most of the time. Paying child support does not a parent make, but in my situation, that doesn't apply because he doesn't pay. So...he doesn't pay, he won't help co-parent regarding appointments, doesn't call her on his weeks off. He even wants me to keep her Halloween (his weekend) because he does not want to meet her friends parents. He wants ME to switch weekends (won't do it) so he can "make up the time". He won't even give me a signed agreement saying he's foregoing the weekend. So, I have to show up at the meeting place and wait and document him as a no show. I understand the need for NCP protection because in year's past, the courts did not always give them the consideration they should have had, but these days, we REWARD these people for not being parents at all. If they don't want to be parents, then don't...Leave it to the CP. That's fine, but when doing that, you shouldn't expect to have the same rights as the person doing the work of raising the child.

Nothing about any of this was regarding legal advice...nothing. Because I know legally, I am bound to the court order. I just don't understand the logistics of ruling without taking all of it into consideration including what it means to be a parent. Don't tell that Judges, GALs and Attorney's can't understand this. I know they are parents also - some probably agree with where I am. Why can't rulings be equitable in that way?

Ok (right back where I started ) my rant is done as is my soapbox preaching.

Thanks to all for listening/reading!

 

[nebraskafan]

Humusluvr

I hope that your son does well in his surgery! I can take some pointers from you...Definitely a good parent model.

I'm sure that it will be fine, but if you need an ear, I'm around.

 

[nebraskafan]

Silverplum - In case you didn't read, I'm in VA. I am a Nebraska fan, but don't live there. Also, I don't think you can drop a teen off at the local hospital or firehouse. I believe the child has to be days or weeks old to not be held liable. Also - while I am complaining about the assinine father I chose, I wouldn't ever, EVER not want to be her parent. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

 

[Ohiogal]

Nothing about any of this was regarding legal advice...nothing. Because I know legally, I am bound to the court order. I just don't understand the logistics of ruling without taking all of it into consideration including what it means to be a parent. Don't tell that Judges, GALs and Attorney's can't understand this. I know they are parents also - some probably agree with where I am. Why can't rulings be equitable in that way?

The rulings are equitable when it comes to the child. They FOLLOW THE LAW. Custody is NOT about the parents EVER. It is about the children. If you want him to lose time, you make it such that by going back to court and getting a custody modification so that he has to inform you that he is TAKING his visitation and he has to do all the driving to pick her up.

 

[LdiJ]

I really do. My rant yesterday was not necessarily called for, but it was better than stomping around the house screaming at the top of my lungs about the sorry SOB!

And no, no one forced me to sleep with him, and frankly, I don't regret that at all. I got the best microscopic piece of him in that mere minute and a half (and I'm being generous). I know, uncalled for again, but where else can I say that??

For all interested, Father (Not Dad, there is a difference IMO between being a father, not bio-father, but father and a "Daddy") is NOT paying child support. Never has and probably never will. He has reduced his hours at work to 20 per week in order to avoid paying.

HSA is not an option with the plan I enrolled in. My company uses HSA only in coordination with a CDHP or HDHP, both of which has deductibles that I can't pay out of pocket, so I have to go with a standard plan with a FSA.

Is my child or my client more important? She is...obviously, but in order to pay for those braces, the roof over her head, food in her mouth, heat in the winter, clothes on her back all come from me making that client happy. So it boils down to me having to keep the job to see those little smiles.

It infuriates me to no end that the custodial parent (male or female) has to parent alone most of the time. Paying child support does not a parent make, but in my situation, that doesn't apply because he doesn't pay. So...he doesn't pay, he won't help co-parent regarding appointments, doesn't call her on his weeks off. He even wants me to keep her Halloween (his weekend) because he does not want to meet her friends parents. He wants ME to switch weekends (won't do it) so he can "make up the time". He won't even give me a signed agreement saying he's foregoing the weekend. So, I have to show up at the meeting place and wait and document him as a no show. I understand the need for NCP protection because in year's past, the courts did not always give them the consideration they should have had, but these days, we REWARD these people for not being parents at all. If they don't want to be parents, then don't...Leave it to the CP. That's fine, but when doing that, you shouldn't expect to have the same rights as the person doing the work of raising the child.

Nothing about any of this was regarding legal advice...nothing. Because I know legally, I am bound to the court order. I just don't understand the logistics of ruling without taking all of it into consideration including what it means to be a parent. Don't tell that Judges, GALs and Attorney's can't understand this. I know they are parents also - some probably agree with where I am. Why can't rulings be equitable in that way?

Ok (right back where I started ) my rant is done as is my soapbox preaching.

Thanks to all for listening/reading!

Og gave you a good answer on this paragraph, but I am going to give you another one.

The Judges, GALs and Attorneys understand it just fine. Like you said, most of them are parents too. The problem is that absent extraordinary circumstances, these are issues that they really cannot address. There is a limit to how much the courts can micromanage a family, absent good cause to intervene.

If dad had more parenting time, and was refusing to handle these sorts of issues when they fell on his days, then the court would have cause to intervene. However, dad refusing to help out, during your parenting time, is not.

 

[DaddyAdvocate]

Let me guess…

When the custody order was agreed to/mandated by the court/whatever, you didn’t want Dad to have any more time with your child than EOW, right? Maybe not even that much.

Now, your situation is such that you want Dad to take more responsibility as a parent. Unlike some Dads on here, he hasn’t been proactive in taking more responsibility. Too bad about that.

And now you’re ticked off.

How about offering more time to Dad, which would by necessity give him greater responsibility?

Oh, I know why. $$$$$...

I know, its soooooo much easier to “withhold” visitation.

Women….


Even LdiJ is saying it, and that's something...

If dad had more parenting time, and was refusing to handle these sorts of issues when they fell on his days, then the court would have cause to intervene. However, dad refusing to help out, during your parenting time, is not.

And I, for 1, love SP

 

[mommyof4]

Silverplum - In case you didn't read, I'm in VA. I am a Nebraska fan, but don't live there. Also, I don't think you can drop a teen off at the local hospital or firehouse. I believe the child has to be days or weeks old to not be held liable. Also - while I am complaining about the assinine father I chose, I wouldn't ever, EVER not want to be her parent. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Actually, in NE and as long as you are a resident of NE, you can drop off ANY minor at any time with no fear of prosecution. There's a loophole in the law that was recently passed. So, instead of the Baby Moses law, NE has the Baby/Toddler/Schoolage/Teen Moses law.

I never understand why so many people have an issue with Silver. Do you honestly think she was telling you to abandon your child? Maybe, if you pay attention, you would realize WHY she said what she did. C'mon....you were LOUDLY and PROFANELY whining about parenting your child.

Maybe you should look at it this way. While it's true that he's a pathetic example of parenthood, you get the chance to raise her the way YOU want to raise her. I mean, even if he has the right to spend more time with her, he obviously isn't. Just gives you more opportunity to help her become a person you admire.