OT - limits of discipline

[justalayman]

in this case. you call her Linda. not the cleaning lady. like dad said.

i suspect Linda is actually a friend of dad's. and assigning the name "cleaning lady" demeans the friendship.

but she is by definition the cleaning lady.

and if anybody thinks calling her the cleaning lady is demeaning, shame on you. I suppose you think being called a plumber or a ditch digger or whatever occupation you feel is beneath you is demeaning.


I'll put it this way:

if I was discussing the person (Linda) to another that is not aware that Linda is the lady who cleans the house, not only would it not be improper to refer to her as "the cleaning lady" but it would be the best choice of terms since the other party would have no idea who Linda was and it would require explanation.



Now, where I think dad's problem actually is but expressed very poorly is:

Linda is not hired remove Hannah's duties to clean. Hannah's inference was that Linda should do all the cleaning and that is what dad was upset about more than Hanna called Linda; the cleaning lady. Linda is hired for certain cleaning duties rather than a general purpose cleaning lady that is retained to clean the entire house.

 

[mistoffolees]

but she is by definition the cleaning lady.

and if anybody thinks calling her the cleaning lady is demeaning, shame on you. I suppose you think being called a plumber or a ditch digger or whatever occupation you feel is beneath you is demeaning.


I'll put it this way:

if I was discussing the person (Linda) to another that is not aware that Linda is the lady who cleans the house, not only would it not be improper to refer to her as "the cleaning lady" but it would be the best choice of terms since the other party would have no idea who Linda was and it would require explanation.



Now, where I think dad's problem actually is but expressed very poorly is:

Linda is not hired remove Hannah's duties to clean. Hannah's inference was that Linda should do all the cleaning and that is what dad was upset about more than Hanna called Linda; the cleaning lady. Linda is hired for certain cleaning duties rather than a general purpose cleaning lady that is retained to clean the entire house.

That might be the case, but that misses one important issue.

Dad apparently spent a lot of time thinking about this and setting it up. He also apparently spent the time talking with Mom about this (since he said that Mom told him to shoot one bullet for her). It was not a spur of the moment incident. It was a well-thought out, completely planned video. That's why I'm not quite so quick to say it was just a slip.

 

[justalayman]

That might be the case, but that misses one important issue.

Dad apparently spent a lot of time thinking about this and setting it up. He also apparently spent the time talking with Mom about this (since he said that Mom told him to shoot one bullet for her). It was not a spur of the moment incident. It was a well-thought out, completely planned video. That's why I'm not quite so quick to say it was just a slip.

Didn't claim it was a slip. It is a matter of perspective and the expression of that perspective. To Hannah, Linda is the cleaning lady. To dad, Linda is some person that is not a cleaning lady but he barters with her to perform cleaning duties. In either case, to me, she is "the cleaning lady" and the use of the term, IMO, is not incorrect. Dad has a different view of the matter.

 

[st-kitts]

IMO, Dad certainly did a terrible job of parenting. Kids learn by watching their parents and model that behavior. Dad modeled public humiliation, public punishment, and destruction of property with a deadly weapon. Sure, he was responding to his daughter's attacks but that is tit-for-tat childish behavior and he is supposed to be the parent. You don't teach respect by being disrespectful. I also dislike destruction of property on every level. I liked Misto's idea of donating the computer to charity, but not destroying it with a gun...

Can you imagine Hannah's boyfriend on the forum a few years from now saying his girlfriend just shot up his computer because she got mad about his facebook post? What the heck was Dad thinking?

I don't have teens though, just two terrific and very well behaved elementary school kids. I should probably come back in 10 years and re-read this post.

 

[Ohiogal]

IMO, Dad certainly did a terrible job of parenting. Kids learn by watching their parents and model that behavior. Dad modeled public humiliation, public punishment, and destruction of property with a deadly weapon. Sure, he was responding to his daughter's attacks but that is tit-for-tat childish behavior and he is supposed to be the parent. You don't teach respect by being disrespectful. I also dislike destruction of property on every level. I liked Misto's idea of donating the computer to charity, but not destroying it with a gun...

Can you imagine Hannah's boyfriend on the forum a few years from now saying his girlfriend just shot up his computer because she got mad about his facebook post? What the heck was Dad thinking?

I don't have teens though, just two terrific and very well behaved elementary school kids. I should probably come back in 10 years and re-read this post.

I agree with St. Kitts and Misty on this. Dad acted badly and should not have done this. it was not about discipline but publicity.