out of country? vivistation...ex says no

[djohnson]

I'm wondering if the military will take those feelings into account when they pass out the orders of where to go.

I can see it now, sorry sir, I have to refuse those orders to Japan because it might make my ex wife mad and I definitely can't go fight in a war because I can't see my child every other weekend.

Stop being biter and realize these other people have to live and it's not necessarily your choice to move away from the child.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

Casa, I agree that not all NCP are like mine...I could agreeon that in more then one way, LOL...I dont want to control his life, he can go where ever he wants as far as I;m concern as long as he doesn't forget about our daughter. But I think its unfair to CP exspecially when dealing with a NCP that just wants to control you even though you left so he couldn't. It sucks...But just like you said, we choose them.

Well if it is so bad then give up custody and move whereever you want. The point is that two parents not being together sucks all around for the children and two adults should be able to see that and put their differences aside so that the child has a healthy happy relationship with both CP and NCP. Granted that is not the case in many situations but him "remembering" or "forgetting" about the child is NOT your responsibility it is HIS and depending on HIS choice the relationship between him and the child will either flourish or suffer.

 

[luckymom]

But the original poster isn't in the military. His wife is. I guess he has the option of staying in the states and maintaining his relationship with his child and commuting to see his wife. That is, after all, what he is actually his presumably young child to do, no?

 

[djohnson]

That was a choice he made when he married her. Would you leave your husband? When you are the NCP you are at a disadvantage on time spent with the child anyway. You make the best out of the bad situation. I think what he is wanting to do is fair and fine. I think biter women hijacking the thread to show why they couldn't stay married in the first place is useless.

 

[luckymom]

Sorry, but I don't think remarriage means you put your child second. After all, the new spouse presumably entered into the relationship knowing that there was an existent parent-child relationship. It seems to me to be a bit much to marry someone in the military knowing that that could mean long term residence overseas and not expect problems to arise regarding visitation.

I am very very sure that if this was a CP mom who wanted to follow her husband overseas and send the child back to the US for visitation, many of you would cry foul, as well you might.

 

[djohnson]

So by your definition, no man with children should spend time in the military because it would long periods of time away from the children? The ex has a right to continue with his life and re marry. Sometimes things happen. He is still not the CP and the child will have visits to gain cultural knowledge and experience different things without losing their home. A CP moving is totally different thing the whole home moves. New friends, new life, new everything and leaves NCP behind. It's a totally different thing.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

Sorry, but I don't think remarriage means you put your child second. After all, the new spouse presumably entered into the relationship knowing that there was an existent parent-child relationship. It seems to me to be a bit much to marry someone in the military knowing that that could mean long term residence overseas and not expect problems to arise regarding visitation.

I am very very sure that if this was a CP mom who wanted to follow her husband overseas and send the child back to the US for visitation, many of you would cry foul, as well you might.

That I believe is the point. Many CPs are in fact marrying another who has work across the country, in another country or even 300 miles away and these CPs say to the Court but my spouse this and my spouse that and we will make more $, and better schools and own a home and I promise I will allow all visitation and bend over backwards even offering to pay then as soon as the move is approved (ie lets take child away from an active NCP and give a CPs spouse more right (in essence) to the child than the NCP) CP decides the drive is too long or it is too hard for the child or etc and systematically disengages the NCP from the child. And many re-married CPs DO GET to move and many NCPs and children suffer for it.

 

[luckymom]

I think that every situation is different. I can imagine a case where a man is a career military officer and the now- ex married him and had children with him knowing that his work invovled living overseas. That seems to me quite different from this guy who made a choice to enter into a new relationship that could significantly impact his ability to parent. Now his has another choice about whether to privilage his relationship with his child or that with his new spouse. Don't blame the ex for the choices this guy has made.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

I think that every situation is different. I can imagine a case where a man is a career military officer and the now- ex married him and had children with him knowing that his work invovled living overseas. That seems to me quite different from this guy who made a choice to enter into a new relationship that could significantly impact his ability to parent. Now his has another choice about whether to privilage his relationship with his child or that with his new spouse. Don't blame the ex for the choices this guy has made.

But it is not being said that child should move to Japan, the NCP is seeking his rights to visitation obviously understanding that EOW will not work and the child will gain so much from this experience anyway. I agree that if he were the CP taking the child out of the country b/c of his new wifes job would be bogus but it is visitation that he already has a right to.

 

[djohnson]

But it is not being said that child should move to Japan, the NCP is seeking his rights to visitation obviously understanding that EOW will not work and the child will gain so much from this experience anyway. I agree that if he were the CP taking the child out of the country b/c of his new wifes job would be bogus but it is visitation that he already has a right to.

exactly


everyone seems to make it into a NCP vs CP issue, and it's not. It's about the child, whether the child will be moving or not.

 

[stealth2]

You are asking why SOME NCPs raise a stink when the CP moves- well, not all of them do.

LOL My ex (NCP) insisted that we move! Go figure.