out of state visitation

[singleokiemom]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?Oklahoma

The father of my 17 month old daughter lives in Virginia. He has only seen her once....that was when I drove her 19 hours for him to only see her for 3 hours. The visit took place when our child was only 4 months old. Since that visit, I have offered to meet him in Tennessee, but he will not agree to that. I do not trust him alone with our child because he has told friends that he would run with her in the past and not to mention he's abusive to animals. He was planning to come to OK July of last year, but changed his mind at the last minute when I refused to let him have her by himself for a whole day without my mother or I present(his parents did come to OK, but did not contact me while here) I have never once denied him visitation...only unsupervised visitation.
There is no court order yet(hearing is in 2 weeks)
Does anyone know what I can expect in the way of visitation scheduling and what will happen in court? Can I request supervised visitation?

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

You can request anything you like. If you can't prove to the judge why he needs supervised with his own child, then don't count on it.

 

[Ambr]

Long distance visitations vary depending on the age of the child and the distance involved.

A "general" standard that I have heard mentioned on this board have all been for school age children. I know that at the age of two, most children are doing every other weekend and summer visitations that can last up to a week, possibly two. Depending on how the child is adapting.

Assuming that the judge would make you CP and daddy NCP -- I would think that a judge would start out with a minimum and increase the time as the child gets older. I would think he could argue one week out of the month -- looking at the distance involved. Until the child gets older and then build it up to 2 weeks a month. Until the child starts school. Then you would be looking at the basic school holidays and summer basically being the NCPs.

None of us can give you a general standard for a child of that age. It would depend on the individual judge and what he thought was minimal and excessive.

You could probably guarantee splitting the cost of transporting the child, rather it be him picking the child up to start visit and you picking child up to end it. Or flying the child and splitting costs. But it will be a while before child could travel alone.

 

[singleokiemom]

In the state of Oklahoma....the mother is automatically considered the sole custodial parent. (That's one thing I do know )
Wouldn't you think that the judge would consider the fact that her is basically a stranger to her? Not to mention the fact of fleeing with her?
I am worried to death. I am not being greedy or selfish, but she doesn't know him. I am hoping to spare her the torment of being left with a complete stranger.
Does this make any sense???

 

[Silverplum]

I am worried to death. I am not being greedy or selfish, but she doesn't know him. I am hoping to spare her the torment of being left with a complete stranger.
Does this make any sense???

Has she ever been in daycare?

 

[Ambr]

He will be a complete stranger until he gets the chance to build the relationship with her.

I had a "divorce baby" (as most people like to call them). We started out with short visits and built up to the over nights, then a regular visitation schedule. Of course, we lived in the same town.

A judge might order shorter visitations to begin with, to build up to over nights. Kind of an "adjustment" visitation schedule. But kids adapt fairly well. More than we give them credit for actually. Unless there is more to the story or you can prove that he needs supervised visitations - he could probably get a fair amount of time until the child starts school.

 

[Chelle0511]

In the state of Oklahoma....the mother is automatically considered the sole custodial parent. (That's one thing I do know )
Wouldn't you think that the judge would consider the fact that her is basically a stranger to her? Not to mention the fact of fleeing with her?
I am worried to death. I am not being greedy or selfish, but she doesn't know him. I am hoping to spare her the torment of being left with a complete stranger.
Does this make any sense???

~There may be a transitional period where he comes to your home a few times, takes her a few hours, and slowly work up to overnights. However please realize that he will eventually get overnights. It is much easier to accept that now vs. fighting it and losing in the end. It's just life, and he is her father. My child is very close in age and I couldn't imagine, however that is her dad and they deserve that bonding time The only way that she will get to know him is with your support and understanding. Do the right thing here and support their relationship

 

[singleokiemom]

Has she ever been in daycare?

No. She goes with me to work.(I work for my parents) I have her 24/7. The only person that she has ever been alone with is my mother.

 

[nextwife]

My daughter didn't know us at all when she became our daughter (at 25 months old), and she handled being with "strangers" perfectly fine!

 

[nextwife]

No. She goes with me to work.(I work for my parents) I have her 24/7. The only person that she has ever been alone with is my mother.

Holy smokes, don't you think this child needs to be better socialized?

 

[singleokiemom]

~There may be a transitional period where he comes to your home a few times, takes her a few hours, and slowly work up to overnights. However please realize that he will eventually get overnights. It is much easier to accept that now vs. fighting it and losing in the end. It's just life, and he is her father. My child is very close in age and I couldn't imagine, however that is her dad and they deserve that bonding time The only way that she will get to know him is with your support and understanding. Do the right thing here and support their relationship

I have always supported their relationship. I am the one who calls him so he can simply hear her say hi! I am not keeping her from him. I even decided that if he never sent a dime in child support that I would still let him see her.

 

[singleokiemom]

Holy smokes, don't you think this child needs to be better socialized?

She is around alot of children her age along with family members and friends. So no I don't think so.

 

[Silverplum]

How did you end up in OK and he in VA?

 

[singleokiemom]

How did you end up in OK and he in VA?

Whe he found out I was pregnant he kinda pulled a 180 on me. He offered to pay for an abortion( of course that was out of the question) And became extremely mentally abusive towards me. He never went to any of my appointmens, and when I was ordered to go on bed rest for a low lying placenta he stayed gone all the time. I stuck it out until I was about 6 months pregnant and then moved to OK to be near my parents.(which he suggested I did when he found out I was pregnant) I really tried hard to keep things happy between us, but nothing worked. No one should stay together for the sake of the child. It was better this way and it was his idea in the first place.

 

[winn dixie]

I had to reply to this....my husband and his ex were divorced right there in Muskogee Oklahoma....She wouldn't let him be near the kids unless she was around and he had to go to her house with her parents there and sit there with him as if he were a monster....

Here is what the judge ordered (they are at a big geograpical ditance as he is in the military).

1 week every 3 months....and he could take the children to his house....this was while the yougest was a baby, and untill the older reached school age.

When older child started school the visitation changed to the following........

1 week in the fall
10 days at Christmas break
1 week each spring break
8 weeks in the summer

The youngest child was 2 when the judge made the later visitation schedule.

I was surpised that the judge did a schedule like the 2 above with no breaking in period....but the problem was that they lived so far apart from one another and the first year of the childs life he couldnt hardly see his children because she put so many impossible stipulations on it....ie....like he would drive 18 hours to see his kids, take leave and she would only allow him to see them for 3 hours!!!!

The judge he had pretty much told her that she was not to interfere with his relationship with the kids and to get over herself.

I know it is hard....but he will get overnights eventually and you may as well start getting the two of them better aquainted.