Overnights with daddy

[haiku]

Thanks for the insight! We were a pretty succluded family with most of our relatives out of state and my son (only child) has never stayed anywhere else but home. I know babies/toddlers adjust to situations easily (I wish that were the same for adults!!!! ). All of this is just so knew to me, but I know that my son enjoys his time with daddy and that makes it [a bit] easier.

it does get easier...trust me...it just takes time for everyone to find thier groove.

at first even I was one of those nervous wreck mommies, freaked out at where the dad was living, would dad know what to do, I fought his visitation, etc.....

but with time I relaxed, and I actually looked forward to my weekend "off".

Keep positive as you are, and it will get better.

 

[djohnson]

You, and other posters are absolutely rude. Empathy is a good characteristic in any person. Are you implying that those who have a different opinion than yours are unexperienced mothers? I believe that all parents should facilitate a relationship with the NCP. I also believe the AGE of the child, amount of time NCP has spent with child,whether child is being breast fed, and ability of child to understand circumstances all play a factor in when overnight visits should begin. Because of the situation a divorce puts the CHILDREN in, we as the ADULTS have to make the choice to do certain things to maintain the childs stability, security, and routine that usually come with an intact home. It may not be the most convenient thing for the parents, but in the best interest of the children. I believe huntersmommy is doing and trying to do what is in the best interest of her son. I sense nothing in what she has said that would even remotely imply that she is trying to offset a relationship with her child's father. Everything that she has said has been in direct concern as to what is best for her son. She is also willing to compromise if in the best interest of her son. What would greatly reduce stress on lives would be for parents to start putting the children first, and stop thinking of their own selfish needs. Learning to co-parent is a great concept. The only problem is being a good parent and putting the children's needs first, and the willingness of the parents to work together is a CHOICE. Unfortunately, many do not make that choice....and the vicious cycle continues...

This is not an empathy website, it's a legal one. Advice he is experienced and usually based within the law. Using breastfeeding as a reason to keep a child away from father is an old trick and judges don't usually buy it, especially at that age.(not that this poster is, but to the offended one) Pumping can even be done and overnights done sooner in most cases per a judge. By the time a child reaches 2 and 1/2, they have already started adjusting to many things. If they haven't been sleeping at dad's, it will be a bigger adjustment than weaning from the breast. If they haven't been in a social atmosphere with other children (not just daycares, but church, or playgroups) they will have a real hard time adjusting. This child is going to have a hard time adjusting at dad's anyway because of the number of people and he is not use to it from what I understand. Even though my personal opinion is that breast feeding beyond the 1 year mark is almost absurd since even children on bottles give them up at about that age and are well using cups and forks and other things completely alone giving themselves a sense of indiependence, doesn't matter. It's what's right and wrong in the laws eyes.

 

[stealth2]

Lovely sentiments. There are lots of touchy feely, warm fuzzy, feel good sites. This isn't one of them.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

To Hunter's Mommy,
I'm sorry for your loss. The loss of a child by miscarrage or later creates an impact on a relationship that is difficult to overcome, something you have no doubt learned in your grief counseling and parenting classes. You have also learned that wanting a child and being ready for a child may not always be the same thing. You talk about your ex not wanting a child, yet you fought him on visitation, the very thing that proves that somewhere, deep down inside that he really cares and is scared. Isolating your child doesn't protect your child, it delays him having a good experience with his father, who knows, he might surprise you both and be a good father once given the chance, at least Hunter is excited talking to his Dad on the phone. Maybe you are scared that your son won't need you as much, but just like you have room in your heart for many children, Hunter has room in his heart and needs both parents.

Jenny,
Being forthright is not being rude and what is needed on this site. Do you even understand the meaning of empathy vs sympathy? Why you didn't even offer condolences, now who is rude?

Who got OP to reveal the painful reasons behind their reluctance to allow visitation, the very issues they are dealing with that brought them to this site with their legal question? What you witnessed is empathy. Often times people get advice they don't want and they get angry, but the law is the law and it profits no one to sugar coat the truth here only to get slammed in court.

 

[huntersmommy06]

To Hunter's Mommy,
I'm sorry for your loss. The loss of a child by miscarrage or later creates an impact on a relationship that is difficult to overcome, something you have no doubt learned in your grief counseling and parenting classes. You have also learned that wanting a child and being ready for a child may not always be the same thing. You talk about your ex not wanting a child, yet you fought him on visitation, the very thing that proves that somewhere, deep down inside that he really cares and is scared. Isolating your child doesn't protect your child, it delays him having a good experience with his father, who knows, he might surprise you both and be a good father once given the chance, at least Hunter is excited talking to his Dad on the phone. Maybe you are scared that your son won't need you as much, but just like you have room in your heart for many children, Hunter has room in his heart and needs both parents.

Thank you for your condolances. This has been a very tough road for me and not one I ever foresaw. I am working diligently at keeping my emotions at bay for my sons' sake to ensure a good relationship between father and son. I know daddy will keep him safe, I just want to make sure I am doing what it takes to keep Hunter safe as well. I know that I have been overprotective, and I think my scars from early on are the reasons behind my thoughts. The parenting/divorce class did give me quite a bit to think about and I am glad that the course IS a requirement.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

To Hunter's Mommy,
I'm sorry for your loss. The loss of a child by miscarrage or later creates an impact on a relationship that is difficult to overcome, something you have no doubt learned in your grief counseling and parenting classes. You have also learned that wanting a child and being ready for a child may not always be the same thing. You talk about your ex not wanting a child, yet you fought him on visitation, the very thing that proves that somewhere, deep down inside that he really cares and is scared. Isolating your child doesn't protect your child, it delays him having a good experience with his father, who knows, he might surprise you both and be a good father once given the chance, at least Hunter is excited talking to his Dad on the phone. Maybe you are scared that your son won't need you as much, but just like you have room in your heart for many children, Hunter has room in his heart and needs both parents.

Thank you for your condolances. This has been a very tough road for me and not one I ever foresaw. I am working diligently at keeping my emotions at bay for my sons' sake to ensure a good relationship between father and son. I know daddy will keep him safe, I just want to make sure I am doing what it takes to keep Hunter safe as well. I know that I have been overprotective, and I think my scars from early on are the reasons behind my thoughts. The parenting/divorce class did give me quite a bit to think about and I am glad that the course IS a requirement.

Your child will be alright and being around other experienced parents will help, so it is not like he will be alone. Fathers can still be excellent caregivers given the opportunity. He may not do everything the same as you but he will learn what works for them. Remember what I said before on your other thread about Dad needing to experience all the joys of parenthood, including the not so pleasant ones. Who knows what change of heart Dad may have once he really has a chance to be a dad, up close and personal.
It will be ok.

 

[Chelle0511]

Your child will be alright and being around other experienced parents will help, so it is not like he will be alone. Fathers can still be excellent caregivers given the opportunity. He may not do everything the same as you but he will learn what works for them. Remember what I said before on your other thread about Dad needing to experience all the joys of parenthood, including the not so pleasant ones. Who knows what change of heart Dad may have once he really has a chance to be a dad, up close and personal.
It will be ok.

~rmet4nzkx... I'm impressed, you do have some what of a soft side to you

 

[rmet4nzkx]

~rmet4nzkx... I'm impressed, you do have some what of a soft side to you

Of course I do.
One must be objective when it comes to the law, feathers get ruffled and sometimes ones who are very angry later thank me.