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Parent/Child telephone conversations
- Thread starter MBMom
- Start date
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A judge would Not frown upon recording phone conversations IF there is a good reason..such as parental alienation, demeaning the other parent to the child, guilt-tripping the child for living with the other parent, etc etc etc
All conversations concerning all parties involved in our "custody matters" are recorded. And ALL parties KNOW it.Parents, steps, kids, teachers. counselors.lawyers....everyone. Its even announced on the answering machine that all conversations are subject to recording.
ANd since this has taken place, you wouldnt believe the difference in how the NCP speaks with the children. Doesn't change how the psycho screams at the CP, but it does help the kids.
All conversations concerning all parties involved in our "custody matters" are recorded. And ALL parties KNOW it.Parents, steps, kids, teachers. counselors.lawyers....everyone. Its even announced on the answering machine that all conversations are subject to recording.
ANd since this has taken place, you wouldnt believe the difference in how the NCP speaks with the children. Doesn't change how the psycho screams at the CP, but it does help the kids.
Don't Understand
Why are phone calls limited in some cases? Twice a week for 15 minutes,,,why? Just because I divorce my husband doesn't mean he divorced my son. I get to talk to my child every day, why would he not have that right also. This is totally hypothetical, but I am curious.
In my husbands case he has unlimited telephone access to his children and when they are here so does his ex. My husband calls his kids everynight and trust me if he doesn't, they call him. They love talking to him and telling him all that has gone on for the day.
When they were younger the little one would last a minute if he was lucky, but he would just tell her he loved her and good night. I see nothing wrong with that.
Why are phone calls limited in some cases? Twice a week for 15 minutes,,,why? Just because I divorce my husband doesn't mean he divorced my son. I get to talk to my child every day, why would he not have that right also. This is totally hypothetical, but I am curious.
In my husbands case he has unlimited telephone access to his children and when they are here so does his ex. My husband calls his kids everynight and trust me if he doesn't, they call him. They love talking to him and telling him all that has gone on for the day.
When they were younger the little one would last a minute if he was lucky, but he would just tell her he loved her and good night. I see nothing wrong with that.
BelizeBreeze
Senior Member
theb said:A judge would Not frown upon recording phone conversations IF there is a good reason..such as parental alienation, demeaning the other parent to the child, guilt-tripping the child for living with the other parent, etc etc etc
All conversations concerning all parties involved in our "custody matters" are recorded. And ALL parties KNOW it.Parents, steps, kids, teachers. counselors.lawyers....everyone. Its even announced on the answering machine that all conversations are subject to recording.
ANd since this has taken place, you wouldnt believe the difference in how the NCP speaks with the children. Doesn't change how the psycho screams at the CP, but it does help the kids.
And of course you can answer the following question?
In what circumstances is the above scenario going to land the taping party in a Federal Prison?
Your assertion that a judge would allow it is pure crap. First, A child must be able to give informed consent before anyone can record the conversation of a child with a third party. Next, forget that Oklahoma is a one-party state which would allow the taping of a conversation by a party TO the conversation but not a third party, if the conversation is being held with a party outside the state then the more restrictive of the two laws will rule.
And next, your assertion that a judge would allow it forgets the chain of custody, proof as to the identities of the parties and the time and date of the call and being able to legally verify that the tape has not been altered in any way BEFORE evidentiary rules would even allow it's consideration as evidence at trial.
So, instead of throwing out plattitudes and idiot assertions, learn before you speak.
Well, last night my son flat out REFUSED to talk on the phone. I tried playfully to tackle him and put the phone to his ear, but even though he laughed, he still wouldn't take the phone. He said he didn't want to talk enough times that my ex just said it was okay. I explained that his dad just wanted to call and see what kinds of fun things he did that day and that the polite thing to do was talk when someone calls (especially daddy). He said "He says things I don't like." When I asked what kinds of things, he said "nothing". Of course, my son is not the kind of child that likes to talk about things like that, so he didn't explain any further, and I didn't want to push it.
Of course, later in the evening was another story. I don't know if the incident with the phone call upset him, but for the rest of the night he was in a weird mood. I had to take his GameBoy away (we limit his time playing video games), and he threw an absolute fit and started crying saying he wanted his daddy and didn't like it with me.
I know a lot of you parents had to go through things like this, but how in the heck did you handle it? After I put him to bed, all I could was cry thinking about how all of this is affecting him and sometimes I just don't know what to do.
Of course, later in the evening was another story. I don't know if the incident with the phone call upset him, but for the rest of the night he was in a weird mood. I had to take his GameBoy away (we limit his time playing video games), and he threw an absolute fit and started crying saying he wanted his daddy and didn't like it with me.
I know a lot of you parents had to go through things like this, but how in the heck did you handle it? After I put him to bed, all I could was cry thinking about how all of this is affecting him and sometimes I just don't know what to do.
BelizeBreeze
Senior Member
Until you find out from your son what kinds of things 'daddy says' that he doesn't like, then there's nothing you CAN do except let him have his tantrums. It's quite normal and a way for him to test the limits of his power.
As for the phone calls, stay out of them. Even, as one poster does, listening in on the conversations is considered 'unauthorized reception' and can land you if not in jail, in civil court.
And by the way, California is a two-party state which would mean that no matter on which end of the conversation the party is who resides in California, that state's restrictive laws would trump Oklahoma's. And ANY 'reception' of the conversation would be not only a crime, but inadmissible on the grounds I have already stated.
It's a game parents play when they can't think of how to be good parents.
As for the phone calls, stay out of them. Even, as one poster does, listening in on the conversations is considered 'unauthorized reception' and can land you if not in jail, in civil court.
And by the way, California is a two-party state which would mean that no matter on which end of the conversation the party is who resides in California, that state's restrictive laws would trump Oklahoma's. And ANY 'reception' of the conversation would be not only a crime, but inadmissible on the grounds I have already stated.
It's a game parents play when they can't think of how to be good parents.
Sorry, I guess I didn't clarify. I know there's nothing I can do with the phone calls when it comes to my ex. I was just asking advice on how to handle my son. I don't want him to think it's okay to disregard calls from his dad, but I also don't want to have to get mad at him each time.
I have listened to a couple calls in the past on speaker phone, but I have not since and won't anymore. I only listened when my son began throwing his fits when it was time to talk to his dad and I couldn't figure out why. Still I know that's no excuse. But I wasn't about to make accusations about my ex when I didn't know why the heck my son was acting like that in the first place.
As for taping telephone calls (or "reception"), my ex told my attorney that he has tapings of phone conversations with me since I've lived here in California. Those would be considered inadmissable, right? Even so, IF they were allowed, I'd actually prefer it that way. I'm not worried about what's on the tapes, on my end anyway.
I have listened to a couple calls in the past on speaker phone, but I have not since and won't anymore. I only listened when my son began throwing his fits when it was time to talk to his dad and I couldn't figure out why. Still I know that's no excuse. But I wasn't about to make accusations about my ex when I didn't know why the heck my son was acting like that in the first place.
As for taping telephone calls (or "reception"), my ex told my attorney that he has tapings of phone conversations with me since I've lived here in California. Those would be considered inadmissable, right? Even so, IF they were allowed, I'd actually prefer it that way. I'm not worried about what's on the tapes, on my end anyway.
BelizeBreeze
Senior Member
How to deal with your son?
Well, you can beat him. Starve him. Lock him in the closet or sit him down and talk to him about keeping the relationship with his father strong. And the next time he cries about missing his father ask if he'd like to call him.
All parents who are divorced go through the same power struggle in varying forms. I did, you are and everyone else has or will. Just keep the lines of communication open.
As for HIS recordings, they are worthless. PERIOD!
Well, you can beat him. Starve him. Lock him in the closet or sit him down and talk to him about keeping the relationship with his father strong. And the next time he cries about missing his father ask if he'd like to call him.
All parents who are divorced go through the same power struggle in varying forms. I did, you are and everyone else has or will. Just keep the lines of communication open.
As for HIS recordings, they are worthless. PERIOD!
Thanks, BB.
I have had those exact talks with my son. I know he loves his dad, and I am always sure to remind him that his dad loves him and is thinking of him. Not wanting to talk on the phone isn't about him not liking his dad. I just think at 5, he's not wanting to spend 30 minutes of each day on the phone. I believe it's become such a struggle for him to get off with my ex that he's gotten to the point where he doesn't even want to get on to allow the struggle. I've been given good advice and am definitely going to use it - writing a letter to my ex. I think I'm just venting a little here, and it makes me feel better to know and hear that I'm not the only one.
My ex is meeting with the psychologist who's doing the child evaluation today, and I'm meeting the Dr. next week. I'll discuss this with him also.
I have had those exact talks with my son. I know he loves his dad, and I am always sure to remind him that his dad loves him and is thinking of him. Not wanting to talk on the phone isn't about him not liking his dad. I just think at 5, he's not wanting to spend 30 minutes of each day on the phone. I believe it's become such a struggle for him to get off with my ex that he's gotten to the point where he doesn't even want to get on to allow the struggle. I've been given good advice and am definitely going to use it - writing a letter to my ex. I think I'm just venting a little here, and it makes me feel better to know and hear that I'm not the only one.
My ex is meeting with the psychologist who's doing the child evaluation today, and I'm meeting the Dr. next week. I'll discuss this with him also.
The suggestion I made to you earlier has worked well for all of us involved. My son doesn't decide IF he talks to his Dad (even though it is not court ordered), but he does determine how long. I feel the need to promote the relationship with his father, but will not force him to remain on the phone - I see that as leading to a potential resentment in the future.
Just to add to BlzBrz's extremely thorough first post on this thread, ONLY a JUDGE can decide if a child is capable of giving informed consent.
Just to add to BlzBrz's extremely thorough first post on this thread, ONLY a JUDGE can decide if a child is capable of giving informed consent.