Passport for Child

[CSO286]

Sorry to be a buttinsky:

I had a similar situation; dad was gone for years with no contact but then wanted to be involved. Judge ordered joint legal. Ex was interested for a while but eventually went back to not communicating. Lawyer advised that I send him email updates with "if there's anything you'd like to talk about, please let me know. Otherwise I'll assume you are in agreement."

Dad may drop right back out (mine sorta did) - but in that case you make the attempt at contact and if he chooses not to respond, c'est la vie.

Like I said, this isn't my area of expertise. I'm working on becoming educated on it by necessity, so any valid opinion is welcome.

 

[CJane]

You could do it another way too.

Request sole legal, with the caveat that you must discuss all major decisions with him and consider his input - but final decision-making power is yours. You're in the best position right now to determine what's best for your child, due to his absence from her life... and he's been historically difficult to get in touch with.

OR, accept joint legal with the caveat that you have final say in decisions if you're unable to contact him within a reasonable period of time.

A lot of the "major" decisions have been made already... if she's in parochial school NOW, you would not need to consult him to MAINTAIN that. Honestly -- my kids are 10 and 13. We've been divorced for almost 7 years. I can count on one hand the number of times "legal custody" has come in to play... and we've had both sole and joint.

You'll likely get the passport signed. And that's the goal. Don't sweat the small stuff right now.

 

[CSO286]

You could do it another way too.

Request sole legal, with the caveat that you must discuss all major decisions with him and consider his input - but final decision-making power is yours. You're in the best position right now to determine what's best for your child, due to his absence from her life... and he's been historically difficult to get in touch with.

OR, accept joint legal with the caveat that you have final say in decisions if you're unable to contact him within a reasonable period of time.

A lot of the "major" decisions have been made already... if she's in parochial school NOW, you would not need to consult him to MAINTAIN that. Honestly -- my kids are 10 and 13. We've been divorced for almost 7 years. I can count on one hand the number of times "legal custody" has come in to play... and we've had both sole and joint.

You'll likely get the passport signed. And that's the goal. Don't sweat the small stuff right now.

Thanks, everyone. I'll post the outcome later this week.

 

[acmb05]

Thanks, everyone. I'll post the outcome later this week.

I have one question for you. In all the time that the ex was gone did you discuss him with the child at all? If so what did you tell the child about him and where he was?

I would suggest some kind of counseling if he really wants to be in her life now. At her age if he puts in a good effort at it she could be quite comfortable with him in no time.

One more suggestion. Whatever you told the child about him it would be a good idea to discuss with your ex because if he does stick around then trust me she will ask questions eventually. You want to be on the same page with what you tell/told her.

 

[CSO286]

I have one question for you. In all the time that the ex was gone did you discuss him with the child at all? If so what did you tell the child about him and where he was?

I would suggest some kind of counseling if he really wants to be in her life now. At her age if he puts in a good effort at it she could be quite comfortable with him in no time.

One more suggestion. Whatever you told the child about him it would be a good idea to discuss with your ex because if he does stick around then trust me she will ask questions eventually. You want to be on the same page with what you tell/told her.

I answered the questions age-appropriately and with concern for her well-being. I screwed up majorly with her in this regard once (Gasp! Gadzooks! I am not a perfect parent!!), and since have worked to allow her to form her own opinion of him. She has always known that she has a dad, he lives in another state, and I've always told her that he loves her. (She doubts this, mostly on basis of lack of any interest/contact on his part.)
I have spoken with clergy and some counselors about the best way to approach this with small fry and am mostly standing back and going with the flow. Her conversations with him are on speakerphone (as stated previously) and I've let him know that I've only told her that we decided that we couldn't get along and didn't want to get married (as opposed to the truth).
Since my initial evil-bitter phase (which was about a2-3 when she want infant/toddler), I've gotten to the point where I'm not thinking about what is best for me first, but am putting small fry 's emotions and needs ahead of my own. this

But--all other things aside, he's once again proven his unreliability by not calling her as promised. I am optimistic about court.

 

[CSO286]

Update

Hey, all--Court today-
Other party failed to appear. According to court admin, he didn't even send up an intent to appear by phone request. (And I sent it down to him practically all filled out.)
Judge asked me about our respective relationships with the minor child.
Asked how often the other party has contact with minor child (no more than 12x over past ten years.)
He asked me what I wanted:
1. sole legal/physical custody--If he didn't order sole legal, then I was requesting I order other party to sign to authorize passport.
2. parenting plan as outlined in my motion
Judge asked if i knew what the other part wanted as far as custody, etc.
I told him that NCP wants:
1. joint legal/physical custody
2. child's last name changed to his
3.Child down to Texas for parenting time

The judge actually snorted and said, "That's not going to happen." (I loved this judge!!)
He asked why I was requesting the passport; I explained that it was necessary to go to Canada. He said we'd have no trouble getting in, but getting back into the USA would prove problematic. (have I mentioned this judge was great??)

Things that worked in my favor---The fact that I work in the court system, and work regularly with the cty atty, who sat behind me as an interested observer (I think it gave me some extra credibility )

Judge asked cty why they were there, and was told "moral support" then as he's going through all the questions, he asked me what I do, and I told him my job (anyone who knows my name here knows my job.) Then judge looks at cty atty and said, "that's why you're here!"

Anyway, end result:

1. I was awarded sole legal/physical custody.
2. Judge set aside my proposed parenting plan and is ordering "respondent to have reasonable parenting at the discretion of petitioner."

I should have my order in 30 days, and small fry's passport in another 60 or so past that. we'll miss Christmas in Manitoba....but that's ok.

 

[Antigone*]

Hey, all--Court today-
Other party failed to appear. According to court admin, he didn't even send up an intent to appear by phone request. (And I sent it down to him practically all filled out.)
Judge asked me about our respective relationships with the minor child.
Asked how often the other party has contact with minor child (no more than 12x over past ten years.)
He asked me what I wanted:
1. sole legal/physical custody--If he didn't order sole legal, then I was requesting I order other party to sign to authorize passport.
2. parenting plan as outlined in my motion
Judge asked if i knew what the other part wanted as far as custody, etc.
I told him that NCP wants:
1. joint legal/physical custody
2. child's last name changed to his
3.Child down to Texas for parenting time

The judge actually snorted and said, "That's not going to happen." (I loved this judge!!)
He asked why I was requesting the passport; I explained that it was necessary to go to Canada. He said we'd have no trouble getting in, but getting back into the USA would prove problematic. (have I mentioned this judge was great??)

Things that worked in my favor---The fact that I work in the court system, and work regularly with the cty atty, who sat behind me as an interested observer (I think it gave me some extra credibility )

Judge asked cty why they were there, and was told "moral support" then as he's going through all the questions, he asked me what I do, and I told him my job (anyone who knows my name here knows my job.) Then judge looks at cty atty and said, "that's why you're here!"

Anyway, end result:

1. I was awarded sole legal/physical custody.
2. Judge set aside my proposed parenting plan and is ordering "respondent to have reasonable parenting at the discretion of petitioner."

I should have my order in 30 days, and small fry's passport in another 60 or so past that. we'll miss Christmas in Manitoba....but that's ok.

Very good to here CSO!!!

 

[CSO286]

So totally makes my want to call down south and go neener neener neener.....But I'll wait till he gets the order and call me in a rage. Then I'll remind him he lost by just not showing up.

 

[mistoffolees]

I should have my order in 30 days, and small fry's passport in another 60 or so past that. we'll miss Christmas in Manitoba....but that's ok.

That's good news.

Don't write off Christmas in Manitoba, yet. I believe the Passport office has expedited service if you need it.

Get the photographs and all the other documents ready and then the day you get the court order, get down to the Post office (or other passport office if you have one) to get registered (note that you need a reservation at some post offices). It will cost you a little extra, but it's not out of the question that you might have it in time.

 

[CSO286]

That's good news.

Don't write off Christmas in Manitoba, yet. I believe the Passport office has expedited service if you need it.

Get the photographs and all the other documents ready and then the day you get the court order, get down to the Post office (or other passport office if you have one) to get registered (note that you need a reservation at some post offices). It will cost you a little extra, but it's not out of the question that you might have it in time.

Thanks, Misto--I'm going to give it a shot, but I'm not going to count on it. I'm sure there's some kind of rush as the holidays get nearer.....