Physical custody/lack of communication

[4bidN2father]

What is the name of your state? WA
My X knows that most judges wont grant joint physical custody if they feel that the parents can not get along and communicate properly so she refuses to communicate at all with me. I have, on several occasions called her to touch base with her about our son and to attempt to clear up issues with our PP. She either does not answer the phone, or claims to be busy and never returns my calls. SO then I began to send her letters, first I just handed them to her, now I have sent a few by certified mail. She still does not respond and is now painting me as harrassing her. My letters have nothing to do with her and I other than my urging her to allow me more time with my son and to communicate with me regarding our son. I called her a lil more than a wk ago asking about the veterans day holiday since the day was both my day and hers....she didnt return my calls and I never saw my son. She gave me no info regarding it. We are to work it out ourselves if the PP overlaps our days. She works it out and never tells me. On days where I am allowed by her to pick up my son, she wont tell me..and then has my son call me a few moments b4 I leave work to tell me that he is waiting for me. If I ask her for a specific day, she does the same thing if she ever even allows it at all. I am trying very hard to make it easier for my son. Is there anything legally I can do that will allow for me to find out the info directly w/out involving my son? Is my attempting to contact her really considered harrassment? All I want is to be a part of my son's life and to be given the respect as his other parent that I deserve. She ignores me but my paycheck will do just fine. Is this something I should just accept as part of divorce? Is this how it really works?

 

[bulldogg70]

I would have to disagree with you that Judges would let a disagreement between the mother and father of a child fall in favor of one side over the other. He the courts know you two are not getting along, remember that is why you are getting a divorce. If you have a parenting plan in effect, is this one the court approved, if so there should not be any arguements. However, if it is just one you and her made it is not enforce able. I would go to the courts and get them approved and establish when you can call and pick-up your kid, etc. This way she cannot say you are harrassing her and eventually ask for an oop or injunction against you.
I think if you do this, it could negate alot of problems until the final order come out

 

[luckymom]

I guess the operative questions are 1) how often do you contact her 2) what do you contact her about. In the past, I have felt harassed by my ex who claims he was only concerned about our child. One weekend he sent me 15 e-mails and left 10 messages because my daughter forgot her glasses when she went to see him. Yes, it would have been nice if that hadn't happened, but since he lives in TX and I live in IL there wasn't much that could be done about it. If the parenting plan leaves it unclear who has possession on a given day, you need a better parenting plan.

 

[4bidN2father]

Actually

I contacted her twice the week of veterans day. Never spoke with her. I have sent her 2 certified letters in the past 4 months regarding our current PP and the need for clarification. I pleaded with her to let the past be the past for our sons sake and to attempt to get along so that the pressure is off of my son. I asked that she consider settling our disputes out of court and to also consider mediation and some other form of dispute resolution. Our PP stipulates that there is no form of dispute resolution except court action is ordered. I wished to try to pursue a diff avenue as to avoid court costs to both of us. She has no problem with costs as she is a 3 income family now. (hers, hubby's and my CS) I have no issue w/ paying CS ...just that she wants to make sure she drains my *ss dry every chance she gets.
I was advised during a consultation w/ an atty that my chances of getting physical custody are slim due to the fact that there is very lil communication between us....that judges usually only grant that if there is a likelihood that the parents can put aside their differences to co-parent. And it doesnt matter if I can, that my X is holding all the cards.
My current PP was signed 146 days ago and other than bad-mouthing my X, there is no other way that I am aware of to have the case heard. The atty said I needed to say things to prove her less fit as a parent. I believe it is wrong to do that just to get your day in court. She has her faults and lots of them but I would never use that to gain custody of my son. Shes my sons mother afterall.
I just wanted to be more a part of my son's life. I tried to reason with her to do it instead of constantly having someone else make the decisions for us. It seems that I have no choice other than court and no option other than to wait.

 

[Rushia]

This very same thing happened to my X, she claimed harrassment, claimed he was unfit. Nothing got thru to her. My X ended up taking her to court and got ordered (set time) visitation. It was a several month battle. You may have to do the same thing, at least then you would know for sure when you would see your child. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE AN ATTORNEY WITH YOU. And all letters and anything else that you have documented. I think that it's very sad when mother's do this. For whatever reason they believe they can withhold your child from you. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I think about doing this to my X too, but I realize that my kids need their father no matter how big of a jerk I think he is.

 

[4bidN2father]

actually

there is something that basically states that I can not have equal time, joint physical w/ my ex in the WA statutes or whatever...

Equal-time alternating residential provisions will only be ordered if: (1) there is no child or spouse abuse, neglect, or abandonment, or substance abuse; (2) the parents have agreed to such provisions; (3) there is a history of shared parenting and cooperation; (4) the parents are available to each other, especially in terms of geographic location; and (5) the provisions are in the best interests of the child. The court may order an investigation concerning parenting arrangements for the child. [Revised Code of Washington Annotated; Title 26, Chapters 26.09.181 - 26.09.220].

There is no chance my ex will agree. She refuses to cooperate and even at pick up on Sat, I tried to speak w/ her regarding our son. I asked her to stay a moment and let me get my son squared away in the car w/ my g/f b/c I dont like him to overhear b/c my X is volatile. I told her that I wished to speak to her about some concerns I had about our son and she said she had no concerns and walked away. I dont know what to do.