Please help me it is important

[loves thorn]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? nj

I have one to several questions it kinda depends on what answers i get and what happens in the next few weeks. Sorry for any issues this may bring up.

My father had a series of mini strokes and the doctors are telling me one major and I could lose him. My father really wants to see his grandchildren one more time at least if he is going to die. The problem is our sons father said no i can not bring my son to see his dieing grandfather, because he doesn't want to lose any visitation days. I really want to honor my fathers request. I am allowed to take my son out of the state to visit family as long as the parenting time is made up (if any are missed).

Can our sons father deny me taking our son to visit my father?

And for anyone who does remember me there are past posts. We both have lawyers and the court date has been pushed back until the end of next month. I really don't want to wait that long just in case. Thank you in advance for any advice.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? nj

I have one to several questions it kinda depends on what answers i get and what happens in the next few weeks. Sorry for any issues this may bring up.

My father had a series of mini strokes and the doctors are telling me one major and I could lose him. My father really wants to see his grandchildren one more time at least if he is going to die. The problem is our sons father said no i can not bring my son to see his dieing grandfather, because he doesn't want to lose any visitation days. I really want to honor my fathers request. I am allowed to take my son out of the state to visit family as long as the parenting time is made up (if any are missed).

Can our sons father deny me taking our son to visit my father?

And for anyone who does remember me there are past posts. We both have lawyers and the court date has been pushed back until the end of next month. I really don't want to wait that long just in case. Thank you in advance for any advice.

If you deny him HIS visitation days you will be in contempt. He has to be in agreement most likely with his parenting being missed. Have your attorney talk to his attorney about it. Why can't you travel just on your days?

 

[loves thorn]

I was planning on taking him on my days. I spoke to his father this morning thru instant message and and he still told me no. Is some of the convo.

Me: I've decided that i'm going to take ______ to visit dad during the week once I get plane tickets. Dad really wants to see him and I feel that it is the right thing to do.

Him: I already told you no. How dare you call me and tell me that you are taking my son to see your father

Me: I'm planning on getting the tickets for tuesday or wednesday and returning friday morning to afternoon. I've already have several flights that will give me the dates

Him: So your taking him out of school aren't you the one who bitched at me for wanting to keep him out of school when he started causing problems?

Me: This is completely different my father just had a stroke and may not live if he has another one and considering how frequent the minor strokes have been ocurring it maybe soon. Your not being real fair in this."

Him: Visiting your father who may or may not be dieing is no reason to take my son out of school. I said no and i mean it. Do not talk to me about this again call my lawyer and he will tell you that we will wait for court.

Me: And if dad dies before court he will never get a chance to see his grandson. I will not keep that from our son. I will tell him the truth.

Him: Don't you ****ing dare try and make me the bad guy in this You wouldn't give me anything i asked for should we tell him that?

Me: I never said I would tell him today but i will if he asks about his grandfather What you asked for I didn't feel was right for our son and we have already discussed that we would involve him in the custody anything we would discuss any of it with him until we put him in counsling which you still haven't given me an answer on.

Him: And i'm still thinking about it and you will wait for my answer like I said at the last meeting we had.

And the fighting continued for another 30 minutes.

I don't want our son to miss the days either but I would rather him miss school then deny my father any joy he may receive out of seeing his grandchildren. I'm not sure at the moment if the court order states if I need the fathers permission to leave the state for family visits with everything going on I can't remember and the court orders are not in my home at the moment due to other reasons. I can get to them but not until tommorrow.

If the court order doesn't state that I need his fathers permission can he legally stop me from taking our son to visit my father? I would ask my lawyer but he is on vacation until next week, Or should I call his lawyer and let him know what I'm doing? I'm really confused and really upset. I want if anything to make my father happy

 

[Banned_Princess]

If the court order doesn't state that I need his fathers permission can he legally stop me from taking our son to visit my father? I would ask my lawyer but he is on vacation until next week, I'm really confused and really upset. I want if anything to make my father happy

If your order does not say you need to get dads permission to take son (out of state?) on vacation during your parenting time, and it does not say you need to be in agreement if keeping him out of school, then you do not. You also mentioned in your original post, the order allows you to take son to see family...

If you decide to do it, (which I would if it were my predicament) and ex wants to go to court over it, I doubt the judge will be too horrified that you didn't defy the order to take son to see his dying grandfather.

I am sorry about your dad.

 

[cyjeff]

First... you leave your kid out of your arguments with your ex. Threatening your ex with "I will tell our child on you" is juvenile and damaging to the child. Grow up and stop using the child as a pawn in your game.

Second... take the child out of school to see your father on your time. This is definitely an occurrence where I would go and then talk to the judge about the circumstances later.

If your ex wants to defend his "no" in court, let him take you there.

 

[stealth2]

Obviously, a lot depends on what the order actually says.

But if I were in your shoes, I'd just take the kid and go visit Grandpa. And if Dad wants to take you to court for it? I'd take that chance - I seriously doubt a court would base custody on this type of situation.

 

[CJane]

Obviously, a lot depends on what the order actually says.

But if I were in your shoes, I'd just take the kid and go visit Grandpa. And if Dad wants to take you to court for it? I'd take that chance - I seriously doubt a court would base custody on this type of situation.

Yup. And I really sincerely doubt that a court would find Mom in contempt either.

 

[Isis1]

take the child on your time. don't say a word to dad.

if he files, he files. he'll be the one looking like an idiot. and that's IF the lawyer doesn't talk him out of it.

 

[commentator]

It sounds very much to me as if this OP is very much still under the control of her ex. In other words, she's minding him and asking his opinion and permission like HE was HER daddy. You do not have to have his permission to take the child on your time to visit his grandfather. No court is going to let him carry out his threat. He's lying to you to control you, and you're believing him. Tell his attorney? No.

I agree, "I'll tell our child on you" is awfully juvenile for a mother to be saying to a father. But it is just a symtom of her feeling of powerlessness against this man. It sounds as though this guy is totally in control of the situation, and she is acting like a teen-ager trying to get permission to go to the dance from her strict daddy. Yuck! Have you had any counseling, and is your child having any? Might be a good thing to help you break away from "Big Daddy Bossman" here.

 

[Isis1]

It sounds very much to me as if this OP is very much still under the control of her ex. In other words, she's minding him and asking his opinion and permission like HE was HER daddy. You do not have to have his permission to take the child on your time to visit his grandfather. No court is going to let him carry out his threat. He's lying to you to control you, and you're believing him. Tell his attorney? No.

I agree, "I'll tell our child on you" is awfully juvenile for a mother to be saying to a father. But it is just a symtom of her feeling of powerlessness against this man. It sounds as though this guy is totally in control of the situation, and she is acting like a teen-ager trying to get permission to go to the dance from her strict daddy. Yuck! Have you had any counseling, and is your child having any? Might be a good thing to help you break away from "Big Daddy Bossman" here.

eww....now that i look at it like that.....oh that's so gross!!!

 

[cyjeff]

It sounds very much to me as if this OP is very much still under the control of her ex. In other words, she's minding him and asking his opinion and permission like HE was HER daddy. You do not have to have his permission to take the child on your time to visit his grandfather. No court is going to let him carry out his threat. He's lying to you to control you, and you're believing him. Tell his attorney? No.

I agree, "I'll tell our child on you" is awfully juvenile for a mother to be saying to a father. But it is just a symtom of her feeling of powerlessness against this man. It sounds as though this guy is totally in control of the situation, and she is acting like a teen-ager trying to get permission to go to the dance from her strict daddy. Yuck! Have you had any counseling, and is your child having any? Might be a good thing to help you break away from "Big Daddy Bossman" here.

I agree.

However, the fact that we can justify and rationalize the behavior doesn't mean it shouldn't stop this very moment.

 

[LdiJ]

I agree with everyone else. Take the child to see your father on your time. The odds of you actually getting dinged, at all, in court over it are slim to none. In reality, dad would look like an overcontrolling fool if he actually got to court on it.

I also agree with everyone else that you shouldn't threaten to "tell" on dad.

 

[loves thorn]

I must apologize for my late response. It seems the school has called dyfs on the father for abuse. Our son made comments about his father and they have been investigating. Now I'm worried about that as well. The woman seems really nice and respected not entering my home while my youngest was sick and in the home. I did finish my meetings with her and she sees nothing wrong with our son coming from our home and if all goes well at the fathers house the case should be closed. I'm not sure if that is good or bad.

About the "telling on the dad" I was upset and shouldn't have said that, I'm just very hurt. I have reconnected with my father over the past several years after looking for him for 8 years. The father knew this and knows how important he means to me.
Yes he is still somewhat controlling me still it is a personal flaw that I am currently working on with the counselor that my lawyer has set me up with. As for my son his father will not let me put him in counseling in which dyfs, the school both think it would be beneficial for our son.

The court order states I may travel out of state to visit family. So once our son is currently ill. I'm putting off flying down to see him for at the most until next week. I don't want to make my father worse.

 

[loves thorn]

My father passed away last night and He never got to see his grandchildren. Thank you all for answering my questions. I am not going to take my children to AZ for the funeral its not something I want to expose my children to.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

My father passed away last night and He never got to see his grandchildren. Thank you all for answering my questions. I am not going to take my children to AZ for the funeral its not something I want to expose my children to.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Remember he can see them now and I am sure he is smiling down on them. May God bless you and yours.