Please help me!

[sotiredofit]

Also common place. In mediation they will try to come up with a reasonable plan for custody and visitation. The judge is not going to hash this out in the courtroom. He will be asking the mediator to submit a recommendation. You and your soon-to-be Ex can agree or disagree with it, and the judge will make a decision on it.

Carl, the ex and I were divorced in 2004. He filed an OSC for support modification. He is not asking for a custody modification. He sees the kids overnight every other weekend and 4-6 weeks in the summer and about half the holidays. That comes out to about 5% of the time with the kids, I would say. That is why I'm concerned he asked for mediation. The judge said to see what affect this incident had on the kids. If it comes out my part in this fiasco, that's why I'm scared. I dont' want my kids taken away, but you did say it was unlikely. Thank God.

You don't want them involved? But ... wait ... didn't you just write that you asked if they could be witnesses??

I changed my mind.

Okay ... so he committed assault (PC 240). great - BOTH of you could have gone to jail, and the kids could have (maybe SHOULD HAVE) been taken into protective custody.

I was wrong and I should had handled it differently.

Yes, he can build a restraining order or no harassment order into any custody and visitation paperwork if he chooses to

Again, we won't be modifying child custody and visitation, only support. So, am I safe? Should I just drop my restraining order against the ex? If so, how do I go about doing that?

 

[CdwJava]

If you drop the TRO against the ex, the court can still ask CPS to investigate this situation and they might take some action to ascertain the welfare of the children.

Also, dropping the TRO request might open yourself up to suit by the Ex as he might allege that this was unfounded and vindictive, and your action cost him money.

It is rare that a judge will issue a TRO against a plaintiff unless the other party requests it. I have not heard of it happening, but I suspect it COULD be done.

And since there appears to be an open issue for the modification of support, it is likely that the court will use that as an evenue to look into the children's mental well-being - especially in light of the issue you brought forth.

I would strongly recommend you consult an attorney as to your best path to take at this point. I can foresee problems dropping the matter as mentioned above.

And, I would still strongly recommend the children be entered into counseling. There is a HUGE mountain of data out there showing that children of dysfunctional and abusive families grow up acting out violently and become abusers or victims themselves. We tend to have generations in jail ... not long ago here we had grandpa, dad, and son all in jail at one time for separate violent crimes - two with domestic violence histories.

Get them help.

- Carl

 

[Gracie3787]

I do not want my kids talking to a mediator or dragged through the mud.

Yet you think it is okay for your kids to see you attack their father and step mother????????

Personally, I agree with everyone else:

You should lose custody

You should be jailed

You should be made to take anger management AND parenting classes.

My very strong hunch is that you don't want your kids to talk, NOT because it would hurt tham, but rather it would hurt YOUR CASE, because they would say that you started it.

GROW UP!

 

[sotiredofit]

Personally, I agree with everyone else:

You should lose custody

You should be jailed

You should be made to take anger management AND parenting classes.

Free advice is one thing, but some of you people are really ridiculous. You ever thought about actually trying to be helpful instead of slinging mud??

 

[Gracie3787]

You ever thought about actually trying to be helpful instead of slinging mud??

Yep, I help people all the time, over 2,400 times.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Free advice is one thing, but some of you people are really ridiculous. You ever thought about actually trying to be helpful instead of slinging mud??

The only person that is slinging mud is you. YOU are an unfit parent. Get that one through your head.

 

[CourtClerk]

Yep, I help people all the time, over 2,400 times.

2,437 to be exact

 

[sotiredofit]

YOU are an unfit parent. Get that one through your head.

Calling people names is really helping them Shay-Parie??

Nothing said about the fact that my ex, the abuserthrew 2 bottles out of the car at me that night, pushed me down on the ground with his 2 hands and smothered me. Sad.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Calling people names is really helping them Shay-Parie??

Nothing said about the fact that my ex, the abuserthrew 2 bottles out of the car at me that night, pushed me down on the ground with his 2 hands and smothered me. Sad.

You are the one putting your kids through this. You are the one who want them in court. You are an unfit parent. Period.

You are the one who put yourself in this situation, and you are not helping yourself by doing what you are doing.

I don't give a crap about you our him. I give a crap about the kids.

 

[sotiredofit]

I am going to take Java's advice and talk to an attorney on Monday to see if and how I can drop the case. I will not drag my kids into this.

 

[CJane]

I am going to take Java's advice and talk to an attorney on Monday to see if and how I can drop the case. I will not drag my kids into this.

That would have been a great decision to make BEFORE you dragged your kids into it by assaulting their father and stepmother in front of them. And before putting YOURSELF in the position to be assaulted by THEM.

It's not like he dragged your ass out of the car and started beating on you. Preventative measures really are best.

 

[sotiredofit]

You are definitely right, I need to grow up and I appreciate all the advice I'm getting here and that includes OHiogal.

I was angry, I was hurt and outraged because I got smothered. That was intentional, whoever believe it or not. But, I do have to take into account that I put myself in that position. I don't want the kids questioned or to have to testify so...again, I'll talk to the attorney on Monday and see what to do.

You guys need to understand that my ex is no prince though. Within the year, while the children were inside getting their things together for his visit, he came up to my new car and proceeded to spit on it. How do I know that? because I was looking out the window when he did it. I always look out the window when they come to get the kids because I don't trust him around my property or my vehicle. That has been noted in the restraining order paperwork.

Now, I just want to move on from him and will minimize all contact since I now know how dangerous he is. Nothing justifies him putting his hand over my face and intentionally cutting off my breathing. And yes, I should not have put myself in that position. I understand that!!!

 

[CJane]

You know what? I think the BEST thing you could do is keep the restraining order in place and request that as a part of it, pick-up/drop-off of the kids takes place at a public location such as a local convenience store that's open 24/7.

It might just be a lifesaver for all of you. In the most literal sense.

And get yourself and your kids into counseling. Learn to control yourself.

 

[Indiana Filer]

And she wonders why no school will hire her for anything other than a substitute teacher position. I bet she comes off as a total nutjob in every aspect of her life, including during interviews.

I'd hate to have her working with any of my children in a school.

 

[stormyautumn]

I agree with Cjane about meeting somewhere. The few times my ex got to see my daughter with the temporary visitation order I asked the judge if we could meet at the police station which was smack in between. He was outraged, but she ordered anyways saying you will have nothing to worry about if you behave.