please help my brother with his divorse...Please?

[zephercan]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? SF, Ca.
Hello...

To be honest I have cancer and just want to see my brother happy before I go(if I do)
Anyway I am VERY concerned for my brother and hope someone out there will read this and hopefully reply with some direction for him because right now he has no idea what his rights are. He's guessing at everything and I feel this is too important to guess.
Allow me to give you a short description of his situation.
He had an awesome 3 bedroom apt for 1000.00(rent control) He met this girl and she pressured him endlessly to get married and have a baby together even though she already had(with custody) two little girls from her previous marriage.
He was always clear about his intentions to peruse his band. In the beginning she embraced it and acted as his manager but as the years went by his band remains strong but not enough to make a living.(struggling artist)
She was born with a comfortable silver spoon in her mouth and a lovely trust fund to protect her for the rest of her life. Hoy! I seriously believe that she wanted to marry my brother to experience a bohemian lifestyle. She wanted to experience what was on the other side of the tracks.You know how the struggling artist thing can be romanticized. After a while the difference in income played it's tole(understandable even though he cares for baby, always cooks, and keeps house to name a few) so now she wants him to leave/divorse.
Let me back up a little. After dating for 6 years my brother finally gave in and married her. Her mother then bought them a beautiful house which is still in the mothers name. They all moved from my brothers apt to a new home.
After the baby was born she basically didn't want anything to do with it....not financially but emotionally. I've never seen her kiss or hug their kid. My brother basically takes care of him alone. She gets a healthy stipend from her family for every child she has. I often think that is why she pressured him to have the baby in the first place.
Her mother bought them a house after they got married causing my brother to give up his 12 year old rent controlled 3 br. apt. which he really didn't want to do. He didn't even want to get married in the first place.
He basically gave up his music career even though she said she would support it. He made allot of money over sea's, but Since the baby, as my brother put it.... repulses her he can't leave the kid and go there anymore.
When they first moved in my brother and our dad(dads a plumber) did extensive remodeling to the house. Lots of plumbing work, construction work, My brother painted the whole house inside and out. etc. etc.We all put in many many hours and money fixing up their(her) new home. My parents and i felt that she was using him (and us) to get her home beautiful/remodeled. We felt she was going to leave him after all the work was completed and we were exactly right.
Can she really say to him "leave and walk away with nothing"????
Granted he didn't make as much as she did but he did contribute financially not to mention he was a hard working stay home mom. Especially since that wasn't the agreement when they got married. (my poor brother)
I must ad that I am positive she has some serious mental illness problems. She has issues and discordance with most of his friends. My parents (and I)who are very easy going loving people despise her but always remained kind and generous because she was his wife.
She manipulated our family immensely. Very toxic woman!!
Ok, so to review. they have been married 6 years but went out for 11 years. Also she(and daughters) lived with him for about 2 or three yrs before her mom got them the house their in now. She cracked the whip for about two years to get her new home beautiful and now she wants him to leave with nothing.
About the kid...They plan to have joint custody on the legal papers but in reality my brother will have him most of the time.
She isn't asking for alimony but am I correct to think that she isn't entitled to alimony because she was basically the bread winner? Isn't he entitled to alimony? Also do you have any suggestions about where him and his son can go/live? **** > Since the house is still in her mothers name does that mean that he has no chance of trying to claim partial ownership in the divorce settlement??
He wants to stay in SF because thats where his band is. He has no money for a first and last etc. Since the legal papers have the kid as joint custody does that mean that he may not be eligible for assisted living? what kind of benefits can he access now that he's almost divorced with a kid? Since she gets (from her relatives) around 7 to 10 thousand for every kid she births....Shouldn't he recieve some of that since he is essentially taking care of him?(bringing him up) I hear she buys stuff like clothes but my mom says his clothes are too small which makes me think she spends most of the child allowance on herself.
With that said can you shed any light on his situation/rights? Thanks for taking the time to read this and any help would be immensely appreciated.
thank you soooooo much to whoever replies!~!!
I love my brother and I'm sick and tired of seeing the good guy go down. Ok, now I'm starting to babble.
thanks again
Peace,

 

[mistoffolees]

First, have your brother sign up here if he wants good advice. Without all the details, it's impossible to be any more specific than the following general information (and your rambling makes it hard to even wade through your post):

1. No one made him get married unless there was a gun pointed at his head. CourtClerk can correct me, but I kind of doubt that most judges or ministers in CA would officiate at a wedding where firearms were involved.

2. They were using him? By giving him free housing for 6 years? has it ever occurred to you that a reasonable person given free housing wouldn't mind helping to fix the place up?

3. Whether he is entitled to any of the house depends on whose name is on the deed. If the parents' names are on the deed, there's not a chance. If his wife's name is on the deed, he MIGHT be able to get some portion of any increase in value that occurred during the wedding - although I doubt very much that ANY property in SF is worth more now than it was 6 years ago.

4. Alimony is typically paid by the higher earning individual. If there's a significant difference in incomes, then the lower earning one could ask for it, although with a 6 year marriage, it's likely to be a couple of years at best - even if the court awards it.

5. He is not entitled to any of the gifts from her parents.

6. You seem to be confused by the difference between legal and physical custody. There's nothing inconsistent about them having joint (legal) custody and him having the child most of the time. That would also not preclude obtaining state benefits.

In the end, though, he needs to become self-supporting. Why should the State (i.e, the taxpayers) support him just because he refuses to get a job that pays enough to support his family? It's nice that he wants a band, but that's not MY problem (as a taxpayer). He can get a real job and play with his band on weekends or evenings. Or, if he really wants to be in a band, he can move (believe it or not, SF isn't the only place on the planet which has bands). Or, he can make the necessary sacrifices to live on what he earns as a band member and stop expecting the taxpayers to support him.

He should be thankful that he has the child most of the time - and then move on with his life to become an independent, self-supporting member of society.

 

[CourtClerk]

I'm not reading all of that... the formatting is a mess and it's messing with my eyes.

So, Misto, would you like to give me the cliff notes version, because I'm sure with a post that long, it's full of irrelevant information.

And that comment about weddings and firearms, are you talking shotgun marriage? Naw... we don't do that 'round these parts.