please help my children

[ili]

God bless you

I am 67 and have seen a lot. You strike me as a caring, compassionate person. I know mothers who appear not to
care what their children go through as long as they take
care of themselves. You are doing the right thing and don't let anyone tear you down. Hug those children and take good care
of them.

 

[batblue2000]

God bless you and yours

If ever an angel on earth you are it ! Your words are like confirmation to my soul and you touched my heart more than you know ! My children are my life. They are gifts to me and it is my job to always keep them happy. I have and will continue to sacrifice for them. My children have never needed or wanted for anything. But most of all my children know love. They know how to give it and receive it ! They are precious angels in my eyes, even with the terrible 2s, 3s and the almost teenage stage. One day I know I will not have to run anymore or always look over my shoulder. I have learned things only last for a season. I guess the one thing I would have to ask everyone out there who are so willing to Judge me is this : Would you allow your children around this man ? We all take wrong turns ! Some take a longer stretch of road, some realize sooner than others they are driving into a dead end. I believe our road is complete when it's suppose to be ! To me what matters most is not how we fell on our face, but what matters most of all is how we pick ourselves up. I teach my 11 year old that when he makes a wrong choice not to call it a mistake. I believe it's not a mistake if you learn from it but rather a learning experience. I choose to remain positive, I have to for my children. Yes, I fall apart but on my time. My children need to see and feel stability, security ! Again thank you, you just gave me the little more strength needed to walk yet another mile. And just when I thought I couldn't take another step...............

Melissa

 

[VeronicaGia]

What is the name of your state? I live in the state of florida. my ex husband is a major drug abuser and has been proven in court. during our divorce the judge gave me sole visitation because x was and is still in jail. he established no visitation or child support.

**He was in jail. How could he establish child support when he was in jail? Also, unless you were willing to bring the kids to the jail, how could he get visitation?


the judge allowed him to write to children who were then 1 and 2 years old. i saved all letters because of the content. such as daddy, will be coming for you and i will take you many places and drawing pictures of bart simpson against block walls. i never showed children.

**So at this point the kids don't know who he is and you won't let them know.

what landed him in jail was the fact he took my son his stepson 9 at the time to a crack house for 12 hours before police finally found them. in meanime i had been begging for help everyone said nothing has happened. my children now 11, 2 and 3 have no clue who he is. i moved left no forwarding because he always had people watching me.

**But if he files in court for visitation when he gets out, you will have to be found.

i cannot let this man near my kids and he will be out of prison in 6 months. i fear for them. he refuses any type of support,

**Once again, how is he supposed to pay from prison?

in fact i had to re enter court to have his last tax check prior to prison turned over as support because he wouldn't willingly. can i terminate his rights before another disaster.

**You can try, but you need to file NOW.

he has been on and off drugs since 1992. my kids are happy, he is abusive in every form, his ways are spiteful not out of love. my son was 3 months old when i threw him out my daughter was 15 months. they have no memory. I can't take the fear every day of what will happen when he gets out. even supervised is a insult to them. he can't manage to stay out of jail or rehab for more than 6 months.

**Then file to terminate his rights, hope he won't show up for the hearing and you win by default. But file now, while you know where he is (in jail).

they don't deserve a revolving door. please...any help for there sake and mine. he has harrassed me from prison, had his family and drug dealers watching our every step. when I moved i received a letter 5 days later telling me where i was. I tried to get restrarning orders, the state attorney tried for stalking. judge said, because he is in prison he didn't cause a threat.

**Keep going for RO's. Does he come up for some type of parole hearing or will he just be done with his sentence in 6 months?

he has tried to obtain copies of medical records, social security cards and birth certificates on children .

**Until his rights are terminated, he has that right.

his mother, has been helping him and making excuses for him, and they wonder why i won't let her have visitation with them. i feel like i'm spinning my wheels, stressed, scared and ready to run....

Melissa

 

[batblue2000]

Okay, I will go from the beginning of your response, and thank you I appreciate your response ! As for the child support and visitation order the Judge could have established it for when he was released. The problem and how I won on the visitation was because in criminal court the sentencing Judge ordered for the rest of his natural life he could not be around children under the age of 18 unsupervised including his own. As for child support many attorney's have told me that it could have been enforced because of work programs. From the way the Judge wrote my 2 page divorce papers and not establishing support, again, some attorney's feel as though the Judge was trying to help me by already putting him in the arrears and because of his unwillingness to pay with what he did have. As for the letter writing the Judge basically told me I could do as I wish with the letters. So no my children do not know him and you betcha I will not let them know him right now, what do they need to know, my daddy is in jail, he is on crack, or better yet the lies I would have to tell to protect them ? I spoke with there pediatrician and a child physcologist and we are going simply on age of reason at this point. They are to little to understand and they don't even have a happy memory of him so I really didn't plant to such a rotten one if by some chance I lost and some miracle he become some saint(trust me not likely, but I would believe just about anything at this point !) Even before supervised would occur at this point I have alot of testimony from Doctor's that agree that the children should be wheened into it and a pyscologist should be introduced first. Eventually they will have to know the truth but not in the years right now that are shaping them. As for the RO's I gave up on that a long time ago. I moved about 7 months ago for the 3rd time and I refuse to move again. The courts no one except family know where I am. I have no open cases so legally I didn't have to inform them. He is not due for a porale he will just be released. I am on the advocate list for notification. Right now my life is peaceful and with his brother back in jail for drugs as well I am hoping being found will be a little harder now. Plus I moved over an hour away and did it in the middle of the night. I gave up on the RO's and will just sit and wait. I am going to work a second job again and after christmas save and hopefully be able to afford an attorney who can TPR. I thought about waiting until he got out and hiring an investigator. I know he will resort back, he did all the other times he was in jail. Then I have more to go and he can't hide behind the I am changed since prison. I almost think my chances would be better doing it that way. I hate waiting but better waiting than my children being on the same emotional roller coaster I have always been on since him. Worst case if he does take off with no contact after 6 months in Fla it is automatic. If you have any other helpful hints please let me know. Thanks again,

Melissa

 

[tammy8]

Girl you are in for a rude awakening!

Take that 2nd job and then who will be with your children? How do you know that the sitter won't be freebasing, taking a toke, or drinking a beer?

I understand the need to protect your children but still don't understand why SUPERVISED visits are beyond your belief?????

Watch yourself and tread lightly. If not, it may all just backfire on you and then where will your children be??????

 

[VeronicaGia]

Okay, I will go from the beginning of your response, and thank you I appreciate your response ! As for the child support and visitation order the Judge could have established it for when he was released. The problem and how I won on the visitation was because in criminal court the sentencing Judge ordered for the rest of his natural life he could not be around children under the age of 18 unsupervised including his own.

**??? Was he charged with and convicted of child molestation or some other form of child abuse? If not, if his case had nothing to do with children, I'm not sure a judge in a criminal court could order this, but I could be wrong.

As for child support many attorney's have told me that it could have been enforced because of work programs.

**If he's in prison, I doubt they'd allow work release for a violent offense. If he worked in prison, I don't know what the going rate is, but I've heard it's like a dollar a day or something so miniscule that it wouldn't matter.

From the way the Judge wrote my 2 page divorce papers and not establishing support, again, some attorney's feel as though the Judge was trying to help me by already putting him in the arrears and because of his unwillingness to pay with what he did have. As for the letter writing the Judge basically told me I could do as I wish with the letters. So no my children do not know him and you betcha I will not let them know him right now, what do they need to know, my daddy is in jail, he is on crack, or better yet the lies I would have to tell to protect them ?

**Well, I would never usually congratulate someone for lying, but I think you did the right thing. You're right, your kids don't need to know that, especially right now. The younger ones are way too young to understand.

I spoke with there pediatrician and a child physcologist and we are going simply on age of reason at this point. They are to little to understand and they don't even have a happy memory of him so I really didn't plant to such a rotten one if by some chance I lost and some miracle he become some saint(trust me not likely, but I would believe just about anything at this point !)

**I give you a lot of credit there. Hope for the best, expect the worst.

Even before supervised would occur at this point I have alot of testimony from Doctor's that agree that the children should be wheened into it and a pyscologist should be introduced first. Eventually they will have to know the truth but not in the years right now that are shaping them. As for the RO's I gave up on that a long time ago. I moved about 7 months ago for the 3rd time and I refuse to move again. The courts no one except family know where I am. I have no open cases so legally I didn't have to inform them. He is not due for a porale he will just be released. I am on the advocate list for notification. Right now my life is peaceful and with his brother back in jail for drugs as well I am hoping being found will be a little harder now. Plus I moved over an hour away and did it in the middle of the night. I gave up on the RO's and will just sit and wait. I am going to work a second job again and after christmas save and hopefully be able to afford an attorney who can TPR. I thought about waiting until he got out and hiring an investigator. I know he will resort back, he did all the other times he was in jail. Then I have more to go and he can't hide behind the I am changed since prison. I almost think my chances would be better doing it that way. I hate waiting but better waiting than my children being on the same emotional roller coaster I have always been on since him. Worst case if he does take off with no contact after 6 months in Fla it is automatic. If you have any other helpful hints please let me know. Thanks again,

Melissa

**Is he writing you threatening mail from jail or did he? You need to bring that to the attention of the police both in person and in writing. Bring the letters in person to the police, then make copies and send them via registered mail, return receipt. If he's not threatening you or the kids though, you will have to play the waiting game.

Keep us posted.

 

[batblue2000]

Yes, he was convicted of 8 felony charges all together. 1 being child abuse/neglect ! The others were dealing in stolen property, possession of cocaine, failure to return lease property, 3 counts of grand theft and a trafficing charge. Honestly, as for the support I could care less ! I have made it this far , don't want it or need it ! Besides it would be dirty drug money anyway, thta's how he has always earned his money !


Thanks again,
Melissa

 

[batblue2000]

Okay tammy, don't be so quick to Judge ! MY FAMILY are the only ones who watch my children first of all, second would you want your children around a monster even supervised ? If you don't have children than you should not be giving advise, because every GOOD parent knows you do what you have to do to support and survive and I choose to do it legally, morally and professionally ! The only person who will be treading lightly or walking on thin ice is HIM ! I have tried to keep an open mind to everyones post's here but really now what would you do ? Maybe you should think of that prior to your posting's. Honestly it almost seems as though you have some battle going on that isn't going your way, and I am sorry for that, but your negativity or blindness does nothing here for me , anyone else or yourself !

 

[VeronicaGia]

Yes, he was convicted of 8 felony charges all together. 1 being child abuse/neglect ! The others were dealing in stolen property, possession of cocaine, failure to return lease property, 3 counts of grand theft and a trafficing charge. Honestly, as for the support I could care less ! I have made it this far , don't want it or need it ! Besides it would be dirty drug money anyway, thta's how he has always earned his money !


Thanks again,
Melissa

Wow! Are you sure he's even going to get out of jail, definitely, in six months? If there's a parole hearing, or if you have any input into his release, you should speak up there!

 

[batblue2000]

I guess I need to check into it. As far as I know he was sentenced to 36 months in June of 2002, but was there for 5 months prior to sentencing so he also got credit for time served. With all his time and gain time they are showing his release date in 6 months. Now if he messes up it could change again. I will try and call the prison tomorrow and ask if he gets a hearing and if I can attend ! Thanks !

Melissa

 

[THXFelicia]

batblue2000--I sympathize with you and your children. You can only 'know' someone, by going by what they tell/show you. Blaming you for having children with this man when you were unaware of his behavior does not make sense. My ex was convicted of felony child abuse and was originally ordered not to have any contact with minors (however this was later amended), so be very leery thinking that solves the problem of him ever being alone with the children. My ex, 5 years later, still has supervised visits, and I intend to keep fighting to see that he does not get unsupervised (I realize with all my fighting it probably eventually won't do any good--but if I dwell on that I would fall to pieces)--at least until my child can have a better chance of protecting himself. I understand your fear---it eats at you-- thinking that a monster may one day have your most precious possession. Save everything he sends you, write down/and date every conversation/contact in a log. Start saving money to hire a lawyer, and FIGHT. I wish you luck in trying to keep this man from even supervised visits. At a certain point--it is more than just 'oops I made a few mistakes'--unfortunately the system only gives lip service to 'children's rights'--it is all about the right of the biological parent (s) irregardless of just how terrible they are. I understand you not wanting them to have even supervised visits with this man. I , or my husband, supervise my ex's visits and it makes me sick to see this man (term used loosely) sitting near my son. I never directly look at ex's hands because I can't stand to imagine the hurt he inflicted with them--I see his hands and can't help but picture the x-ray of my 13 week old baby's broken femur. In cases of child abuse, even supervised visits just punish the victims yet again. Keep fighting.

 

[batblue2000]

My heart truly goes out to you and I am so sorry that you, your family and child have to endure this emotional roller coaster as well. I too wish I could have seen through the lies that were told, the deception and mostly wish that I could have been as clairvoiant as some think I should have been. Guess my crystal ball was on the fritz that day ! Unfortunatly, I have had to sit and think of all the worst case scenerio's. It makes my stomach turn and honestly when I think of them I don't like the person I see in the mirror because of the evil thoughts I feel and the things I would love to do to him. Again, I don't understand the judicial system and probably never will. Not for you or for me or any other abused child and there families. Last time I was in court I was held in contempt when I called the Judge an idiot and asked him if he would let this snake write to his kids ? (So much for freedom of speech) I think the only thing that will truly save my children from even supervised is the fact that my x can not stay clean for than 3 months at a time and the usual cycle is he is either baker acted or in jail within 6 months. He has also been diagnosed as bi-polar and impulsive/compulsive disorder. He is on and off meds when he chooses. I know supervised will have to be with a DCF case worker. Here in Fla all supervised are at a place called castle creek, a shelter type facility. He will have to pay $25.00 a visit and for only 1 hour at a time usually on Saturday's. The fortunate thing is that he doesn't have a car, he will be living in a homeless shelter (because even mommy who makes excuses for him won't let him live there because she is afraid he will clean her out) and he hasn't held down a job in the 4 1/2 years I have known him. I guess in a way I keep telling myself all these things in hopes to make me feel better. Honestly, I don't think I want to face the reality of anything different right now. I just don't understand for all the victims out there from newbourn to present age how the victims loose and the attackers win. And how they are allowed to continue to attack mentally. They say an alcoholic or drug addict cannot be forced into recovery, they will heal on there time, when they are ready, and courts, everyone basically gives them a number in the book of statistics and send them on there way, but yet an abused child or a potentially abused child is forced to have a relationship with someone who hurt them. They are not told on your time or when you are ready. They fall through the cracks and are led by a dictatorship ! They say "our children are our future" well I say thanks to all the Judges out there "you are ruining our children future" We are fighting for there future at 2, 10 , 15 or any age and they wonder why as an adult they are standing before the same Judge for hate crimes, rape, murder, drug charges, etc. This isn't rocket science !!!! I will keep fighting and don't you ever give up as well. I don't know when, I don't know how, but I will tell you someday, somehow I am going to help change all this ! For you, for me for all our children ! I am not scared to take on the Judges and the law anymore, what they do to me is nothing compared to what is being done to our children ! Thank you again and never give up !

Melissa

 

[ili]

Keep up the fight!

THXFelicia and Batblue2000: Please keep us informed as to how things go. I, for one, care about these children. I have a great
grandson who is going through a lot but he has grandparents
and great grandparents who love him very much and show our
love when we are allowed to see him. I can't imagine the pain
you two are going through. The judgmental people add to the
pain. Just keep fighting for the children. They are the future!
God bless you.

 

[batblue2000]

God Bless you Ili !!! Sometimes just a kind word like yours keeps us strong and on the right path ! I will keep your family in my prayers as well. Good luck with your great grandson and again thank you very, very much for your kindness !

Melissa