Please Help!!

[sharon_grounds]

pleae help

Yes..my little girl gets child support from her "donor" as I call him. He has never been interested in seeing her and has never contacted me to ask about her, so he is nothing but a check to me every month. My daughter does get support, but I dont want to use her money to pay our bills, that belings to her, I'd rather get a job than to spend money that I fought to get for her.

 

[jez51]

please don't misquote me. I meant men AND women with blended families. Just as a support paying family must deal with that reality, so must a support receiving family. A receiving family should be held to the same budgeting rules as a paying one, in my book.

A man has just as much ability to move on as the woman does. there are many more factors involved as to whether or not the woman or the "new" spouse of the man get to be stay at home parents.

I wasn't trying to misquote you, just stating what I have seen over the years.......

 

[theother]

Re: pleae help

Yes..my little girl gets child support from her "donor" as I call him. He has never been interested in seeing her and has never contacted me to ask about her, so he is nothing but a check to me every month. My daughter does get support, but I dont want to use her money to pay our bills, that belings to her, I'd rather get a job than to spend money that I fought to get for her.

Sorry, I misunderstood when you said that you were barely getting by on his checks. It sounded like you wanted him to support you and your daughter over his son. Now I know you want to use the CS "for her", but also, remember that CS also goes for her share of household expenses like housing, utilites, food etc. Don't feel guilty for using it for that purpose. Your hubby shouldn't be covering all of that for her (or for you for that matter) if he can't afford to pay the CS for his biokid.

Well, good luck to you. I know how hard it is to be with an NCP. Just be glad that the ex is willing to work with you. Most CP's would think that the NCP was crazy to ask for the support to be lowered so that the new wife could stay home with a child from a previous relationship especially if they work full-time. Honestly, I can see their point. I probably woudn't agree to it. Frankly, I'm suprised she's not asking for 1/2 of daycare expenses.

Oh, I think that I found the section dealing with the deduction for new dependents. It doesn't sound like you can downward modify for the new kidlet. If you guys are that close to the edge, have you figured out if the order is the amount that he is actually supposed to be paying based on guidelines? If it is, sounds like you may have to get a job. Good luck.

§48A-1A-2. Adjusted gross income.
(a) "Adjusted gross income" means gross income less the payment of previously ordered
child support, spousal support or separate maintenance.
(b) A further deduction from gross income for additional dependents may be allowed by the
court or master if the parent has legal dependents other than those for whom support is being
determined. An adjustment may be used in the establishment of a child support order or in a
review of a child support order. However, in cases where a modification is sought, the
adjustment should not be used to the extent that it results in a support amount lower than the
previously existing order for the children who are the subject of the modification. The court or
master may elect to use the following adjustment because it allots equitable shares of support to
all of the support obligor’s legal dependents. Using the income of the support obligor only,
determine the basic child support obligation (from the table of basic child support obligations in
section three, article one-b of this chapter) for the number of additional legal dependents living
with the support obligor. Multiply this figure by 0.75 and subtract this amount from the support
obligor's gross income.

http://www.wvdhhr.org/bcse/chapter48a1.cfm

 

[Boxcarbill]

Re: pleae help

Yes..my little girl gets child support from her "donor" as I call him. He has never been interested in seeing her and has never contacted me to ask about her, so he is nothing but a check to me every month. My daughter does get support, but I dont want to use her money to pay our bills, that belings to her, I'd rather get a job than to spend money that I fought to get for her.

Let me see if I understand this. Your husband has a one year old son from a prior relationship for whom he is paying $200.00 a month. Now, that you are expecting your first child with the new husband, you want to know whether the child support for the one year old can be reduced because of the child that you are expecting. You have a daughter living with you who is eating, using utilities, has a room, etc. but the child support that she is receiving should not be used to help support her! You are unbelievable. No, not really. Unfortunately you are too run of the mill in modification cases. I hope that you say this in the courtroom!

 

[hexeliebe]

Thank you BCB. I was about to go off on this "LADY" before you posted. And this is the comment I was going to go off on:

Yes..my little girl gets child support from her "donor" as I call him.

It's too bad most adults aren't. And people like this seem to forget she spread her legs for this "donor"....now what does that say about her?

 

[Tinaa]

The main reason I work is to make sure we have the money to pay my husband's child support plus any extras we or his children may need. I knew he had kids and paid child support when I signed on. Actually, I felt pretty good about this man who felt paying his child support was his first priority.

 

[lovingdaddy2]

Will his support payments be reduced because he will soon have another dependant to support,

ANSWER : yes you husband can get his support lowered - WE have done it once- and my husband and I have 2 more kids and yes we are going to do it again - Why should one child get 200.00 a month Like today we have 2 boys - i spent a wopping 70.00 on school clothes on them why should one child get 200 and the others get 0


Thanks for who posted this -
His CS case is in WV so that is where he would have to go to ask for changes, CS is based on a per centage and other children are taken into consideration, after all he is obligated to support
ALL OF HIS CHILDREN. Military pay has always sucked, nobody I know has ever gotten rich from it, in fact most military families have to go on food stamps. Just keep in mind, that his other child deserves as much(not more, not less)than your child.


My husband is ex military 5 years E-4 honorable discharge medical - the bring home -0- I have copies of his LES and he make more money now then ever !! LOL

 

[Bruno6301]

Hmmmmm....

Well, here is my unsolicited comment. Just my 2 cents.

My husband has 3 kids from his previous marriage...When we got married, they lived with us, and we had some serious issues, and several problems. It was decided that the kids would go back and live with their mother. Child support was set at: $1200.00 a month...(New Jersey) and THAT is a decent amount for this state.

My husband and I went on to have 2 more children. BUT it was NEVER an issue of whether or not to "try and lower" the child support! Never! That is their money, and they did not ask to be born and they had no say in our kids being born. They all deserve to be supported.

His former wife and I, as well as him, have cleared the air, aired our grievances, and decided to act like grownups, and do what is in best interest of "our" kids...all 5.

I REFUSE to eat steak for dinner, be able to go out anytime and buy what we need, whenever we need it, and worry that my "other" kids are needing something. Her rent is $1250.00 a month, and she only gets a few hundred dollars from other sources, and she is on food stamps. She cannot work. Day care alone, just her half, would kill her financially. So, we take her additional monies to help with the kids needs. I work, and I put my check in the bank to support ALL OF "our" kids. I don't mind not having something for them to have something.

Isn't that what being a parent is all about? You have your "fun in the sun", decide to play grown up, and bring a helpless child into the world...Sorry, but that means sacrifice. I love my husband, and I love "our" kids. We will make sure ALL of them have a fair chance in life, and the chance to go to college. Sure, since there are 5, they all won't go where we went to college, it's too expensive, BUT they at least will have a shot at colleges we can afford.

Please don't fuss about child support...it's just that..."Support for a child".....My husband's ex gave me 10 boxes of baby clothes for our 9 month old daughter when she was born, and I try to help her out too. I take money by, and an extra bag of groceries when I can. I call, and ask, "Do the kids need anything?" So does my husband....It's called parenting. There are some months, we have to cut back...we do....they get what they need....and that makes me so proud of our way of life. My husband makes sure that each payday, we drive over, give her a check that SHE deserves for the children, and we talk and catch up.

Please rethink trying to lower the support for a child.....it's necessary.....and it's right to keep it as it is.


(stepping off of my soapbox now...sorry so long)

 

[coosi]

Bruno

AMEN...really.

 

[VG1013]

Bruno....your one of the few out there who is unselfish and understanding. Some "second wives" don't understand or don't care what happens to their husband's children from a previous marriage. They don't realize what CS means...it's support for the children who live without their daddy there everyday. It's bad enough their home is broken up...now they want to take food out of their mouths too. But you know...one day they may be in the same perdicament, I wonder what song they will be singing then.

 

[theother]

Gee. and I was trying to phrase it all nice and everything.


Honestly, when there are subsequent children involved, I think they should be taken into account before a support order is raised, but I don't think that people should be able to lower support for that reason unless the support was some huge amount to begin with. You should make sure that you can take care of the kids you have before having new ones, but if you are taking care of those kids and you get a raise or a new job or something, I think that you should be able to use that new money to afford to have more children. That's what intact families would do. When the parents get a raise, they decide if they can afford to add to their family, they don't just automatically spend more money on their existing children. An NCP should definitely not try to reduce support on his existing children so he can support a new stay-at-home wife and her kid.

 

[sharon_grounds]

pleae help

Geez..I didnt know that everyone would get so upset about this subject. My husband pays 422.00 in support, not 200.00. I dont want to take anything away from that baby, but I think that BOTH of his children should be supported EQUALLY. Its not fair that one gets 422.00 a month and the new one gets next to nothing, its not right. I might sound selfish, but trust me I'm not. And yes to some of you, I did sleep with this man that turned out to be my daughters father, but he is the one that ran out on us and refused to take responsiblity as a father and was forced to pay for a child me made, so please think again before you try to make me sound like the bad guy in this! I was simply asking a rational question because I dont want this new baby to go without. I know this is a sensitive subject for some of you and I am deeply sorry if I offended any of you, but please dont try to make me feel bad over something as little as lowering support, there are tons of women that feel the same was that I do. I am my husbands 1st wive, he and the ex were never married, they just dated. and to "lovingdaddy2", thank you for being so helpful and nice, thats the way that these questions should be answered instead of some people being attacked for asking a simple question and being completely misunderstood.

 

[Star43]

reply

In Mass there is some law that first kids come first. I do agree that all kids should be compensated equally depending on the age. But that isn't always the way it goes.

Yes it can be very hard to live when you pay CS, but you need to pay the consequences for having children, I respect all people who do not walk away from their own kids.

I also believe that if money is that tight, no matter what age of the baby, you should get some income. WE all have to do what we GOTTA do. I always worked fulltime when my kids were little, they are now 8 and 12, and I have just cut back, I feel it is time, and we can afford it right now. There is a medium out there if you try to find it.

 

[Boxcarbill]

Re: pleae help

Geez..I didnt know that everyone would get so upset about this subject. My husband pays 422.00 in support, not 200.00. I dont want to take anything away from that baby, but I think that BOTH of his children should be supported EQUALLY. Its not fair that one gets 422.00 a month and the new one gets next to nothing, its not right. I might sound selfish, but trust me I'm not. And yes to some of you, I did sleep with this man that turned out to be my daughters father, but he is the one that ran out on us and refused to take responsiblity as a father and was forced to pay for a child me made, so please think again before you try to make me sound like the bad guy in this! I was simply asking a rational question because I dont want this new baby to go without. I know this is a sensitive subject for some of you and I am deeply sorry if I offended any of you, but please dont try to make me feel bad over something as little as lowering support, there are tons of women that feel the same was that I do. I am my husbands 1st wive, he and the ex were never married, they just dated. and to "lovingdaddy2", thank you for being so helpful and nice, thats the way that these questions should be answered instead of some people being attacked for asking a simple question and being completely misunderstood.

No, you weren't misunderstood. You do want to take something from this one year old son. You want to reduce the amount of child support that he is receiving and that is taking support from him. You in your infinite selfishness have decided that he doesn't need that much support and that your daughter's child support is a nest egg that should not be used to support her. Your logical reasoning skills are foefully lacking. The rationalizations for why you want to reduce the child support that his son is receiving does not change the fact that you are wanting to take money away from that child.

You also are selfish and every post that you have made demonstrates just how self possessed you are. You want to keep the child support that you are receiving for your daughter "for your daughter" and let your husband support you, your daughter from a previous relationship as well as this next child that you are expecting by taking child support away from his son. I can promise you as a licensed family lawyer that this will not play worth a damn in the courtroom! The child support is not going to be reduced on this basis. So you are going to need to use your daughter's CHILD SUPPORT to SUPPORT your daughter or you will need to find work to help SUPPORT your children which is what the law requires. BOTH parents have a legal obligation to support their child.

Incidentally, it doesn't make a damn whether you are the first wife or not. Nor does it make any difference, with a couple of rare federal law exceptions, whether a child is born of a marriage or is born out of wedlock. The out of wedlock child is entitled to support, inheritance, SSI, to file wrongful death suit for the death of their father to the same extent as their mother, etc.. So the fact that you are his first wife and the son came out of a long term romantic relationship or a drunken one-night stand is irrelevant. Justice is blind to the difference.

 

[haiku]

"Its not fair that one gets 422.00 a month and the new one gets next to nothing, its not right" -Sharon Grounds



" i spent a wopping 70.00 on school clothes on them why should one child get 200 and the others get 0"-Loving daddy 2


Are you saying your children don't benefit from the REST of his paycheck? Are they homeless, hungry, and naked?

If so maybe you need to pick up your half of YOUR share to your child just as the mother of your husbands other kids does.

its one thing when a CP demands more, and no tlift a finger to make her own life better, just because she can, but you people are not realistic, if you think your husbands have no real obligation to any kids who do not live with them.