Please Help!!

[Boxcarbill]

Damn Bruno, you are a rare and precious gem! When I run across someone like you it helps me to believe that there may yet be some goodness in people. I won't be running into any of your five children in juvenile court. All five are very, fortunate children.

 

[sharon_grounds]

please help

My God!! i think that this subject has gotten way out of hand!! Many of you have taken it beyond the reasonable bounds of reality. First off, for all of you that have seen my point in this and have supported me because you have the same ordeal and me, thank you all. And for the rest of you who want to attack me for wanting to take care of my new baby, then you can all just mind your own business and raise hell in another forum. I wanted a simple answer to a very simple question. I didnt come on here and be told that I'm a bad person for wanting the same for my husbands second child that his first one has, it's not going to happen like that and I'm going to make damn sure of it!! Call me selfish, call me a bitch, call me what you want, frankly I DO NOT CARE!!! I'm looking out for my children and I'm not going to sit back and watch one child have it better than the others, thats not how i work, I'm all about being fair. The mother of my husbands son works full time, so he isnt only supported by my husband. I dont work because there are not jobs here and the cost of day care here is outrageous, and I'd rather raise my child myself rather than have a day care worker raise her. I am seriously offended by lots of the remarks made to me, ones that frankly were irrelevant to the question at hand. So for that matter, this will be my last reply and post on this forum, many of you people have proven to me that you are VERY rude and ill mannered and quite possibly have nothing else going on in your lives but to judge others, well guess what, this is one lady that refuses to sit back and take you "responses". I have better things to do and much better people to talk to (for all of you that didnt offend me but agreed with me, this does not apply to you) So i bid you all good day. Good Bye

 

[Boxcarbill]

Gee. and I was trying to phrase it all nice and everything.


Honestly, when there are subsequent children involved, I think they should be taken into account before a support order is raised, but I don't think that people should be able to lower support for that reason unless the support was some huge amount to begin with. You should make sure that you can take care of the kids you have before having new ones, but if you are taking care of those kids and you get a raise or a new job or something, I think that you should be able to use that new money to afford to have more children. That's what intact families would do. When the parents get a raise, they decide if they can afford to add to their family, they don't just automatically spend more money on their existing children. An NCP should definitely not try to reduce support on his existing children so he can support a new stay-at-home wife and her kid.

Actually research does support that families here in America don't just keep having children every time more money comes into the household but, in fact, do raise their standard of living. There are currently 6 billion people in the world today. At the turn of the century in 1900 there were 1 billion. The world population, if it continues at its present growth will double again by the year 2030. What that translates to is competition. Competition for resources--land, food, jobs, mates.

Even our more popular national parks are considering requiring advance reservations to cut down on the number of people who are coming through the parks. The shear number of visitors are threatening the parks. We will see in the next decade (10 years) where there is a waiting list to visit Yellowstone. Many of the more popular national parks, today, have already prohibited access to the parks by private automobile during peak seasons.

People need to become responsible in their reproduction. It is irresponsible reproduction by humans which are driving to extinction other species and I'm not talking about insects and fish but large mammals and primates. So intelligent, responsible people do not just keep breeding every time they get an extra dollar.

 

[lovingdaddy2]

The child support is not going to be reduced on this basis (boxcar)
YES child support can be reduced - I have proof !!!!!!

" i spent a wopping 70.00 on school clothes on them why should one child get 200 and the others get 0"-Loving daddy 2


Are you saying your children don't benefit from the REST of his paycheck? Yes they do
Are they homeless, NO
hungry always
, and naked? NO


I dont have to work and I am not going to work - I have 3 kids a 14month old 3 year old adah/iMPULSIVE behavior-and a BIG 4 1/2 year old - My husband brings home about 1800 a month home -

My husband calls his daughter every saturday (court Ordered) has seen her for a full 2 weeks Since mom left him to go back to Germany - she had the Affair - We have PROOF !!
She works and did not inform DES - so here he paying child support based upon MIM wage on her and paying child suppuprt at his pay 12.05 hr ! They DES cs should make it equal -

Call your local DES office and ask them can child support be lowed for another child

(What is your husbands rank in the USMC)

try this link http://www.supportguidelines.com/main.html

I hope you can WIN your case keep us posted

 

[Boxcarbill]

Re: please help

My God!! i think that this subject has gotten way out of hand!! Many of you have taken it beyond the reasonable bounds of reality. First off, for all of you that have seen my point in this and have supported me because you have the same ordeal and me, thank you all. And for the rest of you who want to attack me for wanting to take care of my new baby, then you can all just mind your own business and raise hell in another forum. I wanted a simple answer to a very simple question. I didnt come on here and be told that I'm a bad person for wanting the same for my husbands second child that his first one has, it's not going to happen like that and I'm going to make damn sure of it!! Call me selfish, call me a bitch, call me what you want, frankly I DO NOT CARE!!! I'm looking out for my children and I'm not going to sit back and watch one child have it better than the others, thats not how i work, I'm all about being fair. The mother of my husbands son works full time, so he isnt only supported by my husband. I dont work because there are not jobs here and the cost of day care here is outrageous, and I'd rather raise my child myself rather than have a day care worker raise her. I am seriously offended by lots of the remarks made to me, ones that frankly were irrelevant to the question at hand. So for that matter, this will be my last reply and post on this forum, many of you people have proven to me that you are VERY rude and ill mannered and quite possibly have nothing else going on in your lives but to judge others, well guess what, this is one lady that refuses to sit back and take you "responses". I have better things to do and much better people to talk to (for all of you that didnt offend me but agreed with me, this does not apply to you) So i bid you all good day. Good Bye

Reality. It's a bitch, isn't it? If you want the same for your husband's second child as the first child, then give your child a working mother like his first child has. Reality is tough to swallow and it will be even harder in the courtroom. It is the same old story: The other side bribed the judge; slept with the judge or the losing party's attorney is incompetent and lost the case. It is everyone else's fault. Everyone is out of step in the band except little Johnny. I don't care that you are offended. I will tell you exactly what have told others: With over 410,000 posts, your departure will make the same difference in this forum as crying in the ocean will make in the sea level.

 

[nextwife]

Boxcarbill, I SOOO agree. When I was in high school (where, BTW, not one girl in my grad class of 600 had a kid before HS graduation, nor do any kids in that HS today), we discussed the concept of geometric world population growth and population stresses on the planet. Remember ZPG? Zero Population Growth? We each ONLY "replace" ourselves?

That is one reason why DH and I adopted from an orphanage when we wanted to become parents together. One can further expand their family by adoption. I had one and adopted one. There are over 20,000 kids in my kid's nation of birth stagnating in orphanages who NEED homes. If domestic adoption were quaranteed to be a "done deal" at placement, as is international, we may very well have gone domestic. Too many very young men and woman (and BOTH should be taking a responsible role in this, not waiting for thr other to do so) take no action at all to prevent or defer pregnancy. And too many of their parents then encouraging the immature and incapable to go ahead and parent these kids. And the kids suffer.

One DIS-INCENTIVE to adoption is that we suppliment reproductive costs via health plans that cover childbirth, IVF, maternity costs and other reproductive technologies (and I am NOT saying they should not pay for delivery, prenatal, etc, so don't misunderstand) but fail to offer similar "underwriting" of family expansion costs via adoption. An employer plan might shell out $30,000 in IVF costs. but won't offer $1 toward adoption expenses.

 

[Boxcarbill]

The child support is not going to be reduced on this basis (boxcar)
YES child support can be reduced - I have proof !!!!!!

" i spent a wopping 70.00 on school clothes on them why should one child get 200 and the others get 0"-Loving daddy 2


Are you saying your children don't benefit from the REST of his paycheck? Yes they do
Are they homeless, NO
hungry always
, and naked? NO


I dont have to work and I am not going to work - I have 3 kids a 14month old 3 year old adah/iMPULSIVE behavior-and a BIG 4 1/2 year old - My husband brings home about 1800 a month home -

My husband calls his daughter every saturday (court Ordered) has seen her for a full 2 weeks Since mom left him to go back to Germany - she had the Affair - We have PROOF !!
She works and did not inform DES - so here he paying child support based upon MIM wage on her and paying child suppuprt at his pay 12.05 hr ! They DES cs should make it equal -

Call your local DES office and ask them can child support be lowed for another child

(What is your husbands rank in the USMC)

try this link http://www.supportguidelines.com/main.html

I hope you can WIN your case keep us posted

Sure it can be done but in this case the child support order, according to the original poster in her post about the mother-in-law, is a very recent order. Most courts will not allow a modification within one year of an order being made. I don't see the court reducing a child support order this soon. Even if the court did, it would not be but a very few dollars--example from 20 percent to 18.5 percent and then if he has gotten a cost of leaving increase, the dollar difference as opposed to the percentage difference would not result in any real savings. But, hey, go for it. The nice thing about the Internet is that she can come back and say whatever she wants. "The court reduced child support but ordered the mother of his son to pay us $200.00 a month for our new child!"

 

[momself]

Re: Re: please help

Reality. It's a bitch, isn't it? If you want the same for your husband's second child as the first child, then give your child a working mother like his first child has.

I agree BCB. The first child's mother is not too good to go to work and support her child...why do you think you are?

And as far as your daughter from a previous relationship...the money you receive in cs should be used to pay part of the bills.

Ever thought of babysitting for others for extra cash? There are alternatives to sending your children to daycare...

 

[hexeliebe]

My husband calls his daughter every saturday (court Ordered) has seen her for a full 2 weeks Since mom left him to go back to Germany - she had the Affair - We have PROOF !!

You know, I wasn't going to get involved in this thread anymore until I read that statement.

Your hubby needs his ass kicked, his balls taken in for an overhaul and a good "Come to Jesus meeting".

By the way, who gives a rat's ass if she had an affair? The courts would laugh you out of there.

As for the Germany bit, Wilkommen ins Vereigen Statten!!! My ex is from Austria. When she left and took the kids to Canada she worked for a year but couldn't make ends meet. That's when she decided to "Take her girls home to Vienna".

Well, guess what? I contacted the U.S. State Department and the Canadian Port Authority and had her passport flagged. She wasn't going anywhere. When she found out she called and after about an hour of calling me everything but a white boy she finally realized she wasn't going anywhere with our daughters.

That's been five years now and she gets more than $5,000 a month, I see my daughters whenever I want and we actually get along.

So instead of pissing and moaning about your lot in life, figure out it's not going to change. Even if he does get CS lowered you or he or the ex will find something else to complain about.

So, tell me when will it stop?

 

[theother]

No, BCB, I didn't say (and I certainly didn't mean) that people will "keep having children every time more money comes into the household". That's taking it a wee bit to the extreme, don't you think? What I said was that people should be able to decide if they can now afford to have more children. I guess I should have added, if they want more children. No, I don't think that a payraise would be the sole impetus to decide to have another child. However, if a couple wanted more children, but had decided that they couldn't afford to care for another child, then yes, I'm sure they would use that opportunity of a raise to add to their family instead of raising everyone's standard of living. A lot of responsible people do wait for financial stability before they have families. I don't see how you can argue with the logic of that, random research notwithstanding. What they certainly DON"T do in intact households is raise ONE child's standard of living while letting the rest fall by the wayside. Besides, while I am fully aware of the rampant materialism that grips many in this country, I am sure that there are many who value family over things. Now, I'm all for reproductive responsibility, (and admittedly, when I posted I more had in mind cases where there is only one child that the NCP possibly has limited access to) and it makes me cringe when I see people with tons of children running around, but unless we are willing to take measures along the line of China, I don't see much that we can do about it.

 

[VG1013]

Sharon......I agree with BCB on this one, and to prove a point on how you sound, this is what you said,( "am deeply sorry if I offended any of you, but please dont try to make me feel bad over something as little as lowering support, there are tons of women that feel the same was that I do".)

Your apologizing for offending others in one sentence, and in the next your saying "as little as lowering support"??? Lowering CS is NOT a little thing. What would you do if the shoe were on the other foot? Would you want this for your child? As most of us said...if things are tight, then you and your husband must find a way to bring in more income. This is what a judge will tell you, and all the money you will be spending on a Lawyer and court fee's will be money taken away from your child. Think about that!

 

[jez51]

Re: pleae help

Geez..I didnt know that everyone would get so upset about this subject. My husband pays 422.00 in support, not 200.00. I dont want to take anything away from that baby, but I think that BOTH of his children should be supported EQUALLY. Its not fair that one gets 422.00 a month and the new one gets next to nothing, its not right. I might sound selfish, but trust me I'm not. And yes to some of you, I did sleep with this man that turned out to be my daughters father, but he is the one that ran out on us and refused to take responsiblity as a father and was forced to pay for a child me made, so please think again before you try to make me sound like the bad guy in this! I was simply asking a rational question because I dont want this new baby to go without. I know this is a sensitive subject for some of you and I am deeply sorry if I offended any of you, but please dont try to make me feel bad over something as little as lowering support, there are tons of women that feel the same was that I do. I am my husbands 1st wive, he and the ex were never married, they just dated. and to "lovingdaddy2", thank you for being so helpful and nice, thats the way that these questions should be
answered instead of some people being attacked for asking a simple question and being completely misunderstood.

It's a proven fact that you can take ten people, have them all read the same page out of a book, and they will all have a different version of what they read. That is what happens on this forum, so you have to ignore the rudeness and insults, because those are the ones who read what they wanted and then passed their judgement. The most common mistake on here is those who compare their circumstances to yours. Not everyone has a hunky dory divorce where the ex's get along and live in Leave it to Beaver land. I commend those who do have this congeniality because it makes the kids lives much better, but unfortunately you all know this isn't the norm. I know there are some people who don't give a rat's ass about their step-children, but most are just looking for ways to make sure all of their children's needs are met. Reality is people don't look in their check books and say "Gee..we got a couple of extra bucks, let's have a baby".
Sorry...people have their children and then work them into the budget.

 

[theother]

I'm still wildly curious about what she spends her daughter's CS on, while she makes her hubby pay all their bills. She says that she fought so hard for her daughter's CS. I would think that she would be more understanding about her stepson's CS. How would she feel if her daughter's father had another child and tried to lower the support?

 

[Boxcarbill]

No, BCB, I didn't say (and I certainly didn't mean) that people will "keep having children every time more money comes into the household". That's taking it a wee bit to the extreme, don't you think? What I said was that people should be able to decide if they can now afford to have more children. I guess I should have added, if they want more children. No, I don't think that a payraise would be the sole impetus to decide to have another child. However, if a couple wanted more children, but had decided that they couldn't afford to care for another child, then yes, I'm sure they would use that opportunity of a raise to add to their family instead of raising everyone's standard of living. A lot of responsible people do wait for financial stability before they have families. I don't see how you can argue with the logic of that, random research notwithstanding. What they certainly DON"T do in intact households is raise ONE child's standard of living while letting the rest fall by the wayside. Besides, while I am fully aware of the rampant materialism that grips many in this country, I am sure that there are many who value family over things. Now, I'm all for reproductive responsibility, (and admittedly, when I posted I more had in mind cases where there is only one child that the NCP possibly has limited access to) and it makes me cringe when I see people with tons of children running around, but unless we are willing to take measures along the line of China, I don't see much that we can do about it.

You said, "When the parents get a raise, they decide if they can afford to add to their family, they don't just automatically spend more money on their existing children." The fact is most parents do spend more money on their existing children because cost of living increases year to year and the cost of rearing a child increases as they child gets older. (Ask any parent who has a teen age son what their grocery bill is now and what it was when the child was younger. Then ask how much difference there is in liability insurance for the teenagers and the adult members of the household and what the premium difference is between teen boys and girls, etc.)

Material things is not a negative nor is having material things and a family mutually exclusive circles. People have a family and material things. People have a family and little material things; People do not have a famiy or material things and People have material things and no family. And people have off springs but no family or material things. There is, however, a direct correlation between educational level and number of children and family income or material things.

On to China. China has 1 billion of the world population. I think most anyone can recognize the necessity of the measures of population control instituted in that country and it shouldn't take much reasoning to figure out the impact overcrowding in one country has on another country! Nor does it take much to figure out what happens with competition for limited resources. At the beginning of WWII (for the United States) , the population of China was such that if the population of China marched 4 abreast past a person, the end would never be reached because more Chinese would be born before the end of the existing population was reached. Now if it was four abreast in 1942, imagine how many could march abreast today and never run out. This planet can only provide resources for so many and then nature will decide just what measure will be taken. You can look to the deer populations for clues. So either humans can take measures along whatever line is necessary to control our reproduction or the choices will be made for us. Nature can be cruel.

 

[theother]

BCB, first off the China thing. I do recognize the necessity of their population control measures. I never said that I disagreed with that. All I said was that unless we were willing to do something along those lines, there's not much we can do here. I doubt that the majority of the American public would stand for such reproductive controls. Personally, I agree with you about the overpopulation problem, but I don't see how that has much bearing on the topic at hand. If we were just talking about population control, I suspect that we would be mostly on the same side. However, this tangent is just clouding the issue.

As for the rest of it, I think you are deliberately being obtuse. As the cost of living increases, of course people are going to spend more money raising their children. However, people don't generally "raise ONE child's standard of living while letting the rest fall by the wayside". And if it's a choice between a larger house and better "material" things or being able to afford a second child, many people who want a second child will choose the second child. And no, material things are not necessarily negative, but "materialism" (which is the word I used) is.

Oh, and lest you form an opinion of me as someone who breeds indiscriminately, I waited until I finished my education, got firmly ensconced in my career, purchased my home, and achieved a level of financial security before I even considered planning a family. I also made sure that me and my SO were ready emotionally and that we shared the same goals and philosophies about family and finances. Soon, we will get married and then we will plan to have our one or two children, God willing.