Please help

[T_Odom]

What is the name of your state?NC
Okay here is the spill. I am a young mother of three children. Married young and am in the middle of what I feel is going to become a nasty divorce and custody battle. The Ex is not the problem as much as his parents are. They are pushing him to take the kids. They have gotten to see them everyday the past two weeks because I have been trying to move and find a job. The problem there I haven't worked in the past two years because I was a stay at home mom. It's hard to get a job when everyone thinks you have just been lazy for so long. I have a set of twin boys that just turned two and another one who just turned a year. I am living on my own and have been doing pretty well. I just went to drop the children off for a few hours b/c the ex decided to quit his job in order to not have to pay child support. He will be going in front of the judge in 30 days. The problem is that I cannot afford a lawyer and they aren't court appointed in NC. I was informed that he supposedly has a list of things he plans to use against me in court. He hasn't came out and said he was going to take out custody papers but I know he will. I just need some advice. I know that possession is 9/10th of the law and that he doesn't have to give the boys back at all but he always does and he is hardly ever home anyway. He has a new girlfriend that I am not supposed to know about, he gambles and goes out of town so his 50 something year old parents will end up being the caregivers if he gets cutody. I need someone to tell me what my next step should be. All I keep hearing from people I know is to keep the boys at home at all times and not let them go back over there because it looks bad on my part, and to stay at home alone when I don't have them because he probably has someone following me. I am going nuts.

Crazy in NC

 

[stealth2]

Without a court order, both of you have the same rights to custody. So you don't have to let him see the kids, he doesn't have to return them if you do. All things considered, it would be foolish for you to get involved with anyone - or give the impression of being involved - while you're going through the divorce. Have girlfriends over, go out with them to movies or whatever (not to pick up guys) when teh kids are with Dad.

 

[LdiJ]

Without a court order, both of you have the same rights to custody. So you don't have to let him see the kids, he doesn't have to return them if you do. All things considered, it would be foolish for you to get involved with anyone - or give the impression of being involved - while you're going through the divorce. Have girlfriends over, go out with them to movies or whatever (not to pick up guys) when teh kids are with Dad.

I will add a few other points....as a stay at home mom of first twins, and then another infant certainly no one can call you lazy...or use the fact that you didn't work against you. Obviously you were the primary caregiver for the children. Dad's chances of getting full custody in your situation really are quite slim.....I also don't think that the judge is going to be very impressed by the fact that he quit his job.

I would however recommend that you contact legal aid. You would probably qualify for assistance from them...and if you can at least get an attorney that way, its probably better.

 

[nextwife]

Have you considered sharing custody? There are several posters here who alternate custody, and they child is with both parents on an alternating schedule.

BTW- You discuss his "FIFTY something" parents as if they are old codgers, too old to watch a kid when they help dad out! I'm 50 and hubby is 58 and we are PARENTS to a 7 year old. And I know lots of 50 plus parents, some of whom have adopted multiple SNs kids.

 

[Step Mom of 3]

I also live in NC (Forsyth County) and I will tell you this..I made the mistake of letting my ex have our kids the first weekend after we split and he would not let me have our daughter back. Our son came back to me. Our daughter was 10 then (15 now) and when we went to court, the judge said the kids were fine where they were and to leave it split custody. So my advice to you is to keep those kids with you until custody is established!!!!!!!!!!! I have our daughter back now and our son went to live with dad. He is older so its easier for me to deal with him not living here. I tried getting help from Legal Aid and they told me they dont deal with custody issues. One other thing you need to remember is when you are on the stand, whatever you do, no matter how bad it might make you look, TELL THE TRUTH!!! B/C if he has PROOF of anything, then the judge will make you look foolish. I knew that my ex had a video of something and when they asked me about it in court, I told the truth b/c I knew if I lied, they would show the video to the whole court room and then I would have DIED! What county are you in?

 

[styl4u64]

Whaaaaaaat?

I also live in NC (Forsyth County) and I will tell you this..I made the mistake of letting my ex have our kids the first weekend after we split and he would not let me have our daughter back. Our son came back to me. Our daughter was 10 then (15 now) and when we went to court, the judge said the kids were fine where they were and to leave it split custody. So my advice to you is to keep those kids with you until custody is established!!!!!!!!!!! I have our daughter back now and our son went to live with dad. He is older so its easier for me to deal with him not living here. I tried getting help from Legal Aid and they told me they dont deal with custody issues. One other thing you need to remember is when you are on the stand, whatever you do, no matter how bad it might make you look, TELL THE TRUTH!!! B/C if he has PROOF of anything, then the judge will make you look foolish. I knew that my ex had a video of something and when they asked me about it in court, I told the truth b/c I knew if I lied, they would show the video to the whole court room and then I would have DIED! What county are you in?

Asking member from NC???

 

[Step Mom of 3]

yes did I say something wrong???