POA, Advance Directives

[gam]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Mi

My mom, just turned 90, while she is still capable of making her own decisions, due to my sister in law, she wants to get some paperwork done. She refuses to do a will(no talking her out of it, she worked for Probate Court most her adult life and won't do it), but has set up some stuff. We are ok with what she wants and were just going to be civil about it and do it, however because of my sister in law, my mom now wants it on paper.

My daughter has been in charge of my moms medical for the last 10 years, and during a few of her recent hospital stays, my mom just signs papers there authorizing my daughter access to her medical records and has all the Drs speak to my daughter. My daughter is also authorized with my moms medical insurance and all her Drs and takes her to all her Dr appts. So we did the Advanced Directives for Mi, my daughter is listed as her patient advocate. Do we need also to do a POA?

My sister is on my moms banking accounts, and she has while my mom was hospitalized taken care of her finances, paid her bills and all of that. My mom wants to give her the power. Is a POA the only thing we need here to do?

Now my mom is very specific on where she wants to be buried, she does not want a burial service, she does not want a funeral, she just wants a small service at her church. However my sister in law just made her buy a burial plot at a cemetery my mom does not want and is now trying to force her to pay for a burial service and pick out a funeral home and pay for those services. Long story why she was able to convince her to buy the plot, however my mom called her other children and made it clear she didn't want it. So after I read the paperwork she had 10 days to cancel so we helped her out and took her to the cemetery and she cancelled it. I'm sure this is going to cause issues when my sister in law gets wind of it. She is also trying to make my mom either leave her house and get in a senior complex or a nursing home. My mom does not want that either, she is plenty capable to take care of herself and we will see to it if that time comes that we get her in home help. My daughter is a nurse, and I also work in mental health, we have tons of connections and there is no reason for her to leave her home. Is there something here that can be done in writing(outside of a will) to express what my mom wants, so this crap can end now and there be no problems when the day comes to do my moms wishes? I need a legal document and I can't find what that document would be.

 

[justalayman]

Now my mom is very specific on where she wants to be buried, she does not want a burial service, she does not want a funeral, she just wants a small service at her church. However my sister in law just made her buy a burial plot at a cemetery my mom does not want and is now trying to force her to pay for a burial service and pick out a funeral home and pay for those services. Long story why she was able to convince her to buy the plot, however my mom called her other children and made it clear she didn't want it.

Mom is incapable of saying no?

My sister is on my moms banking accounts,

as having POA or as a joint owner?

Do we need also to do a POA?

that would depend on the facts. So far much of what you have stated does not substitute for a POA.

Is there something here that can be done in writing(outside of a will) to express what my mom wants, so this crap can end now and there be no problems when the day comes to do my moms wishes?

yes, but what is wrong with a will? A will does not have to control all of a person's estate. It can include that the paperboy get's a $12 tip and nothing more.

 

[tranquility]

Everyone should have a will, a health care power or attorney and directive and a durable power of attorney in case of mental disability if they love those will care or will care for them. I might include a living trust if there are any substantive assets.

 

[gam]

Mom is incapable of saying no?

She is not incapable of saying no, however she will not. I can't tell you why, her reasons are very valid and fit the situation, I would do the same if I was her. The reasons would be displaying my brother and sister in laws business on here, I don't have that right. Technically rules of this board, I don't have the right to post my moms business, she should be here. But she is 90, she does not do computers, she has come to the rest of us. I know the rules here, and I really should have thought it through a bit more, because I can't post all the needed info here.

as having POA or as a joint owner?

My sister is joint owner. My mom wants to do a POA with my sister named.

that would depend on the facts. So far much of what you have stated does not substitute for a POA.

My mistake, I though the paperwork we had was titled advance directives, it is not. It is Durable Power of Attorney, by filing it out, she will name my daughter as patient advocate, and it appears to me she will have POA then.

yes, but what is wrong with a will? A will does not have to control all of a person's estate. It can include that the paperboy get's a $12 tip and nothing more.

My mom won't do one, although I will try again and explain she can do just this portion on one and it won't have anything to do with Probate. She does not want us to have to go through Probate at all.

A will though is for after the fact. My sister in law is doing these things now. I appreciate your time and questions, they made me stop and think, I am pretty sure I know now the direction we need to go. Since I can't post some things here, I have no choice but to get us all to a lawyer.

 

[justalayman]

She is not incapable of saying no, however she will not. I can't tell you why, her reasons are very valid and fit the situation, I would do the same if I was her.

so she has agreed that yes is the word she intended on using.

Seriously, if she is capable of saying no, then she best stand up and say no or, if it ever gets to being a legally debatable issue, your post here of:]
she is not incapable of saying no

and the fact she did not say no means she said and meant yes. I kind of get your point but in the end, that is not going to make a difference should it be a disputable point because her actions say yes and she is capable of saying no means a court will look at it and say; she was of sound mind. She agreed. It is what it is.

My sister is joint owner. My mom wants to do a POA with my sister named.

make sure it is 'with rights of survivorship' if applicable. Haven't checked to see how your state deals with 'joint title'.

My mom won't do one, although I will try again and explain she can do just this portion on one and it won't have anything to do with Probate. She does not want us to have to go through Probate at all.

that is almost hilarious. Please explain to her that anything not disposed of prior to her death and not controlled by some other issue such as a trust or joint ownership will be dealt with through probate, including any remaining debts of the estate./

 

[gam]

so she has agreed that yes is the word she intended on using.

Seriously, if she is capable of saying no, then she best stand up and say no or, if it ever gets to being a legally debatable issue, your post here of:]
she is not incapable of saying no

and the fact she did not say no means she said and meant yes. I kind of get your point but in the end, that is not going to make a difference should it be a disputable point because her actions say yes and she is capable of saying no means a court will look at it and say; she was of sound mind. She agreed. It is what it is.

Yep that is what I already told her and my other siblings. The other part that worries me about this, is it is making her look like she is not of sound mind, and since someone has there own ideas on her they could run with that. We all know why she can't say no to her, however I have had plenty of experience with the Judges and I know it is not going to wash legally with them. She didn't say no, so she said yes.

make sure it is 'with rights of survivorship' if applicable. Haven't checked to see how your state deals with 'joint title'.

Thanks I will go read up on this for my state.

that is almost hilarious. Please explain to her that anything not disposed of prior to her death and not controlled by some other issue such as a trust or joint ownership will be dealt with through probate, including any remaining debts of the estate./

It is hilarious, honestly the woman knows this stuff like the back of her hand, she worked there forever. I know she was working at the Circuit Court when I was little but changed over to Probate Court. Has to be over 40 years she worked at Probate, she didn't retire until she was 72 and then she worked at Probate for another 8-10 years part time. She hates that place, so try getting her to change her mind. The real hilarious part is she ran the Wills and Estate division of Probate.

She won't have any debts, because according to her, she has gotten rid of them, disposed of her assets. I said what about if you need medical care, well she is not going to, she is going to go to bed one night and not wake up, lol. It's not like she is loaded, however she was very good with money and managed to save a lot. I know for fact that she has done joint ownership on some things and beneficiary's however there is more out there, that I have no clue what she has done with it, nor do her other kids. I know to she has followed along with rules covering gifts and all of that, she has discussed all that with me. We all know her wishes, but it is clear one of us is not on the same page with her wishes.

We are meeting with her this weekend and I set up with a lawyer(she use to work with this lawyer and trusts him)next week.

Thanks again for the responses.