police station drop tonight

[JD4100]

Tonight is my first teen goes to dads house drop off at our local police station. I requested we do this there due to a horrible incident involving my sons step mother and myself. Too many words were said in front of my child and i felt we needed a public place for a more calm and comfortable transition.
What would be the best approach now. Do i just stay in the car? Not make eye contact?
Also on Wednesday via email with his father myself and his father's attorney - i requested at least 6 times for this transistion to happen at a grocery store or library and last effort i just said ok no one responds so make it the police station parking lot. Again today i emailed the address and the Time i would be there. But there has been no response.
I plan on just showing up at the location along with the emails from 3 days ago .
Can anyone offer me any other suggestions? What if he doesnt show up? I have expressed we can no longer communicate via text or phone due to too much horrible negative talk and email would be best. I said in my email with his attorney and the father to please look for my email on saturday with the address.
I guess my question is , what if he doesnt show up? Do i go into the police station? I do not want to communicate with him over the phone.
thank you.

 

[CdwJava]

The police are only going to be of use if there is a violation of a court order for which he can be prosecuted in your unidentified state. If the court order does not spell out the dates, times, and location of the exchange, it may be hard to charge him with failing to follow the court order if he does not show - especially since he can always claim he never got the e-mail and there really is no way to PROVE he ever saw it.

You can always report his failure to meet with you to the police, but whether any action will be taken by them depends on the laws of your state and the actual wording of the custody and visitation order signed by a judge.

You might consider a phone call limited only to that conversation necessary to tell him where the exchange is made. And, if your state allows you to record phone calls, you might consider doing so.

- Carl

 

[David Jonathan]

I'm not an attorney, but I'd imagine you'll need to communicate with him over the telephone.

To play devils advocate here, if you're changing the original arrangement because you "Feel" uncomfortable with the situation of dropping off and picking up, then perhaps you should bring that up before a judge, to prevent him from saying that you completely neglected to complete the drop off as per the original arrangement/order.

Deviating from the order, or original agreement could find you in a LOT of hot water, especially since they never replied. The lack of an acknowledgment could show that they disagree with your decision to change the drop-off place, and you yourself admit that you've changed the location at least three times (library, grocery store, police station)

Again, I'm not an attorney, but what I do know, is you don't want to give someone any type of ammo to use against you in court. If you're that afraid of those people, have a witness come with you, and video tape/record the entire event.

--Dave.

 

[Ronin]

If the court orders specify a pick-up drop-off location and times, then you are required to follow the orders until the court changes it, or you can mutually agree to other terms.

Their failure to respond to your request in no way implies their agreement to your new terms.

It is possible that if they show up at the same location they have been doing, and you do not, and the exchange fails to take place, they will file for contempt.

 

[mom482]

you can't change the location even if you feel you have good reason. you need to file for a modification if you want it changed, and I would request coparenting if there is a lot of conflict. while your waiting for a court date - you said he's a teen. you can control your actions - do not get out of the house or car during an exchange and there cna't be any conflict in front of the child. a teen can walk from the house or car to his other parent w/o the parents actually crossing paths. its not likes its a toddler that has to be escorted to the waiting parent.

why are you communicatig w/ his attorney? are you pro se or something? i wouldn't be doing a lot of communicating w/ his attorney. he obviously is working for your ex, and anything you say will be used by his attorney to help him, not you. its possible his attorney is not responding because each time he/she does - he/she charges your ex for the communication. your ex might have advised the attorney that he is not paying for that time of 'work'. either that or they are intentionally ignoring you to set you up for not being at the 'right' location - so they can file contempt for your actions. honestly if you have a teen and you two can't get along any better than that - i'd let someone else handle the exchanges entirely. does the child have a friend or relative that can handle the exchange? because again, he's a teen, he can walk to and from his fathers car w/o any involvement from you or a person handling the exchange for you

 

[JD4100]

Father didnt show at police station tonight

thank you for all of your replies.

to address a few questions or comments :
My state is California

for the past 3 days since the incident, i have emailed with his father , suggesting a safer and neautral location. I suggested the grocery store , then suggested the library , then last resort i said ok how about police station. I never made one arrangement and then changed it. I simply stated my suggestions and ended each email with i am open to your suggestions also.

Our court order states that on Holidays ( which was tonite) we would mutually agree on a time and a location.

Our past history includes me picking up my teen son and his step mother coming outside and yelling insults and 3 days ago it included her getting into her vehicle and what seemed like she was going to slam into my vehicle. I NEVER get out of my vehicle. This incident is the reason i am going to modify the current arrangement of going to his home to pick up my son.

Tonight, he never showed up at the police station. He texted me saying i might as well go home. And that i should now drive my son over to his house in the morning. I went inside the police station and spoke with a officer. They wrote down their name along with the statement i made a attempt to do the drop off/ pick up then.

I told my sons father i plan on abiding by the court order until it is legaly modified in court . But AGAIN, this is a Holiday where we must mutually agree on a time and location. Not the regular pick up/ drop off arrangemnts during the week.

Now i will show up again at 845am at the police station waiting for him to show up. Any other comments - i really appreciate this knowledge. Thank you.

 

[JD4100]

Oh one other thing - I am communicating with his attorney because his father would cc her on all our correspondences and eventually she just starting emailing me directly. Should I not be talking to her?
I have never had a attorney . She is the one who drew up the court paperwork a few years ago settling our custody arrangement.
Its joint custody with no child support.
I just signed it. I can not afford a attorney. But i heard there is a fee waiver i could possibly get when i go to modify the court ordered drop off/ pick up location.

 

[JD4100]

I see where there might be confusion with my first email.
I was questioning what you do a at police station . Do i get out of the car, do i go in the lobby?
When i would go to his fathers house for pick up or drop off - I never get out of the car and usually look straight ahead. Thats when the step mother walks outside and yells or whatever.
thank you all again.

 

[LocalRocket]

Hopefully you understood what the others have said to you-- you cannot change the drop off location with making a modification to the order. Unless it is specifically addressed in your court order, Halloween does not count. It is not a national holiday.

 

[JD4100]

Our court order

Halloween is specifically mentioned in our court order along with Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year as we must mutually agree on a time and a place for the drop off / pick up . These are specifically mentioned also because we trade which holidays we spend with our son every year. Halloween was mine this year. Thanksgiving is his - and so on and so forth.

 

[CdwJava]

Unfortunately for you, a location "mutually" agreed upon requires the two of you to agree to it. If only ONE agrees to the location, there is no mutual agreement. If you are REQUIRED to turn the child over, you had best come to some kind of mutual agreement or it is YOU who will likely get in trouble, not him.

Try bringing a friend with you who has a video camera. Nothing like the presence of a video camera to keep things civil.

- Carl

 

[JD4100]

Yep , i hear you. We both must agree. But wouldnt the court find that i have clearly made attempts to come to a agreement. I have printed out more than 25 emails stating - i am open to suggestions here. I have stated lets come up with a safe and effective plan together. He either says NOPE , bring him here , or brings up another topic , or just ignores me.
But i hear what you say. And i am not looking to be in contempt of court.
Thank you all for your responses. And maybe I will bring a video camera tomorrow MAybe i will win "America's funniest home video " and then i can afford to hire a lawyer!

 

[Ohiogal]

Yep , i hear you. We both must agree. But wouldnt the court find that i have clearly made attempts to come to a agreement. I have printed out more than 25 emails stating - i am open to suggestions here. I have stated lets come up with a safe and effective plan together. He either says NOPE , bring him here , or brings up another topic , or just ignores me. But i hear what you say. And i am not looking to be in contempt of court.
Thank you all for your responses. And maybe I will bring a video camera tomorrow MAybe i will win "America's funniest home video " and then i can afford to hire a lawyer!

Then quite frankly you have no agreement and are responsible for taking the child back to his house. How old is this teen son?

 

[JD4100]

the child is 14 years old.
His father and i live within 3 miles of each other. I could throw a rock at his house from my front porch.
I have been trying for 4 days now to get him to cooperate with me on agreeing to anything. He refuses.

 

[Ronin]

I always cringe whenever wording in a custody visitation order is along the lines of "mutually agreed upon". Many times it is not properly qualified and is written in a context subject to problems.

Anyway, it can be reasonably assumed that, if parties cannot mutually agree to a change to the current pick-up drop-off, then the last agreed upon arrangement is by default the one to be followed.

The bottom line is you are required to comply with the court order to allow the other parent to exercise his visitation. You deciding to change the terms of the exchange to one that cannot be mutually agreed upon does not give you the right to use this as an excuse to deny visitation. This will likely reflect a showing of bad faith on your part if the ex moves to file for contempt.

If you have issues with the current arrangement and cannot work it out, take it to court. Until then, the safest thing for you to do is continue to follow the exchange that was been used until the conflict arose. Unless this has escalated to physical assaults, there is little reason you can't keep a lid on it and remain civil during the exchange.