Pros & Cons to terminating parental rights?

[wagnerd]

What is the name of your state? Arizona

Wow, your forums rule. They sure are full of information. I've gotten an answer to MOST of my questions. I still have a few I'm curious about.

My husband has a 6 year old boy whom he sees every other weekend. We have a 3 year old son too. After reading many of the posts, I realize that my son will not be taken much into consideration when it comes to paying child support.

My husband has paid child support all along, even while on unemployment for 4 months, he kept those $500 checks going.

We decided to get the payment modified and we sent her a letter letting her know that the payments would be half of what she was getting. She called him and asked him if he would be willing to give up his paternal rights. Her husband is willing to adopt the child. Her husband is really the only father he's known.

The boy wants to have his stepfathers last name and he sees him as his real father.

My concerns are:

1. Once they both sign, can she change her mind later?
Can she come back 10 years from now and demand back pay?

2. I've read about inheritance, can the boy come back later and demand anything from us?? Does he have legal rights to any of our assets? (We've discussed putting money away on a monthly basis for both boys)

3. What CAN go wrong later??

4. What benefits does the mother have?? She's waiving a monthly income. She is unemployed most of the time. If she goes on welfare, will my husband have to step in? If her husband dies, is my husband liable?

Any good lawyers in Cochise County??

Thanks

 

[stealth2]

If your husband sees him every other weekend, how is it that stepdad is the only father the boy has known? Something doesn't make sense.

 

[VeronicaGia]

What is the name of your state? Arizona

Wow, your forums rule. They sure are full of information. I've gotten an answer to MOST of my questions. I still have a few I'm curious about.

My husband has a 6 year old boy whom he sees every other weekend. We have a 3 year old son too. After reading many of the posts, I realize that my son will not be taken much into consideration when it comes to paying child support.

My husband has paid child support all along, even while on unemployment for 4 months, he kept those $500 checks going.

We decided to get the payment modified and we sent her a letter letting her know that the payments would be half of what she was getting. She called him and asked him if he would be willing to give up his paternal rights. Her husband is willing to adopt the child. Her husband is really the only father he's known.


**Did he get the payments modified through the courts or did he simply send a letter? If he simply sent a letter, he still owes the balance.

The boy wants to have his stepfathers last name and he sees him as his real father.

My concerns are:

1. Once they both sign, can she change her mind later?
Can she come back 10 years from now and demand back pay?

**A recent poster thought his child was adopted years ago. He signed paperwork terminating his parental rights. Years later, he finds out that his rights were terminated but the child was never officially adopted. He now owes $46,000 in back support (you can look for the post with $46,000 in the title). My advice is if this is what he wants to do, to hire an attorney and make sure the adoption does take place.

2. I've read about inheritance, can the boy come back later and demand anything from us?? Does he have legal rights to any of our assets? (We've discussed putting money away on a monthly basis for both boys)

**A child can still inherit after terminating parental rights and adoption. This is a state by state issue, and one you should take up with an attorney.

3. What CAN go wrong later??

**See above.

4. What benefits does the mother have?? She's waiving a monthly income. She is unemployed most of the time. If she goes on welfare, will my husband have to step in? If her husband dies, is my husband liable?

**If she goes on welfare and your husband is still legally the childs parent, he will be responsible to repay welfare and to pay ongoing support.


Any good lawyers in Cochise County??

Thanks

**I don't know. Try your state bar association, and Martindale Hubbell.

 

[nextwife]

Personally, IF he really wants to terminate parental rights, I might recommend doing it differently than some I've read about. I would NOT execute the documents and then send them into CP limbo. Were it I, the only way she would get those docs is after the adoption is filed, to be delivered by either my attorney or someone AT the court hearing for adoption and turned over to complete the adoption. Or to have her attorney sign an agreement to hold the docs in escrow to be delivered ONLY at the time of the adoption and under no other circumstance are you agreeing to release those documents. Talk to your attorney about how this can be done. But original documents CAN, by prearrangement, be held to be released only upon a preset circumstance occuring. In this case, you would not want him to terminate his rights unless the adoption is actually taking place.

 

[Bruno6301]

Hmmmm...

"Pro's" to temination of Parental Rights: NONE
"Con's" to termination of Parental Rights: MANY

There is NO "PRO" to terminating your parental rights. NONE....I am in agreement with the others posting. If he sees this child every other weekend, pays his support, HOW can it be that the "only father" his child knows is the step-father? This makes no sense.

He needs to work it out, get a job, pay his support, and be with his child. No other alternative I see. This is a serious situation, and most judges will DENY this act unless there are extreme circumstances involved. Child Support or lack of, is not an extreme circumstance. I just dont understand this.

 

[wagnerd]

I'll give a little more detail.

My husbands ex was married to another man when she had the baby. She was really violent, breaking things and making him call the cops on her - this is why he wants nothing to do with her.

She left him before the child was born yet he was there at her side when she was in labor - only because my mother in-law told the ex it was his right to be there.

This woman went back to her husband and they have raised the child together. For the first 2 years. My husband would see the kid every other weekend for a few hours at a time, at his parents home because this woman hurt him so much, he couldnt stand the idea that she would show up.

When my husband and I got married, we moved to California for
3 years and he only saw the boy 3 times - when my inlaws would visit.

The reason my husband is considering to give up his rights is because the child is confused. My inlaws tell him that my husband is his real dad so the child tells his step dad that he is not his real dad - this hurts the stepfather. He LOVES the boy.

As for the child support, it was never court ordered. My husband never changed it even when we got married and had our son. He is working now and unfortunately, he is making half of what he was making before he met me. We've moved into a small town that doesnt have high paying jobs. He'd have to work two jobs in order to pay the same amount and still be able to support our son. She had been getting more than the court would have ordered.

As far as his step father being the only father he has known. Well, since my husband has only seen him on weekends (except the 3 years we were out of the state) he has known his step father as his only father. He doesnt see my husband as a father, more like an uncle I guess. The child is confused and the stepfather is hurt by the confusion and the things that he is saying.

 

[coosi]

http://www.adoptionlawsite.com/adv_search.asp

 

[Bruno6301]

I am sorry for the "stepfather's" feeling being hurt. BUT that child's feelings will be even more hurt and injured when he grows up and finds out that his own father signed away his rights to him. Maybe Dad needs to be more involved in the child's life, then there will be no confusion or "hurt feelings"...

I am a stepmother of 3, and my husband and I have 2 of our own. He HATES his exwife, but that won't stop him from seeing the kids.

This has to be worked out. I took care of the kids for 2 years while their mother was in rehab, and jail for abuse. I did not get my feelings hurt because they loved their mother, and I knew my place. I am a "second" mom to them, they will always have their "real and primary" mother. The stepfather needs to grow up a little, and realize that "Dad" is Dad, not him. He choose to marry someone who has a child, and knowing full well it was not his bio child.

Cutting the child loose will not solve anything. I suggest your husband think of the awful things that the child will feel later in life. People always think of TODAY not tomorrow.

Sorry to piss you off, but it seems like the two of you just want to see the child out of dad's life. He needs to be MORE involved, thus lowering the confusion, and stepdad needs to get a grip.

 

[stealth2]

While your husband (and you) may feel stepdad is hurt that the child considers him stepDad and not Dad, the reality is that stepdad needs to get over his feelings of resentment regarding his wife's affair that resulted in this child. Adopting this boy is not going to change the fact that his wife dicked around on him. Your husband disappearing isn't going to change that fact, either. NOTHING is going to change that fact. But after 6 years, stepdad needs to find a way of getting over it and reconciling himself with the fact that he is not Dad.

Although, in all honesty, your posts give the impression of being more about the money. I apologize up front if that's an incorrect impression.

 

[Grace_Adler]

As Veronica stated, it is all case by case basis.

I can only give you some insight from things based on my state but it might give you more insight.

In NC, it is not too hard to get a TPR if both parties agree, especially if a stepparent adoption is involved.

In NC, a person can't come back and renege. That's why it's called a Termination of Parental Rights. It is permanent and it terminates all parental rights, obligations and responsibilities including child support. I always thought it was fairly self explanatory. Now, all current and future child support is terminated for good but any arrears owed, will always be owed, unless, they are owed to the CP, the CP can forgive the arrears if they so choose. If they are owed to the state, they must be paid.

As far as inheritance, the child still has the right to inherit until the child is adopted. Once adopted, the child can no longer inherit from the bio parent but can through the parent that has custody and the adoptor.

As was mentioned, this varies from state to state. There is a link above that says "State Resources". You can click on that and find your state statutes regarding TPRs and stepparent adoptions or go to a search engine and try to find the statutes and other info regarding it.

 

[TLWE]

Grace....

LOL, I am off the cold meds now....so I am not going to jump in and say.....but in the state of LA......

 

[Grace_Adler]

LMAO! Just say no to drugs.