Question about ex parte hearing and parenting plan

[Mapper]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington
BM got served with a restraining order and papers on Saturday night saying she can't take SD out of state until the parenting plan meeting next month. SD is almost 15 years old and up to this point there has never been any kind of custody order or parenting plan in place. SD lives with BM a majority of the time and visits us occasionally.

DH and his attorney had a quick ex parte hearing before the judge on Friday to get the restraining order on BM. DH now seems to think that the temp. parenting plan is in place, and has emailed BM that he plans on picking SD up this weekend. From what I understand, the parenting plan won't go into effect until after the hearing next month, is that correct? It's called a "temporary" parenting plan so I think that's why DH thinks it's in effect currently, but I think it's just called "temporary" because it hasn't been made official by the judge.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington
BM got served with a restraining order and papers on Saturday night saying she can't take SD out of state until the parenting plan meeting next month. SD is almost 15 years old and up to this point there has never been any kind of custody order or parenting plan in place. SD lives with BM a majority of the time and visits us occasionally.

So you ARE NO ONE legally in this. She is not BM -- the proper name is MOM. Apparently your hubby has done nothing in 15 years.

DH and his attorney had a quick ex parte hearing before the judge on Friday to get the restraining order on BM. DH now seems to think that the temp. parenting plan is in place, and has emailed BM that he plans on picking SD up this weekend. From what I understand, the parenting plan won't go into effect until after the hearing next month, is that correct? It's called a "temporary" parenting plan so I think that's why DH thinks it's in effect currently, but I think it's just called "temporary" because it hasn't been made official by the judge.

Unless the judge has ordered it it is not in effect. YOU need to stay out of this completely and learn your place. You also need to learn some respect regarding the MOTHER of the child -- who is not you. Your DH could have done something -- anything -- in the last 14 years and instead did NOTHING. Why was he such a deadbeat? Why NOW does he want a restraining order placed on his child's mother?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington
BM got served with a restraining order and papers on Saturday night saying she can't take SD out of state until the parenting plan meeting next month. SD is almost 15 years old and up to this point there has never been any kind of custody order or parenting plan in place. SD lives with BM a majority of the time and visits us occasionally.

DH and his attorney had a quick ex parte hearing before the judge on Friday to get the restraining order on BM. DH now seems to think that the temp. parenting plan is in place, and has emailed BM that he plans on picking SD up this weekend. From what I understand, the parenting plan won't go into effect until after the hearing next month, is that correct? It's called a "temporary" parenting plan so I think that's why DH thinks it's in effect currently, but I think it's just called "temporary" because it hasn't been made official by the judge.

Please just say mom and dad. We consider BM to be offensive.

A judge can sign off on either a temporary parenting plan (temporary until the case is fully decided) or a permanent parenting plan (once the case is fully decided). Unless the judge signed off on a temporary parenting plan in the exparte hearing, there is not one in place. His attorney may have proposed one, but that doesn't mean its ordered or enforceable yet.

 

[Mapper]

So you ARE NO ONE legally in this. She is not BM -- the proper name is MOM. Apparently your hubby has done nothing in 15 years.




Unless the judge has ordered it it is not in effect. YOU need to stay out of this completely and learn your place. You also need to learn some respect regarding the MOTHER of the child -- who is not you. Your DH could have done something -- anything -- in the last 14 years and instead did NOTHING. Why was he such a deadbeat? Why NOW does he want a restraining order placed on his child's mother?

I'm sorry. I am new to this forum and have used BM(Bio Mom) and DH(Dear Husband) and SD(Step Daughter) in other stepfamily forums I have been on. I did not mean to offend.

I am not trying to have a say in what is going on just to try and understand it. The mother and father have had an extremely tumultuous relationship. She has kept DH from seeing her on numerous occasions and has emotionally blackmailed the daughter by saying "If you go live with your dad it will break my heart." She had decided to live with us for the next school year but when she went back to her mother's, something happened and the mother, not the daughter, sent an email to her father saying that after speaking with the daughter that she has decided to continue living with them as they will be moving so the mother can attend school. We have not been told by the mother where/when/if they are moving. We only learned from the daughter when dad was finally able to get a hold of her that they were moving out of state. Now dad wants to set up a parenting plan as he believes he will never see her again if the mother takes her. He had thought about getting a parenting plan numerous times, but never went thru with it just thinking that the mother would win anyways.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm sorry. I am new to this forum and have used BM(Bio Mom) and DH(Dear Husband) and SD(Step Daughter) in other stepfamily forums I have been on. I did not mean to offend.

This is a LEGAL forum.
Legally, step parents are LEGAL strangers. Legally, they matter not. Legally, a child has one mother and one father. Step parents are neither. Step parents who persist of trying to involve themselves can cause problems for the spouses they proclaim to love.

I am not trying to have a say in what is going on just to try and understand it. The mother and father have had an extremely tumultuous relationship. She has kept DH from seeing her on numerous occasions and has emotionally blackmailed the daughter by saying "If you go live with your dad it will break my heart."

The child DOES NOT get to choose. Dad has no rights until a court grants him such rights. Without a court ordered visitation plan, he had NO RIGHTS to see the child legally and was at the whim of the mother.

She had decided to live with us for the next school year but when she went back to her mother's, something happened and the mother, not the daughter, sent an email to her father saying that after speaking with the daughter that she has decided to continue living with them as they will be moving so the mother can attend school.

Who gave the child the idea that she could choose? That is NOT correct. NO one should have told the child she could choose to live with her father. Dad has NO custody and does not have a right to determine where the child lives. Until a court determines, the child remains with her only legal custodian -- mom.

We have not been told by the mother where/when/if they are moving.

Without court orders, Mom doesn't have to tell dad anything.

We only learned from the daughter when dad was finally able to get a hold of her that they were moving out of state. Now dad wants to set up a parenting plan as he believes he will never see her again if the mother takes her. He had thought about getting a parenting plan numerous times, but never went thru with it just thinking that the mother would win anyways.

Or for fifteen years, he never had anyone instigating things for him to get a parenting plan. Not that it matters -- dad did nothing for 15 years. Dad can try now for parenting but stepmom -- please know your place or you can hurt dad in a courtroom. Whoever gave the child the idea that she chooses did more harm than good.

 

[Mapper]

This is a LEGAL forum.
Legally, step parents are LEGAL strangers. Legally, they matter not. Legally, a child has one mother and one father. Step parents are neither. Step parents who persist of trying to involve themselves can cause problems for the spouses they proclaim to love.

The child DOES NOT get to choose. Dad has no rights until a court grants him such rights. Without a court ordered visitation plan, he had NO RIGHTS to see the child legally and was at the whim of the mother.


Who gave the child the idea that she could choose? That is NOT correct. NO one should have told the child she could choose to live with her father. Dad has NO custody and does not have a right to determine where the child lives. Until a court determines, the child remains with her only legal custodian -- mom.

Without court orders, Mom doesn't have to tell dad anything.


Or for fifteen years, he never had anyone instigating things for him to get a parenting plan. Not that it matters -- dad did nothing for 15 years. Dad can try now for parenting but stepmom -- please know your place or you can hurt dad in a courtroom. Whoever gave the child the idea that she chooses did more harm than good.

I do not plan on sticking my nose in the whole thing, like I said I just want to understand what is going on.

When daughter came to visit for 2 weeks in June, she would stay up talking with my husband about what things were like at her house and how she disliked it there with her mother and her stepfather. Stepfather seemed controlling and made her do all the chores, Mom acted like a child most of the time, etc. Who knows if this is true or just the daughter bending the truth. My husband sort of suggested that she come and live with us for the school year and continued bringing it up during her stay. She went home and told her mom that. Of course mom got upset about the whole thing and then, we think, pulled this whole "Now I'm going to move away with her and she is happy living with us now because we will be moving out of this po dunk town to a large town and she won't be bored anymore.

 

[tuffbrk]

I do not plan on sticking my nose in the whole thing, like I said I just want to understand what is going on.

When daughter came to visit for 2 weeks in June, she would stay up talking with my husband about what things were like at her house and how she disliked it there with her mother and her stepfather. Stepfather seemed controlling and made her do all the chores, Mom acted like a child most of the time, etc. Who knows if this is true or just the daughter bending the truth. My husband sort of suggested that she come and live with us for the school year and continued bringing it up during her stay. She went home and told her mom that. Of course mom got upset about the whole thing and then, we think, pulled this whole "Now I'm going to move away with her and she is happy living with us now because we will be moving out of this po dunk town to a large town and she won't be bored anymore.

Wow. Just wow. Dad spent his time bringing up that daughter should live with him? Really? He would have been a better parent helping daughter interact more effectively with Mom. And what is wrong with chores being done by a teenager anyway?! How else are they to learn?! And, yeah, I'd be upset with Ex if he agreed with whatever "story" my teen is putting out there and encouraged my teen that the best way to deal with their concerns is to turn their back and leave! What kind of parent is your husband?! He should be backing up Mom to the teen's face. Any true concerns should have been addressed directly with Mom - not behind Mom's back with the daughter! It implies that Dad believes that Mom is behaving like a child and is in the wrong (based on the word of a ...child?!) and that he wouldn't give her chores to do, make her become a responsible person and that the best solution for her complaints is to leave. Nice. Real nice. That's what we call craptastic parenting...

 

[Proserpina]

I do not plan on sticking my nose in the whole thing, like I said I just want to understand what is going on.

When daughter came to visit for 2 weeks in June, she would stay up talking with my husband about what things were like at her house and how she disliked it there with her mother and her stepfather. Stepfather seemed controlling and made her do all the chores, Mom acted like a child most of the time, etc. Who knows if this is true or just the daughter bending the truth. My husband sort of suggested that she come and live with us for the school year and continued bringing it up during her stay. She went home and told her mom that. Of course mom got upset about the whole thing and then, we think, pulled this whole "Now I'm going to move away with her and she is happy living with us now because we will be moving out of this po dunk town to a large town and she won't be bored anymore.

Ah. I think we know what's going on here.

Darling daughter appears to have a nasty case of "grass is greener" syndrome.

Stepdad makes her do chores? Oh the horror! Stepmom, at 15 she shouldn't need to be TOLD to do chores. And your husband is playing right into his daughter's little palm. Can we really blame Mom for being a tad peeved?

Mom didn't "pull" a thing other than regaining control as the child's parent which is, apparently, something Dad momentarily forgot how to do during his visitation.

Now did I miss why Dad thinks a restraining order was appropriate?

 

[latigo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington
BM got served with a restraining order and papers on Saturday night saying she can't take SD out of state until the parenting plan meeting next month. SD is almost 15 years old and up to this point there has never been any kind of custody order or parenting plan in place. SD lives with BM a majority of the time and visits us occasionally.

DH and his attorney had a quick ex parte hearing before the judge on Friday to get the restraining order on BM. DH now seems to think that the temp. parenting plan is in place, and has emailed BM that he plans on picking SD up this weekend. From what I understand, the parenting plan won't go into effect until after the hearing next month, is that correct? It's called a "temporary" parenting plan so I think that's why DH thinks it's in effect currently, but I think it's just called "temporary" because it hasn't been made official by the judge.

IF as you say, which I serious doubt to be the case, that “there has never been any kind of custody order or parenting plan in place”;

AND this child was born or conceived during the marriage of your husband and the mother of the child;

OR if the parents were never married and your husband has either formally acknowledged paternity or an order of filiation has been entered by a court of competent jurisdiction -

THEN the mother and father have equal rights to the custody of their minor child! PERIOD!

______________________

BUT I cannot believe that this mother/father/child relationship has endured for 15-years in the absence of any family court involvement in matters of child support, custody and visitation.

The very fact that your husband recently secured a TRO seems to belie what you have represented in this regard.

 

[Ohiogal]

IF as you say, which I serious doubt to be the case, that “there has never been any kind of custody order or parenting plan in place”;

AND this child was born or conceived during the marriage of your husband and the mother of the child;

OR if the parents were never married and your husband has either formally acknowledged paternity or an order of filiation has been entered by a court of competent jurisdiction -

THEN the mother and father have equal rights to the custody of their minor child! PERIOD!

______________________

BUT I cannot believe that this mother/father/child relationship has endured for 15-years in the absence of any family court involvement in matters of child support, custody and visitation.

The very fact that your husband recently secured a TRO seems to belie what you have represented in this regard.

http://www.lawhelp.org/documents/2768413912EN.pdf?stateabbrev=/wa/
Hubby of poster might want to read the above. It defaults in unmarried situations to mother being the legal custodian until paternity is recognized legally. A court order is the only way to get enforceable rights.

 

[Mapper]

IF as you say, which I serious doubt to be the case, that “there has never been any kind of custody order or parenting plan in place”;

AND this child was born or conceived during the marriage of your husband and the mother of the child;

OR if the parents were never married and your husband has either formally acknowledged paternity or an order of filiation has been entered by a court of competent jurisdiction -

THEN the mother and father have equal rights to the custody of their minor child! PERIOD!

______________________

BUT I cannot believe that this mother/father/child relationship has endured for 15-years in the absence of any family court involvement in matters of child support, custody and visitation.

The very fact that your husband recently secured a TRO seems to belie what you have represented in this regard.

Yes there REALLY was/is NO parenting plan or court order in place! They were never married and they split up when the daughter was 2 1/2 and never went through the courts for anything up until back in Dec 2009 when Mom went to the courts, without Dad's knowing, and signed up for child support. Up until that point she was fine getting whatever Dad could give her. They really DID manage to stay out of the courts for that long. Dad never did anything about it because it just exasperated him thinking about all the paperwork and money he would have to go through to get some kind of rights with daughter. He also figured that in the end mother would get everything her way as she always does. He vacilated on getting an attorney this time around but finally did.

 

[stealth2]

Dad never did anything about it because it just exasperated him thinking about all the paperwork and money he would have to go through to get some kind of rights with daughter. He also figured that in the end mother would get everything her way as she always does. He vacilated on getting an attorney this time around but finally did.

Then he has no one to blame but himself.

 

[CJane]

Stepfather seemed controlling and made her do all the chores, Mom acted like a child most of the time, etc.

I'd like to know how Stepfather "made" daughter "do all the chores". For real. Because MY 15 year old? About the only thing she's done all summer is keep the couch from floating away.

 

[Isis1]

I'd like to know how Stepfather "made" daughter "do all the chores". For real. Because MY 15 year old? About the only thing she's done all summer is keep the couch from floating away.

that took me a minute! i am so using that one.

 

[Mapper]

I'd like to know how Stepfather "made" daughter "do all the chores". For real. Because MY 15 year old? About the only thing she's done all summer is keep the couch from floating away.

As would I! I'm sure daughter is being dramatic, but father bought it. She says that stepfather doesn't work and just sits at home watching tv and makes her do all the cleaning and the dishes. Then father met stepfather and took on some of his anger and then he was totally "Oh I can see how he could boss her around".