Question from a Stepmother about custody

[Pinkie39]

That is the only proposal you can make. Your husband mans up and parents his child. Bear in mind, after the divorce, you may not have much of a relationship with your current stepchild.

You never know.

My brother has two stepsons from his first marriage, who he raised since they were babies. Their fathers were never around.

He's been divorced from his first wife for probably 14 years now, and the boys are both adults. He's always and still has a close relationship with them. The younger stepson came to live with him and his current wife, as a teenager. His ex gave him legal custody. That stepson still lives with them.

I know it's an unusual situation. But I also think it's wonderful that his ex didn't cut him out of his stepsons' lives after the divorce.

My brother's current wife has a former step mom who she considers her second mom, and has a maintained a close relationship with over the years, even though her father and the stepmother divorced when my sister in law was a teenager. The ex stepmother thinks of all the children/stepchildren in my brother and sister in law's family to be her grandchildren. They all go visit her out of state every year.

My nieces and nephews now have many adults in their lives who are surrogate parents and grandparents and love them despite the lack of a biological connection. I think it's a great thing.

I hope OP will be fortunate enough too, to be able to maintain a relationship with her stepson after her divorce.

 

[RRevak]

Nope. You are a legal stranger. You are no one legally to this child. Your stepson has two parents of which you are neither. In order for you to even get visitation court ordered you would have sue mom and dad of the child.

I get where OP is coming from though OG. I'm in a similar predicament. Since hubs has never adopted my kiddo, but HAS basically been the only parent she's known since she was 3, should something happen to us (or me) then it makes for a very complicated situation. Ex doesn't really want (and I don't think he ever will) to take kiddo on himself but the law says technically my hubs is a legal stranger so he's SOL in the event of awful. My daughter more than likely wouldn't want to live with her dad even if he did ask but the law says she really can't live with my hubs either. It makes for a conundrum and I can understand OP also being concerned about the child she too feels close with just as my hubs feels close to my daughter.


OP, how are things between you and dad? Are they amicable enough to speak frankly about step-kiddo being able to visit you? Kinda like visiting a grandparent. No there is no chance the child could live with you, but there might be a chance that you and dad can talk about adding kiddo to some of the visitation time with your own child. Just call it a playdate with your son.