Question needing help please

[mommyto4]

What is the name of your state? Arizona.

I have posted here before and would like some guidence on this subject. My exhusband after being gone for 5 years came back in the picture recently (as posted before). Instead of going to court we worked out an arrangement for him visiting with the children and working his way back into there life (he felt they would laugh him out of court since he had 5 years with a total of a week worth of contact)

Anyways visits have been going great with no issues, children have complaints but that is being worked out. However 2 weeks ago he brought the children home with sunburns so servere I had to take them to the doctors due to sun poisoning. They had blisters the were bleeding and were very uncomfortable. I contacted my ex regarding this and he blew me off saying "whatever they're fine".

Today he called and asked to have the children tomorrow which is fine as he wants to take them swimming. I did tell him though that he needed to make sure that he had sunblock on them as well as shirts since there backs are still spotted in certain areas. He informed me that I had no say so in what he did with the kids and if he wanted to not put sunblock on them that was his choice as a parent.

So my question is now what do I do? I dont dictate to him regarding the kids but that is just stupid. Technically since there is no court order I dont have to let the kids go but I dont want to do that since he is building a relationship with them but I dont need them being hurt again.

Thanks in advance.

 

[tigger22472]

What is the name of your state? Arizona.

I have posted here before and would like some guidence on this subject. My exhusband after being gone for 5 years came back in the picture recently (as posted before). Instead of going to court we worked out an arrangement for him visiting with the children and working his way back into there life (he felt they would laugh him out of court since he had 5 years with a total of a week worth of contact)

Anyways visits have been going great with no issues, children have complaints but that is being worked out. However 2 weeks ago he brought the children home with sunburns so servere I had to take them to the doctors due to sun poisoning. They had blisters the were bleeding and were very uncomfortable. I contacted my ex regarding this and he blew me off saying "whatever they're fine".

Today he called and asked to have the children tomorrow which is fine as he wants to take them swimming. I did tell him though that he needed to make sure that he had sunblock on them as well as shirts since there backs are still spotted in certain areas. He informed me that I had no say so in what he did with the kids and if he wanted to not put sunblock on them that was his choice as a parent.

So my question is now what do I do? I dont dictate to him regarding the kids but that is just stupid. Technically since there is no court order I dont have to let the kids go but I dont want to do that since he is building a relationship with them but I dont need them being hurt again.

Thanks in advance.

If there isn't a court order and he doesn't want to play that way then yes I would tell him no. He can't win both ways... he can't go to court and say he's built a relationship with them etc... and he has seen them, then really argue the sunburn issue on his time. If he goes in and doesn't mention that he's been building a relationship then it doesn't look good either. Of course if he filed he would get visitation but how much and if it's supervised is up to the court.

I always found that when I went to court with someone who lied through their teeth that I stayed calm... told the judge the things said to me and while he argued and argued that what I was saying was not true and making an ass of himself the judge listened and even put things unheard of in orders. (i.e. In my order it was put in that my ex had to have a car that was big enough for both kids to have a seat and a seatbelt each. He had a Fiero and told me he was going to travel with the two kids in ONE seatbelt in the front seat. Then he told the judge I was lying)

 

[eme76]

no legal advice...

What is the name of your state? Arizona.

I have posted here before and would like some guidence on this subject. My exhusband after being gone for 5 years came back in the picture recently (as posted before). Instead of going to court we worked out an arrangement for him visiting with the children and working his way back into there life (he felt they would laugh him out of court since he had 5 years with a total of a week worth of contact)

Anyways visits have been going great with no issues, children have complaints but that is being worked out. However 2 weeks ago he brought the children home with sunburns so servere I had to take them to the doctors due to sun poisoning. They had blisters the were bleeding and were very uncomfortable. I contacted my ex regarding this and he blew me off saying "whatever they're fine".

Today he called and asked to have the children tomorrow which is fine as he wants to take them swimming. I did tell him though that he needed to make sure that he had sunblock on them as well as shirts since there backs are still spotted in certain areas. He informed me that I had no say so in what he did with the kids and if he wanted to not put sunblock on them that was his choice as a parent.

So my question is now what do I do? I dont dictate to him regarding the kids but that is just stupid. Technically since there is no court order I dont have to let the kids go but I dont want to do that since he is building a relationship with them but I dont need them being hurt again.

Thanks in advance.

i wish i had a legal answer for you on this one...because i have been there with the sun burn issue...I have had to teach my daughter how to put sun block on herself .....there are some cool products out there that make it easier...there are sprays and even wipes now ...depending on the ages of your children you could probably send the sun block with them and now that they know how painful a bad sunburn is they will be more likely to aply it themselves...good luck

edit to add.....duh, silly me...you have no c/o for visitation....I would let him see the kids still...for a short period of time or supevised until you get things all hashed out...that way the court sees that you are still letting him see the kids but also looking out for what is best for them**************another thought, did you take pics of the burns?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

what is stopping you from sending them with shirts and a full bottle of sun-block?

 

[CJane]

My suggestion?

Apply sunblock to the kids prior to dad picking them up. I just checked and the sunscreen that I have for the kids is to be applied 30 minutes prior to sun exposure, and does not need reapplied for 3 hours, even if they're in the water. Soooo.... smear the kids with sunscreen, tell them to leave their shirts on (if it's allowed in the pool, sometimes it's not) and you're good to go. Yes, dad's being a jerk, and yes you don't have to let them go. But being proactive for the sake of your kids isn't going to kill you or them.

 

[mommyto4]

What is stopping me from sending them with the items is that dad refuses to let me provide anything. IE if I send a bag of things he refuses to take it.

I will do that with the sunblock (duh I was upset didn't think that) but he is going to pick them up at 8am and bring them home around 7pm and being Arizona its bright and hot but will help for a bit.

Thanks for the help

 

[Ohiogal]

In Ohio parents have been investigated and charged with neglect by CSB for allowing their children to get sun poisoning. While I would not necessarily suggest doing that, I would put out that if the children come back again with sun poisoning because he refuses to do the proper thing he could face the same thing.
Parents have a responsibility to shield their children from known dangers. I do NOT know if Arizona CSB is similar to Ohio but it is something to bear in mind.

 

[texastepmom]

couldn't this be brought up in court? one of the major risk factors for skin cancer is having a blistering burn as a child! i'm very fair skinned and have had some nasty burns, but never anything requiring a doctor's visit, this just boggles my mind, and in Arizona! it takes no time to get a burn there... this just makes my stomach turn, isn't it neglect?!

how old are your kids? can they put sunscreen on themselves?

 

[mommyto4]

The children are 10 and 8 and while they can put it on themselves as they do here and I touch up he refuses to buy it (as he has told me) and refuses everything I offer to send.

His reasoning is that he didn't why is it nessicary.

*sigh* its one of those things that I am at a loss at.

 

[acmb05]

According to your original post there is a court order allowing him a certain amount of time for visitation. Denying him any visitation until that order is met for the year could result in him taking you back to court for contempt.

Tell him if he is not going to use preventative measures to protect the children from the sun that once his 20 days are up for the year you will not let him have the kids unless he uses those precautions. If he wants to take you back to court to try to get more time then let him spend his money to do it.

 

[mommyto4]

Yes orignal court order says 20 days. At this time he has had them more than 20 days this year.

 

[LdiJ]

Yes orignal court order says 20 days. At this time he has had them more than 20 days this year.

While I agree that putting sunscreen all over the kids before he takes them is a good option...if the children have still not fully recovered from the previous bout of sun poisoning they really should NOT be out in the sun again....even WITH sunblock.

I would be tempted to tell dad that the kids won't be coming until they have fully recovered from the skin poisoning.