question re: address provision stipulation

[dogmom228]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

Hello, all. I come to you with a question instead of shooting first and asking questions later (so far that's a first).

My ex and I have come to an agreement that we should be exchanging addresses should either of us move, for the best interests of the children. The question is how this should be worded in a stipulation, and what is a reasonable time frame? I'm thinking I should be alerted as soon as he knows he is moving, and an address should be provided within XX days of knowing what that address will be.

His parenting time is such that he has the kids every other weekend from Friday @ 4:30pm through Sunday at 6:30pm and one Friday overnight from 4:30 through Saturday morning at 10:15am, so what happens is he usually has them three Fridays in a row.

Please keep in mind that my ex will find any gray area that he can to wiggle into and not obey the "rules" so I need to make this as strict as possible. This means that I will need to include a provision that if he doesn't provide the address (even if temporary), I should have the right to suspend parenting time until he does.

Yes? No? Suggestions/Critiques?

and...

Thanks in advance.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

How will you know that he moved without him telling you?

 

[dogmom228]

How will you know that he moved without him telling you?

My kids rat on him constantly.

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

Hello, all. I come to you with a question instead of shooting first and asking questions later (so far that's a first).

My ex and I have come to an agreement that we should be exchanging addresses should either of us move, for the best interests of the children. The question is how this should be worded in a stipulation, and what is a reasonable time frame? I'm thinking I should be alerted as soon as he knows he is moving, and an address should be provided within XX days of knowing what that address will be.

His parenting time is such that he has the kids every other weekend from Friday @ 4:30pm through Sunday at 6:30pm and one Friday overnight from 4:30 through Saturday morning at 10:15am, so what happens is he usually has them three Fridays in a row.

Please keep in mind that my ex will find any gray area that he can to wiggle into and not obey the "rules" so I need to make this as strict as possible. This means that I will need to include a provision that if he doesn't provide the address (even if temporary), I should have the right to suspend parenting time until he does.

Yes? No? Suggestions/Critiques?

and...

Thanks in advance.

Why should you get to suspend his visitation if you don't have a current address? That request seems a bit out of line to me...very controlling.

 

[2MsWife]

My kids rat on him constantly.

This statement is disgusting. And very telling as well.

 

[dogmom228]

Why should you get to suspend his visitation if you don't have a current address? That request seems a bit out of line to me...very controlling.

That's a good question, and my answer is that my primary is always the safety of the children. He has a habit of not placing their needs above his own.

There needs to be a recourse because he has a history of non-compliance and then I end up having to file motions in court. If there is a recourse ahead of time he understands that I mean it.

 

[Zigner]

That's a good question, and my answer is that my primary is always the safety of the children. He has a habit of not placing their needs above his own.

How can you knowing his address, in and of itself, provide any measure of safety for the children?

 

[dogmom228]

This statement is disgusting. And very telling as well.

I don't understand. He doesn't comply. The kids know he's not honest. They volunteer information. I don't pump them for information. Half the time I have to tell them I don't want to know what goes on, that XX is his problem to deal with between themselves and him.

I'm not going to sit here and defend myself on this, I'm asking for help on the stipulation so I can get it out and get it dealt with.

 

[dogmom228]

How can you knowing his address, in and of itself, provide any measure of safety for the children?

It gives me the chance to have DPS check on the well being of the kids should it become necessary. I can locate any nearby registered sex offenders in the area (another thing he never considers when he's moving).

 

[2MsWife]

You're coming across as very controlling. Has dad said that he will agree to this stipulation? Will he agree to allowing you to suspend his parenting time if he doesn't give you an address? If not, then it's not agreed stip.

And frankly? If I was dad, I would never agree to something that gives you the right to limit my time with the kids. What if the kids are confused and give you wrong info? You can go off that and suspend his time? Uh, don't think so....

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Chances are that you already have a provision in your court order regarding informing the other parent and the courts within X amount of days. Again, you are rewarding your children for tattling. Not good.

 

[2MsWife]

It gives me the chance to have DPS check on the well being of the kids should it become necessary. I can locate any nearby registered sex offenders in the area (another thing he never considers when he's moving).

Sex offenders are EVERYWHERE. I live in a neighborhood of $250k + homes and gasp...there are sex offenders here. We were the 1st house in the subdivision so the sex offenders moved in after us, but they're here now.

Teach your kids safety and common sense.

 

[dogmom228]

You're coming across as very controlling. Has dad said that he will agree to this stipulation? Will he agree to allowing you to suspend his parenting time if he doesn't give you an address? If not, then it's not agreed stip.

And frankly? If I was dad, I would never agree to something that gives you the right to limit my time with the kids. What if the kids are confused and give you wrong info? You can go off that and suspend his time? Uh, don't think so....

He has said he will agree to the stipulation regarding providing his address when he moves.

I understand that I'm coming off as controlling. This all came as the result of a situation in which he is currently couch surfing and my kids are spending time in hotels and motels. 2 of the 3 weekends since this occurred they have come home unfed, unbathed (they take a bath when they get home), exhausted, and sick. My 7-year-old daughter does not handle situations like this well (emotional issues). I am concerned for their health and general well being. Wouldn't you want to protect your children and not send them into a situation which is not good for them?

 

[dogmom228]

Chances are that you already have a provision in your court order regarding informing the other parent and the courts within X amount of days. Again, you are rewarding your children for tattling. Not good.

Unfortunately, TinkerBelleLuvr, we don't. For some reason the attorney that handled the case didn't think to put this provision in the Order. This is why I had a big blow up 3 weeks ago which resulted in my filing a motion with the Court (shot first, asked questions later) and then he finally complied with my request. It cost me money and time. I'm trying to prevent this in the future.

 

[2MsWife]

He has said he will agree to the stipulation regarding providing his address when he moves.

I understand that I'm coming off as controlling. This all came as the result of a situation in which he is currently couch surfing and my kids are spending time in hotels and motels. 2 of the 3 weekends since this occurred they have come home unfed, unbathed (they take a bath when they get home), exhausted, and sick. My 7-year-old daughter does not handle situations like this well (emotional issues). I am concerned for their health and general well being. Wouldn't you want to protect your children and not send them into a situation which is not good for them?

Are you saying that they didn't eat the ENTIRE weekend? How old are they?

While I find it kinda nasty personally, not everyone bathes every day. Its not dangerous for a kid to go 2 days without a bath. How old are they again? Sounds like 1 is seven...at 7 a child should be able to bathe on their own.

So dad agrees to sign something that he will provide an address....but does he know that you want it ordered that you can suspend his time if he doesn't? Or are you hoping that just slips by him?