question re: address provision stipulation

[dogmom228]

Sex offenders are EVERYWHERE. I live in a neighborhood of $250k + homes and gasp...there are sex offenders here. We were the 1st house in the subdivision so the sex offenders moved in after us, but they're here now.

Teach your kids safety and common sense.

2MsWife - I do and I have. You're not getting it. Do you have anything to contribute regarding the stipulation, or are you just going to sit here and insult me? I don't have time to waste. 2 hours and counting to get this finished and submitted to my ex so that we can agree on co-parenting our children because safety comes first. This is not just about his neighborhood, this is about HIS HOME.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

In that case, it should be in the state paperwork.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

He has said he will agree to the stipulation regarding providing his address when he moves.

I understand that I'm coming off as controlling. This all came as the result of a situation in which he is currently couch surfing and my kids are spending time in hotels and motels. 2 of the 3 weekends since this occurred they have come home unfed, unbathed (they take a bath when they get home), exhausted, and sick. My 7-year-old daughter does not handle situations like this well (emotional issues). I am concerned for their health and general well being. Wouldn't you want to protect your children and not send them into a situation which is not good for them?

So, they go all weekend without being fed, or just maybe the last 4 hours or so?

My daughter is 12, and still has to think about when the last time she bathed was(and I shudder at the grossness of it).

 

[LdiJ]

So, they go all weekend without being fed, or just maybe the last 4 hours or so?

My daughter is 12, and still has to think about when the last time she bathed was(and I shudder at the grossness of it).

That won't last much longer dad....

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

That won't last much longer dad....

One can only hope...

 

[Zigner]

He has said he will agree to the stipulation regarding providing his address when he moves.

I understand that I'm coming off as controlling. This all came as the result of a situation in which he is currently couch surfing and my kids are spending time in hotels and motels. 2 of the 3 weekends since this occurred they have come home unfed, unbathed (they take a bath when they get home), exhausted, and sick. My 7-year-old daughter does not handle situations like this well (emotional issues). I am concerned for their health and general well being. Wouldn't you want to protect your children and not send them into a situation which is not good for them?

So, how will knowing his address prevent this from happening?

 

[dogmom228]

Are you saying that they didn't eat the ENTIRE weekend? How old are they?

While I find it kinda nasty personally, not everyone bathes every day. Its not dangerous for a kid to go 2 days without a bath. How old are they again? Sounds like 1 is seven...at 7 a child should be able to bathe on their own.

So dad agrees to sign something that he will provide an address....but does he know that you want it ordered that you can suspend his time if he doesn't? Or are you hoping that just slips by him?

Again, I'm not asking for your judgment, and I'm not going to sit here and defend myself and my reasoning. He agreed to stipulate that we provide each other an address. I need a recourse should he fail to provide that information to me, because I can expect that he WILL, if there is NO recourse.

Please, Help me come up with something reasonable so I can get this done. I'm wasting time going back and forth and defending my reasons for doing this.

 

[2MsWife]

One can only hope...

Both of my teenage step-daughters were about 13 when they really started caring about hygiene. Now the 17 year old wants to take 3 showers a day. We laugh bc just a few years ago I had to threaten her with being grounded to get her to shower. Funny how things change...

 

[dogmom228]

So, they go all weekend without being fed, or just maybe the last 4 hours or so?

My daughter is 12, and still has to think about when the last time she bathed was(and I shudder at the grossness of it).

No, of course they don't go all weekend without being fed, and bathing, while not always clean, is not as big an issue. The fact they come home sick every weekend, exhausted, stressed out and hungry, IS.

Now, can we get to the stipulation? What recourse do I have WHEN he fails to provide me with an address?

 

[2MsWife]

Again, I'm not asking for your judgment, and I'm not going to sit here and defend myself and my reasoning. He agreed to stipulate that we provide each other an address. I need a recourse should he fail to provide that information to me, because I can expect that he WILL, if there is NO recourse.

Please, Help me come up with something reasonable so I can get this done. I'm wasting time going back and forth and defending my reasons for doing this.

If this is an AGREED stipulation, what will dad AGREE to? You need to be talking to him about this....

But I think you're in a huge hurry bc you are trying to slip something in there and you hope he signs it without noticing.

All it really needs to say is something along the lines of both parties agree to inform one another of changes to address/phone number within x days of said change occurring.

Leave the suspending of parenting time where it belongs -- with the court.

 

[2MsWife]

What recourse do I have WHEN he fails to provide me with an address?

You can file for contempt and let the judge decide the punishment, if there is 1.

 

[dogmom228]

I really have to apologize for being short with you, DadinMD... I am under a great deal of pressure to get something done that the ex and I can agree on. I feel like I have wasted time coming in here and asking for help and getting nothing but criticism... AGAIN.

I don't want people's judgment. I can't go over pages and pages of history with this man with you all so you understand just WHY I have become so controlling. I tried being lenient and easy with him and all I got was walked on while my kids sat and suffered the physical and emotional consequences. I have to babysit this man and explain, EVERY week that my daughter cannot emotionally handle not getting the sleep she needs. She loses control of her emotions at school, she digresses to panty wetting, and this is not acceptable.

Does this explain enough?

There MUST be a recourse. I cannot express this enough. I can't simply stick in a stipulation that "we agree to provide each other with an address when we move."

I'm sorry. I'm frustrated, exhasperated, and I have gotten nothing done.

 

[dogmom228]

If this is an AGREED stipulation, what will dad AGREE to? You need to be talking to him about this....

But I think you're in a huge hurry bc you are trying to slip something in there and you hope he signs it without noticing.

All it really needs to say is something along the lines of both parties agree to inform one another of changes to address/phone number within x days of said change occurring.

Leave the suspending of parenting time where it belongs -- with the court.

One additional, very important thing: He road raged me 3 years ago in August and hit my car. I have a restraining order on him as a result. There is no communication with this man except through a court-ordered third party, who is a friend of his. Therefore, this is as much for my protection as it is for the kids.

 

[Zigner]

I really have to apologize for being short with you, DadinMD... I am under a great deal of pressure to get something done that the ex and I can agree on. I feel like I have wasted time coming in here and asking for help and getting nothing but criticism... AGAIN.

I don't want people's judgment. I can't go over pages and pages of history with this man with you all so you understand just WHY I have become so controlling. I tried being lenient and easy with him and all I got was walked on while my kids sat and suffered the physical and emotional consequences. I have to babysit this man and explain, EVERY week that my daughter cannot emotionally handle not getting the sleep she needs. She loses control of her emotions at school, she digresses to panty wetting, and this is not acceptable.

Does this explain enough?

There MUST be a recourse. I cannot express this enough. I can't simply stick in a stipulation that "we agree to provide each other with an address when we move."

I'm sorry. I'm frustrated, exhasperated, and I have gotten nothing done.

You have failed to answer the question. What do you REALLY hope to accomplish? You ENTIRE motive is to have something else to hold over dad's head if he doesn't do things your way. Knowing his address will not prevent ANY of the things you seem to worry about. You can't just just call children's services to check up on him...and if you do, you can get in trouble (if it becomes a problem.)

Look, I can understand a desire to know the address...but you have shown NOTHING in the way of proof that your children are in danger, much less that you knowing his address will reduce said danger.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Perhaps the seniors can answer this question: what is the point of having a stipulation if there are no consequences for violating it?

Yes, "normal" parents would communicate, and would have no problem letting each other know their address. But if the OP is dealing with an ex who doesn't feel the need to comply with requests unless faced with real consequences, what is she to do?

And frankly, I'd be more worried about bedbugs and fleas than lack of a bath.