Re: Dad refuses to give up rights

[proud_parent]

Re: Dad refuses to give up rights

Addressed to moocow: Admin locked your thread -- and who can blame her?

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=416838


On the off chance that you're still lurking around the forum, you (or someone like you) might benefit from the following legal advice:


First, as your child's father still lives in Iowa and is unwilling to voluntarily terminate parental rights, do not be shocked if, spurred by your recent relocation to Illinois, he now files to establish custody and visitation. I hope that he does.

Second, if he has established or petitions to establish child support, custody and/or visitation before you and the child have established residency in another state, then your new state -- whatever it may be -- may not have jurisdiction to adjudicate a termination of parental rights. In that case, if you want to petition for an involuntary TPR, you'll have to do so in Iowa.

Third, in answer to the question "Do you receive child support?", you replied:

On rare occasions. He's rarely employed. Sometimes he gets unemployment. I was getting regular payments until downtown of our city got put totally under water for a week. Now nothing in downtown is operating, including the unemployment office.

There are hundreds of communities in Iowa that have been impacted by the flooding, many of them rural. Those cities in which the downtown area was impacted comprise a fairly short list. Throw out those cities that do not have an Iowa Workforce Development Center, and the list is down to three. Of those three, only one has a downtown area that is still significantly flooded. Based on the date that the river in that city reached flood stage, your regular child support payments must have stopped coming in approximately three weeks ago.

Conclusion: you have no where near enough grounds to assert a claim of abandonment at this time, in ANY jurisdiction. And a lot of things may change in the coming months. Such as your ex growing a set and stepping up after he gets wind that his child might be relocated to Tennessee.

 

[Luckiecatt]

Addressed to moocow:
There are hundreds of communties in Iowa that have been impacted by the flooding, many of them rural. Those cities in which the downtown area was impacted comprise a fairly short list. Throw out those cities that do not have an Iowa Workforce Development Center, and the list is down to three. Of those three, only one has a downtown area that is still significantly flooded. Based on the date that the river in that city reached flood stage, your regular child support payments must have stopped coming in approximately three weeks ago. .

Wow pp, nice deductory work... You put more into it than I would...

You trying to become the next Sherlock Holmes?

 

[frylover]

Wow...I'm impressed!

 

[nextwife]

Additionally, in many of our midwest waterlogged towns, roads were closed, bridges out, and, more importantly, EMPLOYERS were closed. Also people could not get around. There was a week where people here had to take a ONE HUNDRED MILE DETOUR to get from Milwaukee to Madison. There are many people who went a good couple of weeks with no paycheck because the buildings in which they worked were flooded (remember, the waters carried a toxic combo of fertilizer, broken glass, sewage, household chemicals, etc) and these all needed to, first, dry out. Then, be gutted, cleaned, and sanitized before reopening. It's entirely possible he HAD no paycheck.

 

[proud_parent]

Wow pp, nice deductory work... You put more into it than I would...

You trying to become the next Sherlock Holmes?

Naw.

It wasn't so brilliant, as deductions go. Her former location would have been obvious to anyone who has followed recent Iowa news. I'm only intimately familiar with the details as I live just minutes away.

Frankly, I'm outraged to see someone try to use this natural disaster as an excuse for moving a child away from the other parent (as if this one wouldn't have embarked on her fabulous new life with the replacement Daddy for any other reason). Especially when so many of my neighbors have lost their homes and livelihoods. And when so many volunteers from all over the U.S. have chosen temporarily to entrust their own children to the care of the other parent so that they could travel to join in the cleanup and relief efforts.

Make no mistake: I can't abide disinterested parents. But it also does not shock me that kiddo's Dad might not have been eager to spend time with his child only in Mom's home under her watchful eye. Dad should have made the effort to participate fully in his child's life from the first. I sincerely hope that Mom's disappearing act will motivate him to do so now.

 

[wileybunch]

Man, you just can't make this stuff up!
You're doing a good service, proud_parent. Others will read and learn.

 

[proud_parent]

Additionally, in many of our midwest waterlogged towns, roads were closed, bridges out, and, more importantly, EMPLOYERS were closed. Also people could not get around. There was a week where people here had to take a ONE HUNDRED MILE DETOUR to get from Milwaukee to Madison. There are many people who went a good couple of weeks with no paycheck because the buildings in which they worked were flooded (remember, the waters carried a toxic combo of fertilizer, broken glass, sewage, household chemicals, etc) and these all needed to, first, dry out. Then, be gutted, cleaned, and sanitized before reopening. It's entirely possible he HAD no paycheck.

Amen. Several of my colleagues worked from home last week, as the interstate between our office and their homes was shut down, and the DOT routed all commuter traffic to the west and north. Their normal twenty-minute commute would have taken them three hours. At home, some of them had no utilities for days. The city was put on a "drinking water only" order because five of the six municipal wells had shut down; no showers, no washing dishes, no laundry...for a week. And not one of my colleagues complained -- because we all realized how blessed we were still to have jobs.

Thirty-five miles from my home lies a tiny, close-knit town that was COMPLETELY wiped out. Mandatory evacuations of all homes and business. Literally every last structure in town was under water. Some of those persons might be forced to move out of state to support their families. But I'd love to provide you an update in about a year as to how many of those residents choose to stay, band together, and rebuild -- whatever is required to maintain their community.

 

[Just Blue]

Thanks PP for starting this thread...I read a bit of the original and was amazed that no one mentioned that Iowa will retain jurisdiction IF the child support was ordered through the court...as it seems to be based on her posting. That poster is NOT going to get permission to move the child. She just won't. She quite possibly will lose custody based on her actions. I hope she does.

 

[moocowheff]

First of all, you guys shouldn't assume that I haven't been trying to get ahold of him left and right to let him know. I still call him every single day, and leave a message, regardless of the fact that he has yet to return a single phone call.

And if you're going to sit there and say that a natural disaster is a horrible reason to move away from the other parent, I would have to disagree. I got fired from my job because I it took me 2 hours to get to work one day, and my fiance offered me a place to stay where I wouldn't have to work and I could be a stay at home mom. How is this a bad thing for my child? Spending more time with my daughter is a BAD thing? Getting her away from her druggie dad is a BAD thing? Not to mention that he hasn't made any effort to see her anyway. And do you think I lost nothing due to this flood? I lost my job. My way of supporting my daughter, so don't even act like I wasn't straight up effected by all of this.

I hope you guys are right, I hope this motivates him to be a dad, but honestly, he's done nothing at this point, and I know he never will.


You guys give horrible advice. I would expect you guys to be nice and understanding as opposed to cold and off-setting. I don't quite get why you chase away any new members that sign up, but it looks so horrible on the admin's part. Have fun growing as a community



Oh and baystategirl, I hope you can see the final outcome of when all of this DOES go down, because there's nothing in the world that could make me lose custody of my daughter.

 

[proud_parent]

First of all, you guys shouldn't assume that I haven't been trying to get ahold of him left and right to let him know.

Who assumed anything? I read the bit where you stated you'd phoned him. Did you also send him a certified letter, return receipt requested? That certainly would have given you some proof whether your message had been received.

I still call him every single day, and leave a message, regardless of the fact that he has yet to return a single phone call.

Does ex live in the same city you just left? You do know that utilities have been affected by the flooding as well, right?

And if you're going to sit there and say that a natural disaster is a horrible reason to move away from the other parent, I would have to disagree.

Not a horrible reason. A horrible excuse. Because, at the end of the day, that is what you are offering.

I got fired from my job because I it took me 2 hours to get to work one day...

Really? That was the entire reason? Your employer didn't give you a reprimand first? And didn't allow that there were extenuating circumstances with nearly every bridge in town closed down?

If what you claim is true, I have to conclude that your job wasn't one worth keeping long term.

... and my fiance offered me a place to stay where I wouldn't have to work and I could be a stay at home mom. How is this a bad thing for my child? Spending more time with my daughter is a BAD thing?

Possibly. After all, no one here knows what you do during your time with daughter. Or what your betrothed does with her.

Getting her away from her druggie dad is a BAD thing? Not to mention that he hasn't made any effort to see her anyway.

Prove that he's on drugs. Then prove that your child is in danger because of his drug use. How long has it been again since he's made no effort?

And do you think I lost nothing due to this flood? I lost my job. My way of supporting my daughter, so don't even act like I wasn't straight up effected by all of this.

You said you were fired. For cause (being two hours late). Was your home destroyed? Did you own a business that was flooded? Did you lose a loved one, like the woman who was found in her flooded basement?

I hope you guys are right, I hope this motivates him to be a dad, but honestly, he's done nothing at this point, and I know he never will.

I bet you thought you knew this guy when you had a relationship with him...before he turned out to be a big, bad druggie. Which, of course, you would never have guessed possible when you decided to procreate with him. Guess that calls your powers of prediction into question, doesn't it?

You guys give horrible advice. I would expect you guys to be nice and understanding as opposed to cold and off-setting. I don't quite get why you chase away any new members that sign up, but it looks so horrible on the admin's part. Have fun growing as a community

You're entitled to your opinion. You're also entitled to pay someone to give you the opinion you prefer to hear.

Oh and baystategirl, I hope you can see the final outcome of when all of this DOES go down, because there's nothing in the world that could make me lose custody of my daughter.

Well, do come back and update us all then. We'd be delighted to hear the outcome!

 

[moocowheff]

Who assumed anything? I read the bit where you stated you'd phoned him. Did you also send him a certified letter, return receipt requested? That certainly would have given you some proof whether your message had been received.

You were implying that I left without telling him. I've told his voicemail numerous times. I was actually thinking about writing a letter lastnight.

Does ex live in the same city you just left? You do know that utilities have been affected by the flooding as well, right?

He goes through the same cell phone company as I do, and it hasn't been affected at all.

Not a horrible reason. A horrible excuse. Because, at the end of the day, that is what you are offering.

And do you really blame for being excited that I had a reason to move in with the guy I'm going to marry?

Really? That was the entire reason? Your employer didn't give you a reprimand first? And didn't allow that there were extenuating circumstances with nearly every bridge in town closed down?

I was back on a probation trial period after leaving the company suddenly a few years back. One mistake and I was out. When I called to tell them I was stuck on the interstate, they said "then don't bother coming in again, we'll mail your last paycheck to you".

If what you claim is true, I have to conclude that your job wasn't one worth keeping long term.

You're probably right about this, but it's a better job than the one her father has at the moment.

Possibly. After all, no one here knows what you do during your time with daughter. Or what your betrothed does with her.

At this point I'm teaching her how to count to 20. She's already got it down up to 10.

Prove that he's on drugs. Then prove that your child is in danger because of his drug use. How long has it been again since he's made no effort?

I suppose I can't prove it to you guys, but I'm hoping that in a court room setting, they'll allow some sort of a drug evaluation. I know it's a danger to my child considering I found some in her diaper bag last summer. Had she gotten a hold of that and put it in her mouth, she would have had that **** in her system, and me being the one with full custody, would have gotten blamed for it, I'm sure, regardless of my system being clean.
And what do you mean "how long has it been since he's made no effort?" He's still making no effort. I called him yesterday around 3 o'clock PM Central time. He hasn't returned my call yet. He's about to get a new voicemail message (since I'm sure he won't answer the phone, as usual) in about ten minutes here.

You said you were fired. For cause (being two hours late). Was your home destroyed? Did you own a business that was flooded? Did you lose a loved one, like the woman who was found in her flooded basement?

Why are the amount of material possesions or people I've lost in a natural disaster important? I lost my way of making money, and to me, that's enough for me lose. Don't try and make me look like I'm just playing the victim card here, because that's not my intention. My original intention was to simply find out what state I would be best doing all of this in. You guys have made into a trial about my life.

I bet you thought you knew this guy when you had a relationship with him...before he turned out to be a big, bad druggie. Which, of course, you would never have guessed possible when you decided to procreate with him. Guess that calls your powers of prediction into question, doesn't it?

If he ever decides to be a dad, I'll be happy, as long as he cleans up his house, learns to be a parent, and puts down the pipe. That's all I've ever asked of him is to be sober and keep all drugs away from our child when she's around. I don't care what he does when he has no responsibilities, but I would think that he would have enough to brains at least vacuum the floor before letting a one year old roam around in his weed-infested house.

 

[Luckiecatt]

Have you been tested for bipolar? Looking at some of your blog posts and regular posts on the site you list on your profile here tends to lean towards showing signs of it. One example.:

"I'm in a much better mood today. I'm tired of being so moody and I wish I could control it, but it's difficult when you're sleeping so little and doing so much."

And I don't know any child that doesnt hate shots... That doesnt make them a wuss...

"I've also determined that my daughter is the world's largest wuss, and maybe that's a good thing when it comes to most strangers, but it was super hard to get her to cooperate at all when I took her to get shots today. She cried so hard that she threw up. Twice."

And if you have a problem with your fiance's anger at times... courts might as well if they ever find out about it.

"It's not like I didn't want to. It's that I couldn't. I just couldn't deal with everything....I had a big long talk with Joe and that made things a lot better. I have to remember he doesn't lash out for no reason and that he doesn't get pissed about the most inane things. I'm so used to guys being so horrible to me and not being understanding at all. Joe is so different than any other guy I've ever been with, so I don't know how I could ever complain."

And Heather, looking at your daughter in your profile photo - she is adorable...
http://www.theboredspot.com/image.php?u=2&dateline=1213716178&type=profile

 

[moocowheff]

Who assumed anything? I read the bit where you stated you'd phoned him. Did you also send him a certified letter, return receipt requested? That certainly would have given you some proof whether your message had been received.



Does ex live in the same city you just left? You do know that utilities have been affected by the flooding as well, right?


Not a horrible reason. A horrible excuse. Because, at the end of the day, that is what you are offering.


Really? That was the entire reason? Your employer didn't give you a reprimand first? And didn't allow that there were extenuating circumstances with nearly every bridge in town closed down?

If what you claim is true, I have to conclude that your job wasn't one worth keeping long term.


Possibly. After all, no one here knows what you do during your time with daughter. Or what your betrothed does with her.



Prove that he's on drugs. Then prove that your child is in danger because of his drug use. How long has it been again since he's made no effort?


You said you were fired. For cause (being two hours late). Was your home destroyed? Did you own a business that was flooded? Did you lose a loved one, like the woman who was found in her flooded basement?


I bet you thought you knew this guy when you had a relationship with him...before he turned out to be a big, bad druggie. Which, of course, you would never have guessed possible when you decided to procreate with him. Guess that calls your powers of prediction into question, doesn't it?


You're entitled to your opinion. You're also entitled to pay someone to give you the opinion you prefer to hear.


Well, do come back and update us all then. We'd be delighted to hear the outcome!

Have you been tested for bipolar? Looking at some of your blog posts and regular posts on the site you list on your profile here tends to lean towards showing signs of it. One example.:

"I'm in a much better mood today. I'm tired of being so moody and I wish I could control it, but it's difficult when you're sleeping so little and doing so much."

And I don't know any child that doesnt hate shots... That doesnt make them a wuss...

"I've also determined that my daughter is the world's largest wuss, and maybe that's a good thing when it comes to most strangers, but it was super hard to get her to cooperate at all when I took her to get shots today. She cried so hard that she threw up. Twice."

And if you have a problem with your fiance's anger at times... courts might as well if they ever find out about it.

"It's not like I didn't want to. It's that I couldn't. I just couldn't deal with everything....I had a big long talk with Joe and that made things a lot better. I have to remember he doesn't lash out for no reason and that he doesn't get pissed about the most inane things. I'm so used to guys being so horrible to me and not being understanding at all. Joe is so different than any other guy I've ever been with, so I don't know how I could ever complain."

And Heather, looking at your daughter in your profile photo - she is adorable...
http://www.theboredspot.com/image.php?u=2&dateline=1213716178&type=profile

I've been tested for bi-polar and other things, and the doctors have never found anything wrong with me other than a few short bouts of depression. I haven't been sleeping much because my fiance snores horribly at night. We've *hopefully* found a solution for that one, though. And if you re-read that last part, you would see that he DOESNT have anger problems, as opposed to a lot of my ex's. He's one of the good ones. He's never yelled at me, he's never hit me. If he ever did do that, I would be out. I don't stand for that ****, having dealt with it most of my life now.


and as for my daughter being a wuss, it's not like I was being serious. She's a 2 year old girl, I can't sit there and assume she's going to be little miss tuffy all the time

 

[Silverplum]

and as for my daughter being a wuss, it's not like I was being serious. She's a 2 year old girl, I can't sit there and assume she's going to be little miss tuffy all the time

Don't write stuff you can't defend...it can sure come back to bite you.

We advise folks all the time to print out their X's stupid blogs.

 

[Luckiecatt]

I've been tested for bi-polar and other things, and the doctors have never found anything wrong with me other than a few short bouts of depression. I haven't been sleeping much because my fiance snores horribly at night. We've *hopefully* found a solution for that one, though. And if you re-read that last part, you would see that he DOESNT have anger problems, as opposed to a lot of my ex's. He's one of the good ones. He's never yelled at me, he's never hit me. If he ever did do that, I would be out. I don't stand for that ****, having dealt with it most of my life now.


and as for my daughter being a wuss, it's not like I was being serious. She's a 2 year old girl, I can't sit there and assume she's going to be little miss tuffy all the time

If he is one of the good ones - great. But you are contradicting yourself... which is true "he doesn't lash out for no reason" which sounds like he DOES lash out just for what you consider to be no reason... OR "he DOESNT have anger problems,"