Regaining custody from grandparent. please help

[stephaniesm2010]

Wrong.

MANY disabled parents have full custody of their kids.




So it's no longer an issue, correct?




I'm sure she gets tired of a toddler. We all do from time to time. And many of us whine incessantly about the bad parts of child-raising while we don't share the joys - because the joys are sort of assumed.

It's human nature.



You're exaggerating here. Please don't do that.




And I'd guess several thousand 3 year olds want to live at Disneyworld. Heck my grandkids want to live with me every time they visit.





So you need an attorney.

Expect everything you've said here to be discarded unless you have proof of everything. It's going to be your word against hers, and let's be frank - your history is markedly more checkered than your mother's.

Credibility is a key point. I'm not saying you have no chance at getting your son back. But, I do feel you'll have a battle on your hands if your mother fights you on this.

Specially given that CPS WERE involved and you failed the reunification plan once already.

Good point about credibility. I'm not exaggerating though. I have seen with my own 2 eyes she doesn't go to sleep until its time to take him to day care in the morning. she sits at the computer chatting and playing an online game. He gets dropped off at her trailer after school, she cuts on the tv and lays down on the couch to sleep. i have to call her house repeatedly to get her to wake up, she then tells me i woke her up. and this is any given day of the week.

even when i was a kid she did this. she played the same stupid game all night. she would take me to school and then sleep all day. there was one point in time she fell asleep and forgot to pick me up at the end of the road when the bus dropped me off. i couldnt walk down the rd. i was in first grade and there were dogs that would try to bite me. i climbed up on an abandoned transfer truck and sat there for the rest of the day, all night until the next morning when my dad got off from work. she didnt even bother looking for me. this is the kind of nurturing mothering skills this woman has. even if there is no proof specifically of this type of behavior besides my owrd against hers, there is a reason she was never given custody of me or my sister after my parents split.

and yes every parent complains about the downside of parenting. BUT she uses this stuff as an excuse to get money out of my poor grandma. she tells her i have ran off and left him, i dont pay her anything, she doesnt get child support and he is just such a bad kid she cant handle it and she needs help. please give her money. my grandmother and i actually just got to talking a couple months ago. my mom had convinced her i was garbage. when i showed her i had been paying her and helping with my son, my grandma stopped helping. now my mom gets money from my uncle using the same song and dance. i may not have much proof but i have eye witnesses. even my father that made me homeless from the beginning said he would stand in court and tell them she doesnt need to have him.

 

[stephaniesm2010]

So, which son is this?
https://forum.freeadvice.com/enviro...yone-know-about-pcb-contamination-567406.html

my oldest. the one im posting about here. he was contaminated in utero

 

[Just Blue]

Good point about credibility. I'm not exaggerating though. I have seen with my own 2 eyes she doesn't go to sleep until its time to take him to day care in the morning. she sits at the computer chatting and playing an online game. He gets dropped off at her trailer after school, she cuts on the tv and lays down on the couch to sleep. i have to call her house repeatedly to get her to wake up, she then tells me i woke her up. and this is any given day of the week.

even when i was a kid she did this. she played the same stupid game all night. she would take me to school and then sleep all day. there was one point in time she fell asleep and forgot to pick me up at the end of the road when the bus dropped me off. i couldnt walk down the rd. i was in first grade and there were dogs that would try to bite me. i climbed up on an abandoned transfer truck and sat there for the rest of the day, all night until the next morning when my dad got off from work. she didnt even bother looking for me. this is the kind of nurturing mothering skills this woman has. even if there is no proof specifically of this type of behavior besides my owrd against hers, there is a reason she was never given custody of me or my sister after my parents split.

and yes every parent complains about the downside of parenting. BUT she uses this stuff as an excuse to get money out of my poor grandma. she tells her i have ran off and left him, i dont pay her anything, she doesnt get child support and he is just such a bad kid she cant handle it and she needs help. please give her money. my grandmother and i actually just got to talking a couple months ago. my mom had convinced her i was garbage. when i showed her i had been paying her and helping with my son, my grandma stopped helping. now my mom gets money from my uncle using the same song and dance. i may not have much proof but i have eye witnesses. even my father that made me homeless from the beginning said he would stand in court and tell them she doesnt need to have him.

Then why did you give custody to her? Why didn't you allow the state to place him with a responsible person? And WHY have you continued to make selfish decisions that have caused your son to continue in this horrible place?????

 

[Proserpina]

Good point about credibility. I'm not exaggerating though. I have seen with my own 2 eyes she doesn't go to sleep until its time to take him to day care in the morning. she sits at the computer chatting and playing an online game. He gets dropped off at her trailer after school, she cuts on the tv and lays down on the couch to sleep. i have to call her house repeatedly to get her to wake up, she then tells me i woke her up. and this is any given day of the week.

I'm sorry hon - but if it was that bad, you would have gotten child services involved.

Not that this would help you, but it would at least perhaps have the child placed somewhere safe.

You still have an uphill battle on your hands.

Where is the child's father, incidentally?

 

[stephaniesm2010]

Then why did you give custody to her? Why didn't you allow the state to place him with a responsible person? And WHY have you continued to make selfish decisions that have caused your son to continue in this horrible place?????

Because in the beginning she made it a point to put on a good show. If i saw something i wasnt happy with i would tell her about it, like the pills, and make sure it was fixed. just here recently has she put her gaurd down and started showing some of what was really going on. when i signed custody over she had painted a picturesque scenario and more and more stuff has been coming to the light since.

and i know first hand what kind of responsible people the state chooses to keep these children. i was scared to let him go into foster care after the nightmares i encountered while in the same situation. i have realized it was a HUGE mistake leaving him with her, but would it be better to call and have him taken away and placed elsewhere? he does love her. id hate to reshuffle him again. i just dont know WHAT to do.

 

[stephaniesm2010]

I'm sorry hon - but if it was that bad, you would have gotten child services involved.

Not that this would help you, but it would at least perhaps have the child placed somewhere safe.

You still have an uphill battle on your hands.

Where is the child's father, incidentally?

who knows. i havent seen him since i told him i was pregnant. my mothe and i have both tried for child support from him since my son was born. nothing. they found his address once a few months ago and he moved shortly after recieving a notice from the child support office. i have NO faith in the nc system. it seems like the workers here kick back in a air conditioned room, eat kitkats and collect a paycheck. i have paid private investigators twice to track him down. they did nothing with the info. i got on the phone with his probation officer all the way in az and got them in touch about his where abouts and they did nothing. they just keep giving us the run around.

 

[Proserpina]

who knows. i havent seen him since i told him i was pregnant. my mothe and i have both tried for child support from him since my son was born. nothing. they found his address once a few months ago and he moved shortly after recieving a notice from the child support office. i have NO faith in the nc system. it seems like the workers here kick back in a air conditioned room, eat kitkats and collect a paycheck. i have paid private investigators twice to track him down. they did nothing with the info. i got on the phone with his probation officer all the way in az and got them in touch about his where abouts and they did nothing. they just keep giving us the run around.

Do you have any idea how many cases those underpaid, underfunded and overworked workers are dealing with?

I PROMISE you they're not sitting there eating kitkats.

 

[Ohiogal]

i did in the beginning, but i couldnt keep up with it. i would miss a parenting class and have to start all over. i thought that if i opted to sign custody over while i was struggling that dss couldn't say i wasnt working to get him back and take custody of him. i spent many years in state custody and i was so scared he would get taken away from the family. i trusted that when i got on my feet my mom would sign it right back, but that doesnt seem to be the arrangement anymore.

Custody such as this cannot be changed unless there is a substantial change in circumstance in the life of the child OR the legal custodian.

 

[Proserpina]

Custody such as this cannot be changed unless there is a substantial change in circumstance in the life of the child OR the legal custodian.

Will she have to complete the reunification plan in addition to proving a CoC?

 

[Ohiogal]

Will she have to complete the reunification plan in addition to proving a CoC?

Well even with a CoC it needs to be in the child's best interest to be in her custody so completing the reunification plan would be the start of showing she is NOT the unsuitable parent that she was.