Reimbursement for expenses

[ducky8888]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My son is on probation and in court ordered counseling. I have driven over 40 mile round trip for a year to get him to and from counseling. I have been trying to get my ex to contribute to the costs of transportation. Today in court I was told that because she is not allowed to be around him (no visitation), and there are no statutes which allow a judge or commissioner to issue financial compensation to the custodial parent.

How is it possible that there is no remedy for a parent in this situation. Everything in our custody mediation and court dealing is supposed to be 50/50. From medical expenses and insurance, child care, even the distance traveled for custody exchanges is supposed to be 50/50, yet there is no consideration for this type of situation?

 

[CTU]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My son is on probation and in court ordered counseling. I have driven over 40 mile round trip for a year to get him to and from counseling. I have been trying to get my ex to contribute to the costs of transportation. Today in court I was told that because she is not allowed to be around him (no visitation), and there are no statutes which allow a judge or commissioner to issue financial compensation to the custodial parent.

How is it possible that there is no remedy for a parent in this situation. Everything in our custody mediation and court dealing is supposed to be 50/50. From medical expenses and insurance, child care, even the distance traveled for custody exchanges is supposed to be 50/50, yet there is no consideration for this type of situation?

How old is your son? Why is Mom not allowed to see him? Why is he on probation?

 

[CJane]

40 miles round trip? That's like a trip to the grocery store for some of us. What, exactly, do you think entitles you to "payment" for 20 miles of travel?

 

[torimac]

At today's gas prices, that's about $4-5 dollars unless you have amazingly bad gas mileage. As mentioned, some people have to travel that for groceries. I drive that amount at least twice a week for my child's health appointments. Child support is supposed to cover the daily/weekly expenses of a child, including gas for appointments.

 

[ducky8888]

How old is your son? Why is Mom not allowed to see him? Why is he on probation?

He is 16. Mom has alienated him since he decided to move in with me. He is on probation for juvenile sex offenses and his court ordered counseling is with the closest JSO treatment facility. Part of the anger he has with his mother is in regards to her actions after the discovery of his actions, such as filing for a 5 year restraining order and then getting hysterical in court when the judge did not issue it for the length of time she was asking.

 

[ducky8888]

40 miles round trip? That's like a trip to the grocery store for some of us. What, exactly, do you think entitles you to "payment" for 20 miles of travel?

I think you are kind of missing the point here, and just because you have CHOSEN to live in an area where you are remote and have CHOSEN to drive 40 miles to get a gallon of milk, doesnt mean that a parent shouldnt be held liable for half of the expenses of their child. What entitles me to "payment"??? the fact that IF she did have visitation with our son she would be bound by law to provide half of the transportation. But because she is a horrible mother and has alienated her son, there is no law to force her to pay for transportation to and from medical/mental health appointments.

 

[Zigner]

Was the child living with you when these offenses occurred?

 

[ducky8888]

At today's gas prices, that's about $4-5 dollars unless you have amazingly bad gas mileage. As mentioned, some people have to travel that for groceries. I drive that amount at least twice a week for my child's health appointments. Child support is supposed to cover the daily/weekly expenses of a child, including gas for appointments.

Once again, your situation does not relate to mine. Your estimates for fuel expenses might be accurate, I dont know. But that really isnt the only expense. If I have a job where I use my own vehicle, the federal allotment for mileage is $.54 per mile. Multiply that by the 40 miles, that puts my reimbursement at $21.60 per trip, but I am liable for half of that, so she would owe me $10.80 per week for the last 14 months. The is roughly 60 weeks, give or take. That adds up to almost $650 in expenses that my ex has ignored. Add that to the $200 in soccer fees she never paid for, add that to the 2 years of ballet (for our daughter) she never paid for, add that to the thousands she skipped out on in court fees and fines when our son was found guilty that she refused to pay until I had to pay to file papers against her, add that to the last 2 years I have spent driving around and sleeping on couches on the weekends so I could have shared custody of our daughter but our 2 kids cannot be together and I have to find somewhere else to go or send my son. Is the $650 going to make or break me? no. But in a world where everything is supposed to be 50/50, yet allows delinquent parents to get away with technicalities, there needs to be resolve. I am tired of being the one with these children that is always on the end of "we're sorry, there is no statute for that"

 

[ducky8888]

Was the child living with you when these offenses occurred?

At the time of some of the offenses, he lived primarily with his mother, and some of the offenses occurred while living with me primarily. All of the offenses occurred during her parenting time.

 

[Zigner]

At the time of some of the offenses, he lived primarily with his mother, and some of the offenses occurred while living with me primarily. All of the offenses occurred during her parenting time.

Mom doesn't have to pay half of the travel expenses until the court says she does. If you feel it justified to take her back to court to have the judge order her to pay you an additional $10-$20 per month, then have at it. At that rate, for me, it would take a couple of years to repay me the cost of my time and aggravation, not to mention that you may not even get the judge to order it.

 

[Zigner]

Once again, your situation does not relate to mine. Your estimates for fuel expenses might be accurate, I dont know. But that really isnt the only expense. If I have a job where I use my own vehicle, the federal allotment for mileage is $.54 per mile. Multiply that by the 40 miles, that puts my reimbursement at $21.60 per trip, but I am liable for half of that, so she would owe me $10.80 per week for the last 14 months. The is roughly 60 weeks, give or take. That adds up to almost $650 in expenses that my ex has ignored. Add that to the $200 in soccer fees she never paid for, add that to the 2 years of ballet (for our daughter) she never paid for, add that to the thousands she skipped out on in court fees and fines when our son was found guilty that she refused to pay until I had to pay to file papers against her, add that to the last 2 years I have spent driving around and sleeping on couches on the weekends so I could have shared custody of our daughter but our 2 kids cannot be together and I have to find somewhere else to go or send my son. Is the $650 going to make or break me? no. But in a world where everything is supposed to be 50/50, yet allows delinquent parents to get away with technicalities, there needs to be resolve. I am tired of being the one with these children that is always on the end of "we're sorry, there is no statute for that"

May I suggest that you speak with a therapist in order to help you get through your bitterness and need for revenge?

 

[CJane]

Look, someone always gets the short end of the financial stick. It's usually the custodial parent, but it isn't always the custodial parent.

 

[CJane]

Sorry hit submit to soon.

 

[CJane]

Look, someone always gets the short end of the financial stick. It's usually the custodial parent, but it isn't always the custodial parent.

Whether I had custody of my girls or not, I paid for every instrument rental every Sports sign up fee new shoes for basketball twice a year new shoes for volleyball twice-a-year uniform expenses,,, and when my daughter was in court-ordered therapy after her last visit with her father, I put off employment for myself and drove 40 miles each way twice a week for therapy and paid for it out of pocket.

No it isn't fair. But there is absolutely nothing to be done about it, which is how most things with parenting go.

 

[ducky8888]

Mom doesn't have to pay half of the travel expenses until the court says she does. If you feel it justified to take her back to court to have the judge order her to pay you an additional $10-$20 per month, then have at it. At that rate, for me, it would take a couple of years to repay me the cost of my time and aggravation, not to mention that you may not even get the judge to order it.

That's what I was saying in my first post, I went to court yesterday and was told that there are no statutes which apply to reimbursement for transportation to and from medical/mental health appointments. This is where I have an issue:

A mother who has a relationship with her son and has visitation with him, IS responsible for providing half of all transportation.
A mother who has no relationship with her son, for whatever reason, and counselor recommends them not being together, is not financially liable for costs of that same transportation.

So, because mother is not the one giving the ride to counseling, she isnt responsible for he half of the expenses? In this case, isnt that rewarding bad behavior?