reporting false information to dss

[abstract99]

But, he brought her to the er to accuse my fiancee of molestation.

Orrrr he might have been trying to be a good dad and make ure that he is not being abused. You can't say for a second that you would not have done the same thing! Hell I would have! If your daughter was a little older and no longer in diapers wouldn't you be taking her to the doctor trying to find out what she had going on down there?

but my child comes home from their house in dirty clothes, with dirt under her fingernails, hairspray in a 2 year olds hair, and scratches on her (from his gf's son)

Kids play. Sometimes they get dirty. Sometimes when 2 kids play together they get bruises. If I called DCFS evertime that my kids had a bruise I would have their number on speed dial. If the kid is 2 then it is time to start potty training. There really isn't a reason for them to wear a diaper all day. They should be in pull ups or something of the sort. The point here is you can't prove nothing. You will look like a fool if you go into court and try to make them think that your ex was taking her to the doctor to accuse your BF of abuse. Any adult with common sense would know that if she was being sexually abused it would show up on the exam. You should stop trying to think so negativly. I would be extatic that my ex actually took the time to recognize that my child needed treatment and took the steps to make sure that she got it. Lets try to be an adult. Your ex did noting wrong and it is silly and childish to overlook the good thing that happened just to find the bad. Your daughter is safe and your ex cares about her enough to take her to the doctor when she needs to go... What more could you want?

 

[dannysmyboy]

I dont think what I said was said properly, had he brought her to the er because of her rash I would have understood completely. But, he brought her to the er to accuse my fiancee of molestation. The Dss investigator found no evidence of this, and the doc found that what they were claiming was because of abuse was because of their own neglect. She often comes home from their house with diaper rash, never this bad. The er doc gave them perscription cream that they never sent home because they didnt even tell me about the visit untill she (his g/f) told me on wednesday night. I wouldnt put it past the 2 of them to have left her in a diaper so long she got a rash, and for one of the family members to say it looks like an std and to take her to the er, there was another member of the family with them. They want to accuse and threaten not to pay support, but my child comes home from their house in dirty clothes, with dirt under her fingernails, hairspray in a 2 year olds hair, and scratches on her (from his gf's son) and sever diaper rash. But he is accusing me. Also, CPS was not called in by the dr, it was called in because on the information given upon arrival to the er, they stated that they were suspicious of sexual abuse. As a result a Dss worker was sent in to observe the exam and nothing was found.

Has the X tried to get full custody in the past or has he "hinted" at that?? Granted, if the child had a rash, then the visit was substantiated, but if they are using the rash to try and get some type of documentation of abuse on your end, shame on them!! If you are able, I'd consider hiring an attorney just to defend yourself in the future and as a history of documentation on your part. CPS might not call you back or listen to you in a timely manner, but they have to answer when there's an attorney involved.

My husband has a mean-spirited ex, that tried the "false abuse" route. CPS did full blown investigation, interviews with the kids (without his knowledge),contacted friends, neighbors. Took her word as fact until he's proven innocent. His attorney stepped in and: The X's tactics didn't work and she was ordered to "parenting and anger management" classes by the court before she can resume custody. Without an attorney, he might still be trying to convince CPS he was innocent.

Good luck....from someone who understands.

 

[dannysmyboy]

Orrrr he might have been trying to be a good dad and make ure that he is not being abused. You can't say for a second that you would not have done the same thing! Hell I would have! If your daughter was a little older and no longer in diapers wouldn't you be taking her to the doctor trying to find out what she had going on down there?




Kids play. Sometimes they get dirty. Sometimes when 2 kids play together they get bruises. If I called DCFS evertime that my kids had a bruise I would have their number on speed dial. If the kid is 2 then it is time to start potty training. There really isn't a reason for them to wear a diaper all day. They should be in pull ups or something of the sort. The point here is you can't prove nothing. You will look like a fool if you go into court and try to make them think that your ex was taking her to the doctor to accuse your BF of abuse. Any adult with common sense would know that if she was being sexually abused it would show up on the exam. You should stop trying to think so negativly. I would be extatic that my ex actually took the time to recognize that my child needed treatment and took the steps to make sure that she got it. Lets try to be an adult. Your ex did noting wrong and it is silly and childish to overlook the good thing that happened just to find the bad. Your daughter is safe and your ex cares about her enough to take her to the doctor when she needs to go... What more could you want?

But the girlfriend made the accusations and filled out the documentation. That's not her place, it's the dads...If he was so concerned, why isn't he filling out the documents. Sounds like the girlfriend has some issues here.. So in a way the X did do something wrong. He should have filed the docs, not the girlfriend. I question that father in this case..

 

[crystalk]

To those of you who feel her dad was being a "good guy" in taking her to the er. A "good guy" would have sent home the perscribed cream the ER doc gave to them, a "good guy" would have called me and told me about it after the visit. A "good guy" would have footed the bill for himself when he found he was wrong in accusing my fiancee. What I am telling you all, she comes home with a rash, slight or severe just about every time he takes her for more than a few hours. He has taken her from 11-7 before and actually brought her home in the same diaper. As far as potty training, yes we are in the works of it, but we just moved and wanted to wait to get her settled into having her own room, moving is sometimes hard on children, I actually tried underpants today, and twice she wet in 10 min, so another route might be in trial. I dont know if they plan on fighting for custody, there has been suggestion that his family might fight for custody, but none that he would. I have another child with another man, and even though we arent together I know he would testify that I am a great parent. I came on here for advice on some things, and feel like I need to defend myself and my actions. Seriously I am getting threatning emails all day long, prank phone calls, and threats that they will "make sure I get what I deserve" for what? Being his ex with his child, thats all I am guilty of. This whole thing started when I asked that she not go over there over night for a little while because she is coming home hurt all the time, his gf's son is a year older than her and she tells me he hits her and bites her and scratches her so I think that she should spend a day at a time there because the kids need to get used to playing together nicely, and be watched a little more closely. 5 Months ago, it was just her visiting her dad, now she has to share her dad with his gf and her son, and they together have a 3 month old. Thats a lot for a 2 year old to take. He doesnt make any effort to spend alone time with her at all. And usually only ends up taking her 2-3 times a month.

 

[stealth2]

So, in other words, you proposed interfering with his visitation? Do you really wonder why he might be ticked off?

 

[crystalk]

So, in other words, you proposed interfering with his visitation? Do you really wonder why he might be ticked off?

I am taking him to court to get steady visitation, and possibly look into supervised visitation as well. I dont like her not seeing him, but if he is going to be around, he is going to be steady in her life, and make dang sure he is actually watching out for her when she is there, changing her and cleaning her when needed. I know children play, but there is a difference in dirt from play today and dirt from play yesterday when he takes her over night, there is no reason if he has her for 2 days, that he doesnt bathe her, and make sure she is properly changed.
I joined this site to get some help, I'm the one looking out for the best interest of my child, and all I am getting is people making negative comments about me. I work hard, I am a single parent, I am not on welfare and have never been, I have NEVER been involved with DSS, my children both take a bath or shower daily, my daughter never has a dirty diaper longer than I can help it, and I am getting insults when I asked for advice, trying to place blame in my court. Do you ever think that I am telling the truth and that he isnt looking out for the best interest of her? Did you hear he has been sending 30+ emails a day and prank calling me? Does this sound like a father that is looking out for his daughters best interest or someone that is 12 years old?

 

[stealth2]

Yet he's the guy you picked to have a kid with. Shrug.

 

[dannysmyboy]

I am taking him to court to get steady visitation, and possibly look into supervised visitation as well. I dont like her not seeing him, but if he is going to be around, he is going to be steady in her life, and make dang sure he is actually watching out for her when she is there, changing her and cleaning her when needed. I know children play, but there is a difference in dirt from play today and dirt from play yesterday when he takes her over night, there is no reason if he has her for 2 days, that he doesnt bathe her, and make sure she is properly changed.
I joined this site to get some help, I'm the one looking out for the best interest of my child, and all I am getting is people making negative comments about me. I work hard, I am a single parent, I am not on welfare and have never been, I have NEVER been involved with DSS, my children both take a bath or shower daily, my daughter never has a dirty diaper longer than I can help it, and I am getting insults when I asked for advice, trying to place blame in my court. Do you ever think that I am telling the truth and that he isnt looking out for the best interest of her? Did you hear he has been sending 30+ emails a day and prank calling me? Does this sound like a father that is looking out for his daughters best interest or someone that is 12 years old?

I hear ya...I too have experienced the same stuff you have. The not bathing part hits home pretty good. My 2 stepkids come to our home after 5 days without bathing or brushing their teeth. It's really pathetic. Good luck in your fight. I think with the gf having the younger kids, that if you can show some kind of proof that her kids are being too physical, you might be able to get some sort of court order, maybe temporary. Again, for situations like yours, especially supervised visits, you really need to consult an attorney. You're not going to get your issues resolved here. I know attorneys are expensive, but there are many different types of programs for low-income households.

good luck.

 

[stealth2]

My 2 stepkids come to our home after 5 days without bathing or brushing their teeth.

So did my kids. Frankly, it isn't going to kill them. It's a parenting issue, and unlikely a judge is going to order Dad to bathe them daily.

 

[haiku]

I am taking him to court to get steady visitation, and possibly look into supervised visitation as well. I dont like her not seeing him, but if he is going to be around, he is going to be steady in her life, and make dang sure he is actually watching out for her when she is there, changing her and cleaning her when needed. I know children play, but there is a difference in dirt from play today and dirt from play yesterday when he takes her over night, there is no reason if he has her for 2 days, that he doesnt bathe her, and make sure she is properly changed.
I joined this site to get some help, I'm the one looking out for the best interest of my child, and all I am getting is people making negative comments about me. I work hard, I am a single parent, I am not on welfare and have never been, I have NEVER been involved with DSS, my children both take a bath or shower daily, my daughter never has a dirty diaper longer than I can help it, and I am getting insults when I asked for advice, trying to place blame in my court. Do you ever think that I am telling the truth and that he isnt looking out for the best interest of her? Did you hear he has been sending 30+ emails a day and prank calling me? Does this sound like a father that is looking out for his daughters best interest or someone that is 12 years old?

Plain and simple you cannot MAKE him be a constant in his childs life, it is his choice alone. he can utilize all his visitation or none of it. the visitation is there so that legally he has that option.

what he does with that time is his to do with as he pleases. once you chose him to be dad, you lost the ability to govern what he does, and who he does it with on his time. Accepting the fact that your ex is a loser, AND he is the father of your kid,and will expose your kid to stuff you now find unacceptable, is part of moving on with YOUR life.

Kids get dirty, and parents sometimes don't give baths. Diapers go for a while without changing, it happens.A child going a few days without a bath at dads or moms is not neglect.

As far as the 'harrassment' goes, it looks like you were trying to control what he was doing with the kid, and he did not like it. not making excuses for him, but there is a simple solution, document everything, and block his e-mail, and use your answering machine. And most importantly, abide by the court order. if he is truly acting the jerk, if it ends up in court they always know who the real trouble makers are.

As far as the CPS thing goes, at this point you are making a mountain out of a molehill with it. CPS and the court see this stuff for what it is all the time. by harping on it, it only will add fuel to the fire. And still it just looks like dad had a concern, and voiced it, and the authorities did what they legally had to do. End of story.

 

[dannysmyboy]

So did my kids. Frankly, it isn't going to kill them. It's a parenting issue, and unlikely a judge is going to order Dad to bathe them daily.

So true....sometimes we have to just grin and nod...and make sure they use extra soap.....

 

[abstract99]

But the girlfriend made the accusations and filled out the documentation. That's not her place, it's the dads...If he was so concerned, why isn't he filling out the documents. Sounds like the girlfriend has some issues here.. So in a way the X did do something wrong. He should have filed the docs, not the girlfriend. I question that father in this case..

No he didn't do anything wrong! There is no law that says he has to fill out the documents himself nor is there one stating that he has to be the one to take the girl to the doctor.

A "good guy" would have footed the bill for himself when he found he was wrong in accusing my fiancee.

This has nothing to do with it!

I dont know if they plan on fighting for custody, there has been suggestion that his family might fight for custody, but none that he would.

THEY can't fight for custody... THE DAD can though.

I have another child with another man, and even though we arent together I know he would testify that I am a great parent.

Is your BF a psychologist? If not then his opinion is pointless. He obviously feels that you are a good parent or he would 't be with you but then again the same could be said about your ex and his GF.

5 Months ago, it was just her visiting her dad, now she has to share her dad with his gf and her son, and they together have a 3 month old. Thats a lot for a 2 year old to take.

It is not your place to decide if the child can stay overnight. If you do not want your child around the other child then you need to go to court and file the paperwork for it but you won't get far.

The point here is that I don't know if you expected your ex to never get over you and try to start a new life but if you did you are wrong. He is gonna get over you... he is gonna meet a new person in his life..... this new person and him are gonna be spending a lot of time together. That's life. He's not doing anything wrong. My new wife spends just as much time with the kids if not more. First of all because she is part of the family now and second of all because I have to work long hours a lot of the time to be able to provide for my kids. I know that your ex only has a GF right now but it is basically the same concept.
Kids fight ALL THE TIME!!!!! They get bruises... they get bight marks sometimes. You have no more control over how your ex raises the girl in his house anymore than he has in yours. You can't just say that you think that the 2 kids are playing too roughly and that you don't want her to spend the night anymore. First of all, by you saying no spending the night it would be safe to say that she would be sleeping while she spends the night so it is not going to cut down on the bruises any more and second of all as far as I can tell she is not being endangered at all. Kids are naturally dirty, they hate to take showers, it is like pulling teeth for me sometimes to get my kids to take a shower and I would be lucky of they do any cleansing (instead of playing) while they are in the shower. Asside from the not giving you the medicine I can't see that he has done anything wrong and with that being said you won't get custody taken away because of that. He could very easily say tha he forgot and even if he doesn't say that, he will only get a very light slap on the wrist and they will laugh you out of the courtroom.

 

[LdiJ]

Newguy....I think you might be projecting your situation on to other posters a little bit. Remember that every case is different.

Also, its totally inappropriate for a parent's bf or gf to be taking the child to the doctor without the approval of both parents. In that instance, dad really was wrong. It would be equally wrong for mom to allow something similar.

 

[dannysmyboy]

No he didn't do anything wrong! There is no law that says he has to fill out the documents himself nor is there one stating that he has to be the one to take the girl to the doctor.



This has nothing to do with it!



THEY can't fight for custody... THE DAD can though.



Is your BF a psychologist? If not then his opinion is pointless. He obviously feels that you are a good parent or he would 't be with you but then again the same could be said about your ex and his GF.



It is not your place to decide if the child can stay overnight. If you do not want your child around the other child then you need to go to court and file the paperwork for it but you won't get far.

The point here is that I don't know if you expected your ex to never get over you and try to start a new life but if you did you are wrong. He is gonna get over you... he is gonna meet a new person in his life..... this new person and him are gonna be spending a lot of time together. That's life. He's not doing anything wrong. My new wife spends just as much time with the kids if not more. First of all because she is part of the family now and second of all because I have to work long hours a lot of the time to be able to provide for my kids. I know that your ex only has a GF right now but it is basically the same concept.
Kids fight ALL THE TIME!!!!! They get bruises... they get bight marks sometimes. You have no more control over how your ex raises the girl in his house anymore than he has in yours. You can't just say that you think that the 2 kids are playing too roughly and that you don't want her to spend the night anymore. First of all, by you saying no spending the night it would be safe to say that she would be sleeping while she spends the night so it is not going to cut down on the bruises any more and second of all as far as I can tell she is not being endangered at all. Kids are naturally dirty, they hate to take showers, it is like pulling teeth for me sometimes to get my kids to take a shower and I would be lucky of they do any cleansing (instead of playing) while they are in the shower. Asside from the not giving you the medicine I can't see that he has done anything wrong and with that being said you won't get custody taken away because of that. He could very easily say tha he forgot and even if he doesn't say that, he will only get a very light slap on the wrist and they will laugh you out of the courtroom.

newguy. This poster appears to be generally concerned about her kid. If what she's posted is true, I'd be very concerned as well. And yes, anybody can file claims for abuse, teacher, doctor, neighbor. But in this case, it's the father that should have filled out the paperwork, not the GF. Sounds like the girlfriend has some tricks up her sleeve. Get off this poster's back and show a little sympathy....We all know she can't just prevent the dad from seeing his kids or how he sees his kids or when/where, without going through the proper channels. And some of her issues are very "iffy" in court. We've all told her to seek legal counsel and that she just needs to chill out on some issues. But false CPS alligations are very real for a lot of people and very hard to overcome in the eyes of CPS. I'm a stepmother who has experienced similar situations as hers. So just give her a break with the ranting.... Her original poster was concerning these alligations and her child's welfare. She certainly did come on her to get her @$$ reamed.

 

[dannysmyboy]

So did my kids. Frankly, it isn't going to kill them. It's a parenting issue, and unlikely a judge is going to order Dad to bathe them daily.

Sorry stealth2, but I have to disagree. In the 5 years that I've known my stepson, he has come to our home with a red-penis that hurt when he urinated a minimum of 6 episodes. My husband has taken him to the doctor and the doctor told us that he needs to bathe more frequently. And my stepson told the doctor that he wears the same underwear for 5 days at his mothers. I met him when he was 4 and now he's 9. He's at his mother's from the 1st through the 15 and then our home the 15th through the 30 or 31st. When he's with us, he baths every M W, F and Sundays and his father makes sure he wears clean clothing (and underwear) every day. At his mother's, if she remembers, he baths 1-2 times in 2 weeks.

My husband has started sending her the doctor bills, everytime he takes him to the doctor for this issue....He got tired of paying for these unnecessary medical bills.