Retaliatory Custody Action?

[NC_ConcernedMOM]

What is the name of your state? NC

Ok, my sons father has never really been in his life. We were never married and haven't lived together since he was born. Within the past year, he hasn't attempted to contact or see him since early April. Well, hes now 5k behind in child support and I offered his public defender an opportunity to waive his arrears if he voluntarily terminates his parental rights. Well according to his (and my) attorney, that is not as simple as that in NC. Is that RIGHT? He fits all the requirements such as abandonment and failure to support him...

Well, my atty proposed that instead we waive HALF of his arrears and reduce his ongoing as well in return for him signing over sole custody and waiving rights to visitation. Well his atty brought up something from my past which his father knew about at the time I was involved and threatened MY atty with a custody motion if I changed my mind about dropping the arrears. My atty says he doesn't really have a leg to stand and the court will see right thru this as a method to relieve himself of financial obligations, but the chance is always there. I have read many stories of women who lost their children who lived with them their WHOLE lives due to judges ruling against them. I am no longer involved in the issue from my past. Matter of fact, I relocated to another city over a year ago to get away from it and have maintained the same job for over a year as well.

I don't deal well with people threatening me, especially when he's the deadbeat. How easy is it to prove a parent unfit and how relative is the PAST when it comes to custody? What constitutes being an unfit parent? I can't see a judge awarding custody to a father who doesn't work and already has 5 other kids, doesn't contact this one and a felony on his record, but stranger things have happened. My atty has given me until tomorrow to let him know what I want to do. I don't think its fair to relieve him of the money that is rightfully owed to me and my child simply because he wants to threaten me and I don't think hes going to be able to use his free PD to file this is he? His atty supposedly told ME he wasn't licenced to practice family law.

Me

 

[stepmom&mom]

Most likely, his rights cannot be terminated unless you remarry and your spouse adopts the child. You'll want to read up on custody & visitation laws in your state. Otherwise, he has the same right to custody and visitation as you.

 

[NC_ConcernedMOM]

Ok

I do understand each parent has the same rights, but that wasn't really what I needed to know. Is it easy for an absentee parent to all of a sudden come in and take custody AWAY was the main issue. Where is it best to search for the laws pertaining to each state?

Thanks

 

[LdiJ]

I do understand each parent has the same rights, but that wasn't really what I needed to know. Is it easy for an absentee parent to all of a sudden come in and take custody AWAY was the main issue. Where is it best to search for the laws pertaining to each state?

Thanks

I don't think that anybody can even hazard a guess without knowing what the actual "issue" was in your past.

 

[NC_ConcernedMOM]

Well...

Bet this will be the most interesting post to date...

I ran an escort service on the internet for about 3 years. I won't try to lie that I didn't advertise myself there at one point. None of my employees EVER came to my house and I didn't think about bringing my son around that. I did what I had to do after I lost my job to take care of my son.

Before he stopped contacting my son, he knew about it..I was always upfront and honest with his father. He said as long as these people aren't around my son I have no issue...and they weren't. He printed off pictures AWHILE back and now sent them to his atty. He's using this as a trump card to try and intimidate me into relieving him of his arrears. My atty knows about everything, and public records will reveal that I haven't renewed that business license in almost 2 yrs.

 

[stepmom&mom]

He won't be able to "alleviate his arrears" simply by showing that you ran an escort service. That's just plain ridiculous. But it's highly doubtful that you will be able to just terminate his parental rights so easily.

 

[NC_ConcernedMOM]

I know

The thing is, even if he DID get custody, surely he doesn't think that releases him from that $$$ he owes??? He said he would WILLINGLY sign away his parental rights, but my atty said its not that easy for HIM either..

 

[stepmom&mom]

Your attorney is correct. Someone else has to be willing to step up to the plate and adopt your child (thus giving them financial responsibility.)

 

[NC_ConcernedMOM]

wow

Wow, even if he meets all the criteria under the Grounds for Termination? He did mention what you just said, but it makes to sense to demand that someone step in and fill the shoes of someone whos not even filling them himself!

Can he prove me unfit based on that evidence?

 

[new husband]

I can speak to that...

I have a freind, well my best man at my wedding, whose wife is exactly as you. They basically had to file a report in the newspaper and show best effort in locating the childs father, then allow sufficient time (state laws governing this). Once the time has elapsed then a formal request is made at the courts for adoption (state Process varies). The entire process took almost a year to complete. Now the former father has no rights to his son. Check your local laws for specifics it is all public. By the way they were married for 3 years before applying for adoption.

 

[NC_ConcernedMOM]

Yes

But if I DO no how to contact him, and I lie about it I could be in big trouble. When his atty served me with a motion to reduce child support, it included HIS home address.

 

[Chelle0511]

But if I DO no how to contact him, and I lie about it I could be in big trouble. When his atty served me with a motion to reduce child support, it included HIS home address.

~She can't do that... she knows where this man is and the court knows that she knows. Also, we don't know if there is a 3rd party willing to adopt. With that she has nothing. The fact that you had an escort service may hurt you, but I doubt it seeing how he has a felony and you have proof that you are no longer involved in such. In the end it will truely be up to a judge. Although, I would not relieve him of his arrears and I would tell the judge that if he wasn't so far behind you would not have had to have such a service. Not that that is an excuse but what happens if you relieve him and he still fights for custody. Do what is right for your child, collect your money and fight for him

 

[NC_ConcernedMOM]

Thanks

Thanks. I offered to reduce his 5000 to 2500 and his $350 ongoing to $200 month in return for sole custody and waiving his right to visits yet that wasn't good enough for him. Funny thing is, I really don't have to waive ANYTHING because he doesn't have an agreement for visitation by the courts, so I don't HAVE to grant him that...even though he never exercises his rights anyway. If I hadn't retained an atty to offer this, he would be sitting in jail after his court date last week. He would be an idiot to refuse this. Oh well, hopefully if he DOES file for custody, the courts will see its only in response to me asking him to pony up!

 

[Chelle0511]

Thanks. I offered to reduce his 5000 to 2500 and his $350 ongoing to $200 month in return for sole custody and waiving his right to visits yet that wasn't good enough for him. Funny thing is, I really don't have to waive ANYTHING because he doesn't have an agreement for visitation by the courts, so I don't HAVE to grant him that...even though he never exercises his rights anyway. If I hadn't retained an atty to offer this, he would be sitting in jail after his court date last week. He would be an idiot to refuse this. Oh well, hopefully if he DOES file for custody, the courts will see its only in response to me asking him to pony up!

~Judges see this kind of thing all the time and see thru these kind of people. Just relax and everything will work out in the end. P.S. I wouldn't offer to reduce it... I'd take it all(leaves him less $$ to fight for custody). Plus, ask the judge how he will support this child when he can't even afford CS. Good Luck

 

[NC_ConcernedMOM]

Lol

LOL..you are right. I said the same thing to my atty when I heard he had filed a motion for reduction.."how you going to ask for a reduction on something you aren't even paying?!!"

Thanks all!