Scared of loosing control

[harmi]

What is the name of your state? FL

My X is an X-cop, he lost his job last year because he refused to take a urine drug test. He was out and about with his new wife of 4 years and got busted. He stop paying child support a few months after. I feel like he and his new wife are bad role models for my children, not only because of this but many other things that my children come home talking about; like excesive drinking to the point of vomitting adn then driving. I want to know if this would be sufficient to petion the court to give me full custody of my children? I am very scared and concerned about my childrens health and state of mind. I'm also very concerned about my 12 year old boy. I'm scared that maybe one day I'll prohibit him from doing something and he'll choose to live at his fathers house and I will have no say in it; since we have joint custody. PLEASE HELP!!

 

[stealth2]

Sole custody won't prohibit your ex from petitioning for a change in custody at a later date (and kids don't choose, anyway), not will it take away his visitation.

 

[harmi]

Initial question? Will I be able to petition for full custody if the father hasn't paid CS?

But wouldn't petitioning for full custody give me more say as to when they see him?

 

[LdiJ]

Initial question? Will I be able to petition for full custody if the father hasn't paid CS?

But wouldn't petitioning for full custody give me more say as to when they see him?

Visitation/custody and child support are separate legal issues.

Many people think that full custody gives a parent things that it does not give them. Full custody DOES NOT give a parent say over visitation.

 

[stealth2]

But wouldn't petitioning for full custody give me more say as to when they see him?

Nope. The judge will order visitation and you will follow the court's order.

 

[harmi]

Visitation/custody and child support are separate legal issues.

Many people think that full custody gives a parent things that it does not give them. Full custody DOES NOT give a parent say over visitation.

wOw, I didn't know that! How come the police told me that if I wanted control of when my X picked up my kids I would have to go to court to get full custody.

 

[stealth2]

The cops are not really experts in the law. For that you should speak with an attorney.

 

[harmi]

Nope. The judge will order visitation and you will follow the court's order.

So how can I teach my children certain things like family responsibility and good morals if I can't even control and guide them towards that goal. For instants; their uncle died this Friday the day their dad was to pick them up, I called him and told him what had happened and that I preferred if they stayed and paid there respects to the family. He didn't care and still took them. What can I to have a better say in when they go to see their father, especially when there are special circumstances beyond our control.

 

[Silverplum]

So how can I teach my children certain things like family responsibility and good morals if I can't even control and guide them towards that goal. For instants; their uncle died this Friday the day their dad was to pick them up, I called him and told him what had happened and that I preferred if they stayed and paid there respects to the family. He didn't care and still took them. What can I to have a better say in when they go to see their father, especially when there are special circumstances beyond our control.

You can't. You want to control each and every aspect of your childrens' lives, but you can't. The "X-Factor" is what you cannot control.

You can't tell him that you changed your mind; you can't decide that a dead uncle is more important than a live father. If you have a decent relationship and you ASK him to SWITCH times and he does, that is nice. But it's not necessary and it's not his obligation to give up time if he chooses to exercise his parenting time.

His time is his time. Period. Get used to it. Move on.

 

[stealth2]

If it's his court-ordered time, then you don't have much choice. Could you have denied his visitation due to a death in the family? Sure. And you'd have to deal with the consequences if he filed against you for contempt. But if the uncle died on Friday, it's unlikely the services were earlier than Monday - so they could still pay their respects at that time. Different people have different ways of dealing with these sorts of things, whether you agree with them or not. Hell, my ex didn't even go to his brother's funeral - something I thought was downright bizarre - nor did he make any mention of it to the kids except to tell them he'd died.

At the end of the day, he IS their father - the man you chose - and he has rights, just as you do. He is permitted to parent them his way on his time (as long as he is not placing them in provable danger), just as you are.

 

[harmi]

Thank you all... you've cleared things up for me.