School attendance issues & custody

[StampGirl]

You NEED to start corresponding with the school weekly. Directly. What has stopped you from doing that?

I agree. Take mom out of the loop on the school issues. I gave my ex all the info he needs to contact the school directly. Makes my life easier!! Well it would if he USED it!! ha ha

I would start communicating with the teacher(s) directly each week. Set up a day and time. I would do this by email and phone. Ask the office to send you copies of all correspondence including report cards, letters etc to you seperately. This is your RIGHT. USE IT.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Does the school have online access to the grades? Our school district here in Florida has one attached to the school board site. I would be trotting to the school to get all the information.

 

[stealth2]

Just for the sake of being contrary (not really - I have some issues with this whole thing)... No one (i.e. the school) should have to be responsible for keeping you informed. As a parent - even the NCP - that is YOUR job. Unless the order specifically states Mom is to inform you of this, as long as you have the contact info for the school, it is YOUR job to follow up.

Your kids are, quite frankly, quite old enough to be doing their homework and handing it in. With or without Mom's or your help. While it's not ideal, they are also really old enough (especially the 12yo) to call you if they need help with homework and Mom's not able/willing to do so. They are also perfectly capable of picking up the phone in the morning and calling you to say "Dad - Mom's not getting up and I'm going to miss school/be late! What do I do?"

You have as great a responsibility for their education as she does. I'd hold you just as responsible.

 

[osmosis]

It's hard to communicate when there is a Ro against you...That is why I told you to read the Hx.

BTW: The RO should NEVER have been approved. Per MOM's postings on here is is BOGUS!

i've been told by the clerk of court that i can get a copy of the audio from the RO hearing and prove that the judge only issued it as a "necessary separation of the two parties" for the duration of the divorce proceedings and have it dropped as they are only meant to be temporary. it's been 6 years now!

hopefully when custody changes she'll realize what a hassle it is to have that false wall there and drop it herself. if not, well.. i can't help that.

the good thing about it is it prevents her from harassing me, but it's not worth missing out on important parenting issues such as this. she even flatly turned down CPS when they suggested family group counseling on the grounds that she refuses to go if i'm involved.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Most teachers can be contacted by email. I have found that they WANT to tell parents if there are problems; they'll be happy to find someone who cares.

 

[osmosis]

Just for the sake of being contrary (not really - I have some issues with this whole thing)... No one (i.e. the school) should have to be responsible for keeping you informed. As a parent - even the NCP - that is YOUR job. Unless the order specifically states Mom is to inform you of this, as long as you have the contact info for the school, it is YOUR job to follow up.

Your kids are, quite frankly, quite old enough to be doing their homework and handing it in. With or without Mom's or your help. While it's not ideal, they are also really old enough (especially the 12yo) to call you if they need help with homework and Mom's not able/willing to do so. They are also perfectly capable of picking up the phone in the morning and calling you to say "Dad - Mom's not getting up and I'm going to miss school/be late! What do I do?"

You have as great a responsibility for their education as she does. I'd hold you just as responsible.

you are right, and i agree with you 100%. the only problem is that they are not allowed to call me unless mom has specifically told them to do so. i've addressed this issue in court, and the judge ordered that the children are allowed to call me whenever they want. oh, wow.. contempt of court?

i should have been on the phone with the school this whole time. hindsight..

i feel foolish for assuming that because i was their father and at the school to get the kids every other friday that i wouldn't have to contact them myself. foolish mistake.

i'm not looking for more ammo to throw, i just wondered if it was worth addressing.

 

[osmosis]

Most teachers can be contacted by email. I have found that they WANT to tell parents if there are problems; they'll be happy to find someone who cares.

i've found a contact list of teachers & administrators emails on the school website just now. i didn't even consider that avenue!

 

[stealth2]

you are right, and i agree with you 100%. the only problem is that they are not allowed to call me unless mom has specifically told them to do so. i've addressed this issue in court, and the judge ordered that the children are allowed to call me whenever they want. oh, wow.. contempt of court?

So they ARE allowed to call you whenever they want. If needed, buy them a prepaid cell and tell them to use it in those circumstances. You need to start thinking outside the box.

i should have been on the phone with the school this whole time. hindsight..

i feel foolish for assuming that because i was their father and at the school to get the kids every other friday that i wouldn't have to contact them myself. foolish mistake.

Dude - how many kids go to their school(s)? Did it occur to you to get there a few minutes early, walk into the office and ASK? Come on - take some responsibility.

 

[MichaCA]

Also, get the policy from the school regarding tardys and such. My daughter was late three times to school (I was responsible for one of the times), and we had to meet with the principal and got threatened with potential suspension, potential charges of deliquency or something. Point, some schools much stricter than others. Also, you can get a copy of when absences were, so you can try to track down what may be going on, to present a clearer case about school problems.

 

[osmosis]

So they ARE allowed to call you whenever they want. If needed, buy them a prepaid cell and tell them to use it in those circumstances. You need to start thinking outside the box.

i bought them one and mom took it away from them when she found out. this woman refuses to work with me.

Dude - how many kids go to their school(s)? Did it occur to you to get there a few minutes early, walk into the office and ASK? Come on - take some responsibility.

DD's school is very small. i have to go to the office each time to retrieve her, and the contact that i have had with the teachers has all been praise of what a great student she is. this absences/tardies thing was a recent occurrence that i was unaware of until this weekend as our visits were disrupted by mom's birthday and the last visit prior to this had an exchange later in the day where mom delivered the children to our designated neutral exchange point sans backpacks. i never thought to ask in the office how her attendance was.

i'm not trying to justify my ignorance in this. it's a learning experience, and you all have definitely helped to open my eyes in a lot of areas. being questioned like this increases my awareness of what the appropriate actions should be vs. what i may or may not be doing.

 

[osmosis]

Also, get the policy from the school regarding tardys and such. My daughter was late three times to school (I was responsible for one of the times), and we had to meet with the principal and got threatened with potential suspension, potential charges of deliquency or something. Point, some schools much stricter than others. Also, you can get a copy of when absences were, so you can try to track down what may be going on, to present a clearer case about school problems.

along with the attendance warning was a copy of her attendance record. she's missed 12 days of school this year, and had at least 20 tardies. in the county i reside in, 10 or more absences during the year is excessive and punishable by law. apparently her county is different.

 

[Isis1]

along with the attendance warning was a copy of her attendance record. she's missed 12 days of school this year, and had at least 20 tardies. in the county i reside in, 10 or more absences during the year is excessive and punishable by law. apparently her county is different.

do a certain amount of tardies count as an absence? that might have made the number go up. also, unexcused absences might be counted differently then ones that could have notes.

 

[osmosis]

do a certain amount of tardies count as an absence? that might have made the number go up. also, unexcused absences might be counted differently then ones that could have notes.

they're broken down:

date, absent or tardy, what periods were missed, and if it's excused or unexcused. out of the 12 absences, only 3 of them were excused and none of the tardies were excused.

 

[CJane]

Look Os... you're losing focus. And if I remember correctly, that's a fatal flaw with you.

If Mom is REALLY as bad as you say she is... if CPS is really involved and Mom is NOT following their recommendations... if she REALLY left huge bruises on the child... if she's REALLY alienating as bad as you say she is... if she's REALLY ignoring what the court said about her work schedule... why are you making a big deal about the school thing?

On this one, you ABSOLUTELY are just as much to blame as Mom is - and the child shares that blame too. You can't possibly NOT KNOW THAT. Can't possibly. EVERY parent knows that it's THEIR responsibility to make sure their child is provided for emotionally, financially, educationally and socially. No blaming the other parent when things aren't turning out the way YOU would like them to.

Focus on the big points.

 

[osmosis]

i understand what you're saying. i wasn't trying to make issue of it, just curious as if it's something that should be addressed in court. now that i see i hold just as much responsibility for mom not taking daughter to school, i will simply address it with the school.