school event and visitation

[futuredust]

If the judge ordered it in court, she has that right even if it didn't make its way into any written court orders. Its still a judge's order.

If dad took her to court for contempt, all she would have to do is provide a copy of the transcript where the judge ordered that, and any contempt case would be dismissed.

Judges do not force one parent to continue private school AND be 100% responsible for paying for that private school.

I never thought about transcripts.. I guess because that option is not always available.

 

[CJane]

I never thought about transcripts.. I guess because that option is not always available.

Of course it's an option that's always available. Why would it not be?

 

[futuredust]

How are transcripts ALWAYS available?

I was just in court, I had to pay to have someone there to record it or there would have been no record according to my attorney. The court did not provide a court reporter at all.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Luckymom,

Just sweeten the pot some more. He sends her back two days early - you give him an extra week in the summer.

 

[CJane]

How are transcripts ALWAYS available?

I was just in court, I had to pay to have someone there to record it or there would have been no record according to my attorney. The court did not provide a court reporter at all.

Well, I have NEVER heard of that. Here (which is not THERE) there is a recording of all proceedings. If you want a TRANSCRIPT, you have to contact a reporter and they create a transcript of the recording.

You can also order a CD with the proceeding's recording for a MUCH LOWER cost, but it's not 'official' either.

At any rate, a transcript is ALWAYS 'available' it just sometimes requires hoops. No way court would take place w/out a record of what transpired in the court room.

 

[futuredust]

Well, I have NEVER heard of that. Here (which is not THERE) there is a recording of all proceedings. If you want a TRANSCRIPT, you have to contact a reporter and they create a transcript of the recording.

You can also order a CD with the proceeding's recording for a MUCH LOWER cost, but it's not 'official' either.

At any rate, a transcript is ALWAYS 'available' it just sometimes requires hoops. No way court would take place w/out a record of what transpired in the court room.

There were other cases, and there was NO court reporter there. I paid 500.00 to have one, so if I were to lose and want to appeal or ask for a reconsideration, I would have a record of that day.

Court was in Tennessee...

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Not having a "reporter" and not having a record are 2 different animals.

 

[LdiJ]

There were other cases, and there was NO court reporter there. I paid 500.00 to have one, so if I were to lose and want to appeal or ask for a reconsideration, I would have a record of that day.

Court was in Tennessee...

Ok...lets say that you are right and there is way to get a transcript of what the judge ordered. Then you would have to assume that the judge also made no notes or other records of what he ordered, and that the judge would believe dad's memory of what the judge said over mom's memory of what the judge said.

Since it would be highly unusual for a judge to both order mom to continue to pay for private school by herself AND keep the child in private school, its far more likely that the judge would believe mom's memory over dad's.

 

[futuredust]

I just talked to the clerk, I had to ask about the parenting plan anyway, and asked about records of the court.

She said they have a tape machine and that they do tape some cases, not all. I asked how they determine what is taped and she said it is whatever the judge tells her to tape.

So, straight from the court, there is not always a record of what is said in court.

 

[CJane]

Not having a "reporter" and not having a record are 2 different animals.

Exactly. There is no REPORTER in our hearings/trials either. The judge's clerk sits there and RECORDS everything - LATER a REPORTER will create a transcript FOR A FEE.

I'm CERTAIN that there WOULD have been a record of furturedust's case whether he/she paid for the reporter THEN or LATER.

/hijack

Luckymom - can you perhaps send Princess to Dad's early?

 

[futuredust]

Since it would be highly unusual for a judge to both order mom to continue to pay for private school by herself AND keep the child in private school, its far more likely that the judge would believe mom's memory over dad's.

I agree.

I was just of the thought that if something was not in the court order, then there was no order. Since I paid to have a reporter so there was a record of my trial, I thought this might be the case in other places as well. If there was no way to prove the judge said it, and if the judge sees many cases like most do, I would not expect the judge to remember the particulars of one case. That is what I was getting at.

 

[cyjeff]

I think the best and easiest solution is to ask the school about alternate dates.

In today's world, this cannot be that unusual.

 

[stealth2]

Come on, people. It would appear that Mom has the right to choose the school the child will attend. However, that does not give her the right to cut Dad's visitation short or deny him visitation so the child can wander around the proposed new school and/or take placement tests (mind you - NOT entrance exams - *placement* tests).

There are work-arounds to both of those, as I mentioned (twice) before. I cannot imagine that the school wouldn't allow the kid to spend a half/full day while the school was in session to get a feel for the place. Nor can I imagine that they would refuse to accommodate a court-ordered visitation schedule and provide a make-up for placement exams. But Mom has to do a bit of legwork. If it's important enough, she will.

I've been through a similar situation, and it really is doable. Schools do tend to have the kids' interests at heart and will try to work with parents who ask for help.

So, OP, it really depends how much you want to make this work for your child vs how much you want to demonize Dad.

 

[CJane]

Come on, people. It would appear that Mom has the right to choose the school the child will attend. However, that does not give her the right to cut Dad's visitation short or deny him visitation so the child can wander around the proposed new school and/or take placement tests (mind you - NOT entrance exams - *placement* tests).

There are work-arounds to both of those, as I mentioned (twice) before.

I don't think anyone disputed your advice. However, that doesn't make the advice to continue trying to work with Dad WRONG.

OF COURSE she should talk to the school, but she shouldn't STOP trying to talk to Dad about it.

 

[cyjeff]

Come on, people. It would appear that Mom has the right to choose the school the child will attend. However, that does not give her the right to cut Dad's visitation short or deny him visitation so the child can wander around the proposed new school and/or take placement tests (mind you - NOT entrance exams - *placement* tests).

There are work-arounds to both of those, as I mentioned (twice) before. I cannot imagine that the school wouldn't allow the kid to spend a half/full day while the school was in session to get a feel for the place. Nor can I imagine that they would refuse to accommodate a court-ordered visitation schedule and provide a make-up for placement exams. But Mom has to do a bit of legwork. If it's important enough, she will.

I've been through a similar situation, and it really is doable. Schools do tend to have the kids' interests at heart and will try to work with parents who ask for help.

So, OP, it really depends how much you want to make this work for your child vs how much you want to demonize Dad.

Agreed... we got off on a tangent.

Until the OP comes back and tells us that the school refuses to work with her, we really can't help much.

To the OP...

I have said this often but will say it again. A court order is just that... an order. Not a suggestion or a guideline. Not something to be ignored or changed because either or both parties wish it to be changed.

But, in fact, an ORDER which has the force of law upon those named within.

Therefore, if your ex says that he wants his full visitation, that tells you that you must work around it... because he has the right and the force of law to do so.

Yup, he may be a jerk for doing it... but doesn't change his ability to do so.