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Semi-Deadbeat won't consent

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needhelpnow3321

Junior Member
Illinois- My daughter is 12 and my husband wants to adopt her. We have been married for 8 years now. I left my biological daughter's father, let's call him Stan, 8 or 9 years ago because things were not going well and he was selling drugs out of our home. Our home was raided one time while my daughter, Stan, Stan's friends, and I were all at home. He got arrested, (but released) and I secretly started making plans to leave, but in the meantime, our home was raided again while I was at work and my daughter was at daycare. I moved away after he went to prison. He served his time and now he has been out for a few years.

I have no hard feelings against him and actually think he is a ok person, but definately not the person I want raising my daughter in the event something were to happen to me. Not sure if he is still selling drugs, (I don't think so), but his life is not together, stable, or reliable or responsible. I, as well as my daughter, want her to be raised by my husband.

He had not contributed anything for her until I finally after about 2 or 3 years after his release requested that he do so. I requested a minimal $25 dollars a week starting April 2008. He started in June 2008 paid $100 per month thru Sept. 2009 and hasn't paid a dime since... He was always late except for one time. In Nov 2009, I increased the amount to $50 per week moving forward, and he agreed. He always says he is going to deposit the funds, but he never does.

He has seen her a hand full of times since he's been out, and calls not very often, but calls on birthdays, Christmas, etc... I was never married to him and he signed a Voluntary Acknowledgement of Parentage when she was born.

I have asked for Stan's consent for my husband to adopt her and he said, "no". Is there anyway to go around his consent. What is considered proof that he waives his rights?
 


ecmst12

Senior Member
If he won't consent you can't force him. It sounds like you don't have an actual court order for support so you can't complain about him not paying (since he's never been legally obligated to pay) and he does call sometimes, and it sounds like he would like to have visitation and a relationship with his child. You owe it to your daughter to allow her to know her father. Even if he wasn't there before, if he WANTS to be there now, that is to be encouraged.

Abandonment would be if he did not pay COURT ORDERED support or have ANY contact at all with you or the child for many years. That is not remotely the case here.
 

needhelpnow3321

Junior Member
Semi Dead Beat

I don't necessarily want to keep him from her. Is there something besides adoption that can be put in place for my daughter to be raised by my husband, who she knows as her father also, in the unfortuante event that something were to happen to me? That is my main concern.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I don't necessarily want to keep him from her. Is there something besides adoption that can be put in place for my daughter to be raised by my husband, who she knows as her father also, in the unfortuante event that something were to happen to me? That is my main concern.

You can do a standby guardianship but this will not prevent Dad from trying to get custody should anything happen to you.

Really, terminating Dad's rights and having your husband adopt her is the only guarantee.
 

Ronin

Member
As long as semi-deadbeat dad is at least semi-involved with his child, and he refuses to relinquish his rights to allow his child to be adopted, then an adoption is not going to happen.

Is there anyway to go around his consent. What is considered proof that he waives his rights?

There is no way around his consent. The only proof he waived his rights would be his signed consent.
 

dannyt

Member
your hubby has no rights

I don't necessarily want to keep him from her. Is there something besides adoption that can be put in place for my daughter to be raised by my husband, who she knows as her father also, in the unfortuante event that something were to happen to me? That is my main concern.

no theres not. your husband is alegal stranger to your daughter. if something were to happen to you, kiddo goes to dad( not your husband).
 

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