What is the name of your state? PA
To make a long, convoluted story short, I'll sum everything up in one question.Is it as bad of an idea to send my 14 year old daughter to live for a few months (4 or 5) with her Father and his girlfriend as I think it is?
There is no official custody order, but she and her sister have lived with me since the divorce 7 years ago. Nothing would need to go through the courts, I believe.
This is not her idea. Or his really, even though he has made comments to her in the past about that if she lived with him, he would give her more freedoms, be less strict about her grades, etc. She, of course, throws these at me when I'm grounding her for an F on her report card that she lied about( told me it was really a B, but the teacher "confused her with someone else") thinking I wasn't smart enough to spot the lie. Or letting her know there was yet another warning story to parents about her favorite online place and that's why I want user id and passwords. He thinks I'm too strict, perhaps I am, but I want so much more for her than to think that life is something to be handed to you and you can lie and manipulate your way through. He is her friend right now, I'm her parent. She's got enough friends.
What I would hope to achieve with this is that once the novelty wears off for them all, she'll see that maybe life here isn't the miserable existance she perceives it to be. That life isn't really all about her wants and wishes. That saying "no" to her isn't a way of hating her. She's a champ at trying play us against each other. "But Dad would let me" Too young and dumb to know I don't give a flying fart. Dad does every time, knowing he's been played. But doesn't want her to not like him. My fear however, is that in that amount of time she could be beyond reach when the time comes to return home. Or heaven forbid I'm a Grandma well before 40. With his lack of parenting, that could very well happen. I know this is a bad idea, but don't know how to deal with this. I surely don't want to have to split the girls up, either.
Am I as crazy as I think for even considering this? Has anyone ever done this and had it work?What is the name of your state?
To make a long, convoluted story short, I'll sum everything up in one question.Is it as bad of an idea to send my 14 year old daughter to live for a few months (4 or 5) with her Father and his girlfriend as I think it is?
There is no official custody order, but she and her sister have lived with me since the divorce 7 years ago. Nothing would need to go through the courts, I believe.
This is not her idea. Or his really, even though he has made comments to her in the past about that if she lived with him, he would give her more freedoms, be less strict about her grades, etc. She, of course, throws these at me when I'm grounding her for an F on her report card that she lied about( told me it was really a B, but the teacher "confused her with someone else") thinking I wasn't smart enough to spot the lie. Or letting her know there was yet another warning story to parents about her favorite online place and that's why I want user id and passwords. He thinks I'm too strict, perhaps I am, but I want so much more for her than to think that life is something to be handed to you and you can lie and manipulate your way through. He is her friend right now, I'm her parent. She's got enough friends.
What I would hope to achieve with this is that once the novelty wears off for them all, she'll see that maybe life here isn't the miserable existance she perceives it to be. That life isn't really all about her wants and wishes. That saying "no" to her isn't a way of hating her. She's a champ at trying play us against each other. "But Dad would let me" Too young and dumb to know I don't give a flying fart. Dad does every time, knowing he's been played. But doesn't want her to not like him. My fear however, is that in that amount of time she could be beyond reach when the time comes to return home. Or heaven forbid I'm a Grandma well before 40. With his lack of parenting, that could very well happen. I know this is a bad idea, but don't know how to deal with this. I surely don't want to have to split the girls up, either.
Am I as crazy as I think for even considering this? Has anyone ever done this and had it work?What is the name of your state?
