Seniors and Ohio Gal

[sipa]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

Ohio Gal and Seniors,

Hubby got email from Ex wife regarding move today-

Remember his post the other day in reference to wanting this to go through the court system as this has been an uncival, coparenting relationship filled with turmoil for 8 years.

He would like help responding to her email:

Email reads:

Next Wednesday 4/1 I have to go out of town on business, I will need you to take Thing 1 and Thing 2 Wed afternoon thru Saturday evening. My brother will pick them up at 6 PM on Saturday, the same will apply for the following Wenesday thru Saturday.

I will be available bu mobile phone as meeting schedules allow and will have email access.

Also with regard to the certified letter you sent: I would still like to proceed in a cival manner working out the details between you and I and then taking it to court to be filed. Is that still an option? If so I will finish the rough outline for your review. Please advise me in reference to this matter via email.

Signed EX wife.

Now keep in mind they went to court once back in 2001 and have not returned since. Simply because it was simplier to just swallow it all then get involved back and forth with her. It was not but 1 year ago that she called our home 8 times in one night and physically approached his car screaming and yelling and whipping the door open, with an active restaining order placed against Hubby by her years ago.

The police were involved a year ago because she was not releasing daughter to my husband for pick up.

What is a CIVAL non emotional way for hubby to respond to this email and still make the point that he wants it to go directly through the courts?

HE is fuming I told him calm down- the professional ex's can word this for him in a non confrontational unemotional way.

He started his email: I have told you 10 times I will not do this with out going through the courts.

Not the right approach I would think- I told him to delete it and wait...
Help calm hubby down.....before I have to smack him!

 

[wileybunch]

First, I hope you're only spelling it CIVAL because she did.

Next, what is it that they're trying to accomplish? There is no reason why he should NOT try to work this outside of court IF it is possible. With DH, when he finally grew a pair and dealt with the contempt issues, then after that when she was difficult, he'd give her a few chances to come to her senses ie. determining their 50/50 summer time parenting split and then he said along the lines of, "OK, I understand you're not wanting to agree with this as a stipulation, so I'm going to move forward with it" which meant he was going to go to court to get a judge to compel the schedule (Mom was desperately trying not to give him the 50% time that was in the order was the crux of that example).

So not knowing the context, I say it should be possible to float proposals to each other with a deadline in mind that if an agreement is not reached, it's time to go to the next level.

They can also reach agreement on certain things to try to put those to bed and see where the only differences are, if any, and that's less to hash out, potentially, with a judge.

 

[truebluemd]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

Ohio Gal and Seniors,

Hubby got email from Ex wife regarding move today-

Remember his post the other day in reference to wanting this to go through the court system as this has been an uncival, coparenting relationship filled with turmoil for 8 years.

He would like help responding to her email:

Email reads:

Next Wednesday 4/1 I have to go out of town on business, I will need you to take Thing 1 and Thing 2 Wed afternoon thru Saturday evening. My brother will pick them up at 6 PM on Saturday, the same will apply for the following Wenesday thru Saturday.

I will be available bu mobile phone as meeting schedules allow and will have email access.

Also with regard to the certified letter you sent: I would still like to proceed in a cival manner working out the details between you and I and then taking it to court to be filed. Is that still an option? If so I will finish the rough outline for your review. Please advise me in reference to this matter via email.

Signed EX wife.

Now keep in mind they went to court once back in 2001 and have not returned since. Simply because it was simplier to just swallow it all then get involved back and forth with her. It was not but 1 year ago that she called our home 8 times in one night and physically approached his car screaming and yelling and whipping the door open, with an active restaining order placed against Hubby by her years ago.

The police were involved a year ago because she was not releasing daughter to my husband for pick up.

What is a CIVAL non emotional way for hubby to respond to this email and still make the point that he wants it to go directly through the courts?

HE is fuming I told him calm down- the professional ex's can word this for him in a non confrontational unemotional way.

He started his email: I have told you 10 times I will not do this with out going through the courts.

Not the right approach I would think- I told him to delete it and wait...
Help calm hubby down.....before I have to smack him!

Perhaps its me not knowing the whole story, but I dont see anything here that should piss him off. It looks like on paper she is trying to work things out. If she acts one way through email and another outsie of email, then I can understand.

Then again, I'm not OG or a Senior so I guess you werent looking for an answer from me anyway

 

[sipa]

Ok Wiley now we are talking: Is his proposal out of line and yes that is her spelling, my brain was not engaged at the time.

Please point out what is out of line in his proposal:

Review of who carries medical benefits (she is moving out of state, he is insured through me his kids through NJ kidcare as he was laid off and just started working again. His new company is out of Omaha and he is work from home. 90 percent of the coverage does not even have doctors here let alone North Carolina) He would like her to take this responsibility.

Basic guidelines to be set for out of pocket medical expenses based on income. (this is how NJ does it)

Joint custody (as it stands his paperwork states she has sole custody he has visitation Wed night through Saturday 6pm.)

Child support to be paid by him according the the state guidelines.

Life insurance for he and ex in amount of 100,000 with each other as trustee to be paid to kids at time of legal age. (he got this from my paperwork)

Transportation to and from for court appointed visitation to father (Nj is customary that person moving foots bill) Her income is also about 20 grand more then his.

Every other Thanksgiving and Christmas break, every spring break and July 1st through July 30 during the summer.

Proof kids are registered with doctors, dentist and eye doc with in 60 days of arrival. (Ex does not think kids need doctors, although she is a nurse she does not believe in medicating ear infections and such)

Proof oldest is registed with Orthodontist and has braces installed prior to end of 2009. (ex has declared she doesn't need braces and will not sign off on them the kids teeth are all over the place he has provided 3 opinions all stating she needs them)

Written notification of doctors names and contact information. Also on paperwork so that he can contact doctor and get information regarding medical treatment of kids.

Documentation of yearly physicals

Documentation of yearly dentist visit.

Notification of vacations outside the country (recently asking him to sign for passports I think is what brought this on)

Notification of address phone and email.

The ability to communicate with kids via IM, email and webcam and phone.(currently she disconnects calls and he is blocked from computer access)

Schedule phone time once a week each child 1/2 hour a piece.

Copies of report cards, school name and contact information.

Immediate notification of emergancy medical attention needed.

Stipulation that any step parent or adult in step parenting role not be allowed to hit children ( physical discipline she will get this in return as I have not an issue with this they are not my kids to hit)

Pictures of new home inside and out. (I told him this is a stretch)

So if he provides her this and she provides hers does that mean that they have agreed she can move with out going to court?

Word the email Wiley

Great food for thought

 

[sipa]

Perhaps its me not knowing the whole story, but I dont see anything here that should piss him off. It looks like on paper she is trying to work things out. If she acts one way through email and another outsie of email, then I can understand.

Then again, I'm not OG or a Senior so I guess you werent looking for an answer from me anyway

Oh god I knew I would get this....sorry I love you all!

Yes it is always one way on paper another way when it is all said and done, of course isn't that always the way?

 

[sipa]

There is also a trust issue here years and years of them

Like her picking kids up on his time and not returning them.

Like not releasing them when he goes for pick up.

Alittle PAS for lack of better terms.

Lots and lots of phone disconnecting mid sentance.

Comments like Daddy always has beer, but can't afford anything else. (except a daycare bill of 800 a month summer and 400 a month the rest of the year plus another 400 in med benefits)

I don't think I need to continue.

And yes he has been a snotty bitch with attitude when dealing with her for 8 years so that probably does not help.

Both have blame that is why god gave me to hands so I can point at two at a time

 

[Ohiogal]

Please point out what is out of line in his proposal:

Review of who carries medical benefits (she is moving out of state, he is insured through me his kids through NJ kidcare as he was laid off and just started working again. His new company is out of Omaha and he is work from home. 90 percent of the coverage does not even have doctors here let alone North Carolina) He would like her to take this responsibility.

It makes sense provided SHE has insurance available at a REASONABLE COST. What is reasonable? Granted this is Ohio but it is no more than 5% of gross income.

Basic guidelines to be set for out of pocket medical expenses based on income. (this is how NJ does it)

Makes sense.

Joint custody (as it stands his paperwork states she has sole custody he has visitation Wed night through Saturday 6pm.)

She is moving from NJ to NC and he wants to go from none to joint? It may run into a factor there as a court may not award that.

Child support to be paid by him according the the state guidelines.

Okay.

Life insurance for he and ex in amount of 100,000 with each other as trustee to be paid to kids at time of legal age. (he got this from my paperwork)

Why don't they just make each other beneficiary of such a plan until the youngest child is 18. At the time the oldest turns 18 the beneficiary is changed to OLDEST and parent. Because the parent needs to provide for the children.

Transportation to and from for court appointed visitation to father (Nj is customary that person moving foots bill) Her income is also about 20 grand more then his.

Makes sense.

Every other Thanksgiving and Christmas break, every spring break and July 1st through July 30 during the summer.

Would the every other Thanksgiving and Christmas be the same year -- as in the year the parent gets Thanksgiving they also get Christmas or would that alternate. Having set dates is good. Provided the children are not in year round schools. Some districts' public schools do go year round.

Proof kids are registered with doctors, dentist and eye doc with in 60 days of arrival. (Ex does not think kids need doctors, although she is a nurse she does not believe in medicating ear infections and such)

I am thinking not necessarily 60 days. You don't normally register children with this unless they have an appointment. And if she doesn't medicate ear infections now, what makes you (dad) think she will medicate them even if the children are "registered" with a doctor. Doesn't mean she will take them.

Proof oldest is registed with Orthodontist and has braces installed prior to end of 2009. (ex has declared she doesn't need braces and will not sign off on them the kids teeth are all over the place he has provided 3 opinions all stating she needs them)

Then HE should take the oldest to get braces or force that issue in court.

Written notification of doctors names and contact information. Also on paperwork so that he can contact doctor and get information regarding medical treatment of kids.

He should be able to contact the doctors anyway by sending custody papers. It makes it easier if he is on the paperwork. But yes he should be notified.

Documentation of yearly physicals

Yearly physicals?

Documentation of yearly dentist visit.

Dentist visits are supposed to be every 6 months for a cleaning.

Notification of vacations outside the country (recently asking him to sign for passports I think is what brought this on)

Not notificiation. Try something like: Each parent will be required to get written permission from the non traveling parent to travel outside of the country. Such permission will not be denied if the country being traveled to is a participant of the Hague Convention and is not on a list of dangerous countries or being boycotted by the US Government. Permission shall be notarized and include dates of travel, countries travelled to and who is travelling with the children. It will be provided within a week of being requested.

Notification of address phone and email.

If she has email.

The ability to communicate with kids via IM, email and webcam and phone.(currently she disconnects calls and he is blocked from computer access)

Sounds good.

Schedule phone time once a week each child 1/2 hour a piece.

getting into trouble there. What if the child doesn't want to talk 1/2 hour? How about: Father may call to talk to the children between the hours of 5 and 8 each night. If children are not home, the children will return the phone call within 24 hours. Father is entitled to a minimum of two phone calls a week talking with the children.

Copies of report cards, school name and contact information.

Dad can get his own report cards. He should be given the school name and contact information.

Immediate notification of emergancy medical attention needed.

What is immediate? Notification of emergency medical treatment within 24 hours of the child receiving said treatment.

Stipulation that any step parent or adult in step parenting role not be allowed to hit children ( physical discipline she will get this in return as I have not an issue with this they are not my kids to hit)

No corporal punishment by any third parties.

Pictures of new home inside and out. (I told him this is a stretch)

Outrageous and out of line. He has NO RIGHTS to this. And I would tell him to pound sand. Until it turns to diamonds.

So if he provides her this and she provides hers does that mean that they have agreed she can move with out going to court?

If they can agree with the terms of this they should submit the agreement to the court as an agreed entry that the Court can and should sign off on. It needs more legal language but pretty much.

 

[futuredust]

Ok Wiley now we are talking: Is his proposal out of line and yes that is her spelling, my brain was not engaged at the time.

Please point out what is out of line in his proposal:

Review of who carries medical benefits (she is moving out of state, he is insured through me his kids through NJ kidcare as he was laid off and just started working again. His new company is out of Omaha and he is work from home. 90 percent of the coverage does not even have doctors here let alone North Carolina) He would like her to take this responsibility.

Basic guidelines to be set for out of pocket medical expenses based on income. (this is how NJ does it)

Joint custody (as it stands his paperwork states she has sole custody he has visitation Wed night through Saturday 6pm.)

Child support to be paid by him according the the state guidelines.

Life insurance for he and ex in amount of 100,000 with each other as trustee to be paid to kids at time of legal age. (he got this from my paperwork)

Transportation to and from for court appointed visitation to father (Nj is customary that person moving foots bill) Her income is also about 20 grand more then his.

Every other Thanksgiving and Christmas break, every spring break and July 1st through July 30 during the summer.

Proof kids are registered with doctors, dentist and eye doc with in 60 days of arrival. (Ex does not think kids need doctors, although she is a nurse she does not believe in medicating ear infections and such)

Proof oldest is registed with Orthodontist and has braces installed prior to end of 2009. (ex has declared she doesn't need braces and will not sign off on them the kids teeth are all over the place he has provided 3 opinions all stating she needs them)

Written notification of doctors names and contact information. Also on paperwork so that he can contact doctor and get information regarding medical treatment of kids.

Documentation of yearly physicals

Documentation of yearly dentist visit.

Notification of vacations outside the country (recently asking him to sign for passports I think is what brought this on)

Notification of address phone and email.

The ability to communicate with kids via IM, email and webcam and phone.(currently she disconnects calls and he is blocked from computer access)

Schedule phone time once a week each child 1/2 hour a piece.

Copies of report cards, school name and contact information.

Immediate notification of emergancy medical attention needed.

Stipulation that any step parent or adult in step parenting role not be allowed to hit children ( physical discipline she will get this in return as I have not an issue with this they are not my kids to hit)

Pictures of new home inside and out. (I told him this is a stretch)

So if he provides her this and she provides hers does that mean that they have agreed she can move with out going to court?

Word the email Wiley

Great food for thought

I really hate when people lie for no good reason what so ever, ruins all credibility with me.


Those were you own mistakes, makes no sense at all to me to place blame elsewhere.

Remember his post the other day in reference to wanting this to go through the court system as this has been an uncival, coparenting relationship filled with turmoil for 8 years.

He would like help responding to her email:

What is a CIVAL non emotional way

And why ask someone else to word an email for yet someone else..

 

[sipa]

I really hate when people lie for no good reason what so ever, ruins all credibility with me.


Those were you own mistakes, makes no sense at all to me to place blame elsewhere.





And why ask someone else to word an email for yet someone else..

Actually I copied that email word for word and spelling included, continued my own after that shearly typing- with that being said if I made an error in my spelling then I own it-but I can spell civil.

Thanks for your input, feel free to expand my knowledge in the future, oh wise one

 

[Ohiogal]

Hey you didn't respond to me! I feel left out. Calling an attorney to disagree with me? That is the magic of OG! With a wink towards hpulling.

 

[truebluemd]

[/B]

Oh god I knew I would get this....sorry I love you all!

Yes it is always one way on paper another way when it is all said and done, of course isn't that always the way?

I only mentioned that since its what I go through. if thats the case, then I can see why your hubby is pissed.

 

[sipa]

Hey you didn't respond to me! I feel left out. Calling an attorney to disagree with me? That is the magic of OG! With a wink towards hpulling.

No way Ohio Gal you are one of my fav's

Now you know that someone will tell me I am sucking up lol.

I just read him your reply so it took a minute or 5.

Ok so he is going to email her and tell her he does not see why they can not at least entertain each other proposal with a April 15 dead line.

I can gaurentee you YES ME the wife ** she will not agree with half of what he has here.

She will not agree to the braces on that kids teeth first and foremost sad part is SHE (his ex) would be stunning had someone put braces on her teeth.

He is waiting on NJ kid care to kick in to take her back to the orthodontist except he is running out of time she is trying to leave by June 15th.

She will not agree to the travel expense which is a gimme here in NJ.

These two are so black and white it's scary...

I appreciate your response OG believe me, he is calmer now know smacking needed

 

[futuredust]

Actually I copied that email word for word and spelling included, continued my own after that shearly typing- with that being said if I made an error in my spelling then I own it-but I can spell civil.

Thanks for your input, feel free to expand my knowledge in the future, oh wise one

Are you serious??

The email said what I quoted, you know the part YOU clearly typed out.. BEFORE and AFTER the email you copied ??

Yeah, I believe the ex sent you an email saying this:

Remember his post the other day in reference to wanting this to go through the court system as this has been an uncival, coparenting relationship filled with turmoil for 8 years.

He would like help responding to her email:

AND

What is a CIVAL non emotional way

And don't worry, in the future, even if I have advice or knowledge, I will keep it to myself.

You're welcome.

P.S. gaurentee is spelled : guarantee

 

[sipa]

Are you serious??

The email said what I quoted, you know the part YOU clearly typed out.. BEFORE and AFTER the email you copied ??

Yeah, I believe the ex sent you an email saying this:



And don't worry, in the future, even if I have advice or knowledge, I will keep it to myself.

You're welcome.

P.S. gaurentee is spelled : guarantee

Thank you, and your non advice is fine with me since you obviously can not read well as if you had you may have noticed it said Ohio Gal and Seniors, at last I checked you were neither!

I think everyone here is helpful but far from perfect including myself.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you, and your non advice is fine with me since you obviously can not read well as if you had you may have noticed it said Ohio Gal and Seniors, at last I checked you were neither!

I think everyone here is helpful but far from perfect including myself.

Damnit. I like to think of myself as perfect. Or just a little not perfect.