Seventeen year old wants to adopt.

[16&23]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

First of all I'd like to point out that I am NOT Amber, the normal user of 16&23. But she told me of this site, and I thought I could get some help from it. I tried activating an account under mom@heart but it didn't get sent to my email to be activated. Amber let me use hers.

~ Here is my story. I am seventeen years old, I will be graduating this year and attending Western Michigan University to study nursing. For the past two years I have been raising my cousin, Courtny, who is now six. It seems unbelievable, I know. But two years ago my aunt became very ill, and she is slowly dying. Courtny's father has never been in the picture. I was named Court's godmother when she was born, and when my aunt slowly started deteriorating she felt her only choice was to put Court in a foster home, so she wouldn't have to live with a sick mom who couldn't take care of her. I could not see that happening. So I made a bold decision. I told my aunt that I would take Court in. I was 15 at the time and Court was 4.
We don't have any other relatives, grandparents are dead, and all that is left is my mom, me, my aunt and Court in the family.
Although it was very hard for my aunt to allow me to take Courtny, she did. And my aunt has been in an assisted living center for the past 2 years.
Courtny has been living with me at my mom's house. We have a four bedroom home, so she has her own room.
My aunt will not continue to live much longer. I would love nothing more than to adopt Courtny before her mom dies. I am afraid that after she passes, the state will take Court.
These past few years have been tough, but Court is the most important ting to me now. Yes, I had to grow up a little fast, but it was well worth it.
I have a good paying job, and I support Court and myself on my own. I even pay rent at my mom's. My mom is just here for support. Which is fine with me, I am perfectly capable of raising her, I have since I was 15, and I don't plan on stopping.
SO my question is, is there a law that says that I can't adopt her? My aunt is all for it, and her dad agreed to sign her off too, since he's never had anything to do with her anyway. But I won't be 18 for another 3 months.
~Your help is greatly appreciated... a six year olds life is at stake.
Thanks ~Mom@Heart

 

[stealth2]

If I were in your shoes, I would seek the advice of a local attorney. Adoption under "normal" circumstances isn't a do-it-yourself project, and this is far from "normal". You want to be sure that things are done the right way. Good luck.

 

[16&23]

Thank you for your advice, I don't know where to find a cheap attorney, that knows what they are doing. I can support Courtny and myself, but I'd have to stretch a little to incorporate an attorney into my bills. However It is something I am willing to do. I can't lose her, she is my life now.
What do you think would happen if at the last minute her father chose not to sign the papers, i doubt that would happen, but just in case, I'd like to prepare myself. Of course I would fight it, but how much of a chance would I have? He was only a part of her life until she was 2 months old, after that it's only been me and her mom. Would a judge take her away to give her to a man that has never shown any interest?
Help is appreciated.

 

[lonelyandsad]

you da man!

wow,what a terrific young man you are! ive been raising my 9 younger siblings,ages 5-14,since last january when my dad died in a car accident(my mom died a year ago in sept)and ive been raising them ever since,they call me mom,and my fiance stefan dad.when stefan and i get married,we plan to adopt all of them,then we will legally be mom and dad.unfortunatley.youll have to wait till youre 18 to adopt court,but it wont be much longer,hang in there.please give court a big hug and kiss from me,and god bless you both!

 

[16&23]

Thank you for your support, actually I am a young woman, but it's ok. hehe.
I am grateful to be getting support here, to be honest I thought that I would get nothing but problems because I am so young. I was expecting to hear that I should let a family adopt her, and she'd be better off. But I love her, and if I thought it was in her best interest than i would most definetly allow someone to adopt her. But what 's best is for her to be with me.
You are a very strong person to take in so many children and your fiance is too. There should be more people in the world like both of you. Best wishes.


And still.. could anyone give me advice on what I should look for in an attorney, and what chance I have if her father wants to come back in her life.

Thank You.....

 

[BelizeBreeze]

And the 'feel good' advice is all well and good, but it can land you in a world of LEGAL problems.

First, to affect a legal adoption, you would have to be an adult. And even then, notification to the bio-father is required by the law. Next, since you said you would be in college, the court will ask where your income will derive from? How much time can you possibly afford to spend with her and a host of other problems that I can see.

Next, you have no legal rights to the child. PERIOD. What you are doing now will not stand the legal standard for 'standing'. IF the bio-father finds out and decides to become a father, he can come and get the child and there's not a thing you can do about it. Also, even if the father decides he wants to terminate all rights to the child, the first choice for adoption by the courts will be the paternal and maternal grandparents, followed by aunts, uncles and other blood relatives. Nieces and Nephews fall low in the pecking order.

Take stealth's advice and see the counsel of a family law attorney. You may feel good about dad's advice, but it's worthless when the police come to your home and take the child and leave you with nothing.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

There are some practical matters, do you and/or your mother have guardianship for your cousin? If not, that might be something that will make what you seek possible once you are an adult, and it may not be necessary to adopt and the dad may give permission for guardianship easier than adoption.
If your aunt is dying and in an assisted living facility and has been for some time, has she applied for social security disability? If not this needs to be applied for immediately and may be back dated to the begining of the disability, this would include payments for the child both while mom is alive and survivor's benefits, you/your mom would be her rep/payee, and this would insure some income for the child through age 18. This income may be something biodad may want to control, so it would be better if you/your mother have guardianship before mom dies, then there would not be a question. If dad gets anxious for the money or makes life difficult for the child, be sure to ask to have a Guardian ad Litem assigned, one might be assigned anyway once you apply for guardianship. Is dad paying child support? That may be an issue to look at, so see, it is very complex and what seems like the easy way, adoption, may not be the best or only way.

What ever you do, you need to do things through the courts other agreements may not be honored. Keep us posted. Contact your social services department for referals and legal assistance.

 

[16&23]

And the 'feel good' advice is all well and good, but it can land you in a world of LEGAL problems.

First, to affect a legal adoption, you would have to be an adult. And even then, notification to the bio-father is required by the law. Next, since you said you would be in college, the court will ask where your income will derive from? How much time can you possibly afford to spend with her and a host of other problems that I can see.

Next, you have no legal rights to the child. PERIOD. What you are doing now will not stand the legal standard for 'standing'. IF the bio-father finds out and decides to become a father, he can come and get the child and there's not a thing you can do about it. Also, even if the father decides he wants to terminate all rights to the child, the first choice for adoption by the courts will be the paternal and maternal grandparents, followed by aunts, uncles and other blood relatives. Nieces and Nephews fall low in the pecking order.

Take stealth's advice and see the counsel of a family law attorney. You may feel good about dad's advice, but it's worthless when the police come to your home and take the child and leave you with nothing.

I can see what you are saying about making sure everything is legal. That's why I am posting here.
I do have good news!!!!! My mom just called me(i'm at school). My mom, aunt and I have been trying to contact Courtny's father. He called my mom today and told her that he has no problem terminating rights, and that he won't change his mind. While I know that he could very well change his mind someday, I am happy with his decision, because I don't see it happening.
You'll notice that in my other posts I said that the only other relatives Courtny has are my mother, me and her mom. My grandparents are dead, and my mom and aunt were their only children. On Court's fathers side there aren't any grandparents or aunts and uncles either. It's just me.
So now I am going to consult an attorney and see what I need to do. I can see that I am going to have to wait to turn 18 to adopt her. I guess I can do that.

 

[16&23]

There are some practical matters, do you and/or your mother have guardianship for your cousin? If not, that might be something that will make what you seek possible once you are an adult, and it may not be necessary to adopt and the dad may give permission for guardianship easier than adoption.
If your aunt is dying and in an assisted living facility and has been for some time, has she applied for social security disability? If not this needs to be applied for immediately and may be back dated to the begining of the disability, this would include payments for the child both while mom is alive and survivor's benefits, you/your mom would be her rep/payee, and this would insure some income for the child through age 18. This income may be something biodad may want to control, so it would be better if you/your mother have guardianship before mom dies, then there would not be a question. If dad gets anxious for the money or makes life difficult for the child, be sure to ask to have a Guardian ad Litem assigned, one might be assigned anyway once you apply for guardianship. Is dad paying child support? That may be an issue to look at, so see, it is very complex and what seems like the easy way, adoption, may not be the best or only way.

What ever you do, you need to do things through the courts other agreements may not be honored. Keep us posted. Contact your social services department for referals and legal assistance.

Yes, my mom has guardianship, only because when Court came to live with me I was 15 and it seemed easier to have my mom handle that aspect even though Court is my total responsibility. I'll do whatever I need to do, if that means taking guardianship first and waiting a while to adopt than I will. I just want to make sure that Courtny will remain with me.
Her father is not paying child support, he never has. Yes, my aunt has social security disability. It goes to Courtny, well most of it.
Thank you for all your help. I will keep you all posted.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Check with the attorney about guardianship, it is possible that adoption will end her SSDI benefits, full guardianship will accomplish the same thing and be far less difficult. Most courts like to keep children with their families, good that your mother already has legal guardianship and mom/child are already on SSDI.

 

[16&23]

Thank you for that information. I wasn't aware that adopting would end her benefits. I am not too worried about the money. But she may need it someday for college... yikes, don't want to think of her that old !!
But either way someday I will adopt her, first things first, I'll get guardianship and go from there...