She calls me Mommy!

[NotBloodButLove]

What is the name of your state? South Carolina
3 Years ago I met a woman who asked me if I wanted to take care of her 3 month old for awhile. She had known me 1 day when she brought me this precious child. She is 3 1/2 years old now, and her biological mom has never contributed one cent of the AFDC, Child Support, WIC or Food Stamps that she gets for this child or the other 2 kids who friends of mine are raising just as I am raising my little one. The only time she has had contact with me has been to ask for something. She's threatened to take back this child if I wouldn't let her use my car or give her $20. I've lost my house because I've been so afraid of losing the love of my life. I don't care about the money, though it would help if I could register with social services and get some of the benefits this mother gets. But, if I did she would take her and try to give her to someone else. She has no intention of losing the $$$$'s she gets for these kids, in fact she is pregnant again, and says she will have another one after this!!!! Do I have any rights. My real question is does this child have any rights. She is scared to death of her "Mother". Anytime she sees her she has terrible nightmares for one or two nights.
Please don't contact me for money to pay a lawyer. I have none. But I have a big heart and I love this child every bit as much as my biological children. Her father wants me to have custody, and so does everyother family member I've talked to. A local lawyer told me the mom had to go 6 months without seeing the child at all to try and get her for abandonment. The most we've gone is 4 months. Though when she sees this child she doesn't hug her or kiss her or anything but put her down and cuss her out if she doesn't call her Mommy. I've had to help this 3 year old not call me Mommy as I'm afraid for her feelings if her mother hears it again. She wants to call her mother by her first name like her other siblings do, but the mom says she has no respect for her as a mother. Why should she???????
I'm sorry this is so long. I didn't know there was a place to unload. I need advice so much. I want to save my love child from these nightmares and fears of running into someone she is terrified of.
Please. Do I have any rights. Can I help my little one be safe and free from worrying she will be taken away from me??

 

[snostar]

A local lawyer told me the mom had to go 6 months without seeing the child at all to try and get her for abandonment.

This is correct, and you have no legal rights in the matter. Unless you can prove both parents are unfit a court will not grant custody to a legal stranger. I can't stand sad stories first thing in the morning..., I feel for you.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Contact the South Carolina Legal Aid office nearest you (search here)
http://dblegal.com/findlawyer/southcarolina.asp

And ask them to prepare a petition for emergency guardianship. Have the biological father and any other relatives of this child either go with you or file affidavits in your support.

 

[IrishLady47]

How have you taken this little girl in for medical care since you have no legal custody or guardianship? Although your compassion/love for the child is commendable, you cannot provide any long term stability for the child w/o some legal arrangement. In reality, you and your friends that are caring for this woman's children so she can draw welfare benefits are all assisting her in committing welfare fraud. That's why she keeps having kids, she can always find some warm-hearted, but not too bright, person to dump the kid on. If you truly love this child, do the right thing--LEGALLY, immediately. I hope for the best for all her poor children!!

 

[NotBloodButLove]

I thought this site was to be helpful not a putdown

How have you taken this little girl in for medical care since you have no legal custody or guardianship? Although your compassion/love for the child is commendable, you cannot provide any long term stability for the child w/o some legal arrangement. In reality, you and your friends that are caring for this woman's children so she can draw welfare benefits are all assisting her in committing welfare fraud. That's why she keeps having kids, she can always find some warm-hearted, but not too bright, person to dump the kid on. If you truly love this child, do the right thing--LEGALLY, immediately. I hope for the best for all her poor children!!

Why do you consider someone who loves a child not to bright? Because we fell in love with a child who needed us, now we are supposed to just blindly take the chance on losing them to the system or to an abusive noncaring mother?
Yes this child has Medicaid. I go to all the visits to get her recertified and the mother gets the WIC ect and that is one thing she has done is give me her medicaid card. But that wouldn't matter. When she wouldn't give it to me, I have paid for it myself.
I wouldn't have this child if I wasn't going to try and give her everything she needs.
Everyone who knows us tells us how blessed we both are to have each other and no one considers them poor children like you do.
I understand this site is for opinions, but I really hoped to find some hope and understanding.
I will not blindly seek custody without knowing what I'm doing and what can happen becauses this child is #1 in my life. It's going to take the social service system to stop her from having babies and giving them to other people like she does. All I would accomplish would be to hurt this child if I gave her back or blindly go for custody when I don't even know my rights or hers.
Maybe this is wrong for me to reply like this, but why do I feel put down for loving and caring for this child?

 

[IrishLady47]

I wasn't referring to the money aspect of medical coverage. And, there may be no problem with you taking her to routine medical care. But, many doctors and hospitals need the signature of the parent, a LEGAL guardian, or someone authorized by the parents via a medical POA to provide certain types of medical care or treatment. Did the mother also provide you with a medical POA along the Medicaid card?
As you are aware, right now that mother (and she doesn't deserve to be called that) could come & take that child at any time. Even though you have been her mother in any real sense of the word. That child has no LEGAL security or stability at this time. That is the point. Please take another poster's advice & go to Legal Aid to find out what you need to do LEGALLY to protect this child & secure her in the loving environment you are providing.
I am not putting you down for loving & caring for this child. You truly are compassionate & warm-hearted. But, I'm sorry--to let this go on for 3 years w/o taking action to ensure this child's future LEGALLY--shows a lack of knowledge or serious thought about all the possible consequences of your current situation.
If this woman doesn't want to care for the children she's bringing into the world, she should put them up for adoption. Social Services cannot take action until someone makes them AWARE of the situation. She can only pull her crooked little scheme with the help of others.

 

[NotBloodButLove]

Thanks for clarifying

I wasn't referring to the money aspect of medical coverage. And, there may be no problem with you taking her to routine medical care. But, many doctors and hospitals need the signature of the parent, a LEGAL guardian, or someone authorized by the parents via a medical POA to provide certain types of medical care or treatment. Did the mother also provide you with a medical POA along the Medicaid card?
As you are aware, right now that mother (and she doesn't deserve to be called that) could come & take that child at any time. Even though you have been her mother in any real sense of the word. That child has no LEGAL security or stability at this time. That is the point. Please take another poster's advice & go to Legal Aid to find out what you need to do LEGALLY to protect this child & secure her in the loving environment you are providing.
I am not putting you down for loving & caring for this child. You truly are compassionate & warm-hearted. But, I'm sorry--to let this go on for 3 years w/o taking action to ensure this child's future LEGALLY--shows a lack of knowledge or serious thought about all the possible consequences of your current situation.
If this woman doesn't want to care for the children she's bringing into the world, she should put them up for adoption. Social Services cannot take action until someone makes them AWARE of the situation. She can only pull her crooked little scheme with the help of others.

Thanks for clarifying what you meant.
As far as medical. I have never heard of the POA you spoke of, and will definately check into that. I have been able to take her to the doctor, dentist, and even the emergency room.
I guess what I'm learning is that i have to love her enough to take the chance on losing her?!?!
I do plan on contacting Legal Aid in my state like another member had suggested. They said I need to ask for emergency guardianship and get the father and other family members to sign it. I know that wouldn't be any problem to get the signatures. Any opinion on this?
I am not smart when it comes to the "system". Maybe that is why I'm so afraid of it.
I want custody. I want her to feel safe and secure knowing she can't be taken away, and I want that assurance too. I'm just scared to death of losing her. Guess it's time to take that chance since it is the only way to get that assurance.
You talked about us helping her commit welfare fraud and I do understand that our fear and our silence does that. Can she go to jail for this?
Again, thanks for clarifying, it was very helpful.

 

[IrishLady47]

A medical power of attorney (POA) or medical authorization form is where the parent or legal guardian of a minor child gives someone else permission and authority to make medical decisions for that child. When my son was younger and would go visit his grandparents in the summer, I sent medical authorization giving my permission for his grandparents to make any decisions needed for his medical care.
Haven't you ever had to sign anything when you've taken her for medical treatment? Do you just sign as her mother? Well, if you have her medical assistance card, maybe that gives you permission, I'm not sure. That's why you need to seek immediate LEGAL advice.
Understand your fears of losing her, but those fears will never go away until you have legal custody or guardianship.
As far as the mother going to jail, I have no idea. I'm not familiar with criminal law and what she is doing may not be illegal or considered fraud under SC law. She is getting benefits for her legal dependents, but she's not really caring for them. It's certainly immoral and sickening for someone to do this to their children, but might not be criminal. And who cares about her? Do what is best for this child.

 

[NotBloodButLove]

Getting Medical POA

South Carolina
I'm glad to know about the Medical Power of Attorney. I've never pretended to be more than I am to this child, I've always been honest. Luckily so far I've been able to get Medical Treatment when she's needed it. I'm going to get her "mother" to sign the POA ASAP because I know now it could be a disaster without it. This is the kind of thing I really hoped to learn more about. First step in seeking legal custody. I'm going to do it!!!!!!!!

 

[IrishLady47]

The medical authorization form is good to have for the child's safety healthwise, to ensure you don't ever have a problem getting medical care. But, it is not a step towards legal custody. You need to follow the advise given before by BelizeBreeze. I've quoted it again. If you get emergency guardianship, you don't need a POA from the mother. Ahd she can't use the child to blackmail you for money & using the car. DO IT NOW!!

Contact the South Carolina Legal Aid office nearest you (search here)
http://dblegal.com/findlawyer/southcarolina.asp

And ask them to prepare a petition for emergency guardianship. Have the biological father and any other relatives of this child either go with you or file affidavits in your support.

 

[NotBloodButLove]

Got it-Thanks

South Carolina-
Ok Legal Aid of South Carolina - Get those emergency guardianship papers ready for Monday - because here I come, scared or not. Thanks