She Is Being A Montser

[JUSTACHECK]

What is the name of your state? FLORIDA

ALTHOUGH MY SON IS ALMOST 2 NOW, IT HAS TAKEN THIS LONG FOR MY CHILDSUPPORT AND VISITATION TO BE FINAL. I HAVE BEEN PAYING MY CHILDSUPPORT ON TIME EVERY MONTH. HOWEVER BECAUSE OF THE MESSY LEGAL BATTLE, MY EX (WE NEVER MARRIED) HAS BEEN PLAYING GAMES AND THREATING MY JOB, ME AND CALLING MY HOME. I HAD TO TAKE HER TO COURT FOR A RESTRAING ORDER, THE JUDGE LET HER OFF FOR A WARNING. MY QUESTION IS IT HAS BEEN A YEAR SINCE I HAVE SEEN HIM BECAUSE SHE SAYS SHE NEEDS TO BE THERE BECAUSE HE DOES NOT KNOW ME. I DO NOT WANT HERE NEAR ME. SHE NOW WANTS TO MOVE OUT OF THE STATE FOR A JOB. HER JOB ABILITY IS HORRIABLE, SHE CAN NOT HOLD A JOB. SHE LIVES DOWN THE STREET AND I CAN NOT SEE HIM I AM AFFRAID IF SHE LEAVES, I WILL ONLY BE A PAYCHECK TO HER. NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO I FILED CONTEMPT OF COURT PAPERS FOR VISITATION. SHE IS NOW SAYING WHERE IS YOU LOG OF PHONE CALLS AND LETTERS REQUESTING YOUR SON, ITS GOING TO BE HER WORD AGAINST MINE. HER PROBLEM IS THAT I AM IN A GREAT RELATIONSHIP, WITH A WOMEN WHO HAS 2 KIDS, HER COMMENT TO ME WAS YOUR SON WILL NEVER KNOW HER..... THAT IS WHY SHE IS WITHOLDING HIM FROM ME. PLEASE HELP ANY SUGGESTIONS ANYONE. I AM AFRAID THE JUDGE IS GOING TO ALLOW HER TO LEAVE OR MAKE ME HAVE SUPPERVISED VISITATION WITH HER.

 

[stealth2]

For starters - turn off the caps as it makes it hard to read and comes off as shouting. Thanks.

Well, what DOES the visitation order say? Since you have a restraining order against her, she likely won't be able to supervise the visitation. However, since the child is young and apparently doesn't have a relationship with you, supervised visitation of some sort is likely for a period of time - probably with some other member of her family that kiddo knows well.

 

[Zephyr]

If your co addresses living distances and moving guidelines (as many do) make sure you make your wishes for your child to remain in the state when she makes notification of her intenet to move out of the state, if she moves without notifying contact a lawyer and the court because you may be able to make her come back and she will be in contempt of court. also if, as you say, she does not really have a career, just jobs, it will be a real hard sell for her to convince the judge that the move is something necessary and in the best interests of the child.

 

[Laugh_Hard]

It is all about control...

Chances are your ex is compulsive abusive. This behavior is usually bourne out of a childhood trauma.

These people are psychologically not capable of empathy, and their main goal is control. Loss of control to these individuals makes them feel like they are losing an arm, or going insane.

These people cannot stop themselves from hurting other people. They are out of control, and are expert at making everything look like it is your fault.

I have found this link to be comforting:

http://www.faqfarm.com/Q/FAQ/1880

I feel your pain.

Do not stop fighting for your rights. Your ex is probably somewhat mentally ill.

 

[Laugh_Hard]

Make sure costs for transportation are shared.

Call your child everyday and just vist with them. Make sure you don't give up and quit. It may be a long haul. I had to be vigilent and fight for my visitation rights for 15 years.

The court system is a complete 666666g joke. Be smart my friend, and be the dad and husband you need to be despite the abuse. Don't ever quit fighting or turn your back or you will get slaughtered.

The children will not be ready to understand what a monster their parent has been until they get older. All you can do is say how hurt you feel about the behavior, if the behavior is wrong, and tell your kids they are good people, and none of this mess is their fault.

Deep down your ex loves the child, although, they are probably too blind, lame, or mentally intoxicated with control needs.

Be very good to you new girlfriend. Make sure her needs are met, and that you have enough emotional reserves to help her through her bad days too.

Try visualizations of protective shields around your kids.
No matter how bad it is laugh at it. Laugh at the adversity and use as a trigger to remind yourself to be strong and tank the abuse.

Some people take the abuse and say God hates me, other say that this is a test to dig down and find out what I am truly capable of. Choose to use the abuse to make yourself a stronger better person.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Call your child everyday and just vist with them. Make sure you don't give up and quit. It may be a long haul. I had to be vigilent and fight for my visitation rights for 15 years.

The court system is a complete 666666g joke. Be smart my friend, and be the dad and husband you need to be despite the abuse. Don't ever quit fighting or turn your back or you will get slaughtered.

The children will not be ready to understand what a monster their parent has been until they get older. All you can do is say how hurt you feel about the behavior, if the behavior is wrong, and tell your kids they are good people, and none of this mess is their fault.

Deep down your ex loves the child, although, they are probably too blind, lame, or mentally intoxicated with control needs.

Be very good to you new girlfriend. Make sure her needs are met, and that you have enough emotional reserves to help her through her bad days too.

Try visualizations of protective shields around your kids.
No matter how bad it is laugh at it. Laugh at the adversity and use as a trigger to remind yourself to be strong and tank the abuse.

Some people take the abuse and say God hates me, other say that this is a test to dig down and find out what I am truly capable of. Choose to use the abuse to make yourself a stronger better person.

And what does this crap have to do with the legal situation?

 

[Laugh_Hard]

Hope this answers your question.

And what does this crap have to do with the legal situation?

Thanks for your comment.

Nothing. Just psychological advice to cope with our broken legal system. The person above is not going to get any justice in my opinion.

How is the breeze in Belize? Have a nice day

 

[nextwife]

It always amazed me that a mother will leave her child with a babysitter the child doesn't already know, or a sister that she is visting, or who is visting her, or Grandma that she went to see out of town WITHOUT first REQUIRING supervised visitation, yet, they want it for the kids own dad because they don't know the child.

My own daughter was two when she became ours, and she had no problem becoming comfortable with us all at once. Betcha not one of these parents that insists on supervised visitation ONLY because of unfamiliarity (as opposed to the GOOD reasons for supervised vistation, like a history of violence or substance abuse) ever requires a sitter to first have supervised visitation before the child can be left alone with them.

 

[joan marie]

don't get crazy and flustered, get smart. Start by documenting every detail. when you called, who you spoke to, the outcome of the call. Call a few times a week. Send a certified letter/return rec notifying her of your wish to see the child. If there is an order, follow it and document her non compliance. If there is no order, petition the court for one. I have found most : ) family courts helpful in filing papers. Takes usually a month to get into court, you will have minimally a months documentation to start with.

good luck

joan marie *

 

[LdiJ]

Your child is 2 and you have chosen not to see him since he was 1 because you don't want to be around his mother.

You are a total stranger to the child at this point. I suspect that your visitation orders required you to visit in the presence of the mother for a period of time, and you chose not to exercise that visitation.....and are now attempting to file contempt against mom because you have now reached the date where you were supposed to get unsupervised visitation.

This may not go in your favor. Judges generally aren't very impressed with parents who don't follow the steps that they are supposed to follow. If you can't prove that you attempted to follow the specific schedule that was outlined in your orders, and were denied, then you are going to lose.

Obviously you could have visited your child if you had chosen to do so. It may not have been the kind of visitation you wanted, or even the kind of visitation that was ordered, but you still could have visited with your child.
Things will go far better for you in court if you admit that up front.