Should I seek denial of visitation?

[Accountable]

What is the name of your state? Texas

We have a hearing coming up on a suit to establish parent-child relationship and support brought by the AG against my teen's natural father. They have never met, but he has been aware of her existence since prior to birth when we agreed to voluntary DNA test after birth, but he "no-showed" the appt. I did not force to establish until now due to the humiliating circumstances surrounding her conception, but left the door open to pursue at any time. I have never prevented visitation or a relationship...but he never even attempted to see her or give her even a second thought.

This suit has been ongoing for some time. The AG is seeking maximum support and 4 yrs retro. At the pre-suit negotiation conference with the AG office (which he also no-showed), for my child's sake, I agreed to allow standard visitation beginning with a series of "warm-ups", which the AG office has included in the relief they are seeking.

Since then, he has shown nothing short of animosity toward this intervention in his life and insists he wants nothing to do with the child, although his words and actions make it obvious that he knows she is his biologically. Consequently, the child is no longer eager to know him as she was when we began this legal action. I am certain that we will prevail, but since he is aggressively fighting this action, I am certain that there will be at least 1 or 2 more hearings before the court's final ruling.

MY QUESTION: Is it too late to request that no visitation schedule be ordered? I don't want to close the door to the possibility of visitation if he grows a conscience and has a change of heart, but I also don't want my child to incur further emotional damage by him ignoring a visitation schedule once paternity is established and support is ordered?

 

[critterperson]

What is the name of your state? Texas

We have a hearing coming up on a suit to establish parent-child relationship and support brought by the AG against my teen's natural father. They have never met, but he has been aware of her existence since prior to birth when we agreed to voluntary DNA test after birth, but he "no-showed" the appt. I did not force to establish until now due to the humiliating circumstances surrounding her conception, but left the door open to pursue at any time. I have never prevented visitation or a relationship...but he never even attempted to see her or give her even a second thought.

This suit has been ongoing for some time. The AG is seeking maximum support and 4 yrs retro. At the pre-suit negotiation conference with the AG office (which he also no-showed), for my child's sake, I agreed to allow standard visitation beginning with a series of "warm-ups", which the AG office has included in the relief they are seeking.

Since then, he has shown nothing short of animosity toward this intervention in his life and insists he wants nothing to do with the child, although his words and actions make it obvious that he knows she is his biologically. Consequently, the child is no longer eager to know him as she was when we began this legal action. I am certain that we will prevail, but since he is aggressively fighting this action, I am certain that there will be at least 1 or 2 more hearings before the court's final ruling.

MY QUESTION: Is it too late to request that no visitation schedule be ordered? I don't want to close the door to the possibility of visitation if he grows a conscience and has a change of heart, but I also don't want my child to incur further emotional damage by him ignoring a visitation schedule once paternity is established and support is ordered?

You will not be able to prevent a visitation order if he requests one...Given this child is his he will be allowed visitation if he chooses to persue it and if he doesn't want to show up for that visitation that is his right (really sucky)...Given your post he most likely won't persue visitation, but if he does "warm up" to the idea of being Dad he will be allowed court ordered visitation most likely supervised at first and then a standard schedule, and there will be nothing you can do to stop it unless you want to be held in contempt...Sorry, probably not the answer you were looking for, but it is a fact of law and life. Good Luck to you!

 

[Accountable]

Thanks for your response. I am going to bring up the question of whether he wants visitation....if, after paternity is finally established, he still says no, then I will ask the court to deny any formal visitation schedule. Like I said, I would not stand in the way if he wants to get to know is daughter....I know she wants it, but she already feels rejection.

Thanks again!~

 

[ceara19]

MY QUESTION: Is it too late to request that no visitation schedule be ordered? I don't want to close the door to the possibility of visitation if he grows a conscience and has a change of heart, but I also don't want my child to incur further emotional damage by him ignoring a visitation schedule once paternity is established and support is ordered?

Since you are going through the OAG's office, you can have the visitation issue dropped all together and force dad to refile if he wants visitation. If he wants visitation and files for it, he WILL get it. However, the OAG has no business getting involved in visitation matters. It's not their place and they have been smacked down by more then one Judge for getting involved.

 

[Accountable]

Since you are going through the OAG's office, you can have the visitation issue dropped all together and force dad to refile if he wants visitation. If he wants visitation and files for it, he WILL get it. However, the OAG has no business getting involved in visitation matters. It's not their place and they have been smacked down by more then one Judge for getting involved.

The OAG only included visitation as part of their standard suit to establish parent-child relationship. They did ask me first if I wanted to include it, but suggested it was a good idea to show good faith on my part....which has always been my intention. When it comes down to the final hearing, I don't expect the OAG to care one way or the other....they will only care about the support.

I have offered to settle the support issue for less than half of what the OAG is seeking, just to show the father that I'm not just after support in hopes that would encourage him to act in the child's best interest.....but he refuses to resolve the matter amicably. He is spending tons on legal fees and private investigators just trying to substantiate a SOL defense to avoid an order for DNA. The upcoming hearing is actually a continuance requested by his attorney so that she can prepare such a defense.

 

[LdiJ]

Exactly how old is this child? That can truly make a difference in a case like this. If she is 13-14 the other poster's answer might be fairly accurate. If she is 16-17 her wishes are likely to be greatly deferred to in terms of any kind of scheduled visitation.

I have seen many judges, in many states, leave visitation up to the wishes of a teenager when the parent involved has been absent the child's entire life. Its actually not a bad decision on a judge's part. A teen is likely to be more willing to establish a true relationship if the teen feels that they have some "control"....and a teen is likely to resent the HECK out of the parent if the teen feels that they have no "control".

 

[Accountable]

She will turn 14 later this month...just days before the next hearing.

 

[LdiJ]

She will turn 14 later this month...just days before the next hearing.

You can ask the judge to speak to her in chambers.

 

[ceara19]

She will turn 14 later this month...just days before the next hearing.

Personally, I would have the OAG drop the visitation matter all together and only proceed with the support case. That would leave the ball in his court to file for visitation if he really wants a relationship with her. If he's not interested, I doubt that he will go through the necessary time, trouble and expense.

 

[GrowUp!]

if, after paternity is finally established, he still says no, then I will ask the court to deny any formal visitation schedule. Like I said, I would not stand in the way if he wants to get to know is daughter....

You have NO LEGAL RIGHT whatsoever to ask the court to deny any visitation, unless you can prove the other parent is unfit. And that is extremely difficult. He can pursue parenting time any time he wants and you won't have a choice -- whether you like it or not. Interesting how you have no problem filing for support from him, though. Even with excuses for waiting this long.

 

[ceara19]

You have NO LEGAL RIGHT whatsoever to ask the court to deny any visitation, unless you can prove the other parent is unfit. And that is extremely difficult. He can pursue parenting time any time he wants and you won't have a choice -- whether you like it or not. Interesting how you have no problem filing for support from him, though. Even with excuses for waiting this long.

Go back and read her first post. She wouldn't actually be asking the COURT to deny visitation. She will be asking the AG's office to stay out of the visitation issue, which they should have NEVER been involved with in the first place. She's well aware of the fact that if he ASKS for visitation, he will most likely get it. However, at this point, he has shown no interest.

 

[Accountable]

You have NO LEGAL RIGHT whatsoever to ask the court to deny any visitation, unless you can prove the other parent is unfit. And that is extremely difficult. He can pursue parenting time any time he wants and you won't have a choice -- whether you like it or not. Interesting how you have no problem filing for support from him, though. Even with excuses for waiting this long.

Yes, please re-read my posts. I would LOVE IT if he was actually pursuing visitation......but he's not. Allowing a formal visitation schedule to be set up when he has NO intention of exercising his right under it, would only serve to harm my daughter's emotional well-being. If he wants to see her, all he has ever had to do was ask or even make the slightest effort. Her babysitter during her first 4 years lived only BLOCKs from his house....he could have walked!

And, as far as seeking support, I offered him a relationship with the child from the beginning WITHOUT even having to pay support. My daughter has lived 14 yrs without confirmation of her parentage and with no father in her life. He has left me no choice but to force the issue through the courts, so if a court determines he is her father and that we're entitiled to support, then, in my opinion, it is the LEAST he can do for this child under the circumstances.

 

[GrowUp!]

And, as far as seeking support, I offered him a relationship with the child from the beginning WITHOUT even having to pay support. My daughter has lived 14 yrs without confirmation of her parentage and with no father in her life. He has left me no choice but to force the issue through the courts, so if a court determines he is her father and that we're entitiled to support, then, in my opinion, it is the LEAST he can do for this child under the circumstances.

Let's not play this card. YOU chose not to pursue LEGAL PARENTAGE for 14 years. Until there was a LEGAL determination of paternity, you had no legal right whatsoever to demand or ask for anything. Perhaps if YOU would've done something 14 years ago, the child very well may have had a Father in her life.

Also, there is no "we" in the child support mechanism. It's the CHILD that is entitled to it. Not you. The support you're entitled to is what YOU can provide for YOURSELF. Usually, that comes from something called a paycheck. Since you two were never married, there is no presumption of paternity. Therefore, he has no legal obligation to give you a penny. So, for 14 years, YOU chose to deprive the child of the financial support SHE DESERVED. Not you (or 'we' as you stated). Let's not play this "he left me no choice" bullcrap.
You had a choice. It took you 14 years to do finally do something.

 

[Accountable]

Let's not play this card. YOU chose not to pursue LEGAL PARENTAGE for 14 years. Until there was a LEGAL determination of paternity, you had no legal right whatsoever to demand or ask for anything. Perhaps if YOU would've done something 14 years ago, the child very well may have had a Father in her life.

Also, there is no "we" in the child support mechanism. It's the CHILD that is entitled to it. Not you. The support you're entitled to is what YOU can provide for YOURSELF. Usually, that comes from something called a paycheck. Since you two were never married, there is no presumption of paternity. Therefore, he has no legal obligation to give you a penny. So, for 14 years, YOU chose to deprive the child of the financial support SHE DESERVED. Not you (or 'we' as you stated). Let's not play this "he left me no choice" bullcrap.
You had a choice. It took you 14 years to do finally do something.

No, it took me 14 years to FORCE the issue. The fact that I have to force it is his fault, not mine. Clearly, there's not much point to arguing with you as you clearly base your knowledge on personal opinion rather than the law. According to the LAW, I had and still have every right to pursue paternity and/or support for my child. The State agrees.....that's why THEY brought the suit. And, for 14 years my daughter has been entirely supported by MY paycheck....not welfare or any other source of income. But, according to the LAW, she is entitled to the emotional and financial support of BOTH parents and her rights are not diminished by the fact her parents were never married to each other.

 

[ceara19]

No, it took me 14 years to FORCE the issue. The fact that I have to force it is his fault, not mine. Clearly, there's not much point to arguing with you as you clearly base your knowledge on personal opinion rather than the law. According to the LAW, I had and still have every right to pursue paternity and/or support for my child. The State agrees.....that's why THEY brought the suit. And, for 14 years my daughter has been entirely supported by MY paycheck....not welfare or any other source of income. But, according to the LAW, she is entitled to the emotional and financial support of BOTH parents and her rights are not diminished by the fact her parents were never married to each other.

Don't let GU get to you. He got screwed over in court and he's still a little bitter. Whatever the reason was for not pursuing child support before is really irrelevant to the question at hand. The circumstances surrounding the conception are past and cannot be changed. The point that GU is missing is the fact that you are not actually trying to PREVENT him from having a relationship with the child. If he has no interest, there is nothing that YOU can do to change that. I'll tell you the same thing the JUDGE told me when I was going through my divorce, "It is not YOUR responsibility to make him be a good father. Your duty is to be the best parent YOU can be. Trying to turn him into a parent will only take your time, energy and effort away from where it SHOULD be, with the child."