Should I trust him?

[AHA]

Maybe one of the lawyers can explain how is it possible that a judge would grant a divorce with children involved and not order visitation and CS in that decree.

Are you sure you have an original copy of the decree? Are you sure your actually divorced?

I still haven't seen an answer for how the judge granted a divorce without settling the issue of child custody and support? I think that is a vital question that needs to be answered before being able to give any advice.
What is the real story here??

 

[haiku]

Well I have already admitted I'm not a lawyer, but I have learned from experience that agreements don't hold over the long term.
My ex and I have had lots of agreements over the years and when his wife decided she didn't like the agreement, it bacame null and void.
When a man says I promised my ex... to a new wife or g/f then he is saying I take her side over yours, and that will cause more problems then any man is willing to take on. There for your agreement gets thrown out with that old family picture he has been hanging on too.
When a man says I am court order.. to the new wife or g/f then he is saying I didn't necessarily agree to it, but they are making me do that. The g/f or wife then feels sorry for him and comes to this site to see how she can make the courts see the light about how bad her man got screwed.
Tell him you are doing it to protect him from having to tick off a future wife..LOL

Yes, because as we all know men are just puppets waiting to be manipulated by any woman who comes along...........

 

[lisars]

All I am able to tell you is that we came to an agreement in our divorce agreement regarding a support amount, custody and visitation, along with the split of marital assets. Was submitted to a judge along with whatever else my ex's attorney did. Divorce granted. That's the real story. I received divorce decree in the mail when all was said and done. Attorney I consulted last summer stated that there were no official orders, and "someone" screwed up. Don't ask me how or who. The divorce was granted though.Of that I'm certain.

I hope my ex does find himself someone permanent to pull his strings. Because when he's got a girlfriend is the only time he spends as much time with them as he should. Pays them more attention trying to impress them with what a good Daddy he is. Also, every one he's had since we split up has been good with to my kids, usually better than he is. If that is what's necessary to push him to be a better Dad then I'm all for it. Maybe though if ones turns into a wife, he'll revert to type.

 

[myexsucks]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?PA

Currently, my ex husband and I do not have court ordered support. Just an amount that we have come up with that he pays directly to me. This amount is roughly $200 less than the state minimum for the last known salary that I have for him from about 5 years ago.

I consulted with an attorney last summer about having official custody and support orders drawn up, but my ex asked that we "deal with this between the two of us." So far, I have complied. But something is telling me while I have no reason to think he would ever stop paying support, I also thought that we would be married forever. This is enough to make me realize I'm not always too good at predicting the future.

Also, when I consulted this attorney, he had asked me to get recent pay stubs and/or copies of ex's tax returns for the last couple of years from ex to have a current income amount. He did not provide them, so we only went on the amount from time we divorced. So, I'm certain that number was wrong.

Would it be wise to possibly stir up alot of anger and have an order for support drawn up? Or trust that he'll always do as he says? Considering that if always did as promised I might still be married to him, I think the answer is obvious. Just wanting second opinions, I guess. And, do they automatically base it on our incomes. Or can we decide on the amount and have it written up like that?

I say TAKE HIM TO THE BANK. DO NOT TRUST HIM. HE WILL TELL YOU THE SKY IS PURPLE AND HAVE YOU BELIEVE IT! The kids will be 18 before you know it. My ex got away and still CONTINUES to get away with sooo much. My ex is the same. Can care less if he sees the kids on HIS weekend and expects everything to go his way and me to change my plans because he can't or has other plans on his weekends. It's better for the kids to be with me than someone who doesn't want to be with them! I don't know how old your children are, but the older they get, they tend to form their own opinions. Don't get me wrong, I do not talk bad about my ex in front of my children. As I've said, the children formed their own opinion and it's pretty sad! They see what a loser he is and he showed them....all by himself. Good luck to you and your children....you are not alone.

 

[lisars]

myexsucks, are you sure we weren't married to the same guy? Mine would try and tell me the sky was purple, but I was never dumb enough to believe him. And that was a problem for him because I wouldn't give in and allow him to maintain the illusionary world he lived in. The man expected June Cleaver and got something altogether different.

My kids have resorted to lying and calling him and claiming to be way too sick to go for their weekends with him because they know his phobias about getting sick. Then of course I find out, and make them call back and tell him the truth. I'm not raising them to be manipulative liars. They've been told that if there's something they want that badly, have the cajones to stand up for it and themselves. They DO know what a loser he is and he knows it. But he's still their father and that alone should garner some respect.

 

[Mars4Dude]

Win Win

Brain Dead, wrong thread, I doubt it will help but it might.

I am glad to see you are thinking "win win" with your former spouse and trying to work with him even if he unreasonable at times. Has your former spouse suggested any ideas? If so, what are they? If one tries to get all the golden eggs at once, then one kills the goose, and no longer gets any eggs. "Win-win" works and I'm not an attorney but I think the advice of getting a court order is a good idea. It is hard to argue when it's on paper.
Anger accompanies divorce. Courts resolve anger and disputes. Most of us do get angry when we go through a divorce. Sometimes, we direct our anger at our former spouses, when in fact, we are angry because we lost a dream of a happy family. Knowing that can save one legal fees.

Samual Clements - Repaired sorrow with humor, once said "the source of all humor is not laughter but, sorrow" "There is no laughter in heaven because there is no sorrow in heaven"