Slight problem with exchange of child

[mommyof4]

Oh and BTW... 264.00 is nothing for child support.

If it were my child, I would offer to pay for some of the activities... write the check to the camp or school if he doesn't trust Mom.

It's not your child and that is not the LEGALLY CORRECT answer.

 

[stealth2]

Ok, then there should not be a problem with the exchange. I'd leave it alone. Let the sister bring the child up to the door. Pick and choose your battles....

You need to stay out of it. It sounds like Mom is immature, or there are uncomfortable issues that make her not want to come up to your door.

DUDE! Read the flippin' posts! It's not THAT complicated to understand! Dad is required to pick up and drop off the child at Mom's house. Sister lives with Mom. Mom says bye-bye to daughter, sister walks daughter to the door, sends her on her way with Dad. Reverse the process at the end of Dad's time.

Sheesh - I know it's Monday, but really.

OP (that would be you, workinggal) - if the order requires Dad to do the p/u and d/o, then HE needs to do it. You have no place in the exchange. If HE doesn't do it, he's in contempt of the order. If Mom isn't ordered to answer the door and hand the child to him, she doesn't have to.

 

[workinggal]

I will talk to my husband about te answers I received, but in the event he doesn't like them, can he take it back to court to have me or someone else pick the child up?

 

[mommyof4]

What, he's going to go into court and ask to modify the order based on the fact that he feels the mother is disrespectful because she doesn't physically come to the door? That if he doesn't get to actually see her when he p/u or d/o his daughter, then he shouldn't have to physically be there, either?

Does he really have that extra money burning a hole in his pocket? Other than his feeling of being disrespected, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

 

[ConcerndStepmom]

The child is 6 and the child lives with mom. My usband's court order says he is to come to the mother house to pickup and drop off. The mother hands the child to her sister to hand to my husband at the door

You have been given good legal advice. This is not a hill to die on. From one step parent to another (you). Keep your distance let your husband continue picking/dropping off his daughter. I understand there may come a time that you husband might need you to pick up his daughter and that's ok. But all in all if you don't want problems for the next 12 years it's best to keep your distance.

 

[workinggal]

You have been given good legal advice. This is not a hill to die on. From one step parent to another (you). Keep your distance let your husband continue picking/dropping off his daughter. I understand there may come a time that you husband might need you to pick up his daughter and that's ok. But all in all if you don't want problems for the next 12 years it's best to keep your distance.

Thank you I will do that. I do think my husband is being immature because his ex and him DO NOT TALK AT ALL. They just exchange the child and that's it. I guess he feels since she has someone to hand the child over he should have someone pick the child up, it's silly I guess

 

[stealth2]

Thank you I will do that. I do think my husband is being immature because his ex and him DO NOT TALK AT ALL. They just exchange the child and that's it. I guess he feels since she has someone to hand the child over he should have someone pick the child up, it's silly I guess

Yeah, except she apparently didn't have the court tell her she has to. He did. If I were in your shoes, I'd tell him to grow up and remember that the court order is an ORDER, not a suggestion.

 

[ConcerndStepmom]

What is the name of your state? NJ

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,

My name is Celesete and I'm a newbie. I've read the rules and will obey them. I'm posting here because my husband have a 6 year old daughter with his ex girfriend. My husband and I married a year after his daughter was born. Communication with the mother and I is Nil. I don't get in her way, she doesn't get in my way. They went to court awhile ago to establish paternity and visitation and child support. In the order it's says my husband only is suppose to pick up and drop off their daughter. The problem that he has is now the mom wants her sister to hand my husband's child to him at the door instead of mom. The mom claims that since my husband and her don't communicate either, there's no need to see him at the door when the child is exchanged. My husband feels this is disrespectful and if he has to have his child handed to him by someone else, then I can pick the child up for him. Can I do that? I don't want to run into problems with the mother because we never had dealings with each other. Also he pays $264 a month in child support but everytime he pays, she says he needs to help out with other things like summer camp, school functions or field trips,etc., isn't that's what child support for?
I just want to know if it's okay to pick up their daughter without causing problems.

Thank you everyone

Bolded part above although he is not resposible for anything outside of his child support obligation. <shakeshead> Look at if from this angle .. If you by chance recieved $264.00 from your Mom and $264.00 from your Dad each month for support. Could you live off that ALONE? I think NOT.

 

[stealth2]

Bolded part above although he is not resposible for anything outside of his child support obligation. <shakeshead> Look at if from this angle .. If you by chance recieved $264.00 from your Mom and $264.00 from your Dad each month for support. Could you live off that ALONE? I think NOT.

All of which is moot. He is not required to pay above and beyond the $264/mo - regardless whether that is considered "enough". It's what's ordered. Period.

 

[ConcerndStepmom]

All of which is moot. He is not required to pay above and beyond the $264/mo - regardless whether that is considered "enough". It's what's ordered. Period.

All of which I know. As I stated in my post.

 

[mommyof4]

Bolded part above although he is not resposible for anything outside of his child support obligation. <shakeshead> Look at if from this angle .. If you by chance recieved $264.00 from your Mom and $264.00 from your Dad each month for support. Could you live off that ALONE? I think NOT.

***banging head against monitor***

It doesn't MATTER what anyone else thinks the OP's husband should pay over and above the CS amount. The fact is that he doesn't legally have to do so. You have no idea if the OP's husband can even easily afford to pay his CS, much less extra that he does not legally owe.

Hmmm...since there is no communication between the parents, what do you think the odds are that Mom discussed all of these extra activities with Dad BEFORE she placed her in them? Don't you think that if one parent unilaterally places a child in a program or camp, that parent that MADE THE DECISION TO DO SO, should be prepared to be responsible for the extra expense?

Dad's not just an ATM.

Here's a great lesson for kids to learn. Not everything that they want to do is within their parent's means to do so. If Mom can't afford to pay for the camp, she has the option of discussing this with Dad BEFORE HAND and try to come to an agreement. If she can't do that, or the parents can't agree, then she can tell kiddo that it's too expensive OR she can take an extra job to pay for it.

 

[texastepmom]

as one stepmom to another... please don't let your husband USE you to play tit for tat games against his ex... you are not a weapon for him to use at his whim... he really is sounding immature about this... he doesn't like that mom isn't handing thier daughter over, so in retaliation, he sends you to pick her up... all he is doing is making it clear to his ex that he is letting her get to him... he needs to just smile and act like it doesn't bother him at all, and pretty soon, it won't.

she is getting older and soon she'll be able to walk out the door by herself without anyone "handing her over". my husband's ex just honks her horn and my sd goes by herself to the car. this is not a big deal.

don't let your husband drag you into this needless drama.

 

[Silverplum]

All of which I know. As I stated in my post.

It's never a good idea to add to someone's sense of injustice.

 

[ConcerndStepmom]

***banging head against monitor***

It doesn't MATTER what anyone else thinks the OP's husband should pay over and above the CS amount. The fact is that he doesn't legally have to do so. You have no idea if the OP's husband can even easily afford to pay his CS, much less extra that he does not legally owe.

Hmmm...since there is no communication between the parents, what do you think the odds are that Mom discussed all of these extra activities with Dad BEFORE she placed her in them? Don't you think that if one parent unilaterally places a child in a program or camp, that parent that MADE THE DECISION TO DO SO, should be prepared to be responsible for the extra expense?

Dad's not just an ATM.

Here's a great lesson for kids to learn. Not everything that they want to do is within their parent's means to do so. If Mom can't afford to pay for the camp, she has the option of discussing this with Dad BEFORE HAND and try to come to an agreement. If she can't do that, or the parents can't agree, then she can tell kiddo that it's too expensive OR she can take an extra job to pay for it.

I never said DAD was an ATM machine. Nor did I suggest that Dad should pay extra for anything. Nor did I say that DAD was OBLIGATED to do so.

I was just merely suggesting the OP to look at it from another angle.

I am a CP of 3 children that does not recieve CS. A gaurdian to 1 child that does not receive CS. Do I tell the NCP that they need to pay extra for things abosolutely not. Why? heck they can't pay their child support so why bother. If their needs have been taken care of and there is extra money then so be it they can do extra things if not then GUESS what they are ok with that too. Because they all know what it takes to meet their needs. They know how much our monthly bills are. They know what the grocery bill is each month. Why because they are included. They know how much their clothes, shoes and etc because they are with us. DO they complain because they can't have what they want when they want it, absolutley NOT.

 

[mommyof4]

I never said DAD was an ATM machine. Nor did I suggest that Dad should pay extra for anything. Nor did I say that DAD was OBLIGATED to do so.

Then what was your point?

Bolded part above although he is not resposible for anything outside of his child support obligation. <shakeshead> Look at if from this angle .. If you by chance recieved $264.00 from your Mom and $264.00 from your Dad each month for support. Could you live off that ALONE? I think NOT.