Slight problem with exchange of child

[Silverplum]

Then what was your point?

Don't hurt your head, hon.

There IS no point.

 

[wileybunch]

workinggal, it was said in a previous post that if Dad is ordered to do something, he needs to do it. If Mom was ordered to do something, she needs to do it. If Dad's the only one allowed to p/u child on his time, he must obey. If Mom doesn't have that same order, she's not doing anything wrong.

Given that they don't care to interact with each other, I would think he'd be relieved to have someone else bring child out. It seems a little incongruous to say they don't like each other at all and then get pouty when she doesn't show up herself w/child. Sounds like unresolved feelings towards Mom. That's your husband's problem to deal with.

On the issue of who picks up the child, unless there are valid reasons, the provision to only have Dad p/u is unnecessarily restrictive, but he must have agreed to it if it wasn't forced on him due to abuse or issues with others that did pick up for him. I agree it's not a hill to die on to nitpick the ex, but I can see wanting to change that. It can be done by written agreement, too, which doesn't modify the court order legally, but they can agree that someone else can pick child up, however, if they ever get into a dispute, they would fall back to what the CO says. Or he can endeavor to modify the CO first off.

 

[LdiJ]

The mom claims that since my husband and her don't communicate either, there's no need to see him at the door when the child is exchanged. My husband feels this is disrespectful and if he has to have his child handed to him by someone else, then I can pick the child up for him.

I have to say that this is one of the more childish comments that I have heard on this forum.

Disrespectful? Give me a break please.

Your husband has been ordered to be the one picking up and dropping off the child, he needs to continue to do so, and get over his whole silly idea that he is being disrespected if mom doesn't come to the door.

 

[profmum]

oh my goodness, I would give an eye and a tooth if this was the ONLY problem I had with my ex! Dad needs to get over it!! and SMum, you need to keep your distance, from the exchanges if Mum and Dad are so sensitive about it. I can gaurantee you a motion from Mum if you make an appearance at the exchanges..

 

[alonzobaby32]

workinggal, it was said in a previous post that if Dad is ordered to do something, he needs to do it. If Mom was ordered to do something, she needs to do it. If Dad's the only one allowed to p/u child on his time, he must obey. If Mom doesn't have that same order, she's not doing anything wrong.

Given that they don't care to interact with each other, I would think he'd be relieved to have someone else bring child out. It seems a little incongruous to say they don't like each other at all and then get pouty when she doesn't show up herself w/child. Sounds like unresolved feelings towards Mom. That's your husband's problem to deal with.

On the issue of who picks up the child, unless there are valid reasons, the provision to only have Dad p/u is unnecessarily restrictive, but he must have agreed to it if it wasn't forced on him due to abuse or issues with others that did pick up for him. I agree it's not a hill to die on to nitpick the ex, but I can see wanting to change that. It can be done by written agreement, too, which doesn't modify the court order legally, but they can agree that someone else can pick child up, however, if they ever get into a dispute, they would fall back to what the CO says. Or he can endeavor to modify the CO first off.

I agree, it sounds odd that they "Don't get along" yet there's this problem with pu/do.. I think the husband is trying to control mom or have some unresolved feelings with mom...my thoughts

 

[maryjo]

It would be great if someone could think of the CHILD here and see it from her point of view.

She has already been through a lot. Does she REALLY need to run a gauntlet of FOUR people every time she is picked up or dropped off?

The aunt walking her to the door is one thing. Aunts are closer and have usually been in the child's life since birth. My son has told me that even though he can stay at my sister's house without a problem..he still has issues staying at his dad's. He said its different at his Aunt's house. She is more like me, closer to me, and he feels closer to me when he is with her. I bet this child feels the same about the aunt.

My son does NOT feel the same way about his father's girlfriend. He is VERY uncomfortable around her which is probably why its been so difficult for him to stay with his dad...because they live together in HER house.

It takes time for everyone to become adjusted. Its been 15 months since my divorce and we are just getting into a pattern and working some things out. And its just now that my son is getting used to going to his dad's every weekend.

I dont think its much of a picnic for anyone to see their ex. I completely understand how she feels. I would be thrilled if I never had to face my ex again. Maybe in the future she wont feel that way. What difference does it make if she lets her sister walk the child to the door? Its not disrespectful to anyone. Your husband is making a mountain out of a molehill and looking for a fight where there is none. When my ex picked up at my house I walked my son to the door but I rarely went out it. Now when we meet in a parking lot I get out and help my son get his things together and get him off. But I dont walk to their vehicle (unless its the girlfriend picking up, in which case I have to because she refuses to get out and help him....big truck he has to climb into and she wont help if he is carrying anything.) and its the same when he comes back.

Tell him to get over this. It isnt something to stress over.

 

[wileybunch]

She has already been through a lot. Does she REALLY need to run a gauntlet of FOUR people every time she is picked up or dropped off?

That sounds like a lot of drama. I don't know why it would have to be especially if the child is old to get to/from the car on their own and the front door can be seen from the car. Parent picking up can honk horn, child can come out of the house on their own and get in the car. Reverse at drop off. Then it doesn't matter if it's Dad/Stepmom or Mom/Stepdad or aunt. Who cares?

 

[Zephyr]

I am not sure WHY a six year old NEEDS someone to open the door for them....my 6 year old sure doesn't, she opens the door, closes the door, opens the car door, closes the car door, gets in her booster seat, AND buckles herself up without any help at all.....

 

[Just Blue]

That sounds like a lot of drama. I don't know why it would have to be especially if the child is old to get to/from the car on their own and the front door can be seen from the car. Parent picking up can honk horn, child can come out of the house on their own and get in the car. Reverse at drop off. Then it doesn't matter if it's Dad/Stepmom or Mom/Stepdad or aunt. Who cares?

The court cares. The order, ORDERS Dad and Dad alone to pick up the child.

 

[casa]

I have to say that this is one of the more childish comments that I have heard on this forum.

Disrespectful? Give me a break please.

Your husband has been ordered to be the one picking up and dropping off the child, he needs to continue to do so, and get over his whole silly idea that he is being disrespected if mom doesn't come to the door.

Ya know...there's only ONE reason that comes to mind re; Dad being 'upset' that he can't SEE Mom @ every single drop off/pick up ...and that would be if Dad is just not over the relationship ending yet.

 

[workinggal]

Ya know...there's only ONE reason that comes to mind re; Dad being 'upset' that he can't SEE Mom @ every single drop off/pick up ...and that would be if Dad is just not over the relationship ending yet.

I would have have to disagree with this statement. He's the one that called it off , they were never serious from my understanding. You can see that they absolutely have no relationship not even for the sake of their child. They don't talk at all. I can't see my husband having feelings for her, it's been 6 years since they split.
Thanks for the davice ladies

 

[Zephyr]

I would have have to disagree with this statement. He's the one that called it off , they were never serious from my understanding. You can see that they absolutely have no relationship not even for the sake of their child. They don't talk at all. I can't see my husband having feelings for her, it's been 6 years since they split.
Thanks for the davice ladies

then why is he so tweaked off at not being able to see mom, and why does he want to tweak mom off by having YOU do the exchange?

 

[casa]

then why is he so tweaked off at not being able to see mom, and why does he want to tweak mom off by having YOU do the exchange?

Sure does beg to question...

 

[CJane]

I am not sure WHY a six year old NEEDS someone to open the door for them....my 6 year old sure doesn't, she opens the door, closes the door, opens the car door, closes the car door, gets in her booster seat, AND buckles herself up without any help at all.....

THANK YOU!

Gawd, I'm reading this whole thread and wondering if the little girl is retarded or somehow otherwise disabled in that she can't open a door and walk out to Dad's car. He shouldn't even REALLY need to go up to the front door, let alone actually lay eyes on Mom.

 

[Isis1]

then why is he so tweaked off at not being able to see mom, and why does he want to tweak mom off by having YOU do the exchange?

it has to be a control issue. the NCP i deal with tried the same thing. He wouldn't let the children out of the car unless he saw me physically in the driveway. he claimed it was to be sure there was an adult home. So i sent out my husband or father in law instead. He didn't like that one bit. i truely believe it is a control issue. the need to feel of having the upperhand. when he was the CP, he always felt in control to say yes or no. Now that court orders have been established, he was always being difficult. And losing custody, he tries to do whatever he can just to be difficult.

OP, be really careful on how you allow your husband to get you involved. because god forbid the two of you don't work out and split with kids, this is exactly how he will treat you. Help him pick his battles. I have been reading alot and have come to a conclusiion that might help you as it has helped me in fighting worthless battles. If it was my husband (who i am madly in love with) what dicisionwould i make regarding our children and is it something i would keep at nick picking? i am not all the way there yet, but i will say it did shed some light.