Sole Custody

[nickilutz]

What is the name of your state? Wisconsin.

I am a mother of a very addorable 2 year old ... When I had found out about my pregnancy the man I was dating( the father ) and I had broken up, due to lifestyle differences .. He had only contacted me twice during my pregnancy .. but after I had my daughter I went through all of the steps I was told to take ... The custody agreement that we now have say's that we have joint custody, because I was told that is how things are normally done ... The visitation was stated .. at reasonable times upon request ... Which is what we agreed would be best, He would call within a weeks notice when he wanted to see the child and as long as it was do able I would bring her to see him ... the problem .. in the last two years he has called me six times ... I have now married a man I started seeing since I was 5 monthes pregnant .. and he has been there for us through everything ... I would very much like to gain sole custody of my daughter, I just don't think that someone who barely knows her should have any say in decisions that need to made in her best interest ... so how would I go about doing this?

 

[djohnson]

Your husband can try to adopt her. You need to get an attorney that is familiar with dealing with this. A termination of parental rights will have to be done on the bio father first. He may or may not contest it. I don't know if you are receiving child support or not, doing this would relieve him of any future child support. Make sure this is what you and your husband wants and then if you can talk to the bio dad see what his feelings are. If he is for it then it would be a lot easier and cheaper for you.

 

[snostar]

Your husband can try to adopt her. You need to get an attorney that is familiar with dealing with this. A termination of parental rights will have to be done on the bio father first.

What grounds does the OP have to TPR?

Contact a local attorney. You can file an order to show cause for sole custody. There may be no need to attempt to TPR and no need for your new husband to adopt the child in order for this to be accomplished.

 

[djohnson]

Even with sole custody he has certain rights. It does not take away his rights as a father and visitation. If he is not seeing the child the OP has every right to want to protect her child from a virtual stranger and sole custody isn't going to cut it. Please follow the first advice given and see an attorney in your area that can help you.

 

[ktarra617]

the previous poster is correct that if the biodad agrees to the terminate his rights it will be much easier for you. However if he fights it for any reason, you can pretty well forget it. Courts are not going to take away a parents right to contact just because there is another man in the picture that mom wants to be daddy.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you have to realise how this will appear to the court if your child's father is not willing to do it.

To the court it doesn't matter that he may be behind on child support(i dont know if he is or not, I am simply making an example) or that he only contacts her six times a year. They will look at the fact that he is her father and he HAS contacted her and will look for him to increase contact in the future.

The difference will be in whether or not he fights you. I am going to be brutally honest here and I hope that you will answer me honestly. Is there any chance that the father has gotten the impression that he is not wanted? Is there any chance that he has backed off because you have made his visitation at your convenience, and not when it was in the best interest of him and his daughter to see each other? In most divorce decrees there are spelled out times and dates of visitation, not this as agreed crap. That just leads to trouble.

I am not trying to be rude or anything but too often we see posts where mom wants to get sole custody so somebody else can be dad, and have you honestly thought about how your daughter may feel about that in the future?

Its very possible that she will be okay with it, but then again she may not. You need to consider all the facts and be careful any which way you proceed.

Just trying to point out a few things you may not have thought of.

 

[snostar]

If you are now going to consider a TPR you should read through this:
http://www.legis.state.wi.us/lc/jlc00/LM_2000_13.pdf

Like Ktarra stated, if he fights against it there is next to no chance of it happening - (based solely on your post).

 

[kgryske]

to nicki

I agree with the other replies in that TPR is not necessarily the best way to go just because your new husband wants to adopt her. If the father wants to voluntarily give up his rights, that would be a different story. If you gain sole custody, you will have the ability to make all decisions regarding her welfare. Her father will still have legal visitation rights, and that should be specified in a court order (every other weekend, every other holiday, etc) with times also. Try to think of it from your daughter's standpoint too. Even though she is only 2, she has obviously seen her dad and knows who he is...correct? If he wants to be a part of her life, it is not your place to interfere but to encourage it as much as you can. I am not trying to slight your new husband, he can be her "father" when her real father is not around. There is nothing wrong with having 2 "daddys" as long as they both love her and look out for her best interests. As she grows up, she will make up her own mind...
My husband's mother got pregnant with him when she was 16, she decided to keep him, but because the father was nothing but a deadbeat, according to her, did not allow him to see his son. She met a man who she eventually married, and when my husband was 4, he adopted him, after she forcefully terminated his father's parental rights. We have no knowledge if his real father actually agreed to this or not, and my husband has felt simply empty for a father he has never known, even though his adoptive dad took him in as if he was his own. It is an emptiness that these children live with long into adulthood, and while they are kids, you have to encourage visitation and relationships with fathers as best you can. At least then you can say you did everything you could. You don't want her to grow up and blame you for not having a relationship with her real father, even though you meant well.

 

[nickilutz]

to clear things up

Just to clear a few things up ... I am not trying to terminate any rights ... all I am saying is that as of right now my daughter does not know who her bio father is ... she knows who her grand parents ( paternal ) are but as far as him ... she has only seen him about once every two or three months for an hour or so ... he claims it is because he is to busy ... He lives with his parents and has no intention of moving on his own ... and I am allmost certain that if it wasn't for his parents he would never see her ...

All I am trying to do is gain sole custody ... I more or less have it now .. I just want to make it leagal ... I do still want to give him some visitation, because I figure that maybe he will come around ... however I have been documenting when he see's her and for how long .. undefined